...Ms. Power Walking Lady: Yesterday I had the extreme pleasure of viewing your ultimate power walk down my street and was awestruck. First of all, with your arms pumping the air and your caboose swaying back and forth so violently I thought you were going to knock out my mailbox, you looked completely ridiculous. BUT, I also want to Thank You for helping me realize that I'm not the only complete fool that looks totally jacked up while exercising. And while I still think you take walking to the edges of Extremeville, I did try your method of physical exertion and am so impressed that you can do it for blocks on end. I tripped twice over my own two feet then wanted to pass out within the first few feet.
...My New 3.2 Mile Running Route (that I ran Monday): You suck. Within the first 1 mile I have to run by a Pizza Hut. Do you know that Hand Tossed Pies of Delish are tempting me every night in my dreams?!?! And to run right by one, sniffing the soooo pleasant aromas of garlic and bread, made me want to say screw the run and saddle up to the buffet?! Then, you stuck a mexican restaurant at mile 1.15 that was spewing salsa-ee goodness with my beloved Mr. Tortilla Chip! WTF is that?!? What is that?!?! Next was the hamburger grease bucket at mile 1.25. Really? REALLY? Is torturing me fun for you? Is IT? And finally, I do need to say Thank You....for helping me realize that besides the 3 block radius around my home, that the village of Park Shity is indeed a Shithole of magnum proportions. Obviously, your little route will never be ran again by me. Ever.
...My Elegant and Sexy Run This Morning: I worship you. You are everything I could have asked for and more. You are my light. My vision. My strength. You make me want to run for the rest of my life! When you gave me my first 9:33 mile on Mile 1 this morning, I almost stopped and kissed the pavement I was running on (but then remembered that it's Park Shity and the roads are the equivalent of a landfill). Then, if that gift wasn't enough, you splurged with a 9:49 on Mile 2. How generous you are!!! However, I do wish you could work on Mile 3. Coming in at 12:15 was kind of a little let down. I mean, I'm still grateful for the 31:37 for all three miles, don't get me wrong! But, I'd really like Mile 3 to be under 11:00, mmmkay? I still ::heart:: you tons!!!
**Note: Just so y'all know, I got my sorry lazy pooper out of bed at FOUR F*ing THIRTY, yes 4:30, this morning. I should be given a gold plaque. Hell, I should be given a freaking hot pink metal of honor. I'm so bad ass sometimes.