Ten Things Thursday

Can you believe it's already Thursday???!!! I can't.

But you know what that means! Time for my Ten Things Thursday!!
(BTW, in case you forgot why I started doing this months and months and months ago, it's because I have the attention span of a 3 year old and/or forget what I'm talking about mid-thought, so I just like to bullet out random shit that floats through my noggin.)
Here we go.

1.  I have not had ANY caffeine since Sunday. No soda. No coffee. No IV drip of Diet Mt. Dew. No NUSSING! What is wrong with me, you ask?  Oh, just the usual: I can't stick to a single new crazypants health challenge to save my life so I make up random bullshit health challenges, like no more caffeine, so I can try and love myself again. Apparently my body doesn't really need that legal boost of energy from my morning java to function on a normal basis, like I thought it did. It's just not right, people. Not right at all. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I should go to the doctor. Na, they're more nutso than I am.

2.  I discovered an interesting & totally disgusting phenomenon the other day.....eating asparagus makes your pee stink.  Yup, I said it. And now it's all out in the interwebs for people to google search me. Just type in 'asparagus pee' and my little bloggy will pop right up. Awesome. 
Anyway. I don't and have never eaten asparagus IN MY LIFE until the other night.  Well, I've had a few bites here and there, but not the bucket sized portion I made myself Tuesday night.  (And don't ask why I decided to try asparagus, apparently my brain left my body while grocery shopping the last time. And you know I can't let food waste.) I had no idea what the hell would happen when I did my pre-slumber tinkle, an hour after eating.  Then it hit me.....WHOAAAAAhhhhhhUUUUGgggghhhhh. WHAT IS THAT?? Did my bathroom just turn into an oil refinery mixed with elephant poo?? That came from ME?? OhhhMmmmGeeee, I'm dying.  Seriously, I think I'm dying. Because that's got to be what dead people smell like, right?
I don't give a baboons red ASS, I am never eating that stanky vegetable of death for as long as I live. Ever. Seriously.

3.  I ran this week. Stop the presses, this girl actually physically exerted herself!!  And I took Wyatt.  I've been feeling a little bad that every time (pssfftt, 'every time', more like twice in the last month) I go for a run, he sits back at the house and whines and cries and throws a full blown temper tantrum like a toddler. Not really.  But close. In my defense, he can't walk on a leash. He pulls. And pulls in every freaking direction but forward.  Ok, I guess that's not really a defense because it's my fault I haven't trained him.  Well, that's changing! I decided to finally teach my 4.5 year old dog how to walk/run on a leash.  Ohhh Mylanta, it was a rough start to this training.  But by the end of our 2 miles, we had it down pretty good.  He was running right next to my knee on my left side and didn't turbo-leap after a rabbit in the park and send me sprawling on the poo fill grass. Win Win. We're going to try again tonight. Cross your fingers he hasn't forgotten everything.

4.  My goal of having only 6 brewskies this week is going swimmingly.  Last night at Cousin Gossip Fest Night I only had 2. So I have 4 more left for this weekend.  And it's going to be hard, because I'm going to be stuck in a mansion cabin for 2 days, basically by myself, while Ryan hunts the Big Buck.  And there's a hot tub. I don't know if I've ever been in a hot tub minus beer.  Ok, well, maybe when I was like 10. But that doesn't count. 

5.  On the Cousin Gossip Fest Night thing, the three of us, my cousins Nevada, Tom and I, had a very scintillating 10 minute long conversation about whom Mary Magdalen really was. Because, my cousin Nevada was utterly stupid cornfused that she was Jesus' mother. While, the smartypants Tom and I, just knew she was the 'supposed' girlyfriend of the son of God. According to the Da Vinci Code, anyway. Love that series! We went round and round, till Tom finally drew it in crayon that there were TWO Mary's.  Yes, Mary Magdalen, but also Mary, Jesus' mother.  Wow.  This is the crap we talk about on Wed. nights. Quite possibly the most reedonkulous conversations ever.

