Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Pregancy - WEEK 37 (July 28th – Aug 3rd)

Holy chubby baby butts. It’s 37 weeks. THIRTY-SEVEN WEEKS PEOPLE!!!

You know what that means?

Besides me being the size of a walrus’ ass?

It means that I am technically full term.


If that doesn’t scare the pee outta me, I don’t know what else would. Well, besides sneezing, and a forceful cough, and if my body just decides to ‘let it go’. But that’s a different story for another time.

I know I missed last week’s update, but that’s because the nesting is out of control.

So, what’s been happenin’ the last few weeks with me?
Oh, you know, the usual. Elephant feet. Carpal tunnel/numb hands. I eat a lot of ice cream. It’s getting harder and harder to wipe my ass. I’m considering asking Ryan----not to help!! Jeez, I wouldn’t stoop that low------ if we can put in one of those ass sprayers in our bathroom. Like the one on Crocodile Dundee? What’s it called? A baday?  Whatever. It’s needed.

I’ve mentioned before, but the doc put me on half days last week. It’s been a full week of glorious rest and relaxation. Well. Sorta. If I’d actually sit down long enough to get rest and relaxed, it’d be glorious. But my damn mind & body just wants to go and go and go. I have gotten a lot of stuff done. And it is nice that while at work, I’m basically a ‘helper’ instead of in charge. I’ve moved my ‘in charge’ duties to my little friend Rebecca. She loves life. But hey, I’m a whole lot less stressed!!! And that’s the most important. lol

Good news is I finally feel like I’m ‘ready’. Like, the baby’s room is almost done. The baby’s packed for the hospital. Every ‘little’ detail is taken care of, like having a bottle dryer, and 47 pacifiers, making sure that each tiny ass socks are matched up correctly. Ya, OCD details. It’s awesome. So, now I really feel like I can relax.

Had my 37 week check up today, Doc said that she's just not ready yet. Zero on the dilation station and 20% effaced. Which means, didely is going on. Guess she's not going to make her debut early. 

Ok, onto Baby Girl!!

Not much is happening these last few weeks, besides her growing a ½ a pound a week. (eek!) She’s probably somewhere around 7.5 lbs by now (double eek!). With 3 weeks to go, I’m getting a little nervous about pushing her large pooper out. But what can you do.

Since I’m at full term, she could be born today and pretty much survive w/o aid. She spends her days practicing breathing, sucking, blinking, and pivoting. And oh boy does she pivot!!! PIVOT, PIVOT!!! (You know, from that Friends episode. Cracks me up every time.) One day her butt’s on my right side, the next it’s on my left. Last night in particular, she was constantly moving. Tossing her head from side to side like some Herbal Essence shampoo model, stretching her legs out so that her feet end up in my ribs, elbowing me in my pelvic bone, etc. It was nice.

OH, one major thing that happened last week is that she dropped!!! Yes, it feels like I have a grapefruit about ready to come out of my hoo ha. Ya, she’s that far down. It’s a weird feeling, I tell ya.  Oh, and the little weekly book says that her head will continue to grow……SUPER.  Also, her ass is still up in my ribcage, but that’s expected, since we’ve already determined she’s taking after her daddy and his gigantorness.

Other than that, I’m just so ready to meet her. I just want to hold her and cuddle her and see what her personality is like! I just can’t wait! This whole pregnancy I’ve always thought that she would come early, and maybe she still will, but now I’m beginning to think she’s going to be late, just to be the sassy-ass that she is. I don’t know! We’ll see!!!

3 weeks to go!!!

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Nesting [ˈnɛstɪŋ]n:

Refers to an instinct or urge in pregnant animals to prepare a home for the upcoming newborn(s). It is found in a variety of animals (both mammals and birds) including humans.


My Nesting Level: Mary Poppins Grand Master times Speed Addict Extraordinaire.

