OK. I'm doing this one day early. I'll elaborate later.
1. It feels like I'm standing in the middle of a circus and I'm the Ring Leader-thingy person. And everyone is a bunch of stupid f*ing idiots running around and waving their arms and scream-singing that Call Me Maybe song over and over and over and over and over again. And the douche canoe performers keep coming up to me and dropping more and more shit right on my head. Then they laugh the cray-cray laugh as they run a zig zag pattern away from me as fast as their little sausage legs will take them. Oh, except for 3 special clowns that make me laugh and sometimes allow me to enjoy this Gateway to Hell, otherwise known as my employment.
No this is not a dream.
This is real life folks.
And I nearly shank people with whatever is closest, which can and will include a sharpie, a small metal ruler, a highlighter, and a stapler, almost every.single.day.
Oh, OH, and I just found out that my boss, the VP, the Pres, the head sales guy and his head sales lady are all out the rest of the week. WTF?!?! I need their approval for like a bazillion F*CKING things.
I'm going to start pulling my hair out.
2. So, the above pathetic attempt to describe to you how busy I am, and how much work sucks, is to justify my absence from this little bloggyland.
Please pity me.
3. Good news for today!!! This was on the radio this morning and I couldn't help but determine that today is going to be THE best day because of me being able to hear it:
God I love that song.
4. Whatever you do................no matter how healthy you want to be...............do not, I repeat DO NOT, buy all natural 100% pure cranberry juice.
And definitely DO NOT chug it like it's goin' outta style first thing in the morning.
Tastes like bitter ass people. Bitter.Ass.
Not that I've had ass, but if I had, I'm sure it'd taste like that shit.
5. I got to sleep with this handsome little devil the other night.
But he's still so cute.
6. Another amazing conversation I had with My Lovah the other night......
Me: (Just came out of the bathroom.) "Is that your dribble on the floor by the toilet?!"
Me: "Well, could you not do that please? It's gross."
Husband: "Well, it just happens. I can't not dribble. It's just how things work."
Me: "Could you at least aim a little better so the dribble gets IN the toilet?! I mean, you can aim that sucker anywhere, right?!"
Husband: "Well, if I aimed for the dribble to make it in the toilet, I'd have to aim for the back of the toilet. Now, would you rather have a little dribble on the bathroom floor, or a waterfall of pee all over the back of the toilet? Your decision."
Me: "Why don't you just sit down to pee?"
Husband: (laughs the cray-cray laugh and looks at me like I sprouted horns)
I'm surprised the idea of having a urinal installed didn't come up at one point (which is Ryan's dream for his 'future' shop btw).
7. I really need to stop eating bullshit food choices. Seriously. This has gone on long enough. I woke up this morning tired, I have stupid acne like some snot-nosed sweaty teenage boy, my hair is falling out in clumps, and my pants are getting a weeeeeee bit tight around the gluteus maximus area. And we all know that THAT part of my body does NOT need to grow any more. Thank you Grandma Betty for enormous asses on the Schneider side, and passing it down to me. And you know what kills me about this, it's not some sexy Beyonce ass, or J-Lo ass, it's just a big, non-sexy pooper that isn't proportional with my itty bitty tatas and chicken ankles.
I hate life.
Moving on. I do really need to get back to HealthyLand. Which, sadly, is nothing like Candyland, btw. I mean, WTF is this blog about if not to get a little healthier, ya know?! It's like I met my goal weight and now all I want to do is sabotage myself by shoving truckloads of candy corn in my face.
It just needs to stop.
And eating right and exercising is going to start.
At least, right after I get back from Florida this weekend. (more on that later)
Next week, I will WRITE DOWN all my goals, how to achieve them, the time limit to meet them, etc. I will post it on here and I will write it in my little planner/note book/post-it note replacement-thingy.
I'm going to get back into running too. I kinda miss it. At least, I really want to get the dog in better shape too. It's sad how much he wants to just stay inside and lay in bed all day. Boy needs to get out and run!!! And what better way than with his Mama!!
8. I mentioned above that I got a planner-thingy. It's not really a planner, but it's a notebook where I can write down everything that I have to do. I think most of you know about my obsession with post-it notes. Well, it was getting a little out of control. Like, I'm pretty sure some of my co-workers were planning an intervention. It was sad.
And on top of not being able to find my computer monitor because of all the little yellow stickers, I was having trouble keeping track of everything and getting things done.
So my lovely counselor suggested that I get a notebook and when I get tasked with something, at work or at home, that I write it down. That way I have ONE place where everything is. And once I get things accomplished I can cross them off the list. And seeing all the crossed off shit makes me feel all sparkly inside. And we all know how much I love to sparkle.
Anyways, y'all should totally try this. It's just amazing.
9. Alright, so I'm going on vacation........again. Yes, I know. I go on vacation a lot. I told a simple minded engineer at work that, 'It's what I do.' And he had the nerve to say, 'Ya, go on vacation and bitch. It's what you do.'
And I leave tomorrow, so that's why I'm doing this today. Because the plane leaves at Satan's Rooster wake-up hour and I'm not about to get up earlier than 4am to post this. You're just going to have to deal.
The trip was sort of a surprise to us. Ryan's uncle is getting re-married and his parents are going to it, and asked if we'd come along. They said they'd help us out with the costs. And the wedding just happens to be in sunny Florida.
Ummmmmmm, YES PLEASE. Sign.Me.Up!
So we made it a long weekend. And all I'm going to do is relax, eat, beach, and drink. But not drink a whole lot, as I'll be with the in-laws and they don't need to see Drunkpants McGee over here.
I'm going to be all like.................
10. And keeping with our theme, I needed a little of this today:
That is all for now my Lovelies!!!