My entire life is an embarrassing moment.
From my insanely ditzy mental moments to my overly clumsy self, I could declare about 20,497 embarrassing moments......just last week.
~~~For instance, when I was in 3rd grade, I befriended this girl named Kari during the summer. We had just moved to town, so I hadn't even been to school yet. Once school started, Kari (living just down the road from us) rode the same bus. We became even better friends. Well, when we had a little 'parents meet each other and the teacher' thing one night (shortly after the school year started), I saw a couple sitting in Kari's desk. I told my mom that I really liked Kari, and she suggested that I tell her parents. So I bravely walked right up to them and exclaimed how much I loved hanging out with their daughter. (And me being the shy and awkward person that I am, this took A LOT.)
They both looked puzzled and then the mom said, "Our daughter's in Junior High, how do you know her?"
Ummmm, I don't know anyone in JH. Is your daughter Kari?
"Nope, our daughter is Blahbity BlahBlah."
At that point, I crawled under a desk and wanted to die.
~~~Another good one. In 5th grade I was hanging upside down on the monkey bars, oblivious to just about everything, during a particularly busy recess, and then all at once my shirt was over my head and my little acorns were exposed to the world. I couldn't pull my shirt down without falling head first into a pile of gravel, so I had to untangle my legs and jump down, then pull the shirt back in position. I looked around to see if anyone saw.......and YUP, the entire universe, including my male teacher. This was also (another) new town and I'd been a resident for about a millisecond. So the 'new girl' was a weirdo-nudest....typical.
~~~In 7th or 8th grade, we were taking a test in Social Studies or Science or whatthefuckever, and I was a little gassy. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and at the exact moment when there's not a SOUND happening in the classroom I let a big one rip. I was called Tudor for the rest of the year. FYI, I was still considered the 'new girl' so this did not help my 'friend-making abilities'.....At.All.
High school was pretty much 4 years of horribly embarrassing moments. I tend to mentally block that entire time as much as possible. I hated high school.
~~~During college, when I was about 22 or so, I thought I'd impress all these hot guys when we were at a pool (late at night and I may or may not have had too many brewskies) by diving in the shallow end. Yup, misjudged the depth and face-planted the concrete. Came up with blood gushing down my face, a huge gash in my forehead, and 4 dudes flipping out because they were too drunk to drive me to the ER and wouldn't let me call an ambulance because they didn't want cops showing up. I ended up driving myself to the ER. 7 stitches in the noggin, and I still have a scar.
I was a lifeguard at the time too. Genius.
Then, I had relive my humiliating experience to every asshat on the planet that I came face to face with, for the weeks and weeks and weeks.
Public Service Announcement-----Do Not EVER Drink & Swim....BadBadBad. I'm lucky I didn't become paralyzed.
~~~Last one. Ryan LOVES to tell this one. A few years ago, Ryan and I were at my parents house and my Dad, Mike, wanted to show us pictures of the new snow plow he put on the truck. So we all went downstairs and were looking through the pictures of his truck, plowing through a huge winter snow storm.
Then my ditzy ass goes, "So is that before or after the snow?"
Mike looked at Ryan, and Ryan looked at Mike, and they both knew this was one slow-pitch softball right to the smacker that they weren't going to let me live down......for the rest of my life.
In my defense, there were TWO storms that winter, and I was asking if it was before the 2nd storm, or after the first.
So. I'm just a walking embarrassment.
Only difference between high school (and before) and now, is I laugh at myself and move on. Basically, I laugh at myself a lot.
Or I write about it on here so it never dies, and so y'all can laugh at me too.