6.  My next running goal is to do a 10K. Yup, like 6.2 miles. Kill me now. I almost kinda hate that I love running. Because I have to push my sorry ass to run longer and faster and sweat grosser (it's a word) to feel validated in my running mojo. Why'd I start this crap anyway??? Oh, yea, because my pooper was/is the size of Mt. Vesuvius.  I'm going to start to 'really' train next week. I'm giving myself a few more days to get Wyatt in line, because I want him to do the 10K with me. Maybe not in an actual race, that'd be like asking for a concrete face plant every 20 feet. You know....lots of people, crowds, new surroundings, many smells....no dog could pleasantly run by your side with those temptations. Well, definitely not my dog, despite the best of training.

7.  Along with the 10K training, I'm also going to start getting back into Bodyrock.tv.  Christy turned me on to it months ago and I love that it's different, new, fast paced, fun, and you sweat your ever loving ass off in 15 minutes. And, most important, I would build my flabby pea size muscles to semi-flabby grape sized muscles. yippee. I'm going to start by running Monday, Wednesday (which is going to be interval running to help with my pace time), and Friday. Then do Bodyrock on Tuesday and Thursday. I know, I know, I need to get this damn broken record fixed....I'm working on it. Promise.

8.  Did you guys hear about the lady that freaking gave BIRTH 7 hours after finishing the Chicago Marathon??!!  GAVE. BIRTH.  Brought a small human into this world.  HAD! A! BABY! Which translates she was freaking 8.9999999 months pregnant while running the 26.whatever miles.  Jesus tits.  And that was the SECOND marathon that she ran while pregnant with this child.  That's what you call determined. And she has tatas like steel. I'd say balls, but it doesn't go good with her being a girl.  And you know what my first thought was.? 'Wow, I really hope that when I get pregnant I can still do a race.'  Commit me now. I don't even know this person living in my body.

9.  Wanna know something crazysauce?  There are 72 days, 13 hours, and 45 minutes left until Christmas.  (Dontcha love how I can go from marathons to Christmas all in one swoop. It's the randomness that is my life.)  That means I need to start on the shopping. ASAP. Otherwise I will be finishing up the shopping 71 days from now. And this year I do NOT want to procrastinate like all the other years.  So, there you go, if any of you didn't know the timeline to Xmas....now you do. You're welcome.

10.  Did I mention already that we're going to this cabin....that's really a small mansion....for the weekend?  And I don't have to do anything but lay on the couch?  Or watch movies? Or read 113 books? Or sit in the hot tub till my toes shrivel up to raisins?  Well, if I did mention it, I'm just saying it again to make all of you insanely jealous.  There will be no internet access and no cell phone reception. It's going to be GLORIOUS!

Tootles Lovebugs!!!

My husband sparkles.

Ryan bought some new pearl-snap work shirts recently. They're kinda button up short sleeve cowboy shirts. Anyway, this is a conversation we had about one of them:

ME: Is that one of your new shirts? I like it.

RYAN: Yeah, Did ya see that it has this gold shiny thread in in??! That's why I bought it.

ME: Ahhhh, Honey, you sparkle now!

RYAN: Dear, I sparkle every day. (said in a 'serious' tone)

ME: (rolling on the floor because I'm laughing so hard.)

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

Last week Draz was out of town in Chicago and asked a loyal follower and blogger whom she loves to guest post BYOC for her....only she got so caught up in packing and the excitement that she didn't actually get time to post her questions. 

Sooo - this week - She's using her questions cuz they are GREAT.  I hope you'll join the fun.

Miss Joanna wrote them and these are my answers.  Thank you Joanna!

It's time to BRING YOUR OWN CRAZY!!

