Friday, July 29, 2011

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

A little ditty where we answer a few questions on Friday to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break.  Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire!  Enjoy!

1.  Sun or rain?  Roses or tulips?  Romantic movie or comedy?
-SUN! I love me some sunshine. It's all warming on your skin and you can bask in it's glow.  B. E. A. Utiful!
However....I have been cursing the sun the last 2 months because of the extreme heat.  I'd rather have heat than cold though!
-Ummm, really, my favorite flowers are Irises.  I had purple ones in my wedding bouquet. Shocker on the color, I know.

-I agree with Draz...Romantic Comedy.  I just watched The Proposal 14 times last weekend. It was amazeballs.
2.  What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Anything chocolate! Like, double chocolate brownie sunday, or rocky road, or chocolate chip mint.

3.  Are you a door locker - in your house and car? 
We NEVER locked our doors when I was growing up.  Even all through high school.  But now that we live 'in the big city' we lock all doors and windows AND have an alarm.  Fully protected.

4.  Tell me your "go to remedies" for when you are sick? 
If I even feel a ping of sickness coming on I take some herbal vitamins called Cold Snap.  Then I pop them like skittles all day...for days....until I feel better. My stepmom got me hooked on them. What they do is either stop the cold from happening or make the symptoms less harsh. Either way I've hardly ever been sick in 3 years (knock on wood) and now I've got my hubby hooked on them too.

5.  Repeat question:  Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
 Bloggyland:  You know, I've been doing some thinking (no comments on that).  I've been on this roller coaster of getting healthier for quite some time now.  I've tried many different types of websites and support systems. And with most of the ones that I tried, you know what the main problem was with them?  Everyone was so negative towards anything I did.  If I commented on another site that I wanted to start running every morning, someone would reply that wasn't a good idea because blah blah blah.  Then, I was ALWAYS chastised for drinking.  Always.  I know alcohol causes weight gain. I know it's bad for you.  But I don't give blue monkey balls.  I like beer. I like wine.  I like to have a few drinks on a hot summer day.  I know it'll take me longer to lose this weight and it doesn't help my health at all. But I can live with that. I want to live with that.

But on here? Completely opposite.  If I tell you guys I'm going to start swinging naked from the backyard tree and dive head first into a kiddy pool of margaritas to try and slim down my thighs, you'd all be like, "Awesome! You can do it! Make us proud, Laura Belle!"  Or " Let me know how that goes so I can try it!" (You know we're all crazy like that.)

Basically, what I'm trying to say is the support that I get from y'all on here is outstanding. You guys are my rock. My sunny day. My colorful rainbow.  You the shiznit peeps!!! So, Thank You!

Real Life: I've found a new interval weight training thing on the internet, thanks to Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem, called I love it. I'm obsessed.  But I hated it last night because my ass and ab muscles hurt so bad that I couldn't bend down or breath without cursing Satan.  I also got up and ran this morning! Yippee for me!  I made it about 2 miles before I had to stop and lay on the pavement and catch my breath. Just kidding. I did a total of 4 miles and 2 of them I walked.  Not bad for taking a little month long breaky-poo.

And besides the cheese tortilla roll-up I had last night (made with a wheat tortilla, btw), I have stuck to a very strict high protein, low carb and low fat diet all week.  I also kinda made myself a little promise to not drink as much as I do on the weekends. I actually told myself that I would only drink Sat. night, but after the morning I had today, I think I deserve at least one frosty beverage when I get home. Oiy! Work sucks a big fatty.

Hope everyone has a fan-tabulously great weekend!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

See, I'm not the only nutcracker in KS!

I found this article a few minutes ago and just read it with my chin on the floor.

Dolphin claps for this guy!

Dude must have an air conditioner build into his running shorts.

Ten Things Thursday

1.  Last night's workout was horrible beyond belief. I mean...what the crazyballs was I thinking going out and running in weather that's as hot as the earth's core?!  But, now that the misery is over and it's a bright new sunshiney day....I'm really glad I tried.  I'll never do that again, but I'm so proud of myself for actually 'getting out there'!

2.  I took a cue from little Wyatt last night (after my death run): when he plays a vigorous game a fetch, he comes in and lays on the air conditioner vent. Genius, right? So, that's what I did. Plopped down belly first on the wondrous kitchen floor vent and sent a little thank you prayer to the Almighty for air conditioning. You all should try it, it's amazing.

