Do you know what you get when (for 3
almost 4 solid weeks) you eat pizza, cookies, pie, ice cream, burritos the size of your melon, cupcakes, queso dip, chips and salsa, fully loaded baked potatoes, greasy cheeseburgers, French fries, (licking your lips yet? Well, stop it!) waffles, breakfast burritos, cake, popcorn, candy bars, Sour Patch Kids, chicken fingers, more pizza, cheesecake, and muddy buddies?
You get a F*ING FAT CAT!!!!
Seriously. It’s beyond out of control.
That doesn’t even count all the pop and beer I’ve been drinking instead of water. Yup, that’s right, I typed instead, not in addition too, because H20 got kicked to the curb 3 weeks ago too.
I’m pretty much a dried up, Mt. Dew-cracked out, chunktified prune right now.
I woke up Saturday and felt just awful. Truth be told, I’ve felt sluggish, crampy, void of all energy, tired, bitchy, and just plain old like shit for about 5 days now. Every time I would eat anything I would feel nauseous. Or my stomach would cramp up and I could barely move. (Not to be confused with my TOM cramping, oh yeah, that was going on also, on top of all this. Good times.) Then, I’d have a mosquito fart burst of energy followed by 4 hours of a serious urge to crawl under the bed and die for 3 days.
Sunday I woke up and the thoughts started to form that I’m doing this to myself. I’m causing all of this. Or more in point, what I’m choosing to shovel in my piehole is what's causing all of this.
But how do I stop?! Because I sure as shit need too!
I tried on Sunday, telling myself, “OK, after this psychopants Christmas shopping expedition is done I’m going to go straight home and make a big ol’ salad." It even sounded good at the time.
But what did I do??????
I went to a little burrito shop and loaded up on a Fajita Chicken Burrito.
But I got brown rice instead of white!!
Dolphin claps for Fatty here.
And how did I feel after polishing off said football sized burrito???
Like mowed over shit.
Then this morning, what did I tell myself? Don’t eat all the Christmas snacks at work!!! Don’t do it!! You brought a salad!!!
EAT THAT SALAD YOU HEIFER!!!
I had two cookies, a mini-cupcake, chocolate covered pretzels and a brownie.
Mother of freaking pearl.
But you know what?
I don’t want the junk anymore. I want good food. I’m actually waiting until I’m hungry again so I can eat my ohsogoodforme salad I brought for lunch. I really really want to eat it! I really really want to eat good food!
I am finally tired of eating like shit. And feeling like shit. And looking like shit.
I deserve better.
I owe it to myself.
There is no reason, no justification, no excuse for eating all that crapfood.
None. Nada. ZILCH.
And why continue when it clearly turns me into the Incredible Bulk Bitch? I even thought about making a costume. With a cape. And an emblem.
WHY DO I CONTINUE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF????
Especially when I remember how I used to feel when I ate right and exercised?
I felt alive.
Why trade all those really great feelings for frosting? And pepperoni?
It’s just not worth it anymore.
I just wish that I could have had my ‘come to Jesus’ about 2.5 weeks ago. Or right after I had my first gluttonous binge.
Oh well, what’s done is done.
Now it’s time to move on and move up.
Now, I want to put in here that I’m pretty sure I’ll eat some Christmas cookies, and maybe cake, from now till the New Year. It’s just going to happen people. I know it. But in moderation. Moderation is the key here.
But NO MORE burgers for lunch or 18 slices of pizza for dinner. Or 4 packages of Hostess Cupcakes for breakfast.
It’s all about salads, and chicken, and yogurt, and fruit.
Now I just need to get my fat ass back on the exercise train.
Anyone know where there’s a depot?????