I'm sitting here, knowing that I want to write. but i just can't put the words down.
That's a first.
It's a down moment. I've had them before. Definitely never written about them. On here at least. But for some reason, I feel like tonight's the night.
don't get me wrong. I'm having the best time hanging out with my cousin and godson. But for some reason....Christ, I hate 'new' computers where you don't know the keyboard. I've misspelled more words than I can pronounce...could be the beer...naaaaaa...anyways...I just feel lost. Lonely. And as i stretch my neck and crack my knuckles, I wonder if I'll 'relax'.
It all started because of strawberries. Swear to God. I accidentally dropped a whole pan of chocolate covered strawberries on the floor, that were for my godson's birthday party. Then the 'depression tumble' happened. I started thinking, 'Jeesh Laura, you can't even do strawberries right!' 'You dropped them!' 'You're making it WORSE for your cousin and his wife!!' 'What is wrong with you!!!'
So, I took a break, went outside, and contemplated.
It didn't help much.
Why is it I always feel 2 feet tall when something so insignificant happens? Why do I beat myself up to a bloody pulp for nothing?
It's not only life, or this instance, but with everything. With health. Running. Clean eating. All of it.
Basically, why am I so hard on myself?
I mean, aren't we all?
To prove that we're better than someone?
To prove that we're not some psycho daisy may's? Or to prove that we deserve a good healthy life?
Who the hell knows.
But I for one want to LIVE my life. Not hide behind the depression and self-ridicule.
So, I'm gonna start now. I'm gonna work at being a better person, not kicking myself and not bringing myself down. No matter how stupid the consequences are.
Let's go girl!