Let me just give you a little glimpse of the last few days:

1. Saturday 27th: 
              A. Got up, completely cleaned out the car, including vacuuming, dusting, washing the dog nose 'art' off the windows and dumping all the trash out.
              B. Went to Lowe's. Bought a bunch of shit including paint for the nursery.
              C. Organized Baby Girls folded clothes in her new dresser. Rearranged shelf that the clothes were previously sitting on. Rearranged shelf again because I didn't like Arrangement #1.
              D. Started packing Baby Girl's diaper bag for the hospital.
              E. Prepped her room for painting by moving all the her furniture to the middle of the room & removed all light switch & plug in covers.
              F. Taped off all trim in Baby Girl's room.
              G. Was too impatient to wait for Ryan to start painting, so I started painting one wall. Ended up finishing 2 coats on the purple accent wall.

2. Sunday 28th:
              A. Got up, put additions to my family tree in Ancestry. (Heard from a distant relitive and she had info dating back to the 1700s, so of course, OCD me, I had to update everything with the new family members and such.)
              B. Again, was too impatient to wait for Ryan, so I started painting the other 3 walls gray.
              C. Went to the grocery store.
              D. Came home and finished painting.
              E. Made an amazing chicken, peppers, & onions in a spicy Alfredo sauce over fettuccine for dinner.
              F. Made chocolate pudding, because Baby Girl needs it.
              G. Unmasked all the tape from Baby Girl's room. Replaced all the light switch and plug in covers, and then moved all her furniture back.

3.  Monday 29th:
              A. Got up, went to work.
              B. Massage appointment at 12:30
              C. Went to the KSU store to buy Baby Girl her 'coming home outfit'. Found a sale. Spent way too much money.
              D. Went to Hobby Lobby to get 'decor' for Baby Girl's room. Found a creative way to make her own headbands with pretty flowers, instead of dropping an arm & a leg on them at the store. Again, the checking account hates life.
              E. Went to Babies R Us to get last minute 'things' for the baby. It's official, Ryan is going to murder me with a pick ax when I get home and he finds out how much I spent.
              F. Got home at 6pm, Ryan didn't murder me, but it was touch and go there for awhile. Ate 2 bowls of ice cream, and spent a serious amount of time contemplating never moving from my horizontal position on the couch. For the rest of eternity.

Yup. Definitely nailed the nesting thing.
Today I have full intentions of napping. All. Day. Long.

However, I really want to make the crib bed skirt from this amazing fabric I bought yesterday.


Thursday, July 25, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

It's that time again!!!
Randompantsness all the way!

1.  I don't know why, but today is magical.
I'm all sparkly because of this.
Could it be that half days of work, followed by a lovely nap, and then an afternoon of nothing is the magical cure to my bitchiness?!?!

I think soooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

2.  Even my new haircut is having a better day today:
See that jacuzzi tub?!?! We are besties. For life.
3.  Wow. Despite it being a magical day, I'm really struggling with topics. Sorry folks!

4.  OH, my TOMS came in the other day!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!

Sadface: I can't even try them on because of my gargantuan feet.  Like my toe wouldn't even fit in the opening. It's sad folks. So sad. Lets all pray for the water retention to go down ASAP so I can wear these!!!

5.  Is there any way on this god forsaken universe that I will actually look like this 2 days after I pop this kid out????
 Does anyone truly human look like this??!! She's got to be a freaking alien.

She's even wearing HEELS!

WTF Kate, makin' all us fatty pregnant girls run for their moo-moos? Shame on you.

6.  I got a speeding ticket last week. Yes, yes, the little twerp that pulled me over didn't even give me a preggy pass. Jerk.

So, I've got to go to the Prosecutors Office in City Hall today at precisely 4pm to get it amended to a non-moving violation.....aka, it doesn't hurt my insurance.

Oh the joy.

Not to be judgmental, but the last time I was in City Hall to pay a speeding ticket (yes, allegedly, I have lead foot), there was some very interesting folks milling about.  You'd think if you're going to court that you'd at least put on a bra, seeing as your 65 years old and all. But nooooooooo, letting 'em flop about is the name of the game.

