Want to know some completely random shit about me?
Well, tough shitnanegins!!
1. First off, I want to thank you all for your comments, thoughts, and love. Every one of your comments touched me and made me feel so loved and cared for. It made me realize I’m not alone. I’m never alone, and I do have support and love and kindness, everywhere. I’m going to reply back to your comments, each and every one. I actually was going to do it yesterday but was just an emotional mess. And I don’t think all the dudes in my office would have appreciated the sobbing, sniveling, snot-covered hot mess that I would have become. So my goal today is to reply.
Oh, by the way, I’m participating in the BOOBs 2012 Chicago Challenge and yesterday’s mini-challenge, posted by the amazeballs Draz was to reach out to someone. Well, all of your comments were a reach out! (Ronnie, this means you!!! You did complete the challenge!!)
Ok, also, I usually always reply to everyone’s comments when they post on my blog, so if I’m not replying back to you via email, please send me your email address. I think there’s an Ashley that I don’t have an email for and Mari too. So ladies, email me at laurawiksten @ hotmail (dot) com with your email and what blog you belong to, if you have one!
2. As far as how I’m doing………I’m ok. Still struggling. Yesterday was just a crap shoot of whether someone would find me curled up under my desk or balling my eyes out at a random picture of a baby bunny. This little emotional rollercoaster that I’ve been on is awesome. Just awesome. Can I get off now?!
Really, I’ve faced the fact that my depression is back. Which is the first and most important step. And the only way that I’m going to fix this…..again…..is to seek counseling, get back into Biofeedback, (which reminds me, I need to do that this morning), take the support and help from my loved ones, stop burying my head in the bottom of a beer can, and write about it.
I ended up talking to a counselor last night and have an appointment for next week for a full one hour session. He seems to be a really good guy, and has a lot of good points. I think he was a little taken aback at how depressed I really am. And the fact that I’ve struggled with depression my entire life.
As for Biofeedback, I’m going to get back in the habit of taking 10 minutes a day to just sit still, hopefully with my eyes closed, and concentrate on relaxing my breathing, slowing my heart rate and warming up my body temperature. All those things will help me reach a relaxed state. And the more I practice the more relaxed my body becomes, which in turn helps my mind relax.
Taking support is hard for me, but I’ve made the first step in reaching out to my husband and telling him how I’m feeling, why I’m feeling this way, and asking for help. I’ve never done that before. I mean, yes, I got help in college for my depression back then, but that was from a counselor. It’s completely different getting/receiving help from a loved one, for me anyway. But he was completely understanding and is here for me 100%. It’s got to be scary when you realize your wife is in such a deep dark hole, and really doesn’t know why, and feeling like you don’t know how to help or fix it. But he is helping. By just being there. And I’ll take y’all’s support and love too! That always helps me so much when I can just blab my crap out there and get amazing responses of understanding and advice. Seriously, y’all, thank you. And I have a very special friend that doesn’t mind when I bother her with constant emails of my shittastic life. She gives me great advice and wonderful insight. She’s the most amazing person I know, and I love her long time.
And lastly, beer and me are going to have a little chat. I should have known there was something wrong when I just wanted nothing more than to have a frosty one and forget the world. The world’s there no matter if I have a good buzz going on or not. It’ll be there when I wake up, when I’m holed up in a temporary cubicle prison all day, and when I get home. Trying to avoid it or forget it, however the way, is not helping. It’s hurting. But admitting that I’m depressed is kind of a slap in the face to me, making me realize that’s what I was doing, when drinking. So no more drinking to forget. No more. I may drink, but not like I have been for the last 6 months, that’s for sure.
OK, moving on to fun things!
3. I still haven’t had time to do the vacay recap of the century. Because work is a suckhole. I have been working my normal shift 8-4:30, then either going home for an hour or to an appointment, then coming back here around 6pm and staying till 8pm. What.The.Farts!? So yes, life is just one flush away from becoming a stinky turd at the bottom of Satan’s outhouse.
I want to be back here:
4. So I’ve looked like a cracked out hobo the last few days. Basically, I just don’t have the energy to fart, let alone do anything more than throwing my hair in a jankity grease infested pony tail and pick out a t-shirt and jeans.
So today I thought I’d whip out my trusty (and slowly dying) ancient curling iron and spruce up myself a bit.
This is what happened:
Now what the hell do I do?
Put it in a pony? Just leave it?
That's what I get for trying to look less psychotic. Figures.
5. Oh, and my body has now decided it’d like to produce weird fungus growths. Yes, I have a wart on my finger. And it’s the middle finger! Oh, how ironic.
It’s just wrong people, wrong.
I’m putting on the wart remover crap but it turns it this awful white color and it just looks like I’ve got a flesh eating virus or something.
6. My friend posted this on FB, and it’s sooo true.
I think just about everyone on this little blogosphere could be described like this. Am I right? Or am I right?
7. So this is my work space this last week:
And the building I’m in is the Engineering Building. So it’s full of super duper smart people that could toot an IQ bigger than mine. (Man I’m all about the toots on here today. Weird. But kinda not. It’s fine.)
And it’s quiet. Like really quiet.
See I normally work in a warehouse sized building with loud printers, which causes me to turn the tunes up to window shaking decibels. And I yell at my employees and they yell back at me. None of that is happening over here. I’m afraid to freaking slurp my water bottle straw because it might upset the silence balance.
OH, the reason why I’m not working normal hours and not able to be in my normal building is because the roof is being repaired. The roofer dudes, which look like some very fine specimens of humanity, are completely tearing off the old roof and replacing the metal sheets with new ones. So no going in there during 8am-3pm.
But only 2 more days. 2.more.days. I hope I make it.
8. Oh my giddy Aunt! You are not going to believe what my mom and her bf Hardy bought!!!!!
Is it winter yet??!! PLEASE?!?!
Because I don’t think I’d enjoy the relaxation of this genius piece of plastic in the blazing 452 degrees it’s been here lately.
Seriously. Is it winter?
9. Tomorrow is the Olympics!!!! YEAH!!!!
I wasn’t really excited about them until this week. Now I just can’t wait! I’m going out to dinner tomorrow night, so hopefully I don’t miss too much of the opening ceremony. So jealy of Miss Beth Ann and her going there!!!
But in honor of this wondrous time, here’s some cuties that you will be seeing:
Australian Men's Swimming Team.
And of course, the US Men's Swimming Team
10. Back to the BOOBs Challenge. I wanted to post my first weigh in and beginning photos yesterday, but never got around to taking any photos. But I'm going to post my 'loss' here. Just for shits and giggles.
Are you ready for this?
I don't think you are.
Drum roll please.......................
I lost .1 lbs.
Yup, that's POINT ONE. Nice. Very nice.
But I was on vacation, so I've got an excuse. Next week will be better!!!!