Friday, January 23, 2015

I'm a complete and utter (hehe, I said utter) Math-Challenged MORON.

Nothing is more gratifying than when you realize you are a total freaking moron. Especially when you put your moronicness (totally a word) out for all the internets to see.

I'd just like to clarify that I am in fact 33 years old. Years young. What the hell ever. I'm FUCKING THIRTY-THREE. Not 32. Not 34. Not 23, which is what I pretend sometimes when I do stupid shit, that's not related to trying to figure out my age.

I believe however, that this is the most epic of stupid shit that I've done in quite a while.

If you read my post yesterday, then you know I mildly freaked out and thought I was 33 (soon to be *gasp* 34), but somehow missed normal second grade subtraction and thought I was 32. Like, seriously spend 48 hours thinking I was 32. Told my trainer I was 32. POSTED ON THE BLOGGY I WAS 32. Told ALL the people I was 32.

When clearly, it's not only gloriously posted right under my picture to the right here----------
BUT anyone that has a grade school education can figure out that I'm actually 33. Not 32.

I think my math teacher of a mother (who taught me all though high school) is extremely proud of me right now.

Actually, Mother, I blame you. Yup. That's what's going to happen here. I not only inherited your side of the family's classy ditziness, but you neglected to teach your OWN daughter basic math skills. Yes, this is all your fault. (Again, I might be acting like I'm 15 at the moment, but let's not dwell on that, mmmkay?!)

And since I'm going to redirect my ignorance here, and continue on the Mom-Blame-Game, I'd like to share with you all EXACTLY where I come from.
This was Mother's comment on a post I put on FB the other day:


All Heifer Free.

I'd like to be all heifer free as well Mother. But I'm referring to my heifer sized ass.

In other news: Day 2 of my Sugar Overload Diet commenced with my employee bringing in fresh, straight from the oven, still radiating warmth, Krispy Kreme Donuts this morning.
I've had 2.
I'm thinking about having another.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Kinda, but kinda not Ten Things Thursday.

I've eaten nothing but chocolates today. Russell Stover chocolates. Some Vallallahalla or something chocolates from Minnesota. More Russell Stover chocolates. Ugh. I suck at life.


You may (or may not) have noticed that I changed up my page a little. I decided that I wanted to add a little somepin-somepin to my title. I may just end up changing it even more. So it's like Beer, Dogs, Beauty, Baby, Chocoholic, Randomness, Obsessions, I Miss Summer, and Getting Healthier. Catchy???? Ya, I thought so too.

Well, since venturing into the wonderful world of beauty products in October, I've kind of gone ape-shit for makeup. I know. I'm shocked myself. Coming from a girl that thought 'dressing up' was to include tinted chapstick into my minimally done makeup routine (and by minimally, I mean eye liner. Maaayyyyyybe some mascara, if I was feeling overzealous. Which never happens.) So, for me to now think about eye shadow AND foundation AND mascara AND *gasp* blush......shit's hit the fan peeps. But what's cool.....I freaking LOVE it! Maybe it's the artist in me, and thinking of my face as a canvas, or some shit like that. Or maybe it's because I'm a late bloomer and only started maturing into my 'teen years' in my thirties. Which, btw, I COMPLETELY thought I was 33 the other day. Seriously and positively thought I was going to be 34 in April. And kinda had a mini-stroke thinking about that. Until my friend graciously pointed out that I'm only 32. But, for realz people, I can't even remember how old I am. AND I'M ONLY 32! Jesus tits Mary Mother of donkey balls.

OH, back to the topic of cosmetics. Yes, I've become slightly obsessed with it. I even started a Pinterest page. (You can find me HERE, if you want to follow me. You should. Because it's cool. Just like me.) Anyways, so I'm going to start posting about new beauty trends on here and other amazeballs stuff. It won't take up all my little bloggy, but since it's something new and exciting for me, I figured I could share with The Cool People (that'd be y'all).

In completely unrelated news. I have a mini-me.
My bro and I. Circa 1985, I would have been 4ish.

Miss Dillyn. Age 17mo.
I would just like to point out the size of that child's head. As my lovely friend Amy from Once Upon A Time In The Land Of Cheese & Sunkist pointed out.......big headed babies are IN. This girl would win any big-head contest. Hands down. 99.8 Percentile people. LARGE AND IN CHARGE. I mean, look at her little toothpick arms. I think she's got more cushin' for the pushin' in her damn cheeks than she has on her biceps!!! But don't worry y'all. She got my Ben & Jerry's. Thunder Thighs. Big on the bottom. That's my girl. Takin' after her Mama in more ways than one. So proud.

This was kinda a 10 Thing Thursday. Minus about 7 things. But still! It was random! And it's Thursday!

Cheers to beers y'all!!! I might actually partake tonight. Cause I can. Yup.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Clumps are OUT! Younique 3D Mascara Tips!

I found some great tips from another blogger on using your you Younique 3D Fiber Lashes Mascara! I already use these tips and thought posting them on my blog might help a few of my #BOOMlash Ladies!!! If you've got clumps, it could be because one or all of the following:
1) You’re using regular mascara underneath your 3D Fiber Lashes. Yes, the insert that comes with Younique’s mascara says to use over regular mascara, but as you know, all mascaras are not the same. Try using your 3D Fiber Lashes without regular mascara underneath. You just might like it. Note: I don’t use regular mascara underneath the Younique mascara. It’s my preference and I’ve found that I like my lashes better when I’m only using Younique’s. If you are adamant about using mascara underneath, make sure you are using a “lengthening” mascara and not a “thickening” mascara as this can cause clumps.
2) Using too much gel or fibers. **This is a GREAT tip** Sometimes when you first start using the gel, a lot of it gets on the lash brush. Try scraping a good amount of it off. Use less gel and less fibers, and build “layers” versus trying to achieve the look with one coat. The mascara is buildable so use less, just more coats. For example: gel, fibers, gel. Let sit for 30 seconds then gel, fibers, gel again.
3) Not letting the fibers set long enough. If you don’t let the fibers set long enough and stick to the gel, it can cause the fibers to stick to the wand. Below is my method to applying 3D Fiber Lashes. Switching off between eyes gives the fibers time to set and won’t come off on the gel wand, which can cause clumping. But be carefully not to wait too long, because the gel will dry and then the fibers won't stick. Try applying Younique 3D Fiber Lashes Mascara in this order:
  1. Gel eye 1.

  2. Gel eye 2.

  3. Fibers eye 1.

  4. Fibers eye 2.

  5. Gel eye 1 to seal it up.

  6. Gel eye 2 to seal it up.

  7. Repeat to continue building on the length/thickness.

Hope this helps! I'd love to see pictures! Post some on my Facebook page HERE or email me!!