1. If you were given $1,000,000 that you had to spend ONLY ON YOURSELF....how would you spend the money?

Holy buckets of green Washingtons. This is a tough one. Really.
#1: 1970 Mach 1 Fastback Ford Mustang
#2: 1969 Shelby GT500 Ford Mustang
(Sensing a theme here? I'm such a boy.)
Then I'd build a new house and buy 1/4 of the state of Kansas to live on.
Followed by a house on the beach somewhere.....maybe the Key's or the Caribbean, anywhere that's warm and breezy. (And I may or may not pay for an hour of Ryan Reynold's time. Just to stare at him.)

2. Who would you say is the one person that's had the most influence on your life? By that, I mean the person that has molded you in to the person you are today?

First, I would definitely say my mom, Jules. She was always there. Playing or teaching or caring or making grilled cheese.  She was and is such a strong person that sometimes I can't believe I'm lucky enough to be her daughter.  She's had some tough things happen in her life, but has always found her smile and her zest for life is simply amazing and contagious. Her being the person she is helped mold me into the person I am today. Without her I know I'd be a completely different person.



Second, would be my cousin Corey. I went through some pretty rough times in college and he was a rock for me.  He gave me advice and a shoulder and listened.  He kept me on the straight and narrow....even though he lived thousands of miles away.  If he hadn't taken the time to care, I would have never graduated and God knows what else.



3. What is your normal morning routine? Are you a bear in the morning, or is the morning your favorite part of the day?

First, I hit the snooze button about 26 times. Seriously. I set my alarm for 5am, but, like today, I got up at 6:15. It's a problem, I know.  Then I crawl my sleepy pooper outta bed and go straight for my 'eyes', put those in, do the business, and sometime while I'm doing my business Wyatt noses the bathroom door wide open and licks my knee. Nice.  I shoo him out, yes, while still on the potty, then finish things up in there. 

Next I go to the bedroom and Wyatt needs to be cuddled and he gives me morning kisses, then I scratch his back and he nuzzles into my legs.  It's our routine.  He trots off for food and I proceed to try and decide if I want to 'dress up' or look like a slug.  Most days I go with slug and throw on a T and jeans.  Finally I put on the minimal makeup that I wear, boot the dog outside, grab my purse and go.  I hop in the car and pull out in the driveway. Then I remember that I forgot to put on deodorant, so I slam it in park, open the garage door, turn the alarm off, face plant the wall because it's dark, and make it to the smelly good stuff. Slap that on and proceed to head back outside, again, to go to work. And then I remember that I forgot to brush my teeth. Uggghhhhhh.
I hate mornings.
 
4. If you're a Facebook and Twitter user, which do you prefer and why? If you're just a Facebook user, what do you think of the new changes?

I haven't ventured into twitter yet. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my blog, pinterest, business crap, and email.  Oh and facebook.

I normally just get on facebook on my crapberry, so I hardly notice the changes. But yes, when I'm on a computer, I cuss Mark Z every time.

5.  Repeat question....how was your week in real life and in blog land this week?
 
Real life I suck. I suck the non-healthy non-exercising green donkey balls. But next week will be better. I'm confident in that.


Blog life I have looooovvvvvvveeeeeedddddd all the Chi-town pics!! I also am having a hard time catching up, so sorry if I haven't commented, but I am reading!!!

I hate it when....

.....I forget that I'm not alone.....at work....and belt out 'It Must Have Been Love' by Roxette, at the top of my lungs.

I'm sure the construction workers just a mosquito fart away enjoyed that little karaoke performance spectacular.

Jesus.

Ten Things Thursday

1.  Last weekend I did go to my mom's house, which usually involves some crazy story about her, but this weekend one of her dogs stole the show.  First, here's a picture of us with our 'new' hats. She got an Army hat of some sort, somewhere. Jeezlaweeze Jules (her name is Julie, we call her Jules for short). And her and her bf Hardy got me a beaded pink hat that they put a Powercat pin on.

But on with the dogisms.  His name is Colt. And he's a paranoid schizophrenic. Seriously.  That dog is nuts.  It barks at air, will not leave your side (I think there are some attachment issues there), sometimes he'll be dead asleep and wake up and run into the other room, for no reason.  He also has this incredible ability to sleep in the most ridiculous positions.  I'll treat you with some lovely documentation of this phenomenon throughout this little bloggy.

