Friday, March 30, 2012

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

Draz's BYOC time!!!

1.  If you believe in a God - who or what form does it take?  Person or thing?  He or she?  None of the above?
I believe in a high power. Whether that is God, Budda, Mother Earth, whatever. I believe religion was created by MAN to help us feel less scared about being 'alone' in life. And then to be able to use it against us for political gain and crapola like that. But that's another story for another day.

Anyways, I grew up Lutheran. Both my parents are now Christian. And while I like that style of church better, I really believe that 'church' and the bible were created by MAN and not a Higher Power, so I don't feel the need to go. My church is nature. Or sitting on my deck. Or planting my garden. My bible is how I feel. My morals. My rights.

I do believe in Angels though. Weird huh? Maybe they're not Angels, per se, but I believe that someone is always looking out for us. And I believe our loved ones that are lost don't just 'die'. I think they're always around us. Either in Angel form or Energy form.

2.  If it were considered socially acceptable - would you stop shaving or waxing?
It'd be too ichy.
And gross.
So NO.

3.  How often do you weigh yourself?  Why?  
Used to weigh myself every morning, nekkid, post-pee. Now I just do it about once a week. I'm more focused on how my cloths fit and how I feel.

4.  When was the last time you admitted you were wrong? (Thank you to Joey for this question)
Wrong??? Me???? Naaaaaaa.

5.  Repeat question.  How was your week?
Eh, good. I got in 10 miles so far. But I had a rough time getting up in the mornings. I'm sure next week will be better.
I reallyreallyreallyreallyREALLY wanted a donut today. But the Weight Loss Gods have spoken, and there were none bought for the 'old men poker players' day. Which is every Friday. Here at work. It's a long story. Anyway, no donuts. Fate is a bitch.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Best Give-away EVAH!

So, if y'all don't know this chick called Ducky.......
Well, shame on you.

Girl's hilarious. Down right roll on the floor pee yourself funny.

Well, today she's giving away an Ultimate Body Applicator on her site HERE.

I know there's a lot of my little bloggy friends talking about surgeries and such to tighten up some skin issues. Hell, even I have some major issues with my Ben & Jerry's (thighs) that I'd like to tighten up. Here's a different approach, that I for one am definitely going to try!

So go over there and enter to win, or read her shenanigans. Either way! GO!

Ten Things Thursday

Good Morning my lovelies!!!! Another Thursday is upon us and we shall rejoice! Because that means the weekend is right around the corner. Thank you Lawd!

1.  I don't have much this TTT, because I spilled my beans with Tuesday's post, but I'll try my damnedest to wow you with randomness anyway.

2.  So I have a little dilemma about BOOBs in Chi-town......It's the plane tickets. They suck ass. Stinky moldy ass.  So if I fly outta my little city, the airport being only a 20 minute drive from my house, the tickets are going to cost $430 round trip.  But if I drive to the big metropolis of Kansas City, which is about a 3 HOUR drive from my house, the tickets are $200. AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Why? Why? WHY?

Do I drive and save an ass load of money? Well, probably not an ass load, after gas, but at least $100.
Or do I suck it up for convenience?

What to do, what to do.
I still have some time, so I might wait to see if the prices change.

3.  Have you guys heard about all the hoopla for the vomit inducing 'pink slime' lately? Well, it's all over the news in my little area because there is a plant that makes Lean Finely Textured Beef in Kansas (which is a little different than pink slime, but the two have been linked in the media forever). And they just laid off 200 people at that plant because corporations are refusing to sell the products that contain anything with LFTB.

According to the link above, pink slime is ammoniated and heat treated highly processed low-quality beef tallow byproduct meat trimmings. It is a food additive consisting of animal by-products treated with ammonia gas to kill foodborne illness causing bacteria, which makes the by-products legally fit for human consumption. The material is used to add to ground beef and other products as it is not legally fit for sale on its own.

Sounds appetizing, huh?
I won't even put the picture of it on here because I throw up in my mouth every time I see it.

Well, there are some differences between 'pink slime' and Lean Finely Textured Beef. LFTB is made with a process called: Advanced meat recovery (AMR) is a slaughterhouse process by which the last traces of usable meat are removed from bones and other carcass materials after the primal cuts have been carved off manually.

Then they mix that LFTB with regular meat.
Now, it does still get a 'puff' of ammonia to kill bacteria. And according to this site, once that puff of ammonia is mixed with the water in the meat it creates ammonia hydroxide. So, it's not as bad as pink slime, but it's still highly chemically treated.

Well, here in BEEF COUNTRY, people are pissed about the lay offs. Claiming that this beef by-product is safe and we have 'nothing to worry about' (coming from our freaking moronic Governor Brownback).

I am completely sorry that those people had to lose their jobs over this. However, what part of ammonia in food is 'nothing to worry about'?

I don't know about y'all, but I DEFINITELY don't want to eat food that has AMMONIA in it. Do you?

So.....Big Ass Beef Companies, listen up, I'll make this simple even for you doucheturds to understand, MAKE SOMETHING ELSE!!! FIND A BETTER WAY!!! DON'T PUT ASS-LOADS OF CHEMICALS IN OUR FOODS!!!!

I shall step down from my soap box now. Thank you.

4.  I'm feeling little snarky today, hence the above rant. I don't know why. I ran this morning, I should be all happy go-go gadget good mood. But I really feel a little like this:

5.  I get to spend the day with my dad's side of the family this weekend. Well, most of that side. My dad and his wife will be there, and my brother and his family, which includes this insanely cute little fella:
I only hope to someday produce offspring this adorable.

And of course I get to see my Sassy Grandma Betty. GB for short.
Yes, that is her imitating a 1991 thug gangsta with the hat backwards.
And that would be my dad in the drivers seat.
And that would be his 'mid-life crisis special project' Rat Rod that he's been working on for years. That he just sold. For like WAY more than it's worth. Figures.

