Monday, October 29, 2012

Goals Challenge-Day 1

First, I want to take a moment and thank YOU ALL for all the lovely comments you wrote about the story of my brother coming back from Afghanistan. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I tried to reply to as many people as possible, but some didn't have email addresses. It does warm the heart to hear things like that, especially with all the negative press out right now. So I just had to share and I'm so glad I did!

Ok. Back to GOALS.

Today is Day #1.

I already really really really REALLY want the crack juice, aka Mt. Dew, but haven't touched any. This sucks porcupine balls.

Other than that, I plan on going on a walk or doing a video tonight when I get home. So that'll take care of the exercise.

And as far as eating right, I'm going to the store tonight to load up on veggies and fruit and everything.
BONUS!! Ryan shot a doe last weekend while bow hunting so we have fresh venison in the freezer again!!!!! Well, at least we will when the deer is done at the processor. No more buying $36/pound burger!!! No more buying steaks!!! YESSSSS!!!!!

And I'm having left over mashed potatoes today, so no more carbs for me today! I'm going to smoke some chicken breasts tonight to keep in the fridge for salads and stuff, so that'll help cut down the carbs for lunch. I kinda miss my lunch salads, so I'm glad I'm going to get back into them!

That moves me right into my budget. Having all that meat will help out so much on my monthly grocery bill, you have no idea.  I was talking to my counselor the other day about my goal of a $200/month grocery bill and he like flipped out, saying that was way too low. But then I talked to some of my friends and they've been on a lower monthly allowance than that for months, and there's just two of them too. So, I'm sticking with the $200. Basically I'm going to buy a $50 per week and that's all I get to spend on food. That also will be used for toiletries and crap too, btw. I can make this work.

Along with my budget, I wanted to start saving some money. My good friends told me that instead of the $100 a month that I was going to do, that I really need to put away 10% of my paycheck every pay period. So that's what I'm going to do. It's going to be a little more than the $100, but I think I can still manage.

I'm also only allowing myself to eat out for lunch once, every other week, on pay days, so that's twice a month. And as far as eating out at night, Ryan and I have been doing pretty good on staying in. I do my cousin's night every other week, but my cousin and I take turns on buying, so really I'm just paying for that once a month.

And my last goal was water, so far this morning I've got in about 36 ounces of my 72 oz/day goal. This one is going to be easy peezy, especially since I'm not drinking any soda.

Here's a recap of what my goals are:

1. Exercise-Cardio & Weights 4 times a week.
2. More Veggies
3. More Protein/Less Carbs
4. No Soda
5. Save $$/Budget
6. Drink 72oz of Water

Time frame=30 days
Weekly Prize: New book/movie
End Prize: New Black Boots

Record my progress at the beginning of every week.

And I get 2 'cheat meals' per week.

One last note, you'll noticed that I added a Weekly Prize to the list above. My counselor recommended I have some sort of weekly prize that's smaller than my End Prize to keep me motivated. I think that's a fabulous idea, so there are like 3 books I want to read right now, but have been putting off buying them. And I love to rent movies too. So If I complete one week 100%, then I get to purchase one of those books/movies. I know I'm going to make it, so now the hard part is picking which one!

Ok. Here I go.
To conquer the world.
Wish me luck.

Friday, October 26, 2012


Sometimes I lose site on what it really means to be an American. Especially now, with it being an election year and candidates, polititians, and friends arguing back and forth which person/ideas/plan is right for the beautiful US of A. And it seems like all anyone talks about is what this person did when, and that person did now, and how bad our economy is, and how hard it is to find a job, and how shitty life in general is because 'one person' screwed us all up. It just seems so negative, ya know?! And it's hard to look past the negative to positive when all you see around you are the 'bads'.

But I'm going to tell you a story that will remind you what it's like to be an American. How proud we should be of our country and our countrymen. And how even in a state of war, and through negative press about almost everything, that there really is something positive to think about. That there is something 'good' going on in our world.