3.  You know what else I'm proud of myself for?  Yesterday was craptastic at best. Twice in a row this week a certain manager has called or stopped by my office 2 minutes and 24 seconds before I clock out and go home. Really?! You can't till tomorrow to tell me your scintillating story about work bullshit, that I'll end up forgetting in 2 minutes and 24 seconds anyway?! AND everyone seems to think that I have 3 brains and 18 arms because they just keep piling on the work. Just pile it on you buttwipes.  Like I don't have enough to deal with just RUNNING A FREAKING DEPARTMENT....but now I have to do about a thousand little projects that don't make the company any money....all because I'm a multi-tasking mutant alien that can do IT ALL. Right. What is wrong with people? Do they not realize that if you overwork my sorry ass that I will run screaming from the building and straight into the glorious padded room of locked up silence?  Apparently, they don't realize. Anyways.  This is all going on, then I went to my counseling appointment where we did some great work but it was really emotionally exhausting. And all I wanted to do was go home and drink a nice ice cold beer.  And eat cheesy nachos. And ice cream.

But I didn't!!!! I went out and ran in the devil weather!  Then I came back in and did my torture workout!

I just kept thinking....I need to give it 110%I'm trying to get healthierI really want a new dress and I have to work out 5 times this week to get it!

4. I had forgotten how totally YUMtastic fresh strawberries are smothered in vanilla yogurt! Can you say: Yummer Yum Yummy? I can....3 times really fast without messing up. Ha.
Not my photo, but my little yummers dish looks just about like this.
5.  We can no longer get on FB at work.  What. A. Drag.  Our new IT dude is on a power trip and is making all these 'great' changes.  I understand those sites take away from actual work....but my belief is that as long as you get your work done, I don't give a rhinoceros pimpled butt if you get on the internet 2 or 18 times a day.  But that's just me.  Simple as that.  But I understand people abuse those privileges and you need to punish them.  I truly dislike those people that ruin it for everyone else. It's just a not nice thing to do.

6.  My car is taking a beating this year.  First was the idiot at the airport parking lot that nosed his bumper into my driver's side door, which left a nice foot long scratch and dent.  Awesome.  Then, the other day I was getting into my car and something caught my eye on the passenger's side windshield....a humongous freaking crack! What the Sam Hill?! Apparently a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, little chip on the glass decided to explode one day, probably because of this wonderful weather, and spawn a 2 foot crack from the edge of the glass to the center of my windshield.  Great. Fantastic. I love extra expenses.

7.  Ryan told me last weekend that he's taking me on a real anniversary vacation this year! WoooHooo!  A little background: Last year (being our most important and monumental anniversary...our 1st), I had these great plans for Saturday of getting a couples massage, maybe doing something fun around the area, then going out to a really fancy restaurant.  Did any of those things happen?  Well, sorta.  The Friday night before Ryan informs me that the yard HAD to be over-seeded this particular weekend; if we waited, the grass wouldn't grow right or whatever.  I'm like, "THIS WEEKEND?!"  Alright, we'll work our asses off Friday night and Sat morning then hit up the massage and dinner in the afternoon.  Nope.  We proceeded to work the yard till right before our dinner plans....which we did end up going to.  But looking back, we did spend all weekend together, and that's what really counts.  But, I informed husband of the year that he was making the 2nd anniversary plans and that we were NOT doing ANYTHING with the yard.  So he's taking me to this:
 And we'll be staying in our own private cabin:
With all the massages and fancy dinners and hiking and fishing a girl could ask for. YESSSS! I'm so excited I could pee my pants.

8.  Oh my giddy Aunt! Big Mike from Aftershock Tattoos just called my little cell phone and is going to work on a BADASS new tattoo for me! Yahtzee!  Oh, I can't wait!

9.  I know I've talked about this before, but here it is again: I've noticed that I have a ton of new followers....Thank you all by the way! You just make my universe!  But if I could ask some of you a little teeny favor: Could you please show your email address?! Just go to Edit Profile on your Dashboard page and check the box that says, "Show my email".  The main reason I ask is because when all you little munchkins comment on my words of crazy I want to respond back to you! There are so many that I've tried to respond to, but the email that shows up is a 'no comment blogger' bogus email.  So then I try to search your profile and still can't find your email.  And it just breaks my little puffy heart that I can't respond to your comments through email.

