Friday, September 16, 2011

I did a baaaaad thing....a very baaaad thing....

This is my cute outfit for today. I am just head over heals for belts and feathers right now it's ree-dic.

Well, hello there extremely large forehead. WTF camera angle?
Anyways, just wanted to show you all, cuz I thought I did a pretty bangin' job putting myself together today.
Moving on....

I did a bad thing this morning. Actually, two bad things this morning.

First one: I weighed myself.  Yes yes, I know that's not bad like running over a turtle bad (don't you always feel horrible when you run over one of those little guys by accident??? They can't get out of the way, they have mini legs, and they like the slower things in life, no reason to run them over), but stepping on that scale was still a broken goal. I wanted to wait until Oct. 1st to weigh myself because that naturally thin ho-bag (aka scale) had a psycho hold on my mentality.  So, it makes perfect sense to torture my mind by not giving into my little weighing's fine. 

I couldn't hold out any longer. It's been 15 days since my last weigh in.  I just wanted to see. I've been trying to pay attention to my body and how my cloths fit and my endurance on the pavement and blah blah blahbity blah.....but that's just not cutting it people.  I need numbers. I need to read my satisfaction on a little LED screen. I think I need my head checked. So, I gave in. Gave up. Oh the lameness.

And you know what that bitch displayed on her little screen???? The same weight I weighed two weeks ago.  F*ck you very much Weightloss Gods. 

I eat oatmeal. Plain. And chicken. Plain.  And copious amounts of veggies. Nearly plain.  No cheese. No milk. No yogurt.  No cookies, popcorn, Sour Patch kids, no NUSSING really worth shoving in my piehole. 

And I've ran twice this week. Ok, I know that's not stellar. But at least it's better than nothing.


And because of my immediate realization of my depressing non-existent weight loss, I promptly went to work and bulldozed a glazed chocolate donut.  Bad thing number 2.  Enter Mrs. Shame.  She's nasty hooker too.

I went two weeks without processed chemical sugar crappiness.  TWO WEEKS. It's gotta be a record or something. Can someone call Guinness (the record book, not the brewery, but the brewery might be a good idea too)?  Do they have a record holder for 'Normal (questionable) Hormonal Woman Withholds from Sugar for ________ Weeks'?  Nope?  Then, it's all me baby.

But I could have gone longer. Much longer.

I didn't need that donut. I didn't even want that donut. I, like so many of us, associated a 'bad' moment with food. Again. Fiddledicks.

And really, why did a 'no number change' in my weight have that much impact on me, in that way??? Numbers really aren't that the long run anyway.  Who the poop's going to care if you weigh 152 vs 140 but yourself? (Writing to myself there.) No one's going to be able to tell whether that 'extra' 12 pounds is muscle or blubber.  It's TWELVE pounds!  Not a thousand.  I've been at 152 for months. I'm pretty sure my body has decided that 152 is where it's going to stay.  I have an average BMI.  I'm at an average weight for my height.  My weight is perfectly all around average...aka normal.  So why mentally obsess about something as insignificant as 12 pounds? 

I need to realize that I. AM. HEALTHY.  That was my very first goal anyway.  I don't eat pallets of cupcakes, or a wheelbarrow of tortilla chips, or frozen pizza's every night, anymore.  I eat really, really healthy.  And I don't fluff around on the couch and watch The Proposal 37 times in 2 days, anymore.  I vacuum, or do sit-ups, or play with the dog.....and watch The Proposal 37 times in 2 days.  And I run.  I run so much more now than compared to one year ago.  One measly little year ago I wasn't running, at all.  Now I'm running 5K's like I'm an Olympic athlete or something (well maybe not Olympic).That's what matters.  Being HEALTHY matters. Not numbers.

Now comes the rebuilding part.  I've gone through the guilt, the depression, the shame, the sadness, and the anger part of my mistakes.  Now I gotta pick my pooper up and move on from my little mistakes. And learn from them.

And that's exactly what they are! LITTLE mistakes. Is one donut going to wreck my entire mostly (still drink beer people) healthified life?  Only if I let it.  And I don't want to.  Starting now, choices go back to heathland.  And if I want a 'cheat' item, that's fine. But not fine when I'm wanting it just to fill a stupid depression-induced void.

I'm going to a football game this weekend. We will tailgate.  There will be fried wings, cookies, chips, crackers, cheese, and other junk.  But you know what I'm bringing.....veggies and hummus.  And grapes.  Yup, that's right, high five for me.  If I'm going to be looking at all those temptations, I'm gonna want to shove something in my mouth that's not supposed to be there (try to not read that as a sexual innuendo.....Ronnie, Stephanie, Draz, Jen, Dawnya, etc), so why not prepare myself by keeping some 'good' things within reach.

It's a start.  And a finish, really.