Wish me luck.

7.  I bought some new flavored sparkling water the other day. I veered off my regular All Natural flavored water for this cheaper brand. Saving a whopping $0.35. Just looked at the label.......I'm surprised I haven't started oozing green slime from my orifices . Because this shit is filled with more chemicals than a soda.


Don't get me wrong, shoving TastyKakes down my gullet every two minutes doesn't exactly allude to the healthiest natural lifestyle. But damn it, if I'm going to go out of my way to have a 1/32 of my life be all natural by picking out a decent flavored water, then I want it to be ALL natural. Instead of 'naturally flavored'. Stupid false advertising. (More like stupid me for not reading the label, but whatever.)

8.  Has anyone else noticed the freaky weather lately? Maybe it's just KS, but we've had some doozy thunderboomers here lately. And it's just odd that they're in the middle of hot-ass July. I mean, I'm not complaining. I love a good T-Storm, especially at the new house where you can see them rolling in. And it cuts the sweltering 100+ degrees down to reasonable 80, which makes 8 months pregnant mama happy, happy, happy!

Here's a video that I took a few nights ago of the lightening. I got a good strike at about 1min. But you can just see the strobe that storm was creating. It was weird!

9.  I'm tired. This no sleeping thing sucks balls. Yes, in case you're wondering, at about this time in the wonderful world of pregnancy, you sleep about zilch. I toss and turn all night because I'm so uncomfortable, and Baby Girl is real low, so any time I move, I just have to get up and pee because she's sitting right on my bladder.

Nap time to commence in T minus 30!!!!

10. Last but not least, I just wanted to give  you all a very special message from the bottom of my heart....




You're welcome for that.


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Waving hello from my hoo-ha.

Yes, I did just put 'hoo-ha' in my post title.

My 36 week check up was yesterday.
Baby Girl is healthy and has a HR of 146.

Mama, on the other hand, is not doing so good.

The Doc took one look at my larger than life elephant feet and said, "Holy Crap! Your feet look TERRIBLE!"
(Chelsea, I'll have you know that I almost spelled 'your' wrong, then re-read this post a gazillion times to proof read and caught it. You're welcome.)

F*ck you very much Doc, like I had no idea.

He asked me a bunch of questions, like when was it better/worse, etc. And I basically told him that mornings are best. If I soak my feet in an ice bath at night, that seems to help. I also said my hands are terrible too. They've been swollen for a week and the carpal tunnel is getting worse. I got a brace for sleeping, but during the day, if I'm using my right hand a lot (which is pretty much all day at work), then it just aches by mid-afternoon.

He then wrote me a note for half days. Which start tomorrow.
Thank you Baby Jesus!!

I can get some rest! I can put up my feet! I won't be a bitchy walking zombie!!!
I may actually feel slightly normal once Little One decides to grace us with her appearance.
It's a miracle I tell ya!

Can you tell I'm thrilled???

On another baby note: Doc asked if I've felt any contractions or if she's dropped yet, and as of yesterday at 4pm, the answer was Nada to both.

As of now......different story. I think she's dropping as I type. Last night, at about 6pm, I started feeling 'funny'. It's hard to describe, but I just felt that something was going on with my body. AND, she was moving about a mile a minute in there. Seriously. I don't think she stopped kicking, punching, turning, rolling, throwing an elbow to my ribs, doing jumping jacks, and head-butting my bladder for like 5 hours. And I could really feel her down low. Waaaayyyyyyy down low. Like, if she reached a hand out she could wave hello out my hoo-ha.

Then today the dreaded tailbone BS started again. I just can't get comfy. And I even have a new 'special' chair that leans back and helps with pressure and everything. But no matter how I sit, that damn worthless piece of shit bone aches like a som'bitch.  Now I know she's down there, because I haven't had this type of pain since trimester # dos.

I guess that's good! She'll be here before we know it!
And then my body can go back to normal.
Praise Baby Jesus times 2!