If you already 'show' your email than I'm probably already responding to you! Goody gum drops!  But if you don't want to show it, then will you at least just email me your email address? Purty please? With sugar on top? And tell me what your name (first only is fine) is and what your blog is in the email? That way when you comment, I can respond with such words of wisdom that it'll send you off your rocker! 

Oh, one more thing! Double check your email that's 'showed' too, some of you I try to respond to and it doesn't go through.

Just trying to keep all us fantastic people together.

10.  Lastly, sorry this is so long. Apparently I have lots going on in my noggin today.  But: Have a fabulous day! Work hard! Keep up the healthifiedness! And you all are the most gorgeous creatures on this planet!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Trailer park jackasses and peeing standing up.

I don't give a Witch's pierced left teet!
I am NEVER, NEVER running in 108 degree weather with the added bonus of bursts of 40 mph fiery air (aka wind) EVER again.

Does anyone know what it's like to run behind the burning engines of a fighter jet?


Well, just come to southern Kansas and run outside. Feels just about the same.

And to the re-incarnated Einstein that yelled out his spray painted Chevy S10 pickup window at me, "Don'tcha know iss too hot to run?!": Ummm, thank you Mr. Brain, I had NO idea it was hotter than dollar night at a whore house the minute I stepped out of my front door, but thanks for the heads up, as I'm trudging along next to the liquor store, a freaking mile from my home. Trailer trash jackass.

Note to self: When your ass and thigh muscles are more stiff than a reformed nun on her wedding night....don't push it by pounding them up and down on blacktop! It will NOT loosen them up!

I made it about .5 miles before my lungs felt like they were going to explode into a million tiny shriveled-up pieces and had to slow it down to a semi-fast walk.  Then, I only made it about 2 miles total before I almost called the neighbor to bring his wheel barrow and snow shovel to scrap me off the pavement and haul me home.

And I'll just save you all the anguish of looking at a ridiculously grotesque workout photo because it looked like I just got done swimming in hot tub filled with hair gel. 

But I did do my 3rd workout.

Pretty sure I won't be able to walk tomorrow, let alone squat WAAAAYYYY down to the toilet to pee.  Yep, just going to have to hold it all day.

Or try peeing standing up near the tree line behind work.

Whatever works.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names!

Purdy, ain't I?

Yeah, Pretty freaking sweating my tatas off. Gross. And don't ask about the hair...I got nothin' on how I can pull that freakness off.

This is what will do to you. 

Christy: Should I thank you or curse the bloggy ground you write on for suggesting this? Ummm, still on the fence on that one. (Most likely I'll be cursing you tomorrow morning!)

First off, if you go to the link, don't be intimidated by the insanely gorgeous stick figure of a woman that hosts this little interval training workout blog.  She's beyond ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure I'd hate her guts, but for the fact that in her videos she's so sweet and really works out HARD! I mean she is panting and sweating her perfectly formed tatas off too!  Na, I still kinda hate her. I'm so going to hell.

I did two workouts tonight! Count 'em Baby! TWO! And man oh man do I feel it.

#1. Booty meets Abs.   Yes, yes it sure does Zuzana (oh yea, she's foreign with a cute little foreign name. Tramp. Woops, did I just type that? For sure got a spot right next to the ol' Devil now).

#2. Pound Melting Workout. We'll just have wait and see about this one, huh, teeny perfect abs Zuz.

I can not, repeat, CAN NOT do the workouts anywhere near like Zuzana. I look like a wet billy goat trying to snowboard down the side of a mountain made of pudding.  But she gives modification instructions for most of the workouts.  Other times, I just flew by the seat of my sweaty workout pants and made my own modifications.  Bonus: Most of the workouts are around 15 minutes!!!  Bonus Killer: You curse Satan's name and want to crawl in a hole and die after the first 3 minutes.

All in all I think I've found a new fav!

PS: No running tonight. Little Wyatt played too hard at fetch and got a little wobbly, running into things and stumbling, when he came inside. I was so worried I didn't want to leave him.  He's ok now. I just think he played too long in too hot of weather.  Poor little fella.

So wish me big fat lucky charms that I get my sorry pooper outta bed tomorrow at 4:30 to get my run in!
Crap, now I want Lucky Charms.

New & Improved Absolutely Fab-U-loso Hotty Boom Body Running and Weights Queeny

Hello my lovely little whipper-snappers!!!