A little background......A long time ago there was a young man that may or may not have gotten in a little trouble and had a very tough choice. A choice to serve his country or be a ward of his country. The young man wasn't a bad young man, just bored in a small town and had lots of time to get into mischief. The young man had/has a good heart and was/is a good person. And he was smart. Smart enough to know that joining our military was really the only 'option', even if it was just the Reserves, and even if it was very shortly after the tragedy on 9/11 and in the midst of a war. He may have joined a little reluctant, but through years of service he began to enjoy his 'job' and the people he worked and served with.

The young man's Reserve occupation ended up turning into a full time position. Exciting him that he could provide security for his new bride, young daughter, and infant son. And exciting him because he really loved what he does.

Though the years of service he was fortunate it enough to never have to deploy to war torn countries. He took small one month or 3 month trips to Guam and Germany. But never had to step foot where bombs actively killed American soldiers every day.

Until 3 months ago.

When he volunteered to deploy to Afghanistan for 3 months.

He would have to leave his bride whom he hadn't even been married to for 2 years. He had to leave his 9 year old daughter. And he had to leave his son, who just turned 1. All whom he loved more than life itself.

He had to fly to a desert where the walls around the fort were so thick and tall all you could see was concrete. Where there was little water, sweltering heat, and huge tents to 'live' in with many other soldiers, all crammed in there like sardines. There were bombs that went off and soldiers who died. Pretty much the scariest place on earth.

The months were long. So long. Not only for his family, but especially for him.

But after 90ish long days, he was scheduled to come home.

Now this is the part that will make you proud to be an American. And it's going to make you cry. So prepare yourself.

The soldier's mother and her boyfriend were charged with driving his wife, daughter and son to the airport to greet him when he got off the plane. He was to get in at 4:30pm, so he instructed his wife to pull his daughter from school. The daughter made a big sign that said 'Welcome Home Dad!' Nothing was more exciting to her than to hold that sign so it was the first thing he saw when he got off the plane.

Unfortunately.......Grandma forgot the sign on the kitchen counter and didn't realize it until they had already drove 2 hours to the airport. The daughter was devastated. Grandma promised to find paper, tape and markers at the airport and try to re-create the sign. She looked everywhere. No shops sold anything or had anything that would make a good sign. Finally Grandma asked a security guard if he had anything. He replied that he didn't but suggested that she go to the flight's ticket counter and ask them.

The soldier was flying in on Delta and while Grandma was very reluctant to ask someone from the Delta ticket counter, she did anyway, knowing that the daughter really, really wanted a welcome sign for her dad.

So Grandma and the daughter went up to the counter and asked a very nice lady, named Kim, if she could help. She replied that she thought she could come up with something and excused herself to the back, telling them to wait right there.

Kim came back with four sheets of printer paper, tape and markers and proceeded to sit down on the floor, using the baggage scale as a table, and helped the daughter re-create her sign. They colored for awhile, making customers go to other Delta employees to check their baggage, keeping the lines a little bit longer. But Kim didn't care. She continued to help the daughter.

After the sign was complete, Kim got on her computer and got a security pass for the 9 year old daughter and proceeded to help her through security and escorted her to the gate where her Dad's plan would come in.  Kim waited with the daughter for 30 minutes for the plane to arrive. Sitting and talking with the daughter, showing her and telling her all about the airplanes and the workings of an airport.

Finally the plane arrived.

Her Dad was home.

Kim stood with the daughter right in front of the door where all the passengers got off. Slowly but surely, patrons started to file out. Seeing the young girl and her sign, most everyone that exited the plane, stood by waiting to see who the lucky person was that deserved the beautiful sign and wonderful welcome home. A crowd started to gather and more and more people not only from the plane, but others waiting began stand around the door and the daughter.

Finally, her Dad emerged. The daughter ran into his arms and he picked her up and hugged her with all the love he possessed. The crowd clapped and cheered. And I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry eye in the terminal.

The soldier walked out of the gate with his daughter in his arms and his wife, son, mother, and boyfriend greeted him with big smiles, plenty of kisses and huge hugs.