Monday, July 22, 2013

Day 22: Rant about something.

I'm sorry.
I suck at this blogging every day thing.

But I talked to my friend Lindsey about it this weekend and while I love to blog, I don't like to be forced to blog. And I kinda miss my 'normal' posts. So I've decided to just post when I want, but post more than one time a week (which was my habit before this....lame). And I know Lindsey would kill me if I didn't post at least more than once a week. And I know she reads my crasypantsness.  And then i just read that my other friend Chelsea has me as a fav blog. Squeeeeee. Makes me all giddy inside. So I figure I better blog a little.

Still, for some reason, I think no one reads this shit.
I know. I'm weird.

Ok, Rant about something.
I love to rant. Or bitch, as I would call it.

It's like bitching and me are besties.

But for some reason, today I'm not in a bitchy mood.
I'm tired.
Maybe, also, it's because someone has had her foot in my rib all freaking day and I just want to crawl in bed, lay on my side, and hope she moves your little butt. But I can't do that. Because I'm at work.

Work sucks, btw.
Mondays suck, btw.

OHHHHhhhhh, I've got a good one!
(Love how I can just change directions like that!?)

People that drive slow in the left (passing) lane.
Holy crap on a cracker people. Its like they taught every freaking person at drivers ed, here in Wichitity, to drive 10mph below the speed limit and stay in that lane for 35 miles, making it impossible for anyone to pass. I kid you not. It's a disaster down here. Then when you finally get an opening.....ON THE RIGHT SIDE....which is dangerous to pass anyway, you speed around them, glare them down, and then THEY flip you off.

Buddy, don't make me go all 8 mouths psycho pregnant lady on your ass. Because I will. And I will win. And it will be glorious.

So, to all you drivers out there: Please....PLEASE....for the love of my sanity, if you AREN'T passing someone in particular, MOVE YOUR ASS TO THE RIGHT LANE!!!

Oh, and did you know it's illegal to drive in the left lane if you aren't passing anyone, outside city limits?
Well, it is.
There, you learned something new.

Go forth and drive appropriately!!!!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Day 19: Pregnancy WEEK 35 (July 14th – July 20th)

Ok, don’t kill me. I know I missed week 34, but with moving, working, and other BS I just couldn’t find the time to write down the updates. Plus, not much happened anyway. I could probably sum it up in a sentence:

Baby girl got bigger, Mama got bigger.
The end.

Moving on to Week 35!
Yes, we settled into our new house! It’s amazing. And so roomy!!! Baby Girl’s room is almost complete. Only thing we really need to do is paint and get a mattress, and we’re done! I got all her clothes washed and hung. I got the oodles of diapers I already have put away. And I arranged all the furniture to my liking. I’ll do pics once the painting is done.

As far as the rest of the house it’s slowly but surely coming together. We’ve got almost everything put away and some pictures hung. It’s definitely starting to look like home!

I, of course, pushed myself too hard the last couple weeks. You knew I would.  Don’t act like you didn’t. I just kept going and going. I think part of it is nesting. Other part is the CDO in me that needs to have things ‘in their place’. I ended up being so exhausted that yesterday I had a full-on meltdown. At work. It was awesome.  I was/am just so mentally and physically exhausted I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I started doing the ugly cry at work and couldn’t stop for 2 hours.  And of course, that’d be the time that everyone and their dog runs into me. So the whole company knows I’m the coo-coo preggy lady now. *sigh*

I ended up going home and mowing down a sleeve of oreos and a container of sushi, then passed out for 4 hours. It was bliss. Except I need about 4 more days like that. Good thing is that after this weekend we have NOTHING going on except for waiting on Baby Girl to get here. So I have plenty of time to relax and enjoy this last few weeks.