I'm back from the swallows of fart face migraines.  Thank you all so much for your thoughts while I was burrowing my face under 8 blankets to block out the light. And trying to avoid the chinese food restaurant dumpster breath Wyatt has.  He, for some reason, has become obsessed with panting right in my face and then giving me the slimiest lick right up my nose.  I'm guessing the convenience of his head being at my head level when I'm laying in bed is a benefit to him.  Jeesh.

I have a few things to discuss today everyone, so PRE...PARE.

But first...a little cuddle bug for you to oogle:
Me, proud pappa, and Kyron. I don't think my Bro and I look anything alike. Maybe I was brought to this planet by aliens. It would explain a lot.

Don't worry, the bruises on my arm are normal. Apparently I need to start taking iron.

Cutest little guy on the planet!
OK, now that we all got our newborn fix....on with the show.

This week is the start of my 'new' but really same old same old diet and exercise pump ME up routine.  I'm cutting out all the junktasticness, bringing back my running PLUS adding some weights, and am even thinking about adding in a few classes from my gym; either a spin class, or yoga, or I found a cool cardio/pilates one that might be alright. However, I have to wait till I'm off overtime at work, in order to go. I just can't leave the canine in the house for more than 9 hours.  Not that he wouldn't mind or anything. Lazy-cakes.

#1: Eat healthier! I'm going to add much more veggies and fruit to my diet, keeping it high protein and low carb (carbs as in bread/pasta/etc) and low fat. I seemed to do well on that diet a few months ago, and really like the energy it gave me. I'm also going to add more fruits and veggies that are negative calorie foods (burn more calories digesting than what they're made up of).  And ZILCH, NADDA, NO on the pizza, mexican, pasta, cookies, DONUTS, and any other food that I've glutinously participated in this last month.

I was just thinking last night that I feel like crap.  Straight up slug monster is my energy level.  My hair resembles a dirty mop, my skin looks like a New York City pot-holed street, and my nails break for no reason at all. Ummm, think it has anything to do with my lack of good nutrition and physical exertion??! Yep, I'm feel that righteous thought process.

#2: EXERCISE! Huh? What's that? Essxx-R-cee-iii-zzsss? Yes, the patheticness of my activity level as of late is truly astounding. Fo Realz.  Can you say: Couch. Potato.? Because that was my 'old' middle name.  New middle name: Absolutely Fab-U-loso Hotty Boom Body Running and Weights Queeny.  Has a nice ring to it, don'tcha think? I'm going to run my 4-5 miles 5 days a week, and I'm also going to add in some good ol' torturous calisthenics like push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups, etc. And maybe take in a class at my gym. Maybe....I'm still on the fence with this one, but we'll see next week.

I'm going to do Jillian's 30 Day Shred tonight, and maybe all this week. Just to get my body familiar with weights again.  I mean, who wants to dive head first into dumbbells of doom and pull a teeny muscle the first week back 'on the clock', MmmKay? Not me, says I.

#3: NO Reward Foods!  The moronic thoughts that enter into my measly little brain waves about rewarding my good, healthy work with a Butterfinger shake thingy or a sprinkled donut, are worse than the IQ of a caveman. I mean, really? Really, Laura? What kind of logic is that? And why didn't your genius self think about this mentality being idiotic MONTHS ago.  Just goes to show you that 7 years in college didn't do anything but drain my bank account.

Seriously, I have a huge issue with emotional eating. Good and bad emotions. Some of you know that I struggle with this daily and have for a long time. I only realized I was doing, and still am doing it, about 6 - 7 months ago. A little light bulb above my head went *Ding* and everything; but even though I know I have that issue, I haven't really overcome it fully.  I don't know if you ever do. But I'm going to try and be more aware of it....again....and try to find out what the triggers are for it.  But one thing I KNOW I can do is stop the reward food.  Simple. As. That. (Yeah, right.)

Instead I'm going to buy dresses. (Ryan: just skip this next sentence. It'll be better for both of us.) And shoes (right Draz?!).   I need a new dress for a bachelorette party next weekend, so my reward for exercising 5 days this week and eating right all week (and weekend!) is to go shopping for said dress. Killing two birds with one stone and all. And like magic, the Gods from Kohls have been listening to me and sent me a 15% off coupon in the mail yesterday. Yeppers. I call that a divine sign from above, people.

#4: Go 110%! 110% commitment is required to change yourself. I read this great post over at Lap Band Gal's site and it really hit home. Why work hard to change yourself when all you give it is 75 or 80%?! With that direction you really aren't changing yourself at all. Which means your hard work is all for nothing! If I'm going to run every day, which is damn hard work for me, but then have a donut twice a week, what good is that doing my health? Nada. 