Just airin' out the non-existent boys.

2. Holy cricket balls I am tired.  I have not been a very good girl this week. At. All. There has been no running, my eating is craptastic, and I've been staying up till 11pm most nights and sleeping in till 6:30am. I don't know what  my deal is. But it's going to change. Right. Now.

3. I think Beer and I need to have a time out. I've been noticing lately that having a few brews some nights is really effecting how I look and feel in the morning.  My skin is dry, my lips are chapped, I'm super dehydrated, and I'm bloated. And I have nooooo energy.  I don't like it. So I've decided that starting Monday I'm allowing myself 6 beers a week. Now, if I want all those 6 on Friday night, then that's it, no more. Or I can space them out and have a couple Friday night and a couple Saturday night. I think putting a 'limit' on my beer is better than just axing it all together.   I think if I said, "No booze, no way", I'd end up cheating and then failing. But limiting my intake I still get to enjoy my little frosty lovelies but without going overboard.

Apparently sleeping under my mother is more comfortable.

4. I'm freaking going to SUGARLAND this weekend!!!

Sometimes I pretend that I can sing just like Jennifer Nettles.  I sound pretty good.  Like if a toad and a hyena sang karaoke together....that's pretty much what I sound like.

5.  I have not had coffee in 3 days.  Yup, 3 whole days.  Shockingly, the world has not imploded and started a black hole in the universe.  I am still here. And I'm not that Mrs. Crankypants McGee.  Probably because I've been supplementing my french vanilla flavored java with an IV drip of Diet Mt. Dew. It's fine. Yes, you just call this hotline, 1-800-GIVEMECAFFEINEORDIE, and a sweet little nurse comes to your office and sets up your drip of choice. Mucho convenient. We'll see how long this new change lasts.

(That would be Sera, mom's other dog. And though she looks oh so innocent here, she is definitely NOT.)

6.  We are expanding my department. Like literally, into the next room of my shop. Yippee!! But not 'yippee' right now. Because right now they are using a jigsaw to cut through metal. I think I might shank a person.

7.  Is anyone else just baffled that it's October? Freaking OCTOBER?!?! Where the hell did the summer go? Oh yea, I vacationed it away. But really. Like, Halloween is just around the corner.  Then it'll be Thanksgiving, then Christmas.  Christ on a crutch.  I kinda hate it how time flies so stinkin' fast.  Can we jump on the turtle train and go slower please?

Notice Sera hasn't moved from the last 'Position' but nutball Colt has.

8.  On the Halloween note, what's everyone going to dress up as?! I usually dress up every year. I've been a mermaid, a Southern Belle/floozy, Tinker Hell (complete with black tutu,corset, and wings), a hunter, a construction worker, holy costumes I could go on forever!  This year I'll actually be flying back from Tampa on the 31st so I'll probably refrain from dressing like a butterfly sex goddess with fangs for fear of getting on the no fly list. 
But I wanna know what y'all will be!!!!

9. I am so freaking excited that all my lovelies are back from Chicago and posting all the funtabulous pictures!!! I am incredibly jealous and I would hate you all if I didn't love you so much. Next year I am going. For REALZ!  And we will do each other's makeup and hair, and we will do a little drinky drinky, and we will do a little dancey dancey, and we will do a little shoppy shoppy, and we will have the best time of our lives. Only 359.2ish more days to go.

10. And a final glimpse of the gentle sleeper:

Merry Thursday sunflowers!!! Have a STUPENDOUS day!!!

A little blast from the past.

That would have been when I was in middle school. Sometime.

Omg. look at that hair. And WTF is with my shirt??? Why, Mother, did you let me out of the house like that???

This was my junior year in high school. Apparently lip gloss was soooo in for me.

This was one of the 'heavier' points in my life.  With my bestest friend Tina. God I love that skinny chick!