Lets just say, GB may be a little head strong, very opinionated, and stubborn as a mule.
Yours truly might also possess some of those fine qualities. That means it's fun times when we get together.
I shall come back with stories. Promise!

6.  I bought my friend at work some these yesterday:
And when I say I bought her these, I mean I bought them so she would place them on her desk and I would meander over every 4 seconds to fill both my paws full. Mission Accomplished for 1.3 days thus far.

7.  My birthday is 9 days away! 9 days to continue to be 30. Ughhhhh.
BTW, my birthdays last a week. I'd push for the whole month of April, but Ryan would hang himself. So I compromised.

8.  I've decided I'm not feeling as snarky. Maybe the good mojo endorphins have finally kicked in from the early morning run. We'll see. I'm sure someone will piss me off shortly.

9.  FYI, I now have $48 holla dollahs in the bank for these sparkle goddesses:
The shoes cost $54, so really 2-3 more workouts and they're all mine. Bawahahaha (weird evil laugh).

10.  And so far so good on the the whole not eating processed sugar crap. Well, with the exception of the SweeTart Jelly Beans, of course.  And I may have had a donut Tuesday. But for two weeks I've done really good about no ice cream, no fried foods, no Thin Mints, no NUSSING! So I'm proud of myself. And I started at 155.2 or something, my stretch goal to be under 150 by the time by b-day rolls around, and right now I'm at 151.7. Which I've been at for 3 damn days. So, hopefully I can put some miles on my Mizuno's and shut my trap, and I can pull this off.

Well see.

That's all folks!!!


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Weekend Shmeekend.


Ya, ya, I know. It's Tuesday already.
The beginning of my week has also been a 'WOW'. Or more like a WTF.
Either way.
POtatoes, PAtatoes.

Okey dokey. To start off, I may have made a little purchase.
Just a little $125.00 one.
For a good cause though.
A very good cause.
The cause: 'Make LauraBelle Go Uber Fast'.
Told you it was a good one.
Feast your eyes upon my new Pretty's (which I have affectionately named them):
Yes, that is my yard in the background. Yes, it is mostly dirt. No, I would NOT like to discuss it.
Purdy, huh?

Mizuno's Wave Rider 15's. I likey likey.

The cause of 'Make LauraBelle Go Uber Fast' is: Achieved!

Wanna know why???? (Even though most of you already know due to FB, but I'm gonna tell you anyway 'cause I wanna.)

IN 62:00!!!!!

The girl that LOATHES to run, never thought she'd ever run past 2.7 feet (basically two steps), who just started running only a little over a year ago, and who fears the conveyor belt of death like a pack of wild spiders gnawing on my ass.......RAN A 10K!!!!!

*Takes a bow*

*Takes another bow* Little bit lower this time.

Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you!

Well, I'd like to thank the Academy. The Academy of LazyAssesWhoHatePhysicalExersionActuallyCanExercise. You have made this achievement possible. Without you, I would still be a melted puddle on the chase lounge. And I'd like to thank my peeps (that'd be y'all)! For believing in me. And Baby Jesus. Thank you Baby Jesus, for being Baby Jesus.  I wanted nothing more than to be able to run 10K before my 31st birthday! And world peace. Of course.
Thank you again!

*Yet again, another bow* May have shown some cleavage (if I had some) with that one.

The most fantastic run of my life didn't actually happen during the weekend, just the tennis shoe purchase did. I ran the 10K on Monday night. But I've been so piss-myself-excited to tell you guys that I had to lead this craziness with that.
You're welcome.

Not that anything can top that shenanigans, but we'll try, so here's more about the rest of the weekend.

New Pretty's happened Friday after work. Like I said. Apparently repeating one's self is normal.

If you remember, I was having a serious moral dilemma about To Beer or Not To Beer.
Well, I'm happy to report I followed ALL Y'ALL'S advice and Beered. I'm pretty sure, now, that most y'all are as big a lush as me. It's fine. Great minds think alike and all.

No really, most of you said go for it. Or just have one.
Well, the 'just have one' doesn't really apply to me.
And definitely didn't apply to me Friday night.

Let's just say Saturday morning I woke up not feeling all supercalifragilistic and expialidocious.

I blame our Texas friends that visited.
They come be-boppin' in a little later than planned and well, we just couldn't say, 'nighty night' and pack it in. We had to stay up and drinktalk for another 3 hours. It's fine. I may have drinktalked more than the rest of them. But that's what I'm here for, right? Right.

I still drank less last week than the previous week, which was what I was going for. So I view that as goody goody.

Anyways. Got my hair cut Saturday morning. Nothin' new. Same ol' same ol'. Except I was hungover and i'm pretty sure my stylist thought I just drug myself outta a grave.

Then Saturday night we did a little of this:

Don't be jealous.


Are you ready???

Cajun marinaded venison and veggie kabobs.


And healthy!

Winner winner deer dinner!!
You're jealous. I know. I would be too. Just come to flat little Kansas and I'll whip you up some right now. On the deck. But you have to drink beer. It's the rule.

Moving on to Sunday. Or this post is going to be 18 pages long. Shitballs, probably already is.

It was sooo unbelievably nice that we decided to go on a 'hike', aka walk, the flat lands of south central Kansas.
We found a great 'park' where there was a paved walkway, and basically just open prairies to roam, and took the little spoiled rotten 'child'.
 He's trying to find the birdies:

But really found a large mud hole.

Then we came back and Wyatt did this:
For like 6 hours.
Pooped puppy.

And I decided to check the mirror, because I was feeling a little 'raw', and found this:

So sad.

But first sunburn of the year goes down with flair.
It also looks like my boobs are going down with flair in that last pic too. Lovely.

Monday rolled around to be a mix of shit-tastic, mayhem, and giddiness.
Shit-tastic: Work sucks donkey balls.
Mayhem: Work sucks inflamed donkey balls.
Giddiness: RAN 6.2 MILES!

Then today happened.

F*ck you very much FAA (Federal Aviation Administration).
That's all I gotta say.