He was home. He was safe.

It gets better.

Obviously the soldier was starving from his long trek across the world so the big family stopped off at a close fast food restaurant to get something to eat. While the soldier was ordering for himself and family, a man dressed in simple jeans and shirt, looking like a truck driver, came up the soldier's mother's boyfriend and handed him $5. He told the boyfriend to thank the soldier for his service and that he'd like to buy his dinner for the evening. That $5 may not seem like a lot, but I think to that gentlemen it was. But he gladly gave it up to show support.

My brother, Michael, made it safely to his home and slept in his own bed for the first time in months. He'll probably hate me when he finds out I wrote this. But I don't care.

People.....YOU......need to know that the world isn't always so negative. That there are good people out there. The Delta employee, Kim, didn't have to get paper. She didn't even have to take probably an hour out of her day to help a young girl. But she did. The truck driver didn't have to spend money he probably couldn't afford to spend on a meal for my brother, but he did. He didn't have to thank my brother, but he did.

This story makes me proud to be an American. Makes me proud of my countrymen. Makes me proud of my brother. And makes me proud of my family.

I hope it makes you proud too.

Waiting for Michael to get home. 'Grandma' Julie, Michael's son Kyron, and his wife Jennifer.

Michael getting off the plane and being welcomed by his daughter, Trinity. Sign in hand.

First kiss in 3 months.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Ten Things Thursday


Yes, I think it's time to get out of this slump and move on. Seriously. There's only so much fried fatty chocolately goodness that you can shove in your hole while camped on your pooper with a 12-pack under your arms without feeling like shit. And it's official folks, I feel like shit.
So here's my goals. Not all are health related either.
Written down for all the world to see.
And hopefully to get my lazy heifer ass moving.

1. EXERCISE!!!! For Christ sake Laura, just move your ass!!! Seriously. It's been A F*CKING century since you did anything but 12 ounce curls!!!

-NEW PLAN: A. Run/walk (because y'all know after kickin' it laid-back-big-ass style for the last 6 months, there's no way I'm going to be able to just pick up and run a 5K, nope, not gonna happen) at least 2 times a week.
                        B. Weights at least 2 times a week. This could be a video, or just sit-ups/lunges/etc sort of crap or anything but lifting a 1/2 pound bag of Halloween Kit Kats.

2. MORE VEGGIES!!!! Yes, my diet has been the equivalent of 7 year old trapped in a candy factory lately. That shit's going to stop.

-NEW PLAN: A. Add some sort of veggie once a day. Can be salad or carrots or whatthef*ckever. Just something!

3. MORE PROTEIN/LESS CARBS!!! Pretty sure every meal for the last 4,932 days has been nothing but bread, pasta, more bread, potatoes, bread, and pasta. Kickin' it carb-load-up style is a thing of the past!

-NEW PLAN: A. Only allow 1 serving of carb a day. So, for lunch if I want a tortilla wrap, then that tortilla is my carb choice. If I want cereal for breakfast, then nothing carbtastic for the rest of the day.
                        B. Make sure I get protein at every meal.  Start cooking chicken breasts again, and adding in yogurt, etc.

4.  NO SODA!!!! Drinking 20+ ounces of the crack juice, also known as Mt. Dew, a day is ridiculous.

-NEW PLAN: A. If I need a little caffeinated jolt, I am to drink tea. That's it.

5. SAVE $$$$!!!! Get your shit together Laura! Spending $300 (for 2 people!) at the grocery store every 5 minutes is beyond idiotic.

-NEW PLAN: A. Save at least $100 every month!! I can do this! Put $50 in savings every paycheck, first thing, NO EXCEPTIONS!
                        B. Create a budget! Just spending willy nilly all the time isn't doing me any favors. I need to have limits. For everything. I'm going to look at the bills, figure out how much I have left over for groceries, spending, entertainment, etc then make allowances for myself and STICK TO THEM!

