It’s been awhile, huh?
Betcha thought I forgot about all you lovely freaknesses.
Nope. Not so much.
Did you miss me? Sure you did. Just nod your head.
I’ve just been pretending I can do it all. Ya know, saving the planet. Creating world peace. No biggie.
But then I checked back in with Mr. Reality.
And actually it's more like I’ve been a lazy turd for 10 days. It's fine.
Doing lots of nothing. Ohhhh the bliss.
But copious amounts of this happened....
|So sorry for the food porn way early in the blog. But not really.|
Weeeeeeelllllllllll, I did do some things. Tiny things. Minuscule really. None of which involved strenuous physical activity or consuming any nutrition that was remotely healthy (see above). Just so you know. Please hide your shock. Seriously. Hide it.
Christmas Eve this happened:
|Don't worry, my boobs are definitely not large enough to have that kind of cleavage. It's a weird camera angle.|
|That would be Big Mike tattooing moi. Super guy. Great artist.|
Like a som’bitch.
No, more like little Satan elves were pouring acid on my skin, then taking mulitple mini jackhammers and pounding the shit outta my rib bones. For hours. And hours. And hours. (In reality, it only lasted about 30 minutes.)
It. Was. Horrible.
But I did not cry. Nope. Not one tear. I put on my big girl panties and looked up at the sky and said ‘Mike, this is for you, and I’m going to be one strong bad ass chica, and do this without crying.’ And I did.
|A little mini side-boob action for you. Your welcome.|
Where’s my F*ing Big Girl Panty Wearing I Am She-Ra Hear Me Roar Bad Ass of the Year trophy? Huh? Where?
And may it be full of beer and given to me by my future husband, Ryan. Not my current good looking Ryan, the other one. Or maybe both of them. Yes, yes, both of them, I like that idea.
|Food and Man porn. I'm on a roll.|
It’s pretty, right? My tat. Not Mr. Reynolds. But he's pretty too.
Big Mike did an excellent job and I will probably drive all over our wee little state to have him tat me up again. Some time. But not in the near future.
Then we went out to eat at this fancy schmancy restaurant with Ryan’s parents for Xmas Eve. It was good. But I’m really a big beer and peanuts on the floor type girl (don’t act like you didn’t know that), so next time we’re going to have to go somewhere like that.
Opening of presents followed.
I think Wyatt was happy with his gift from Grandma and Grandpa. Wouldn't stop moving long enough to take a good picture. Crazy animal.
And really, it’s what I opened that sucked the ever loving energy right outta my core and made me the lazy turd I have been for days on end. Hand to bible. It was all this little gadget’s fault:
I got my Kindle Fire! (And yes, Sarah's blog was the last thing I was looking at!)
That good for nothing sarcastic wonderful man of a husband ended up dragging on the whole 'I couldn't get you a Kindle Fire for Xmas blah blah blahbity blah' for a good long time. Right up until we opened the gifts. He even had me going that he got me 'tickets' to go somewhere instead. Like on a plane somewhere. Jerk. But a wonderful jerk.
I straight up read the ENTIRE Hunger Games trilogy. In 5 days. This thing is dangerous.
After Xmas we went back to Wichitity (AKA Wichita) to do more exciting things.
Put your funderpanties on for this...................
I refinished my grandmother's dinning room table. AND re-upholstered my mom's chairs to match. Exciting, I know. Ty Pennington can suck on this.....
Whatever Grandma Margie stained the table with the first time was the equivalent color of baby poo and dirt. Not pretty. So I stripped it down. Sanded my life away. Re-stained it a very beautiful Mission Oak. Then varnished it to high gloss. I do good work. I know. Don't hate.
And my mother......bless her southwestern-style loving soul......had these fantastic mission style chairs that she didn't want any more, but they had this god awful (sorry Jules) 90s Southwestern motif going on that was just oh.so.not.happenin' in my kitchen. So I added some new pretty red, tan, green, brown, whatever fabric to them, and also re-enforced them with extra boards for more sturdiness (ya know, because of all the cake I've been mowing down), and Waaaaaa Laaaaaa......
|Old fabric on the left. It's ok to cover your eyes at the hideousness. New fabric on the right.|
After that I did a lot of selling of old furniture on the List of Craig. Made about 150 bones. BOOM CHAAACAAALAKA!
Today was Back To Work Day. It sucked porcupine balls. Hardest day of my life. For realz.
But you gotta do what you gotta do.
Well, I won't bore you any longer.
I'm off to do......something. Or nothing. Or play on my Fire. Whatever.
I do have Twenty Dozen semi-resolutions and healified crap to talk to y'all about. Because it's definitely oh so riveting.
But you're just gonna have to wait.
Peace out homies.
And happy freaking New Year.