No, not really. I always have more to say.

Since I work in the aviation world, printing go-go gadgets and such, we need the lovely freaking suckasses people from the FAA to come over and 'monitor' our processes. Or approve processes. Today was for approvals. For a process that will make my department A LOT of money.

I totally thought I was prepared.
Prepared to show the ins and outs of the process.

Nope. Not so much.

The little FAA inspector was WAAAAAYYYYYYYYY more detailed than what I was prepared for.
(To be fair, it totally was not his fault and he as completely doing his job, and I do really like the guy. I'm just pissed. And am going to blame the FAA. It's fine.)

Asking me to do things/show things that I was not fully trained on to do.

So what does a complete smartass, bitchy, stubborn Goddess like me do?

First, I clean my drawers out.
Because I'm pretty sure I just shat myself.

Then I proceed to DOMINATE!!!!
By pulling said shit straight outta my ass and, well, DOMINATING!!!

I winged it like a CHAMP!!!
The entire time sweating bullets the size of volley balls.
But I still made it through!

Now the rest of the week should be a cake walk. Damn, I typed 'cake'. Shit, I did it again!
In my perfect icecreamcakehasnocalories world.

That's it. That's my last 4 days.
Riveting, huh?

Oh, one more thing........I haven't had a Thin Mint in 8 days.
It's a record.

Friday, March 23, 2012

To beer or not to beer....

I really want some beers tonight.

Like reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally..........

Well, you get the idea.

But I said I'd only drink twice in a week. And, well, I drank on Tuesday night at cousin's night. And I know i'm going to want beers tomorrow, it being Saturday and all.
So there's my 'twice'.

But I still want a nice tall frosty tonight!!!

Do I chuck the promise or goal for myself on the 2 nights a week and have a few cold ones and love life?

Or do I stick with my guns? Thinking, salivating, wishing for beers all night long which will make me a crankypants?
But, it would mean that I stuck to my promise/goal.
Which means shit to me right now because I want a beer.

It wouldn't be like I totally bombed the goal. It's only three nights. And WAY better than my 5 nights last week.

And I did really good on eating all week.

AND I RAN 14 MILES!!! Woop woop!

What do I do??!?!?!


Screw lemons, where the Hell are the limes?!


Today has been a shit storm from Hell of EPIC proportions. And it's just noon!

I want to chug a bottle of Patron.

And scratch the eyes out of every dump mother trucker that gets within arms reach.

Stupid people should be shot.
The world would be a better place.
For Shizzle.

But you know what helps?

That's right.

Some DE-Lish brown rice California rolls and that bad boy pint of organic coconut milk mint chip ice cream.

But I still want some tequila.


How did that happen???

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

10 gloriously randompants things written down for your enjoyment (hopefully)!

1.  Who knew a post about flatulence would be so popular???? There are just no limits on this little bloggy of mine. Nope. None. I have no shame.
Anyway, some of your comments had me ROLLING outta my chair!

Like, Vicky's: Ok...being honest here...I have to go to the bathroom and let it fly...there's a reason for this...since I have so much loose skin, whenever I fart it kind of pushes through all of the excess skin and, well, it kinda sounds like a duck call...for realz! When they do escape, Peter just about busts a gut laughing so there's no such thing as a SBD in my world... 

And Beth Ann's: Ha! I fart during Jazzercise all the time. That is why I stand close to the one can hear it. Although I'm guessing that I do disperse quite nicely. :) 

OMG, many of them were soooo hilarious!
Y'all make me proud.

But, I think the best one was from my mom's boyfriend, Hardy: in my humble opinion if indeed we are masters of our own being, and making decisions to protect ourselves from destructive behavior, then i say let her rip ........because not to do so would be painful and goes against the natural order of things

He's such a smart ass.

But thanks y'all for making me giggle....uncontrollably sometimes....with your comments! You truly made my day!
(And by the way, I've been just letting 'em go. So far, unnoticed.)

2.  I read the best ARTICLE the other day about motivation, or more accurately fitness work ethic. It's written by a ripped up crazy lady that is super duper into weights, but her theory on what actually gets us to the gym or makes us eat right, and how we stick with it, is a great, and different, way of looking at 'motivation'.
She says motivation is crap. Motivation comes and goes. It's not constant. So stop relying on motivation.
Ummmm, yeah. That pretty much describes me. And a lot of you guys, I know. We all struggle with motivation. Hell, my motivation spurts are like a broken record on an IV drip of speed. One week it's golden (this week), but then next week I could be shoving twinkies in my hole like the zombie apocalypse is happening and there will be no more food for years.

What Buff Chick says is that we need to think of our bodies as our business, our company, and we need to have fitness work ethic.  (paraphrasing of course)
You don't always want to roll your pooper outta bed to go to your job, but you do the majority of the time. Because you have good work ethic.  Same applies to working out and eating right. You don't always want to do it (true dat sista, true dat), but you need to do it. You need to have a good fitness work ethic.
Interesting my dear Watson, interesting.

3.  I'll have you know I just sat through one of the boringestest meetings ever. Wanna know what was conveniently placed on the table 7.5 inches from my greedy little fingers the ENTIRE TIME? Donuts. Yup. Glazed chocolate donuts, donut holes, and long johns.
I hate life.
But I prevailed.
We no need no stinking donuts!

Because I have good fitness work ethic. At least today.

4.  I did my nails purdy again this week:
The color's a little off. But it's like a hot pink/orangeish color. It's hot.

5.  So I finally did it. I finally took the plunge after having this sit in my cupboard for like 7 years.......I fixed quinoa the other night. (Pronounced Keen-wa, I think) Actually I fixed quinoa and sauteed veggies in a little soy sauce.


Holy mother, it was like rice, but like a noodle, but not. So hard to explain. But so oh so good!
If you haven't tried it, try it.
Like now.

Quinoa is a good source of protein, fiber, magnesium, and is gluten free!