6. DRINK 72+ OZ WATER PER DAY!!!! I will feel soooo much better if I really chug. Water that is.

-NEW PLAN: A. Make sure I fill up my water jug at least 3 times a day. 

7. And I need some sort of incentive to keep this up. Just the good knowledge that I'm a badass isn't going to work. I need shoes, or clothes, So I need a time frame for all of this.


If I can complete 30 days of the 'new me', then I deserve................................ NEW BLACK BOOTS.
Yup, I've wanted a pair of tall black boots for years. And I think if I get one month done, which is the hardest, then I get to have them. So there.

OCT 29th - NOV 27th=NEW BOOTS.

8.  And I need to keep a routine record of how I'm doing. If I just say I'm going to do all this amazingpants crap, then don't keep myself accountable, I won't do it. So I vow to blog about how I did on the previously week every Monday. (Or at least the beginning of the new week.) I'm going to keep track of the exercise, a general overview of my diet, how my spending is going ie budget, and how many days I made or surpassed my water goal.

9.  Knowing me, I'm also going to need a cheat day. If I don't get to indulge in something that's not good for me, then I might as well kiss those pretty black boots goodbye. So, I get one cheat day. Lets be more specific and say I get 2 cheat meals a week. If I want them all in one day, then so be it, or if I want to mix it up throughout the week, goody goody gumdrops to me.

10. Review!
1. Exercise-Cardio & Weights
2. Veggies
3. More Protein/Less Carbs
4. No Soda
5. Save $$/Budget
6. Drink 72oz of Water

Time frame=30 days
Prize: New Black Boots

Record my progress at the beginning of every week.

And I get 2 'cheat meals' per week.

Clearly I'm starting out with a bang.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

And y'all better help me out!! I need your super human support like it's no tomorrow!
Thank you in advance! I puffy heart y'all!

Have a great week y'all!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Happy Happy Birthday to you Mr. Sexypants.

Yes, I have returned from the beach and am safely tucked away behind my desk. Life blows.

But, one thing that makes this day a little more tolerable is that my future husband Ryan Reynolds has a birthday today. Thank you Hardy for reminding me!!!

So, here's to you Ryan! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
You're so cute.

That should make everyone's day right there.
You're welcome.

Pictures and a recap of my wonderful vacay coming soon!!!
So just sit on the edge of your seats and wait.


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Ten Things Thursday.......I mean Wednesday.

OK. I'm doing this one day early. I'll elaborate later.

1.  It feels like I'm standing in the middle of a circus and I'm the Ring Leader-thingy person. And everyone is a bunch of stupid f*ing idiots running around and waving their arms and scream-singing that Call Me Maybe song over and over and over and over and over again. And the douche canoe performers keep coming up to me and dropping more and more shit right on my head. Then they laugh the cray-cray laugh as they run a zig zag pattern away from me as fast as their little sausage legs will take them. Oh, except for 3 special clowns that make me laugh and sometimes allow me to enjoy this Gateway to Hell, otherwise known as my employment.

No this is not a dream.
This is real life folks.
And I nearly shank people with whatever is closest, which can and will include a sharpie, a small metal ruler, a highlighter, and a stapler, almost

Oh, OH, and I just found out that my boss, the VP, the Pres, the head sales guy and his head sales lady are all out the rest of the week. WTF?!?! I need their approval for like a bazillion F*CKING things.
I'm going to start pulling my hair out.
Right. Now.

2. So, the above pathetic attempt to describe to you how busy I am, and how much work sucks, is to justify my absence from this little bloggyland.
I'm sorry.
Please pity me.
That was me Mr. T.
I apologize.

3.  Good news for today!!! This was on the radio this morning and I couldn't help but determine that today is going to be THE best day because of me being able to hear it:
That's right. A little old school C & C Music Factory.
God I love that song.

4.  Whatever you matter how healthy you want to not, I repeat DO NOT, buy all natural 100% pure cranberry juice.

And definitely DO NOT chug it like it's goin' outta style first thing in the morning.
Tastes like bitter ass people. Bitter.Ass.
Not that I've had ass, but if I had, I'm sure it'd taste like that shit.

