Monday, January 14, 2013

I'M ALLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEE!!

Hello there.
Nice to 'see' you again.
It's been awhile.
Because I'm a lazing, slacking heifer.
What's new, right?!

So, this little heifer hasn't died. Or gotten some great illness. I've just been busy. Busy at work, busy at life. Busy, busy, bullshit busy. Best time of my life.

And you know what, I know my blog is important (well, at least for my mother) because she called me last Friday night, and being the polite daughter that I am, I ignored her phone call. BUT! I have an excuse. I was at a bar, and it was loud, and I was leaving in like 20 minutes, so I figured I'd just call her back. Well, 10 minutes go by and her boyfriend, Hardy, calls (or Hardy called first, then Mom called, I don't remember, I've slept since then). And again, I ignored, because I'm daughter of the year. Weeeeelllllllllllllll, then my damn cousin calls, because my Mother called him freaking out that I didn't answer her or Hardy's calls. Yes, by this point I figure that something's wrong, like someone contracted the Bubonic plague & all their appendages are falling off, or one of her dogs tried to make friends with a lion, or my mother somehow electrocuted herself while using her juicer and she needs to know how to make her hair stop looking like that chick from Frankenstein (hey, that could totally happen to her), etc, so I pick up the phone. My cousin promptly rips my ass about not answering my mother. Despite my futile attempts of explaining why I didn't answer her.

Long story long, I finally called her back on the way home from the bar, approximately 57 minutes after she called the first time. Like, a lifetime. And this is her response:

"Well, Hardy called and you didn't answer, and I called and you didn't answer, and you didn't blog all week, so I was wondering if you were in a ditch somewhere or lying in a pool of your own blood or eaten by vampires!!!! You always answer your phone!!! And you always blog!!!!"

Ok, maybe I exaggerated a little on the vampire thing.

But the point of this whole novel is that I didn't blog, and I didn't pick up the phone, so I must be dead.
Note to self: blog more so your mother doesn't think you're dead.

Once a worried mother, always a worried mother.

The end.

Just kidding. I still want to write a little more bullshit.
Yippy skippy for you!!!

Another thing I noticed while absent from the blogosphere is I have like 5 new followers. WOOP WOOP!!! Thanks all y'all newbies for following. And I want to apologize that I'm a lazing, slacking heifer in the blog writing department. Trust me, it will get better from here. Or, at least I hope it will. If it doesn't you can like shank me or something. Well, that's a little harsh. Maybe just give me a stern talking to via email.

Moving on.

Lisa Marie Presley just came on my Pandora. WTF is that about? You better believe she got a big thumbs down.

Ok, that's not really what else I wanted to talk about.
Anyways. I've been trying to get more exercise in! Dolphin claps for me! I walked 5 miles last week. Pretty sure my 92 year grandmother walks further than that back and forth from the Old Folks Home Bar. That's not really it's name, but the Old Folks Home does serve booze. That's where I'm going when I get all drooly & forgetful. Oh, and old. I better throw 'old' in there too, otherwise someone might mistake the drooling & forgetfulness I experience now, at the ripe age of 31, and throw me into the Old Folks Home early. Wouldn't want that. Although they do serve booze........hhmmmmmmmm......

So, this week I'm going to make a better effort on the exercise front. I'm going to start getting up early and going to the gym. I love me some sleep like I love me some Little Debbies, but I know if I don't exercise in the morning, I'll end up repeating my stellar mileage of last week. And 5 miles just isn't keeping the Little Debbies off my pooper.

Tomorrow: Get my pooper out of bed!
Wednesday: Get my pooper out of bed!
Thursday: Get my pooper out of bed!
Friday: Get my pooper out of bed!
Saturday: Turn into a rockstar because you completed 4 solid days of exercise. But try not to eat your weight in Swiss Miss Rolls to celebrate said rockstarism.

OK. Ready?!?!?!
BREAK!!!!

I don't know why I wrote that. I'm weird like that.

I must go now. More to come soon!
Get excited!!!!

Cheers!

7 comments:

  1. My mom does that all the time. If I don't call often enough, I must be dead. Will we one day be this crazy too?

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  2. Missed you. Glad ya ain't gotcherself dead. :)

    Oh...though you are a smart girl and likely already suspect this:
    Draz is gonna shank ya for all the P words in this post. Just sayin. :)

    /heart u sweetie

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  3. I was going to let you go for one more day before I emailed you and told you that you needed to blog. Tell your mother thank you for me. LOL

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  4. Welcome back, Laura. You shouldn't get too busy to blog. LOL Look who's talking. So glad to see you.

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  5. Glad to see you back, babe! (Okay, fine. I've been absent, too, and haven't noticed.)

    Miss you! Glad you're not dead! lol

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  6. Glad they found you and got you back to blogging!

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