6.  HERE'S another good article, from about becoming a morning exerciser person. Since I've noticed that working out in the morning vs. the evening is better for my schedule, I've been trying to get up at 5:20ish every week day to get in one or two workouts (two workouts being a run and some But I still love me some pillow action, so any tips can help me! And I thought they could help you too!
1. Slowly Start Moving Up Your Bedtime
2. Determine a Realistic Strategy for Success
3. Plan to Fail
4. Psych (or Bribe) Yourself Up (Hellooooo Toms Shoes Mini Challenge!!)
5. Build a Motivating A.M. Mix
6. Share Your Plans on Social Media
7. Prepare for a Painless Pre- and Post-Workout

7. I think someone already posted about this, but I'm going to do it again. I got an email from a dude about a new website,, he started that is strictly about the best workout songs.

You sign up for free, and he puts together, by vote, a list of the top workout songs. I think a new top 10 list comes out every day, but you can also search on there by genre, decade, tempo, etc.
You can hear a little snipit, then download if it's your style.

No more searching endlessly for some good pump me up tunes! Yessssss!

8.  SOOOOooooooo. Dude came into my office the other day. Sat down. And proceeded to tell me that we have new products coming in, that I will have to redo or reface (strip down, re-paint, create artwork, and print), and 'he can't get me' blueprints to figure out how to create the new artwork for these products (so I pretty much have to wing it with products that go in the airplane cabin----WTF?!), and oh, he wants them in a week (they normally take a month).

I nearly shanked him.

In his left eyeball.

With a purple sharpie.

Basically, my life is going to be a helluva lot of overtime, bitching, snarkiness, crankypants McGee, all sorts of pissed for the next 4 months. Or longer.
Yes please.

9.  You know what happens when you start exercising every day? Sometimes two times a day?
You're hungry.

I'm about ready to start gnawing off the corner of my desk.
But people might look at me weird.
Oh wait, they already do.

10.  I'm going shopping tonight for new Tennies!!! My friend Lindsey was right, I've had these since June and it's time for replacements.
Every day this week my feet have been killing! Like numb (not good when you're already uncoordinated as all hell and stumbling on the conveyor belt of death), achy, and just plain sucky. I know I could probably run faster and longer if I wasn't constantly thinking about how bad my damn feet hurt.

So tonight I'm going to check out some Brooks, thanks to the suggestion of Draz, and see how they fit.

I can't wait!

Cheers y'all!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I need to appologize.....

Because I lied to y'all.

Remember how I said I would only drink one night a week????

Weeeeeellllllllll, it's going to have to be two nights a week.

I forgot about 'Cousin's Night'. Which is every Tuesday. And since yesterday was Tuesday......I may have had some beers. Just a few. Or 6. 

Since that heifer, two-faced, hussy Miss Youcankissmyassyouwillneverhaveme Willpower clearly tends to allude me whenever I come face to face with a tall frosty beer mug, I have decided to just make life a little easier by saying I can have beers two nights a week. Every Tuesday and Saturday nights. That's still better than the 5 nights a week that I was rocking just last week.

On a better note: I have worked out 4 times this week! 4 times in 3 days! Boom! That's a total of $34 bucks in the bank for my new Toms (for the last 3 weeks). I worked out twice yesterday....all before 7am! Woop Woop!
Holla bitches!

And today, I did a little interval action. Because, lets face it, sweating out the night's previously drank golden hued alcoholic beverage of choice is going to be straight up murder whether you're doing a solid run at 6 mph or short spasms of energy at 7 mph followed by the glorious slow down moment at 5 mph. So I picked intervals. Meh, why not. I dig torture. Bring it on.

And boy howdy did I do some sweatin'.

Yes, yes it does Wyatt.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The real question.

So I have a serious question for y'all.

Well, it's not real serious.

But it's definitely a topic that i need some advice on.

You know when you're on the treadmill, or elliptical.........

and you're just truckin' away.........

pounding the shit outta life.........

things are going great and you're feeling wonderful........

and then it hits you.

Like a brick shithouse.

You feel it.......

that pressure building........

about ready to blow........

deep down in your gut.......

in the pit of your stomach.......

Yup, that's right people, your worst nightmare has just come true.

You need to toot.

What do you do??!?!!

Do you let it go, hoping that it's some dainty lady fart that smells like Starburst?

Do you hold it in, fearing that it's an SBD? Silent but deadly? And everyone knows what happened, but they don't know who it came from?

What if you do let it slip and it's like a monstrous eruption of epic proportions and everyone just stares at you, while your face turns more beet red than what it normally looks like while running and you just want to die, right there, mid-stride?

Or do you stop running, trying not to trip and face plant the conveyor belt of death and proceed hop over to the nearest bathroom, which of course, is like 3.2 miles across the gym, all the while squeezing your butt cheeks in, hoping that'll keep the toot from escaping?

This is serious folks.

What do you do?

It's just perplexing, to say the least.

Not that this has ever happened to me.........
Uhhhemmm, last night.

Just asking, in case I'm doomed some day to live through this atrocity.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Sticking to it!

This is it.
It is time.
Time to wake up.
Time to grow a pair......
........or more like lose a pair, plus some. (But pleasepleaseplease don't let me lose any more of my teeny little acorns[tatas]. PleaseGodPleaseGodPleaseGodPleaseGodPleaseGod)
Time to turn this grease wagon around and head toward Healthytown.

No more processed fatty sugary sweets.
No more chemically injected fried foods.
No more high calorie, ass enlarging glazed baked goods. That have holes. And tend to show up *magically* in my hand for me to mow down like a John Deere every Tuesday and Friday.
No more boozin' it up 5 nights a week.


High protein. Chicky-chicky here I come!!!
Lean meats!
Veggies galore!
Whole grain!
Fantastically fruity!


Running like a champ!
Weights like a goddess!

I. CAN. DO. THIS!!!!

Right now I'm at 155.2.
I really would like to be under 150 for my birthday, that is 3 weeks away. 5 pounds. 1.6 pounds a week. Totally doable.

