First of all, I was about to go batshit crazy because little bloggerland was in limbo for the last 12 hours. I couldn’t get access to the site, couldn't post, and couldn't read anyone else's post; the little mysterious blogger-mechanics posted miniscule ‘status updates’ (which were totally uninformative by the way) that made no sense and didn’t give me the clarification that I wanted….like: WHEN CAN I GET BACK ON Dipshits!
Second of all, it’s still not up to precision working order. Those little dipshits better get on the ball before some lunatic weight loss fanatics, totally blog-obsessed, people hunt them down like Blade hunting down blood-sucking vampires. Christ I need to have a serious mental eval about my addiction to this site.
OK, here’s the real reason I’m posting…..I’m back.
Well, I never really went anywhere. Technically.
And before I delve into all that disaster, I want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone that follows me, supported me, and gave me your thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement during this difficult time. Thank you for all your advice and for just being there when I needed someone the most. It’s simply amazing to me that someone who just started blogging a few months ago, could have some of the greatest friends (that I’ve never met physically) in such a short amount of time. I think I’ve gone my whole life talking to only one or two other females and considered them my ‘friends’. Yet, I’ve found so many wonderful women on this little adventure in Blogland and still can’t believe that in such a short amount of time I could have so many good friends. You all awe and inspire me every day, you give me strength and comfort, and you all just plain kick ass. So thank you again. For everything you do and for how wonderful you are.
Ok, enough with the mushy-gooshy. I’m starting to get a little teary-eyed.
That’s the name of the game right now: Moving On. We all deal with horrible events in our life. I think I was lucky to not really have to deal with death until I was a teenager in high school. Even if I would have had to deal with it when I was young, I don’t think I would have been mature enough to understand it anyway. Death is just a fact of life. We all know that. We all know that one day our body is going to give out and we will transition onto the next phase of our existence. Whether that is Heaven, Hell, or whatever you believe in. It’s your age at which your body gives out that becomes the real issue, I think.
I’ve had a lot of death in my family this year. And each one was completely different from the other. One death was cancer, taking my stepdad in mid-life. Another was old age, where Ryan’s grandmother lived a glorious life to near her 90s, and her body and mind were just ready for the ‘next step’. And this last one is just a tragic loss at the most early of ages. I’m not going to get into a whole lot of detail, because of a few reasons: 1. I’m not sure how other people, namely family members, will feel about me putting all this out there. And 2. I just don’t really know many of the details.
But basically my nephew passed away from complications of birth. My sister-in-law (actually they’re not married, but have been together a long time so I consider her my SIL) was due to have him May 2nd, but that day came and went with not even a glimpse of labor pains. Instead of inducing labor, my brother and SIL decided to wait and keep the birth as natural as possible. She went into labor on May 8th, but unfortunately the baby didn’t survive. He was to be their first.
There are no words to describe the enormous effect this has had and will have on my family. For me, I’ve been completely numb since I found out. As for my parents, my brother, and everyone else in the family, I just don’t know. They’ve all closed off pretty tight, which is understandable, but still leaves a deep pit in my soul because I want to be there and help them and support them. I am a nurturing type of person; I’m always willing to comfort and support someone in need whether that person is my mailman or my husband. So not being able to do what comes so natural to me is extremely difficult. That’s why when I wrote ‘I’m back, technically’ because I didn’t end up going to Colorado to be with my family. I stayed right here in my little world in Kansas. They chose to want to be by themselves. And that’s ok, I’m dealing with it, and moving on.
I’m starting to be my old funny, happy-go-lucky, sometimes totally bitchy, pain in the ass self. I’ve missed you all, but do know that I’ve been keeping up with all of you! I just haven’t felt like commenting. There were times (when I totally should have been working, kinda like now) that I got on to read all about your latest adventures and was laughing so hard tears were running down my face. Or if it was a problem or quest for advice, I was thinking in my head what I would write, which took my mind off everything else.
Now I’m ready to be the full force blog-ista that you all love to pieces. Look out now! Yup, I’m kickin’ ass and takin’ names. Boo-Yaa!