5. I got to sleep with this handsome little devil the other night.
He started out all sweetly cuddled up on Dad's pillow, then somehow during the night he ended up laying perpendicular to me with his head in the most convenient spot ass. Not comfy. At all.
But he's still so cute.

6. Another amazing conversation I had with My Lovah the other night......

Me: (Just came out of the bathroom.) "Is that your dribble on the floor by the toilet?!"
Husband: "Yes."
Me: "Well, could you not do that please? It's gross."
Husband: "Well, it just happens. I can't not dribble. It's just how things work."
Me: "Could you at least aim a little better so the dribble gets IN the toilet?! I mean, you can aim that sucker anywhere, right?!"
Husband: "Well, if I aimed for the dribble to make it in the toilet, I'd have to aim for the back of the toilet. Now, would you rather have a little dribble on the bathroom floor, or a waterfall of pee all over the back of the toilet? Your decision."
Me: "Why don't you just sit down to pee?"
Husband: (laughs the cray-cray laugh and looks at me like I sprouted horns)

I'm surprised the idea of having a urinal installed didn't come up at one point (which is Ryan's dream for his 'future' shop btw).
*sigh* Men.

7.  I really need to stop eating bullshit food choices. Seriously. This has gone on long enough. I woke up this morning tired, I have stupid acne like some snot-nosed sweaty teenage boy, my hair is falling out in clumps, and my pants are getting a weeeeeee bit tight around the gluteus maximus area. And we all know that THAT part of my body does NOT need to grow any more. Thank you Grandma Betty for enormous asses on the Schneider side, and passing it down to me. And you know what kills me about this, it's not some sexy Beyonce ass, or J-Lo ass, it's just a big, non-sexy pooper that isn't proportional with my itty bitty tatas and chicken ankles.
I hate life.

Moving on. I do really need to get back to HealthyLand. Which, sadly, is nothing like Candyland, btw. I mean, WTF is this blog about if not to get a little healthier, ya know?! It's like I met my goal weight and now all I want to do is sabotage myself by shoving truckloads of candy corn in my face.

It just needs to stop.

And eating right and exercising is going to start.

At least, right after I get back from Florida this weekend. (more on that later)

Next week, I will WRITE DOWN all my goals, how to achieve them, the time limit to meet them, etc. I will post it on here and I will write it in my little planner/note book/post-it note replacement-thingy.

I'm going to get back into running too. I kinda miss it. At least, I really want to get the dog in better shape too. It's sad how much he wants to just stay inside and lay in bed all day. Boy needs to get out and run!!! And what better way than with his Mama!!

8. I mentioned above that I got a planner-thingy. It's not really a planner, but it's a notebook where I can write down everything that I have to do. I think most of you know about my obsession with post-it notes. Well, it was getting a little out of control. Like, I'm pretty sure some of my co-workers were planning an intervention. It was sad.

And on top of not being able to find my computer monitor because of all the little yellow stickers, I was having trouble keeping track of everything and getting things done.

So my lovely counselor suggested that I get a notebook and when I get tasked with something, at work or at home, that I write it down. That way I have ONE place where everything is. And once I get things accomplished I can cross them off the list. And seeing all the crossed off shit makes me feel all sparkly inside. And we all know how much I love to sparkle.
It's totally working y'all. I can't tell you how much I've accomplished at work lately. And at home. I've got the left side of the page for home stuff, and then the right side for work bullshit. As you can tell, the work side fills up quite a bit faster. Damn Gateway to Hell.
Anyways, y'all should totally try this. It's just amazing.

9.  Alright, so I'm going on vacation........again. Yes, I know. I go on vacation a lot. I told a simple minded engineer at work that, 'It's what I do.' And he had the nerve to say, 'Ya, go on vacation and bitch. It's what you do.'