My goals are, of course, no crapfoods. I will eat salads, fruits, lean meats, high protein, yogurt, and some whole grain carbs. I will exercise 5 days a week. Running and doing And I will only drink on Sat. night. That's it. One night.

No Food Rewards!
No Emotional Eating!!!!
No saying 'Just this once.'!

One thing I love about blogging this is that I know all my peeps will give me the support and motivation that I need....again. Y'all are so inspiring that it just makes me want to jump for joy and be just like you! Like Andrea who has been a rock star in her weight loss efforts! And Cat, that just made it through her first year! And Stace who has already lost 60lbs and is only 20 away from her goal! And Vicky who is just awesome. Just plain awesome! And Ronnie, and Beth Ann! And sososo many more. I want to have the success you've had, I want to meet my goals, I want to not back down when it's hard, I want to persevere, I want to be HEALTHY!

I need to remember that I deserve this. That it's not easy, and it's going to be really trying. I need to remember why I'm doing this! Not to just look good in a bathing suit in a few months. Or to have ripped up arms. Or to have smaller Ben & Jerry's (thighs). But because I want to someday have kids. And I want to be around for those kid's lives. Graduations, marriages, their kids.  And I have a man that I love. That I want to be able to laugh, and tease, and bicker with for the next 70 years! Even if we're two senile old farts in a nursing home with drool running down our chins, bitching at the nurses that there's not enough beer in the fridge!

I want to wake up with energy.
I want to have those post workout happy highs.
I want to be able to run a half marathon.
I want to crave veggies like I crave Cadbury Eggs. stupiddevilchocolatetemptationsfromHell
Ok, ok, and I wanna look good in a bathing suit too.

I'm sure I'll have upsets. And setbacks. But I need to keep on this healthy train! For the long haul. Not just for a week or two. For...EVAH!

So this is me......pledging, again, to start over.
This time it's going to stick!

Friday, March 16, 2012

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

Thank you Draz for providing this for us every week!!!!

1.  How do you feel about college?  If you have kids or siblings - will you encourage or require them to go?  How long did you go and what for? 

GO TO COLLEGE! Or any form of extended education. I was brought up in a family that all (or mostly all) went to Kansas State University and graduated. My aunts, uncles, mom, dad, brother, cousins, etc all have college degrees.  My grandfather didn't go there, but he did go to college to further his education. Not saying you have to go to a 4-year, but that it was just assumed since birth I'd end up a Wildcat.  Going to college isn't about the degree. It's about growing up and learning about life. Could I have just left high school and started a career, family, etc? Nope. Not at all. I barely knew how to balance my checkbook. In college, I learned the trial, tribulations and incredible life lessons of 25 Cent Draws on every Tuesday night at Fat's Bar. Or how to empty a Fish Bowl (it's pretty much a fish tank of kool-aid and LOADS of liquor) at 2pm in the afternoon without throwing up in the alley.  Or how to use a credit card to spent $1200 on a Bahamas spring break trip, then take 7 years to pay it off.  All classic examples why college is good.

However! If I had to do it all over again.......I should have gone to a tech school. Or at least gone there for the first 2 years to get all the basic courses out of the way (at a fraction of the cost), then finished up at a 4-year.  I spent a whopping 7.5 years in college. Yup. $25,000 dollars later......I am not a cardiac surgeon. I am a photographer. Geniusness.  Why did it take me so long? Well, in Manhattan, KS, where KSU is located, there is a wondrous little place called Aggieville:
 Aggieville on St. Patty's Day
Aggieville is 6 blocks of bars. 6 BLOCKS!! And a bookstore. And maybe other things too, but I was just more interested in the alcohol serving establishments. So, needless to say, I got a little distracted. OK, 3.5 years is A LOT distracted. It happens.
But it was ohhhhh sooooo much fun.

That's where I met the love of my life and soul mate (awwww) Ryan, in his last semester of college, and my last year. And YES! If you had any doubts about this by now I'll make it more blunt......OUR KIDS ARE GOING TO COLLEGE. They don't have to go to KSU (oh the horror), but as long as they go somewhere we'll be happy.

2.  Pink or purple?  Coke or Pepsi?  Pen or pencil?  Cursive or printing?  Ketchup or mustard?

-Neither. I gave up soda. *gasp* It's not good for you. Gives you cancer and shit. That being said.....I love me some Mt. Dew. But haven't had one in AGES!
-Pen to write with; pencil to draw with
-I print in all caps. Don't know why. I'm weird like that. But I sign my name in cursive. Again, weirdo.
-Both please!

3.  If you could live in any generation - which one would it be?

I liked the 2000s. There was internet, and ipods, and other distracting things that make life a little more enjoyable. I don't know. I had the most fun in the 2000s, so there.

4.  What do you sleep in?

Tank top and undies. Every once in a while I'll throw on a pair of old boxers. Dead sexy.

5.  Repeat question - summarize your week!

Well lets see.....I stepped on the scale this morning and nearly dropped dead on my new tile floor. Apparently eating ice cream, donuts, Long John Silvers (WTF LAURA?!?!), drinking beer 5 nights a week, and no exercise makes the scale flat chested bitch whore give out nasty numbers. Who'da thought?

So next week, I'm getting back in the game. Running, weights, not eating pure fried shit every day, etc. I really need to find better motivation. Mizfit did a guest post about this earlier this week and her motivation was living better, longer, and such and it was really interesting. I need a better outlook. Something to ponder.

Now I'm off to do.....something. Work maybe. Maybe.

Cheers y'all!!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Another round of Ten Things Thursday, comin' your way!

1.  I left my phone at home today.  
It's like my thumb has been amputated.
Both thumbs actually.
And watch, today will be the day that 18,398 people need to get a hold of me for some phenomenal reason. Unlike every other day where I barely get one teeny text.
'Cause I'm all sorts of important like that.