One of the other reasons I’m exhausted all the time is because I’ve developed the damned pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome. There are not enough curse words in the dictionary to describe this shit. It’s mainly in my right hand, but the left hand acts up too. Basically, if I hold my hand in any position, could be as simple as letting it rest comfortably in my lap, the damn thing goes numb. And it’s not the fun ‘shoot me in the mouth with the fun-number at the dentist, you get to drool, and slurp ice cream out of a straw’ kind of numb. It’s the ‘my foot falls asleep and then I have a thousand fire hot needles prickling my skin and want to get a chainsaw and become an amputee’ kind of numb. It’s painful people! And it keeps me up……All.Night.Long.

Oh, and my feet are still the size of a hippos ass cheek. That’s fun too.

Newest symptom is I can’t breathe. Apparently Baby Girl has found a comfy spot squished up under my ribs somewhere, so that my lungs are the size of peanuts. Seriously, I’m sitting here typing and I’m hyperventilating. I’m not only the ugly crying crazy lady, but I’m breathing like I just ran 18 miles or did the nasty at the top of Pikes Peak.

Good news in all this mayhem is I really feel her. Like, REALLY feel her. Every day. And it still is just the coolest, most rewarding, feeling ever. We have full conversations sometimes. (Hello, coo-coo!) No really, when I’m hungry, she starts moving around and is hungry too (or at least that’s what I think). Yesterday, when I was exhausted, she must have been too, because she didn’t move once during my nap. And she usually goes and goes all day.

I’m so anxious for her to get here, but at the same time, I’m trying to enjoy these moments and feelings for as long as I can. There’s just nothing like it in the world!

Alrighty! Let’s talk about Baby Girl!

According to the book, she should be around 5.5 lbs and 20 inches long. But since we had the sono 3 weeks ago and she measured at 5 lbs then, I’m estimating (at a ½ lb gain a week) that she’s about 6.5 lbs by now.  And I’ll bet you 459 TastyKakes that she’s over 20 inches too. But, we got about 5 weeks till we find that out for sure!!!

As far as other things, her little brain is growing and growing, with the soft skull of course. But other than that, she’s just packing on the pounds. She’s up to 15% of her body fat, and she’ll be born with about 30%.

It’s getting to be crunch time folks! 5 more weeks to go!!! (or less, lol)

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Lets see, it's no secret that I suffer from depression, as do a lot of people. Some have it mild, some have it severe. Some have it because of situations that are going on in their life at the time, ie divorce, death, etc. Others were just born that way.
I was born that way.
And while my depression isn't super suicidal severe, it can get pretty bad.

I've had two severe episodes in my life. First was in college; there I am, drinking my life away, sleeping all day, and flunking school. Who knew that there was something 'wrong' with me. I just thought I was a loser. But, with help from friends and a lot of family, I went to counseling and learned that I lack the 'happy gene'. Some people can function on a day to day basis and be happy, or have joy, but with me, I don't/can't. It's not that I don't smile or laugh, because I do, it's more that there's a feeling in the very back of my mind that I'm severely unhappy. Like, no matter how much I laugh, drink, sleep, eat, etc, nothing is going to make that little part of my brain have joy.  And slowly, over time, that little piece of my brain becomes this huge chaotic shitstorm. And then I basically go batshit. Only I don't know it. It's like I'm abducted by the crazy aliens and replaced with a psycho.

In college, I worked very hard for about 2.5 years in counseling and using biofeedback, to get to a better place. I also got on medication, which helped a shit-ton. I was able to graduate college and be pretty normal.

Then I met Ryan and I felt like I didn't need the pills. I started to question the counseler and what he 'knew'. And a little piece of me wanted to be 'normal', sans the meds. So for 6 years I was pill-free. Whoopy.

And then I got on clomid to try and get pregnant and that's when my second episode exploded.  I probably should have been institutionalized. Or straight jacketed. Or whatever. 

