Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I hate bugs. More cows. And best coffee ever.

I think I have done pissed off Satan.  Yup. That's the only explanation.

Because he sent his most annoying blood sucking pests to rain down upon ONLY me last weekend.

Ticks everywhere. Some smaller than a mosquito turd. Very yucky.

And Chiggers. I HATE CHIGGERS!!! Oh my giddy aunt, worst pain of my life.

Don't know why my ankle is that misshapen. Weirdo.

The misery! The misery!

Ok, pitty party's over.

Yes, last weekend I spent all day Saturday in the woods.  I went with the Hubs, a work friend of mine and another guy down to the owner of my company's ranch to hang tree stands for bow hunting season (deer).  It was a ton of fun. The ranch is incredibly beautiful and very big.  We crashed around in four wheelers and six wheelers and just hiked all over the woods.  There were 7 tree stands to check and make sure they were still stable, or if they needed to be moved, or reinforced. 

I took pictures.  Of tree bark and dead leaves and flowers.  Very exciting. No, really, I'm working on a light study for my photography so what a perfect place than outdoors with natural sunlight!! I'll work on the pics and put them up later.

But those boys were worse than a pack of chicks in a shoe store!  Couldn't decide where to move this stand, and does that pencil thick branch need cut because it's in the line of the shot, and do we need extra straps to tie the stands better, and blah blah blah.  I bet we stood for 15 minutes waiting on them to decide which tree is the best for the stand to be.  I mean, picture this: WE ARE IN THE WOODS! Trees everywhere! Just pick one for fart's sake.

But noooo, it had to be the all that is Holy tree. Very straight, with enough 'cover' around them to camouflage them from the deer's sight, big enough that it could hold them and not bend over like one of those cartoons, and of course, near deer paths or bedding areas or the deer convenience store (you know, where there's food, water, potty's). Very tough to find. In the woods.

Even though I make fun, it was really funny just to watch them.  Now I know what Ryan feels like when he goes with me to the grocery store, or the mall, or mini-mart....I have to weigh all options before I make a decision. Does this lettuce have more nutrients than that lettuce? Are the snow peas more expensive prepackaged or not? Does no fat in Sour Patch Kids make up for the 389 ounces of sugar? Choices people.

Anyway, got a little side-tracked there, but that's me, you all know that.  After the ranch-tree-stand-adventure, we went to the owner's other ranch to do some more dove hunting.  When we pulled up, the electric fence was down and there was a huge branch covering the road.  Weird. Apparently there was a badass storm while we were gone.  Good thing we had a chain saw, two pole saws (saws to cut high up branches), and 8 hands to help clean up.  AND to get the moo-cows back on the other side of the fence. 

Ok, I'm not afraid of cows, despite my other post (those cows had horns, these cows DID NOT, big difference), but there was a big ol' Bessie that I swear to Little Debbie's she had to weigh 2000 pounds.  Yes, two THOUSAND! (Sarah, I am sure this is totally normal to you, you badass little hotty.) And she did not want to get back on the other side of the fence.  Ryan, Josh (other guy) and Ramsey (work buddy) were all trying to corral her from the front, and I was at her ass. Normal. All the sudden she bolts around and starts to kick up her feet.  RIGHT. AT. ME. I might have sharted a little (that would be a mix between a shit and a fart).  But being the little farm girl that I am I just wave my hands, yell a little bit, all while my mind is going, "oh shitballs, oh shitballs, oh shitballs", and move her back in the other direction.  I deserve a farm trophy.  With a cow's ass on it.  Painted purple. With pink hearts.

All in all, pretty busy weekend!  But it was so nice to have a weekend at home to be busy!

Oh, and I had tortilla chips on Saturday, just a few, for lunch.  Bad Laura.  BUT! We went to my aunt and uncles to watch the most pathetic display of athletic ability ever (Chiefs game, Lord we suck), and my uncle cooked steaks, baked potatoes, corn, and shrimp.  I had a steak, lots of corn, and a small potato with sour cream only, and a few shrimp. And when the carrot cake came out with a truck load of cream cheese frosting on it....I just had one small bite of Ryan's. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I did, however, drink beers all weekend.  Oh well, perfection is so over-rated.