2.  Never bet the vice president of your company on a basketball game.
You will be forced to wear bird shit on your body for one entire day.
And it's not like you can't just hide under your desk and not honor the bet.....because he's the freaking VICE PRESIDENT.
Of course he picks the first major day of the NCAA tourney.
This is the first and ONLY time I will be sporting that stupid bird in clothing.

3. And in case any of y'all were just dying to know what my little predictions for the Big Dance are, feast your eyes on this fabulousness:

Yup, that's right. This bracket is BaaaaadAssssssss.
(Sorry Cat! I had to change my mind about the championship!)
I didn't pick KSU to go all the way, but I do have them get to the Elite 8. One can hope. And pray. And beg the basketball Gods for mercy.

4. The 2012 Tax Refund Bathroom Renovation Project is complete!!!
Sorry, I couldn't find any 'before' pictures. I have some somewhere, but just couldn't locate them in my vast picture folders in the abyss of my computer memories. But the bath was basically linoleum, white 80s vanity, and a big mirror. Fugly is the word of the day.

Here's in the middle of demo:

 See those pipes coming out of the above picture? On the floor? That was a fun little surprise when we tore out the vanity. What the hell.

And here's the finished project!!
We put in a new vanity, medicine cabinet, toilet, tile floor, light, shower curtain and such.
The wall color I kept the same, because I'm a little obsessed with it. It's Magic Spell from Behr, in case you want to go home and paint your house just like my potty room.

 See all that space in the medicine cabinet?! There's like 4 shelves to put my 86 bottles of lotion, hair spray, more lotion, body spray, eye drops, lotion, toothpaste, pills, more body spray, lotion, hair volumizer, and lotion. You get the drift. It's every woman's wet dream.

The only thing about these pics is I ended up taking the towels and rugs back because they were too dark and clashed with the wall. I got lighter gray colors and they look FANTABULOUS!

5.  Wanna know exactly what I do all day?
Well, not exactly, but a really good example?
The owner of the company just walked in and brought me a 'special project'. This sort of 'project' happens about once a week. Or so. But this one is very similar to what we do on a daily basis. He wants me to re-design and print the face of this RPM gauge for an antique Corvette.

See the black dial in the instrument, that has the 0-8 RPM markings on it?
Well, he wants me to find a blank dial, and reprint it exactly the same, with all those markings on it, only changing the color of the white to the green that's in that little gray case next to the dial. Then I have to magically pull out of my asscheeks a new clear dial that has no markings on it to match the one with the green on it. And fashion it from scratch. I may even have to make plexi-glass in a beaker or some shit to get this done.
Easy peezy?
I think not.
Nothing for the Pres ever is.

Matching that green color is going to be a big ol' cranky beee-ahhhtch. And that clear dial is beveled on the edges so I'm going to have to whip out the trusty Dremel tool and try to round the edges by hand. Note to self: Better not get wasted the night before so my hand isn't shaking like a 74 year old alcoholic's from lack of dehydration. Otherwise I might Dremel my pinky finger off.

6.  I don't know what the deal is lately but my craving for sweets has ski-rocketed. 'Oh, dumptruck full of Cadbury Cream Eggs.....I'll have 34 thankyouverymuch'. 'Driving by Dairy Queen......jump three lanes to hit the drive thru, just for a oreo blizzard. Or two'. 'Three day old semi-stale glazed cake donut.......move outta my way, that shit is all mine.'


7.  I haven't ran once this week.
I'm a loafing heifer.
Part of it was my stupid neck. But it's getting better. I went to a masseuse Tuesday afternoon and she tried to work out all those tight muscles. Then I've been using a heating pad and rolling golf balls on my trapezius muscles to try to loosen them up even more.
And not in a good way.
This has been an on going problem with me for years. It's the way I sit at the computer. I hold my head in a weird ass way that causes those Trap muscles to just turn into petrified dog turds. What I need to do is stretch those muscles by rotating my head, every morning. And continue to roll golf balls on them to break up the knots.

I shall make this one of my new goals this year.
Yes, that's what I shall do.

8.  'Winter' is dead here in the flatlands. Officially comatose. Well, if you can call what we had 'winter'.

Is it June?
I'm confused.
So it looks like we had no winter (because we only got snow for like 2 hours one day in Dec.), and spring just took a leave of absence. Basically, we just leaped from Fall to Summer in one swift move.
I think Mother Nature is high.

But you know what this warm weather means?
I LOOOOVVVVVEEEEE me a good thunderstorm.

And it means that instead of putting in my garden at the end of April (normal) I need to think about putting it in now (very not normal). Off to the garden center I GOoooooooo.

9.  My purdy shellac nails took a big dump last week. I was pissed. I just don't think they were put on correctly. And with the craziness of the bath redo and running around buying and returning towels, I just didn't have time to get them done again. Oh the problems I have. Also, I'm having a hard time justifying $30 every two weeks for purdy nails. That's a pair of TOMS in one month!
Priorities people.

So I set out on a quest to see if I can recreate the shellac at home, or do a better manicure job where it wouldn't chip off in 27 minutes.
I have succeeded.
You may call me Nail Goddess.
I spent 40 minutes comparing and deliberating over base coats, shellac's, gels, and other bullshit that I thought the sales lady was going to pull up a cot. I finally bought these two gems:

The Orly Bonder is a base coat I put down first, promising to get maximum adhesion of polish to nail. Winner. Then I put one semi-thick coat of Orly polish on, don't remember the name, but it's a light purple. Makes me think of Easter Eggs. Damn it, now I want one of those damn Cadbury Heavenmeltinyourmouth treasures. Anyway, then I put down some sparkle polish. 'Cause who doesn't like sparkles? And finally, I put down the Barielle Top Coat, which said that it was a 'advanced gel top coat', leaving a high gloss finish. True dat little top coat, true dat.