It happened so slow (like it probably took years), that I didn't know what was going on. Ryan could tell, my mom could tell, but I kept believing that I was still 'normal'.
Jesus balls was I ever not normal.
The last few months before I got pregnant, it was bad. Really bad. I was drinking all the time. I was fighting with Ryan. I was bitchy at work. I just wasn't me. I didn't feel like me. Finally, Draz convinced me to get back on my pills. I was pregnant by that point, she made the point that my emotions are going to be all over the place with the pregnancy, and do I want to enjoy my time being pregnant, or do I want to bury myself under the covers the whole time?
Obviously, I chose to enjoy my pregnancy.

And you know what? After starting my pills (which is Zoloft, btw), I noticed a HUGE improvement in myself. Like monumental. It made me realize that I made the right choice.

I will struggle with depression the rest of my life. I'll probably be on pills the rest of my life. I will have to continue to practice biofeedback on a daily basis. I will have to work VERY HARD. And that's ok. I would rather do all that, than go back down that path of self destruction any day.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Day 15: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)


Day 15: Pregnancy Words of Wisdom from yours truly: Goddess of Pregnancy

Sorry I missed Sat and Sun. Moving. It blows ass. Stinky donkey ass.

WoW-Pregnancy Style:

1.  When 7.75 months pregnant, DO NOT attempt to race up your basement stairs, two at a time, to catch the moving guys before they bring your deep freeze to the basement, that has no plug-ins in the spot where you wanted to put the deep freeze.  Your legs will give out mid-jump, on the first attempt at the 2-step try, because you're about 40+ lbs a fatass, and your equilibrium is off because there's a heavy beach ball stuck on your belly button.  Hopefully, you will be lucky enough that you don't face-plant the corner of the stair. And only your best friend Jordan saw you. And she didn't even lecture that much. 

Just save yourself the trouble and don't do it.

2.  When each of your feet are the size of a hippo's ass cheek, soaking them in an effing freeze-your-toes-off ice bath does really help. Your tootsies almost feel semi-normal the next day, and will shrink to baby hippo's ass cheek.

Beware, that first time you dip your sore little toesies in that water, you will throw out curse words you never knew you knew. Because it's take-your-Christian-values-away kind of cold.

3.  Make use of your jacuzzi tub! No, I'm trying not to make y'all jealous or anything............well, maybe a little. But I've never had a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. And even when I was pre-pregnancy normalish-sized, I rarely took baths because I didn't fit so well. (Damn those pigmy-sized tubs and my 5'8" ass height!)

And even having the new giant sized tub, I still wasn't all that thrilled because I had numerous people tell me that they rarely used theirs because it took forever to fill up, it got cold, it was a pain in the ass, whiny, whine whine, whinertown.  Well, I thought I'd see for myself and holy shitballs people!!! There are jets!!! In a bathtub!!! That massage your feet and lower back!! And it makes LOTS of bubbles! Well, almost too many bubbles, we almost had an overspill. Note To Self: Do not dump half a bottle of bubbles in when turning on the jets.....bubbles are extremely difficult to clean up.

It was the best 30 minutes of my life. And the water didn't take long at all, and it was actually too hot, so I had to add cold to it.

This is going to be a weekly occurrence, I believe.

4.  To help with 'Numb-Hand' (aka pregnancy induced carpel tunnel syndrome): 
A) Sleep sitting up (which is about as fun as walking on nails while being forced to listen to Fran Drescher give a lecture on photosynthesis). 
B) Dangle your arm over the bed until the feeling comes back, or until the dog thinks it's the prime opportunity to give your palm a bath with his stinky dead-fish-smelling tongue.  Flip sides and repeat for other hand. Bonus: your hands are clean when you get out of bed.

5.  If moving while 7.75 months pregnant, enlist your badass best friend (who knows your CDO ways) to do all the unpacking of the kitchen and Baby Girl's room.  Your jello, sauces, baby's clothes, etc will be neatly arranged alphabetically, to color, and size. God Bless Jordan. Don't know what I'd do without her.

6.  Get a boston creme pie....or two. And eat it, every day.
It makes everything seem better.

Take this for what it's worth.....about nothing.

Have a great Monday folks!

