So I have a serious question for y'all.
Well, it's not real serious.
But it's definitely a topic that i need some advice on.
You know when you're on the treadmill, or elliptical.........
and you're just truckin' away.........
pounding the shit outta life.........
things are going great and you're feeling wonderful........
and then it hits you.
Like a brick shithouse.
You feel it.......
that pressure building........
about ready to blow........
deep down in your gut.......
in the pit of your stomach.......
Yup, that's right people, your worst nightmare has just come true.
You need to toot.
What do you do??!?!!
Do you let it go, hoping that it's some dainty lady fart that smells like Starburst?
Do you hold it in, fearing that it's an SBD? Silent but deadly? And everyone knows what happened, but they don't know who it came from?
What if you do let it slip and it's like a monstrous eruption of epic proportions and everyone just stares at you, while your face turns more beet red than what it normally looks like while running and you just want to die, right there, mid-stride?
Or do you stop running, trying not to trip and face plant the conveyor belt of death and proceed hop over to the nearest bathroom, which of course, is like 3.2 miles across the gym, all the while squeezing your butt cheeks in, hoping that'll keep the toot from escaping?
This is serious folks.
What do you do?
It's just perplexing, to say the least.
Not that this has ever happened to me.........
Uhhhemmm, last night.
Just asking, in case I'm doomed some day to live through this atrocity.
A journey to beautification and a healthier me......plus my love of beer!
Ok...being honest here...I have to go to the bathroom and let it fly...there's a reason for this...since I have so much loose skin, whenever I fart it kind of pushes through all of the excess skin and, well, it kinda sounds like a duck call...for realz! When they do escape, Peter just about busts a gut laughing so there's no such thing as a SBD in my world...
ReplyDeleteRun outside. Then you can let it go and the wind will carry away any trace of the sound/smell. :)
ReplyDeleteLet er Rip....chances are no one will no it was you, even if it is SBD. Besides everyone does it and what are they gonna do zombie attack your ass?
ReplyDeleteAs long as you don't Shart you are good to go!
I say let it go. The few reasons I would hold it in would be if someone was really close to me, and they are fairly good looking. I'm so vain. :)
ReplyDeleteSee, this is the reason I bought an elliptical for home use! But I guess I'd have to let fly if I were at the gym, honestly :)
ReplyDeleteBathroom. I am a lady :)
ReplyDeleteHoney badger don't care, she lets it rip.
ReplyDeleteI'd let it go UNLESS it's only you and one other person in the room. Then I might leave. Otherwise, who'll ever know?
ReplyDeleteWell I don't have that problem because my ass hasn't been on either one of those machines!
ReplyDeleteBut....I would NEVER be able to "let it rip" as everyone else is saying....actually I have a hard time just saying those words. rofl
I had an answer but after reading vickyd's comment I'm sitting here snorting. Everyone is staring at me. I don't talk much when in the break room. These people annoy the shit out of me. So here I am, in y little corner, wheezing and snorting with laughter trying to stay in my chair.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! You made my day.
ReplyDeleteI am afraid I wouldn't know if it were loud or SBD because I have my headphones on and wouldn't hear it either way. If I feel like I should try to "go" then I go to the bathroom, but if I think it's just a little toot, I'll generally let it rip unless there is the one cute guy nearby then I go to the bathroom regardless. I only wish they were starbursts from my rear! :(
Depends...is there anyone near me..if not let it rip....but I am a little cautious..sometimes that means I need to do a number and I may need to wrap it up to head to the toity...thats the worst to be all sweaty and sitting in the toity...yuck!
ReplyDeleteHa! I fart during Jazzercise all the time. That is why I stand close to the fan...no one can hear it. Although I'm guessing that I do disperse quite nicely. :)
ReplyDeleteI let em rip but my treadmill & elliptical are in my garage. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'd fart. who cares, I probably have head phones in anyways and I'd muter "excuse me" lol
ReplyDeleteIf it's like my gym, everyone has headphones on, so let it rip. The exhaust will help you run faster.
ReplyDeleteYeppers ... everyone has on earphones so I just pretend I'm in Europe and let it go ...
ReplyDeleteI let er rip and just keep on truckin. Even if it's loud enough to hear over the machine (which I'm sure it is cuz I NEVER EVER do anything quiet!) I just keep on going and act like nothin ever happened. I amazed that I've been able to keep a straight face cuz some have been dozy.. :O)
ReplyDeleteLet 'er rip. Women and children for themselves! Just hope it isn't a "shart!" :)
ReplyDeleterip it, sista. Blame it on someone else. I get the toots in Yoga all of the time, and lemme tell ya, the room is silent and *holy cow* I have to squeeze those bastards in. I try to make them the silent type, but a girl can only hold on for so long...
ReplyDeleteIf you can't hold it back, let it go. If it ends up a stinker and if someone else notices or says something act disguested like they are. Or not, you prolly only see them at the gym anyway. Here's something for you to laugh at...
ReplyDeleteYou are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.
If other people are close,I would run to the bathroom.
ReplyDelete(((laughing at all the "southern bells" on this post and their dainty little comments!!! hahaha)))
ReplyDelete