And it's lasted 3 days! Going on the 4th, with no sign of chipping! WoooooHooooooo!
It's a miracle!
You can have good nails on a budget!!!! Yipeeeeeee!!
I feel like I've cured cancer or something.
OK, that was a little overboard.
But anyways. You get it. I'm excited. About cheap nails. Lord. It's the little things, right?

10.  The Wildcats play in 44 minutes!!!!

That is all.


Monday, March 12, 2012

Stupid neck.

Soooooo. I'm just sittin' here, minding my own pretty little sarcastic thoughts, diligently reading blogs working and...................... BAM!  My effing neck decides to seize up and start aching.


Like, searing pain is shooting from my skull all the way down to the middle of my back, on the left side only.


Why start hurting now?

It's not like I just woke up and slept on it wrong. Lord I miss the days when I used to sleep the day away.
I've been awake for like 7.3 hours. (didn't work out this morning. I suck.)
So, I injured myself just sitting at my desk. Reading. I mean working.

The only thing that makes it feel better is if I slightly tilt my head to the left.
Like so:
Wow. Note to self: Never make that face. Ever. Again.

Well, and I'm hoping 28 of these little puppies will start to kick in and allow me any kind of comfort.

Ok, calm down about the 28. I'm not a druggy. Mostly. It's just that the milligrams in one of those little packages aren't near enough to even touch my system. Why do they only supply you with the pathetic 200 mg drugs?!?! That won't even make poop cramps feel better on a goldfish.
Oh, and you'd think it'd be one 200mg pill! Nope. No sireeeeee. TWO pills. TWO! MotherLovingChristFarts.

And yes. That is a bracket 'in the makings' on my desk.
I work hard.
Maybe that's how I threw out my neck.

Life sucks.

I hope y'alls day is better than mine.
Bye now. I'm going to choke down 42 more pills because the first 28 aren't working. Stupid 200mg drugs.

Friday, March 9, 2012

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

Thank you Draz!!!

1.  When you're sick - what comforts you?
Well. Knock-on-wood, I haven't been sick in like 2 or 3 years. Like, no flu, no head cold, no NUSSING. I'm just badass like that. No really, I don't know why I never get sick. I take a multivitamin, and try to eat a lot of fruit and veggies. But hells bells people, I still drink like a trough of beer each weekend. And I use to smoke too, and still never got even a sniffle.

My husband is hating me right now because he's sick and feels like run over donkey turds.
Such is life.

2.  How attached to your cell phone are you?
Glued to my hand.....does that count?
I only put it down to sleep and do the nasty.
3.  What brand, color and kind of sneaker do you own to work out in?  Why?  Do you get a custom fit or just pick one off the shelf?
I have worn Adidas' for EVAH! Because I have a high arch and a wide front part of my foot. Like where my toesies are. They are black and pink and delicious. 
But Draz has talked me into the Brooks.
I shall go shopping soon!
4.  Do you ever wish you'd picked a different name for your blog and why?
Meh. I think about it every once in awhile. But it really describes everything I talk about on here, right? Other times I'm like, who the farts puts 'Beer' and 'Health' in one sentence and names their blog that????

This chica. 'Cause that's how I roll.
And y'all love me long time because of it.
5.  Repeat question.  Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
Well, I've been a busy little bee this week. Worked out 5.....count 'em FIVE....times this week all before work! Woop woop!!!
And we're also re-doing our potty room upstairs so every.single.night I have come home to do some sort of construction. But I love doing that stuff so it's all good.
In bloggyland I've found a few new blogs that I'm a-likin'....not to be cornfused with a-liCkin' AJ (girl is hilarious!).  And a few others. But now I can't find them. Shitballs.'s good!

Oh oh oh oh OHHHH forgot to tellz y'all (well a few of my special bloggy peeps know) but the majority of you might not, guess who's going to Chi-town this Sept?!?!?!?! Yuppers. BOOBS 3.0 is happenin' and I'm goin'!!! (Even though I haven't had lapband, like Draz, the bandsters have graciously let me tag along and I am sooooo grateful!) I can't wait to meet all y'all!!!

Cheers Lovelies!! 
It's 65 degrees and sunny with no wind outside and I reallyreallyREALLY wanna sit on my deck and drink beer!

(Maybe I can get one in before Ryan gets home and we have to start back up on the bathroom!)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Another 10 completely randomcrap things that runs through my noggin daily, written down for your pure enjoyment. You’re welcome.

1.  Mini TOMS Challenge is going Grrrrreat! (channeling Tony the Tiger there) Today is Day 4 of getting up before the ass crack of dawn and while it’s not getting any easier, I’ve noticed that once I’m physically outta bed, I become more awake/lively/not a raging moody beeatch like I used to be.  So that’s improvement.

I did my workout today which was 800 reps of various High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) exercises.  Yes, yes, you read right…EIGHT HUNDY!! First was 25 push-ups (on my knees), next was 100 high knee steps (like your running in place but with knees really high), then 25 sit-ups with legs raised (legs resting on the couch seat), another 100 knee highs, 25 squats holding a 20lb sandbag, 100 knee highs, and finally 25 triceps dips (sitting on the edge of a chair and dipping booty to ground and back up again).  Then repeat all that.

Whew. I’m just tired again from typing all that.

I finished in about 26 minutes for all of that.  It would have been quicker, but I had the news on and got distracted by some white trash chick that won a million dollars and was still using her food stamps or Vision card for groceries. WTF?!?!  Oh, and to make it worse, she believes that she deserves that! Some people in the country should be shanked.

Anyways, the workout rocked! One more day for the complete Step 1 on my new Toms!!! (And another $4 in the bank!!)

2.  My company is providing some Leadership Training for the managers and supervisors, and me being the best ever bad ass supervisor that I am, I must attend.  To improve my leadership skeeels. Well, that’s all fine and lollipops, but the dude that is ‘training’ us pipes up with the most amazing bullshit I’ve ever heard……he straight up said that ‘Multi-tasking is EVIL’. Huh? Exsqueeze me? Did those horrid words just come out of your mouth? And do you want me to bitch slap you into place? ‘Cause I will. With gusto.