Friday, July 12, 2013

Day 12: What do you miss?

Well, I almost missed this blogging day!!!

But, don't you worry your little hearts.
I'm here.

Hummmm, what do I miss.......

I miss Fun Dip.

Seriously. I really miss it. I haven't had Fun Dip in like eons. Is that how you spell 'eon'? Apparently. Spell check isn't bulking.
Moving on.

Ok. Truly, right this minute I miss beer. Moving all day and people (aheemmmm, my husband, my parents, my friends, the entire universe) are pounding brews and I'm over here, "Well, my feet are extra fluffy tonight. Do you know how to spell 'eon'? O'Doul's blows ass."

I also miss my Dad, Mike, but that's like every day.

Eww, that just got all poopay.

Yes, I think you should say it poop-AAAY.

Can you tell that I'm running on two nights sleep that total 3.4 hours, I've been on my feet all day, the smell wafering off my body is extra pungent, and my feet hurt so bad I'm considering amputee-ism? Or, basically, I'm tired as all hell.

Because this post is making about negative sense.

I think I'm going to go now.

Ohhhh, BTW, I'm totally writing this from the 'new house'!!!!!

Plus a ladder.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Day 11: Ten Things Thursday

OK, you can either do my TTT. Which is randompants all over the board. And I need that today.


Day 11: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

Since I would suck balls at 'selling' myself, I'm going with TTT.

1. Wanna know what else sucks balls?
This day.

First, I got about zero sleep last night. I was on my Flintstone feet all day yesterday (they were a new level of enormous), I was bending over and packing which made my breathing seem like I was under about 300lbs of cheese whiz, and it was hot.  So, I needed a good nights rest.
Body & mind gave the big negative on that shit. At one point I watched the clock from 3:47am to 4:59am. It was thrilling.

Second, I got to work and promptly at 8:02am, the phone rang and a product that I've REDONE THREE times needs to be redone again because the technician can't make up her mind. And it's a bitch to redo this product.


 I apparently can make the ugliest face ever and then post it on the interwebs for eternity. Awesomesauce.

But really, I got black ink on my very favorite sparkly purple KSU shirt.
This ink does not come out.
Printer: 1, Laura: -3

2.  On a positive note!!!!! We got our maternity pics back yesterday! OhhhhMmmmmGeeeeeee they are so good! My friend Emily took them. God I love her. I put a bunch on FB, but here's some more:

Don't ask. I have no idea what we're doing.

3. We're closing on the new house tomorrow!!! Woop woop! We have a home! 
Luckily, my parents are coming done tomorrow to help. Then Ryan's parents and my friend Jordan are helping Sat. I think we'll get all in and most of everything put away this weekend!!! I can't wait!
NO.MORE.MOVING!!!! Ever. Seriously. Ever.

4.  I may have bought some new TOMs yesterday.....hehehehe.
They were on sale! I had to!
Practical gray.

Y'all love them too, huh?
I can't wait to get them!!!
Not that I can wear them or anything. Being that my feet are dangerously close to becoming surf board size. But whatevs.

5. Why is everything so complicated today.
Why can't life be easy peezy lemon squeezy?

6.  It's my lovah's birthday this Sunday. When I text him that I bought the previously mentioned TOMs, this was his reply:

  Hell ya, that is a great deal. I'm very excited for you. Can I have one of the pairs? Happy birthday to u. That is a great bday present. I will make sure we can eat at your favorite restaurant on your birthday too. love u.

I think I smell a bit of sarcasm.
And it smells like dog poo.

7.  I really want to be done working, but I have so much shit to do. I think I may even have to come back tonight and get it done because I'm taking tomorrow off to move.

I'm so happy right now I could shoot rainbows outta my ass and fart glitter clouds.

8.  Just because we need a little sexy in our lives:

9.  Baby girl has camped out right below my ribcage and I can't bend over or even slouch w/o shooting pain traveling up my sternum.
Is the 6 weeks up yet?