And now I'm having the most delicious coffee, French Vanilla made from whole beans, brewed at my lovely abode.  I think I could totally pass as a Barista. (**Normally I put a prepackaged filter full of already ground coffee in the pot and turn it on, no measuring, no NUSSING, so no room for error. Easy peezy. Making it from 'scratch' is a little nerve racking. But I did it!! I know, y'all are like, 'Laura, coffee is the simplest thing to make on the planet.' But I swear to you, me being the person that I am, I could screw it up.)

Have a fabulous Tuesday everyone!!


  1. Holy mother of mosquitos and chiggers! OUCHHHHHHH!!!!! You need a calamine lotion bath! Feel better girl!

  2. Get some calamine on those legs dearie! That looks dreadful.

    I love tromping through the woods, it sounds like it was a fun time.

    You know, sour patch kids are the bane of my existence, it's true, I love them and will eat them until my mouth is sore from the sugar. Tiny delicious bastards.

  3. you had me at best coffee ever!!

    so how does one roast their own beans?

  4. Ouch! Just looking at your legs makes me itch! My Mama used to tell me that the best thing to do for chigger bites was to paint them with clear fingernail polish...it does help but I think you would need an entire bottle to take care of your legs!

    Oh, and the cow thing...been there, done that...we TOTALLY need to find you that trophy...you deserve it!! LOL

  5. I know not of these chiggers and ticks -- probably because I live downtown -- but they look like vicious beasts. Poor you. :(

  6. That's what your ass gets for shooting at doves. I told you about those murdering tendencies. It's not healthy. Now Ben & Jerry have to suffer. Selfish I tell you...just plan selfish.


  7. Oh Mercy, those bites look painful - poor Lady (((hugggsss))))

    "Good thing we had a chain saw, two pole saws.." I live just about nowhere too - I get this!!

    The Hubs hunts too - I give you all the credit in the world in being there for the solemn "tree stand ceremony" Wadda woman you are!!

  8. Ouchy!!! Not sure what chiggers are but definitely ouchy!!!!

  9. Sadly, I know all about chiggers and bites from all insects. I try to tell myself they target me because I am so sweet........ So, Laura, I guess you are sweet too.
    I am ignore the parts of the post about hunting and getting ready to hunt and kill. Animal rights activist here...... yes, I know, population control is important too. I grew up on a 100 acre 'farm' (no animals except pets though and my dad leased the farm land to a farmer) and mountian land. I spent every hunting season crying my little eyes out.

  10. I hate bugs. Seriously dude, if there is a mosquito within 5 miles it will find me. I even got a bite on my shin right before the cruise. :( Poor you!

  11. Oh man! that looks painful! I have never seen chiggers and from all of the things I have heard about them I hope not to. Coffee sounds so good right now!

  12. Yikes!! That looks painful and itchy! Hope it gets better soon. :)

  13. AHHHHHHHHHH those bites!!!! Good Lord, girl! I'm itchy just looking at it! Stupid midwest! ;)

  14. LMAO! I just love your blog, so glad to find you!

  15. Chiggers - what is the point of this creature?!?!? Seriously, God wasted his time when he created them. They have no purpose but to annoy the crap out of us.

  16. I don't know about a Trophy with a Cow's Ass on it, but I'm sure there are come old Chicken Open tropies still around with a Horse's Ass on them. :)

  17. Oh lawd, you lost me at the bites.

    I love being out in the woods except for those chiggers around these here parts. ;)

  18. You poor thing! Chiggers are totally from the devil!

  19. I'm going to need your address! For Christmas you're getting a stuffed cow---WITH HORNS! :)



I love hearing from y'all, so leave a comment!