Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Day #1.....

.....of everything I've ever loved and cherished being violently ripped away from me, like sugar from a diabetic, like a child from it's mother,  like elephant tusks by a poacher. Ok that went a little overboard. And graphic. My apologies.

Moving on.

You know how I said last week (#6) that I'm going to try and give up beer for awhile? Ya, I know,  I'd like to forget I wrote that too. Trust me. It's like lately, I've had Satanist verbal diarrhea from the mouth when I'm talking about alcohol, and *gasp* quitting it. My apologies again.

Anyways, well, I've been thinking a lot about today being the first day I'm to give up the boozizzle. I went back and forth because really there's a KSU football game this weekend, and what's one more week right?! And I'm going to be helping my wonderful husband sod the yard tonight and that deserves beers (I'm going to shank him some day for all the work he's forced upon me this summer. But I'm going to wait till he feels all comfortable and loved and happy. Then I'll strike! You better watch your back Honey.) Clearly over-exaggeration is the word of the day.  And tomorrow night is cousin night, where not once in 2 years have I ever not drank.

So many things.......reasons........excuses to extend this little psychotic plan of mine. Oh so many.

But that's what they are. Excuses. Big ol' fatty, moldy, skanky excuses.

If I want to really have a go at this, I need to buckle down and not give up on Day 1.

So, here I am..............Buckling.
I hate buckling.
Buckling's like your friends little 13 year old pimply faced brother who keeps sneaking into your slumber party to throw snot-lugies at you.
You just hate it. Because it's annoying as shit.

You know what else happens today?
My choice to start eating healthier. 
For like the 800th time this year. It's fine.
And you know what happens when you eat healthy?
You deny yourself this gorgeous action:
But I like the Devil.
Maybe I shouldn't have wrote that out loud.

To combat the choco-beast cravings from Hell, I went out and purchased these:
Yes, yes you are.
(Do you think it's coincidence, btw, that the Devil Candy picture I subconsciously made with a black (bad) border and the Angel Almonds I made with a white (good) border? I just keep getting weirder and weirder people.)

So far today, my psycho plan is working.
I didn't partake in a breakfast of movie theater popcorn, instead I had nasty stale pistachios and a bruised banana. I also popped the top on my almonds instead of inhaling 14 mini KitKat bars.
Why do I not feel all 'winner winner chicken dinner' here?

Tonight is smoked chicken in a southwest marinade (on the new Traeger, because I think my husband is seriously going to become unglued if he doesn't 'smoke' something within the next few days. Poor men and their poor toys. So tragic). I'm also planning salad for a side.

Then later this week, we are again (shocking) going to smoke on the Traeger. This time a pot roast. With salad and veggies.

And I'm also going back to the old method of drinking water when I'm hungry or craving something. I usually chug a bunch of water then wait 10 minutes, if I'm still craving it, I try to sooth my demon palate with something healthier first. Then if that doesn't work, well, I cut off all my hair and run nekkid down the street while screaming show tunes. Because at that point, nothing but the psych ward is going to keep me from mowing down whatever it is I'm craving.

So there it is.
Day #1.
In a nut shell.

Man, it's such a bitch.


  1. Best of luck avoiding beer and shanking your mate. ;)

  2. OMG those almonds are awesome....now if I can limit the portion size....... Good luck on the beer thing!

  3. Ok must know - are the cocoa almonds just flavored with some cocoa or are they CHOCOLATE covered goodness?

    Please please please be #2!

    Best of luck with the no beer girly. I'm giving up ice cream as of today too. At least for a little while.

  4. Oh girl i'm feeling ya... I just posted about my own satan turds lol

  5. Why give up beer??? If you love it that much, I say drink it. I love chocolate and I refuse to give it up...I give up other things that I like, but not nearly as much as I do chocolate (like bread, or my cinnamon roll toaster strudel, or my cherry poptarts).

  6. I'm with Barbie. A very little of what you fancy does you good. xx

  7. I have one of those almond containers right next to me actually. I can ONLY eat the natural ones. If not, I'm like a crazed maniac and eat the whole contain.(like the smokehouse ones)

    Anyways.... lol

    Keep us posted on the beer issue! lol


  8. Hmmm - we should do this whole clean eating thing together. I'd be texting you all day asking you to tell me to PUT DOWN THE MT DEW!

  9. We got this! (PUT DOWN THE BEER!!)

  10. I love those damn cocoa almonds!

  11. Heh. Good on ya for a successful Day #1!!


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