10.  Have a better day than I'm having!!!!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Day 10: Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill.

Ohhhhhhh Lawwwwwdy.

My entire life is an embarrassing moment.

From my insanely ditzy mental moments to my overly clumsy self, I could declare about 20,497 embarrassing moments......just last week.

~~~For instance, when I was in 3rd grade, I befriended this girl named Kari during the summer. We had just moved to town, so I hadn't even been to school yet. Once school started, Kari (living just down the road from us) rode the same bus. We became even better friends. Well, when we had a little 'parents meet each other and the teacher' thing one night (shortly after the school year started), I saw a couple sitting in Kari's desk. I told my mom that I really liked Kari, and she suggested that I tell her parents. So I bravely walked right up to them and exclaimed how much I loved hanging out with their daughter. (And me being the shy and awkward person that I am, this took A LOT.)

They both looked puzzled and then the mom said, "Our daughter's in Junior High, how do you know her?"

Ummmm, I don't know anyone in JH. Is your daughter Kari?

"Nope, our daughter is Blahbity BlahBlah."


At that point, I crawled under a desk and wanted to die.

~~~Another good one. In 5th grade I was hanging upside down on the monkey bars, oblivious to just about everything, during a particularly busy recess, and then all at once my shirt was over my head and my little acorns were exposed to the world. I couldn't pull my shirt down without falling head first into a pile of gravel, so I had to untangle my legs and jump down, then pull the shirt back in position. I looked around to see if anyone saw.......and YUP, the entire universe, including my male teacher. This was also (another) new town and I'd been a resident for about a millisecond. So the 'new girl' was a weirdo-nudest....typical.

~~~In 7th or 8th grade, we were taking a test in Social Studies or Science or whatthefuckever, and I was a little gassy. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and at the exact moment when there's not a SOUND happening in the classroom I let a big one rip. I was called Tudor for the rest of the year. FYI, I was still considered the 'new girl' so this did not help my 'friend-making abilities'.....At.All.

High school was pretty much 4 years of horribly embarrassing moments. I tend to mentally block that entire time as much as possible. I hated high school.

~~~During college, when I was about 22 or so, I thought I'd impress all these hot guys when we were at a pool (late at night and I may or may not have had too many brewskies) by diving in the shallow end. Yup, misjudged the depth and face-planted the concrete. Came up with blood gushing down my face, a huge gash in my forehead, and 4 dudes flipping out because they were too drunk to drive me to the ER and wouldn't let me call an ambulance because they didn't want cops showing up. I ended up driving myself to the ER. 7 stitches in the noggin, and I still have a scar.

I was a lifeguard at the time too. Genius.

Then, I had relive my humiliating experience to every asshat on the planet that I came face to face with, for the weeks and weeks and weeks.

Public Service Announcement-----Do Not EVER Drink & Swim....BadBadBad. I'm lucky I didn't become paralyzed.

~~~Last one. Ryan LOVES to tell this one. A few years ago, Ryan and I were at my parents house and my Dad, Mike, wanted to show us pictures of the new snow plow he put on the truck.  So we all went downstairs and were looking through the pictures of his truck, plowing through a huge winter snow storm.

Then my ditzy ass goes, "So is that before or after the snow?"

Mike looked at Ryan, and Ryan looked at Mike, and they both knew this was one slow-pitch softball right to the smacker that they weren't going to let me live down......for the rest of my life.

In my defense, there were TWO storms that winter, and I was asking if it was before the 2nd storm, or after the first. 

So. I'm just a walking embarrassment.
Only difference between high school (and before) and now, is I laugh at myself and move on. Basically, I laugh at myself a lot.
Or I write about it on here so it never dies, and so y'all can laugh at me too.
Good times.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Day 9: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)

I curse those stupid bastard printing machines.
We've been working on them for 3 hours now.
Where is a sledge hammer, I'm about to go Office Space on their shit.

But it's almost lunch time. I'll get happy again.
Because I have brownies for desert.