And I leave tomorrow, so that's why I'm doing this today. Because the plane leaves at Satan's Rooster wake-up hour and I'm not about to get up earlier than 4am to post this. You're just going to have to deal.

The trip was sort of a surprise to us. Ryan's uncle is getting re-married and his parents are going to it, and asked if we'd come along. They said they'd help us out with the costs. And the wedding just happens to be in sunny Florida.

Ummmmmmm, YES PLEASE. Sign.Me.Up!

So we made it a long weekend. And all I'm going to do is relax, eat, beach, and drink. But not drink a whole lot, as I'll be with the in-laws and they don't need to see Drunkpants McGee over here.

I'm going to be all like.................
Don't hate.

10. And keeping with our theme, I needed a little of this today:
Lord he's so cute.

That is all for now my Lovelies!!!


Thursday, October 11, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Chicago Recap #2/Picture Overload Style.

I know, right, finally, for Christ's sake.
I'm sorry. It's been a shithole week.
And I know most of you have seen these on FB, but you'll just have to live with it.

Starting out, after meeting a shitload of wonderful women on the patio (2.shitmypants minutes after I got to the hotel), we went back to the room and had a little Skype action with Miss Brandy.

We then got ready and headed out for a night of drinks and karaoke at a local club.

Ronnie, Maria, Debi and Beth Ann. Aren't these girls the cutest!!!

Miss Angela waiting to pick 'her song'.

All smiles from Miss Jen!

And then there's Dawnya. God I love that girl.

This picture just cracks me up. I mean, get it Angela. You got moves like Jagger.

Miss Jenny all sparkles!

The night of karaoke I got supremely wasted, so pretty much all day Friday I burrowed under the covers in my hotel room because I got a migraine. It was awesome.

I did venture out at about 2 to eat a late lunch with some lovely ladies at Dick's Last Resort. If you're not familiar that's the restaurant that the servers treat you like shit. Why was there not one around in my high school/college days so I could have spent that 10 years of waiting tables being a bitch??? And not just 10 years faking that I'm not a bitch. Bullshit I tell you.
The nice 'hats' our server made for us.
Yes, yes they are. And clearly I'm very happy about it.
Friday night was the meet and greet and our room crawls. Just like a pub crawl only from hotel room to hotel room. I freaking loved it! Well, except for the feeling of wanting to hurl because I was still hungover. But it was a fantastic way to meet a ton of ladies and it did force me to be out of my comfort zone because I had to be in other peoples rooms, sometimes without my roomie sidekicks. So it was good.

Then on Sat we hit up a breakfast spot. It was nice to get to sit with some new faces!!!

After breakfast we decided to make it down to Navy Pier. We  walked there, so we could see the beautiful city.

We have no idea why we decided to stand next to this particular statue. Whatevs.

And the girls decided to rest a little. They didn't make room for me. Rude.

Finally we're here!!!

And then Debi got a hold of my camera.

Just look at miss Sassypants Ronnie. Attitude.

Taking the boat taxi back up to Michigan Ave.
Saturday night was the 'big dinner'. We had reservations (actually a whole two rooms) reserved for us with our own private bartender and everything. It was awesome. It was a Brazilian restaurant where they serve you food from skewers of meat. I'd never been before, so I prepared myself for extreme gorging. (And totally dominated that mission.)

Texas girls!

Ronnie loves vodka & diets. Like......LOVES them.

This is one of the servers with his big piece of meat. And extremely large ax, I mean knife.

Miss Sandra taking pictures. That girl always had her camera out!

I did forget to mention that Ronnie and I went shopping Sat afternoon. Pretty much cleaned out this store called Agachi. It was like a grown up Forever21. I.Loved.It.
And I got these killer boots, that I've practically worn every day since.

Ok, I know I didn't exactly do 10 Things Thursday, but I'm in a rush. Work is a exploding bag of elephant shit right now. Yay for overtime.

Oh, and there's an update for that conversation I had with my husband the other night. If you haven't read it yet, you might wanna CHECK IT OUT.