Anywho. Found these pictures and decided to try out my new scanner.
All for your viewing pleasure.
You know you loved it.

My very first 5K!!

Oh my gosh! What a weekend!!! So sorry I didn't get this up sooner but my Sunday was filled with family shenanigans and then yesterday an fugly migraine took over my body. Bastard.

Anywho.....THE RACE!

Holy nerves. But it went soo well!

I arrived a little before Ryan and went and got my racing packet with a free T-shirt (woohoo!), a plastic mug (woohoo!), and a bunch of coupons.  Then I met up with Ryan and headed to the porta potties. Not that I had to go, I was meeting a running friend from Wichita, and even if I needed to go, which I kinda did, the line was like 25 people long.  And with only 15 minutes before the race....that ain't gonna happen.

Me all smiles and feel good emotions pre-race.
Those quickly faded.

I got in line at the start line and Ryan stood by me giving me words of encouragement like this: "Are you nervous?  You're dancing around like you are." 
Great.
Not only do I not know what the hell I'm doing at a FREAKING STARTING LINE, but now I look like a dancing idiot.
Perfect.

Now this is standing a little ways from the race starting line. So eventually I get the gumption to move my pooper onto the actually street.

And then I get even more nervous.

And then the announcer says, "One minute to start people."

ONE MINUTE. Ahhhh, Hell no. I can't do this. I'm going to die. I'm going to trip and shove my thumb up my nose.  I'm going to have to really pee about mile 1.wetmypants.  Why did I do this? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

But the gun goes off anyway. And my legs start moving.  And I keep thinking, "Oh God, Oh God, don't trip, don't trip. What is that smell??? Oh Christ, did I really shit my pants?  Oh, thank you Jesus, it's the weirdo next to me. Ok, run faster, he's a stinker."

Seriously.

Dispite the stank.

About a 1/2 mile in I already know I'm going way too fast. And Fluffy and others gave me really good advice to keep your first mile slow. So I knocked it down a notch and continued on.

Then 1.5 miles there was the BEST garage sale.  Seriously??? Why don't I have the time and money to stop. Because, Oh I sooooo would.

Mile 2 I started to get a little tired, but again people gave me advice to just pick a person and pace yourself with them. So I picked this cute little blondy that had on a pink shirt and just paced myself with her. We were probably running it about a 10 minute per mile pace, so I thought that was fantastic.

Then she F*ing started walking.  Hussy.

So I picked a little older lady, about in her 60s, but she was rocking it. I kept up with her for the next mile or so just fine. But then she started speeding up. Christ.

I was then on my own. There was multiple times that I wanted to walk, but for some reason, I call it The Force, I didn't.  I just kept going. And going.  I was semi-tired around 2.5, my legs were starting to tell me to slow it down, but I kept on.  I slowed my pace, again, a little, and concentrated on getting to the finish line.  I tried to look at all the pretty old houses that lined the streets, but my thoughts were, "You can do this! You're running your first 5K!! Keep up the good work!"  And that really pulled me through.

The last 1/2 mile was through a park and there were tons of people just cheering us on and motivating us to keep going. I'm pretty sure I had this shit eating grin on my face the entire time. They probably thought it was a poop face.  It's fine.

The genius that designed the race made it so you had to run up a small hill to the finish line. Jerk. But I made it. I trudged and trudged, head down, pumping my feet until I reached the top, then it was smooth sailing!!

Only a few feet to the finish!!

Either way.

And I finish!!!! Woop Woop!! Take that bitches!!



And this race couldn't have been more appropriate for me.  They gave you free beer at the end.

I did give one to Ryan, just so you all know. I'm not a complete lush at 10 in the morning.

I ran it in 31:22. My fasted time yet! Yeah for a new PR!!!! I was so excited and thrilled I wanted to cry my eyes out.  But I didn't. Because I had beer to drink.

All in all, it was one of the best experiences of my life and I CAN NOT WAIT to do another one!