Thursday, March 20, 2014

The down-low on Oil and why the fuck I'm PULLING it.

I know it's Randompants Thursday and all, but we're going to talk about something a little different. But still random. So it sorta fits. It's fine.

OK y'all. Some of my friends posted on FB about Oil Pulling.

W.T.F. is OIL PULLING?!?!?! And where the hell should I be pulling it exactly?!?!?!?

Well, the low-down-dirty explanation (LB style) is that you swish some sort of veggie/nut oil in your mouth(WTH?) for 20 minutes(WHAHHH??!!!!! Might as well be an effing eternity) a day (without gagging your ass off) and then magically you have white teeth, less of a hangover---------------->CAN I GET A HELL TO THE YEAH?!?!?!, better gums, better skin, blah, blah, blahbittyblah.

Ya, I know what y'all are thinking, I pretty much was hooked on the 'less of a hangover' part too. No need to go further. I will suffer through the gagging, just for that shit.

Here's some more detail on what exactly to do.

I didn't use Dr. Bronner's brand, I just used Organic Refined Coconut Oil that I found at the local grocery store, because that's what I already had in my cabinet. There's been debate, apparently from what I've skimmed on the interwebs and comments, about unrefined vs refined. But I think it just boils down to as long as it's organic, you're fine. There's also many different types of oil you can use, but generally people recommend the coconut variety.

 So, I decided to take the plunge today and try it. Good God I'm batshit.

Picture this: I literally crawl out of bed, because my legs feel like I did 8700 lunges yesterday, and mosey into the bathroom. I had already set the jar of oil and a spoon on the counter, so I wouldn't forget to do it first thing in the morning, while in my still somewhat sleep induced haze.  I open the jar, and start to fill the spoon approximately 1T of solid oil.

The husband walks in.

"Ummmmm, what are you doing?!"

"I'm going to pull some oil." (Like I've been doing this for ions and he should automatically know what I'm doing.)

"HUH?!?!?!" (Said in a slightly high pitched/border line yell, with the strong undertone of: What the fuck is wrong with you.)

"It's supposed to help whiten teeth and make your skin better. AND it cures the hangover!" (Like, duh!, right?!)

He doesn't say anything back. He just walked out of the bathroom.

So I plop the solid oil in my mouth, and I immediately think this is a bad idea. A very badbadbad idea. Ugh, it's just so weird. It's solid, but it's melting quickly, but my body wants to swallow it, while in my mind I'm like 'Good God NOOOOOO'. So I clench my teeth and try to roll it around on my tongue to try and melt it further. Then a gag reflex happens. Super. This is not going well. And it's only be 2.3 seconds.  I mentally push past it, set the timer, and quickly undress and get in the shower.

My whole thought process is that if I can get in the shower and start washing my hair, I'll forget that I have FUCKING OIL IN MY MOUTH.

It worked.

It was melted by then so I just started swishing away. Naturally, like I'm some oil pulling expert.

And BTW, you can't taste coconut at all. I've cooked with it, and assumed that it just blended with whatever flavors I'm cooking with at the time, but I've never actually tasted coconut oil straight. Because who the hell would do that?!  Now knowing that it doesn't taste like coconut, I'm pretty sure I'm going to use it more often!! BONUS!

OK, back to the pulling of the oil. I jump out of the shower, dry off and quickly check the timer. 11:04 to go. Ok. Not bad. I'm about half way through. I can do this.

Once I run through my 'morning routine' of lotion, brushing hair, getting dressed, and then make up, I only have a MINUTE left! Holy Speedy Gonzolas baby!!!! That went fast! I mean, it truly did. After my mind and body got over the initial shock of doing this crazy ass thing, I was good. And the time FLEWWWWW.

I spit it out in the trash (NEVER IN THE DRAIN!!! IT'LL CLOG!!!) and proceeded to brush my teeth.  I didn't realize you needed to wash your mouth out with warm water, so I'll make sure to do that tomorrow.

Probably just going to use warm water as a rinse. Salt water sounds yucky. (Which is a total idiotic thing to say because, again, I'm swishing oil in my damn mouth. But whatevs.)

My review:

Since I didn't do a before picture, and most likely one use isn't going to give me the Ross Neon White Teeth, I can't really determine if it's working or not. I will say that it definitely wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think I'm going to do the recommendation of chewing the oil up till it melts, I think that will make the first part better/easier to take. It also didn't seem like I had oil in my mouth forever. I was able to do most of my morning routine while swishing. By the time I was done, I spit, and was ready for the last routine step of brushing my teeth. I mean, it's not like I'm doing any thing else with my mouth in the eating a double bacon cheeseburger. Get your minds out of the gutter!! And if it wasn't in the gutter, I apologize, I guess I'm just weird.

I'm going to take pictures tomorrow morning. That way I have a baseline. And I'm going to keep it up for a few weeks and see if I notice improvements. Especially since my bestie is coming tomorrow, and I foresee a barrel of wine being drank before Sat. morning. I can use all the help I can get in the hangover area.

So, does anyone want to be batshit crazy with me and pull some oil?!?!?!
It's fun!
Come on! Everyone's doin' it!



  1. You are nuts. :) It is an interesting process and I look forward to hearing what you think as you go along.

  2. I might hop on the bandwagon after I week your post 1-week review. And if it cures hangovers, well let me get ON that shit! My birthday is coming up, I'm going to need one heck of a hangover cure for that one.

  3. Hi LB ~ I've been pulling oil for a while - Definitely helps with teeth whitening and overall good feeling. Keep at it!

  4. Tried it. Gagged like CRAZY. Can't do it. But good for you, Rockstar!

    By the way, I linked back to you today. I only said good things. Promise. LOL



I love hearing from y'all, so leave a comment!