Holy shit. Gonna die.
Wait.....I think i caught my breath......Nope, still gonna die.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I just finished Plyometrics from the P90X series. What the F-bomb was I THINKING?!
Ok, so this is how it breaks down:
Earlier today I was reading my blogger-buddy's post about her getting up early to do yoga, and how great she felt. I think "perky" was the term. As I read her post, I was like, "I wanna feel perky. I love perky". And since I haven't been the most physically enthusiastic this week, I thought, "Hey, if Beth Ann is getting up at the crack of dawn, I think I can at least do something after work today." So she's my inspiration for the next chain of events that sent me into hyperventilation and near cardiac arrest. (But in a good way!)
So I get home from the store and put crap away and head downstairs to put in some CardioX (P90X series). As I'm flipping through the 16 DVDs that go into that series, trying to find the Cardio one, I come across Plyometrics. Hey, I think to myself, you haven't done this one, and it's cardio-like, so lets take it for a spin.
Bad, bad, bad, freaking horrible idea.
As the DVD starts, there's ripped-up Tony Horton (creator the 'Plyo of death', as I'm calling it now) talking about how this is "THE ultimate 'X' workout. You gotta bring it people. This will push you to the max, this will get your heart racing and your lungs burning." (More like heart and lungs EXPLODING into teeny tiny pieces all over my basement carpet.)
So, already I'm thinking, just eject the damn thing and put in the Cardio. But NOOOOooo. I push on. Because I love torture. I live for it.
The DVD is set up in 30 second intervals for the first 3 exercises and then a minute for the fourth. You repeat, take a 30 second break, then start a new set of different exercises in the same format. And you keep going for 58 minutes. (10 min. of warm up and cool down included.)
The first set of exercises wasn't bad. Some of them you squat to the floor then jumped in the air. Others you jumped from the back of the room and did this twist motion, like you were jumping over a creek or something.
But then it got worse. Much, much worse.
First was the 'Mary Katherine's' (i think). Basically you start in a full out lunge, then jump and switch your feet. And do that for 30 seconds. Just kill me now.
Then, as if I thought it couldn't get much worse, it did: 'Squat Jacks'. Seriously buddy, you want me to be in a squat position and do a jumping jack? You must be out of your bulging muscle mind. Well, I did them. And I sucked at it. But at least i tried.
I made it for 46 minutes of the 58. There I am hunched over, hands on my knees, hyperventilating, thinking about puking, wondering if I'm ever going to be able to stand up straight again. I seriously contemplated falling face first onto the floor and not moving till next Tuesday. And this is what I hear from the other room, "Ya gonna make it?" This is what's going through my mind: No you bleep-bleep, stupid bleeping husband. Just keep to your bleep, bleeping bleeeeep self and leave me the bleep alone. But what came out of my mouth was this, "uuugghhhh, *weeze*, yep, *weeze*, I'm just fine, ooohhhhh. Now carry me upstairs."
Anyways, this is what the aftermath looks like:
Note the sweat on my shirt. I never sweat through my shirts. Never.
I think I'm going to build up some endurance before I try that again.
(Still breathing hard by the way.)