Shit happens.  You don't always get what you want (even though I really do most of the time, hehe). And you're not always going to be 100% super-happy.  You just have to face what life is dishing out. And you gotta deal with it, accept it, and move on.....sans frosting topped baked goods.

Whew, I feel better. Damn this writing crap really is amazing.

Ok, enough of that jazz.

Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby just came on my radio. Life just got so much better.
Peace out, gotta dance.


  1. Don't feel bad, the weight will come off. When I was eating really well in preparation for the wedding I was the same weight forever, and then all of a sudden it just started coming off. I think our bodies just want to hold on to that weight to torture us. PS. I am obsessed with weighing myself and I have been away from my scale for over a month Ahhh! May have to bring it back to my hotel so I can obsess again. We are all crazy!

  2. I have a scale theory. I think that we hold onto that weight for a while when we are trying to lose and then suddenly we start to see the scale move again.

    And one donut hon...that's nothin, you've so got this. Just look at it as a drop in the huge bucket that is your life time of calories that you will take in.

    I love your plan for the tailgate. Use your foods to fill in, but if you want something else, don't obsess about it, have a small amount and move on if you want to.

    You are such an inspiration for me, but I've told you that before. :)

  3. Work it gurllll.......

    vanilla ice is the shit!!!!

  4. you have to also remember that more protein + running = potential muscle gain, and muscle does weigh more than fat. I think it is better to gauge your weight by the way your clothes fit :) and don't let it get you down. a lot of times it takes more than two weeks to see a difference!

    and, you look fab in that outfit. I love it!

  5. Pfffftt. Those are just NUMBERS are a scale!! I am convinced I am stuck at 159-161 right now. I gave up trying to get to 150. Whatever. Whats done is done. Keep running, Girl!

    And I must say, you have a tiny little waist. You look super cute in that outfit, too.

  6. C'mon! If you get any skinnier, your camera will block your whole body when you take a self portrait.

    But seriously scale -- GO F*CK YOURSELF. Aaaaargh.

    Yep it's a shame that she can ruin our day and send us running for chocolate.

  7. First off, you look great in that outfit! And TINY! Second, I think as women: we will *never* be satisfied with how we look or what we weigh or how our clothes fit, etc. It's in our blood and it sucks.

    Cut yourself some slack - you are doing great!

  8. Laura, Honestly, look at those pictures. You honestly look amazing (balls).
    I find you to be an inspritaion AND you are healthy.

  9. Shout out alert!

  10. Ok..... the you're bangin' the bangin' outfit - nice job all around. 2nd - Fantastic post - you are so right - sometimes we screw up and the thing we need to learn most of all is that it's just a little thing - get up, dust yourself off, and move on. and 3rd - I'm feeling a little sad at being left off of your little perverts list :)

  11. well put! and you look Fabulous!!

  12. Love the outfit and feathers! Very cute.

  13. I soo did that the other day too! Got into my kids Halloween candy - yes! The stuff that is almost a year old.
    You might try lifting a few weights it really helps the weight loss! You're doing great hang in there

  14. You are the cutest, tiniest, lil Lady!! I love, love, LOVE the outfit!!

    Enjoy the game!!

  15. I like the pre-planning for tailgating.

    Also, no loss is better than a gain in my book any day. Although I know that's not much consolation because you've been eating well, maybe your body is just getting used to it? Give it til the end of the month and see what it says. :)

  16. Also, that outfit was hella cute!

  17. Goodness I LOVE the outfit! Really really cute! I keep wanting to try a wide belt!

    Ya know! The best way to look at it is you are in better shape then you have ever been! That is a positive for sure!

  18. Okay Laura. Dont take this the wrong way, but you look SMOKING hot in that outfit! OH.MY.GOD! Seriously, your body is really changing!Good job!

    As for the scale, fuck that thing! LOL (I said fuck! LOL!) It's a piece and belongs in the garbage!

    By the way, I am also loading up on belts and feather. I've bought three pairs of feather earrings in the last month and about 20 belts. :)


  19. UM - I have no idea why *I* would be put in that "don't get any sexual ideas" line. AND - also - every time you say heart skips a beat. Oh oh and I love you - like deer hunters love big racks.

  20. You are totally hot. Seriously, I don't care what your stupid scale says.

  21. I know it's frustrating, but you are doing great...and regardless of what your scale says, you are smokin' in that outfit!!

  22. Um....I LURVE that belt and top. So cute! You are just adorable and I think we may have been separated at birth...I was looking at your photography website and I couldn't only hope to take pictures like yours one day. Plus I think we have the same birthday...4/7 ?

  23. you and i must have the same body. I'm currently at 149.2 (yes, i weighed myself this morning) but i was at 152 for the past 6 months. SIX MONTHS. And I am trying to get down to 142. (the weight at my wedding).
    the weight will come off, just give it some time...girls' bodies like to hold on to the weight or something, it's ridic!


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