Now, for some of you, multi-tasking may not be as important as, say, breathing, like others…….aka moi. I understand that. I sympathize, and think you are cray-cray, but I understand.

Clearly Leadership Moron does not understand.

If I’m not doing 843 things at once, I do not function.  I am asleep. Or dead, really.  Because I’m pretty sure I still multi-task my dreams in my sleep.
Like now, I’m typing this up, talking on the phone, adjusting my database because of the phone call, and yelling at my employees. Oh, and checking my other phone for any updates.

There is no way in Satan’s asscrack that I can just sit down to do one task, like he suggests. That world does not exist for me. And never will. Ever.

As Brenda said, ‘He’s a man, he doesn’t get it.’

True dat, sister. True dat.

3.  So I made baked kale chips last weekend. Because there have been so many raves on here, and the other interwebs about how scrumpdeelumptious they are.
Well, y'all are right. Sooooo right.
They are dynamite people! Like blow-up-your-taste-buds fantastic!!
Step 1: Wash kale and strip leaves of stem in bite size pieces. Let dry or I used a salad spinner.

Step 2: In a mixing bowl, add a glug (it’s a word) of EVOO to the kale. Also add any seasonings. I added salt and garlic powder. And mix to coat. But I’ve read other people added paprika, pepper, sesame seeds, etc.

Step 3: Spread out on a baking sheet. I put some foil down first so it’s easier to clean up.

Step 4: Bake at 350 for 12-16 minutes. Mine took 16 minutes, but the site I got the recipe from suggested 12 minutes. So just watch it.  When it’s done, it’ll be ‘crispy’, not ‘flexible’ like if it’s not done.

4.  The regular college basketball season has come to an end. *sadface* But that means that conference tournaments and March Madness are here!!!! Right now, my beloved KSU Wildcats are playing Baylor in the Big 12 Tourney. Today, at like right now.  PleaseWinPleaseWinPleaseWinPleaseWin.

When the do win, we will play fugly KU (which is our arch enemy instate rivals) tomorrow.

Then when we win that game *fingers crossed*, we will play for the championship.

And finally, March Madness begins, I think next week. And Kansas has three universities that are playing in the big tourney this year, KSU (GO CATS!!), Wichita State University (which is where I live, so I’m rooting for them too!), and the poopy KU.

I never gave two poops about March Madness or basketball in general, until I met my hubby, who is huuuuggggeeeee into it.  Now I’m addicted. I even fill out a bracket and everything. But, if the teams aren’t in the Big 12, or I don’t know who they are, I pick out the winners by how cute their uniforms are. Or if their team colors are purdy. Good system, huh?
Don’t laugh.

5.  Because of the B-ball game on, we decided to ‘tailgate’ in our department. Because there are a measly 2 of us KSU fans in the entire department, and one is me, and the other is my wonderful employee (I just may have hired her b/c she is a CATS fan), we need to band together and talk shit. Over queso.

Because we’re tragically not allowed to drink beer during business hours. Or on the property. Rude.  So we resort to food instead of booze.
Definitely not clean eating today.

6.  I have on another cute outfit today, so I thought I’d share:

‘The pose’ continues with it’s awesomeness.

7.  Did I tell y’all that I’ve already signed up for 2 races???!!!! TWO!!

The first one is April 14th. It’s 5K called The Dog-N-Jog, to benefit my mom’s service dog training organization. Well, it’s not ‘her’s’, but it’s the one she helps with by taking the pups to be trained from age 8 weeks to 2 years. Right now she has a Lab named Seranade, but everyone calls her Corn Dog. Lord, that just is so backwoods sounding. Oh well. She got the name because, well, she’s yellow. But more so because she’s corny. Oh so corny.  Just off the wall loopy, that dog.

You can bring your dogs for the race and so I am definitely bringing the puppy!! And my mom is bringing Corn Dog. But because Mr. Wyatt is still having his leg/hip issue, I decided that I would run with Corn Dog and not Wyatt. Mom is going to watch with Wyatt until we get done, then we’re all going on the 2K fun walk.

But let me tell you a little about Corn Dog and running……..she is like a lubed up bullet being shot with 8 kilotons of gun powder behind her. She looks like a little gopher that’s had her ass lit on fire running across the fields. She is freaking fast. And doesn’t stop. Ever. She just keeps running. And running. And running. We should name her Gump instead of Corn Dog. Sweet Jesus I’m going to die. Or get my best time yet. Either way, I’m sure I’ll have loads of stories for y’all!

8.  My second race is with my friend Lindsey. AND IT’S A COLOR RUN!!!!!

Oh Mylanta I am so excited about this race I could fart colored dust bunnies!!!

Our team is the Fantastic Brownies and we have all decided that we are going to wear neon tutus. Mine being purple, of course.

And I am contemplating wearing my snorkeling mask and breathing tube. Just for the shits and giggles of it.

That race isn’t until June. So we’ve got awhile to wait. Damn it.

9.  I’m thinking I need a new pair of tennies. I mean I’ve had mine for…………..shit. I don’t know how long (Lindsey, do you remember when we went shopping?)  OH YEAH!!!  Jordan’s wedding. Sweet. Ok, so that was………..


Last summer.

But when?

Maybe August.
(Like how I have complete conversations with myself on here? Ya, me too.)

Ok, regardless. I think it’s been several months. And I have run quite a bit on them. I just noticed the other day that the padding isn’t as squishy as it once was, and my feet are kinda aching during and after a run.

Runner’s World forums say that around 250-400 miles you should replace your shoes.

Well, I have no freaking clue how many miles are on my shoes.

So I’m just going with I should probably replace them once a year or so, for now. And by the time I actually get around to replacing them, it’ll probably be August. Perfect.

10. And because the game is starting, I’m going to have to leave you. But here’s a little funny to brighten your day:

 Yes. Yes it has.
So we need to get a move on shrinking that pooper down!!!
Let's go y'all!!!