So. I'm giving it my all and more this go-around.  I'm sick and tired of going round and round with getting healthier and then 'giving up' on my health.  It's time to evoke my inner She-Ra and kick the bad habits south once and for all!

So, all in all, life is starting to get back on track. And I feel great about it! But I'm sure I'll need y'alls support like a glassblower needs a blowtorch, so dish it out when-evers!!

Ok, Lets do this.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Fart Face Migraines

Well, I was going to do a really great post about loving your body and not hating it.  Then, throw in some new nephew pictures with his cutey patooty chubby cheeks, just to make y'all's day.


An ugly migraine is rearing it's fart face head into my brain. Asswipe.

So, look for my craptastic body image post tomorrow.

However, if you didn't see my canning adventure post yesterday, you have to check it out HERE.  Everyone loves Man Pant Carrots!

I'm such a weirdo.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Cool Canning Queen resides here.

Today is canning day. Yes, I mimic a 1900s housewife twice or three times a year to preserve my beautifully (and I might add award winning....even though I have yet to win the awards, because I'm lazy and wouldn't know the first thing on how to go about winning veggie awards...oh well) home grown veggies.

Actually, my stepmom Joleen got me into it. She'd pull out jars and jars of salsa and pickled green beans and LOADS of other goodies all year long. I was so jealous of her little nifty canning ways. So one day....long long ago (really just 2 years)....I traveled the 4.5 miles into the big city of Wichita to pursue my canning quest.  I purchased books, jars, lids, salt and more vinegar than any normal person would buy in a lifetime. I swear that checkout lady kept giving me the 'that lady is all and more living in coo-coo-land' look. Rude. But I trudged on with my adventure.  Thankfully I didn't have to buy everything, Jo cave me the GIANORMOUS canning pot (I swear I could bath in it, it's so big; but I wouldn't do that, because that's weird) and the little canning tools for Christmas one year, and my teeny piggy bank thanks her every canning season.

But back to today's adventure.....Spicy Carrots. I'm pretty sure that aliens abducted me 3 years ago and turned my thumb green, really that's the only explanation for why I can grow things now, opposed to trying to grow things 4 years ago and not only killing them within days, but killing them with such flair that I should have been nominated for an Academy Award. Anyways, I can grow the best and sweetest carrots, and what do you do with 6 rows of carrots? You can them, of course. With a spicy habanero and red pepper blend that makes them the crunchiest, spiciest, most delicious, mouth watering carrots you've ever dreamed about.  By the way, they also make scrumptious stirring sticks for bloody mary's, just saying.

And I don't grow just any normal carrots....
I grow Man-Pant Carrots.

What the hell.

On with my day: After peeling them, I slice them up into 3in by 1/4 inch little sticks.  Then I follow this recipe:

Spicy Pickled Carrots

You’ll need:
1/2 cup sweet red pepper, finely chopped
1 small habanero pepper, finely chopped
2 tablespoon Mexican oregano
1/2 tsp chile flakes
4 large cloves of garlic, sliced into quarters
1 pound carrots, cut into three-inch matchsticks
3 cups white vinegar
2/3 cup water
1 cup cane sugar
2 teaspoon pickling salt
Bring a canner full of water to a boil. Sterilize (about) 8 pint-sized jars by running them in the dishwasher, with the hot dry heat setting on, then just leaving them in there till you're ready to fill the jars. Meanwhile, mix the red pepper, habanero, Mexican oregano, and chile flakes together.
Combine the vinegar, water, sugar, and salt in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Remove the hot jars from the canner. Add about 2 T pepper mixture per jar. Semi-tightly pack each jar with carrots, making sure to leave ½ inch between the top of the carrots and the rim of the jar. Pour the hot vinegar over the carrots, leaving ½ inch of head space. Wipe the rims of the jars, top them with lids, and screw on the rings.
Process the jars for 15 minutes (start timing after the water in the canner returns to a boil).

A little advice on canning: It takes ALL FREAKING DAY. So prepare yourself by having many frosty beverages only a few feet away in the fridge.

Also, on the above recipe, it's kind of a crap-shoot on how many carrots you have to the pepper and vinegar mixture. I had to make more half way through my canning fiasco. That was fun by the jars waiting to be filled, vinegar mixture boiling on the stove which I would get a good wiff of and nearly pass out backwards from the fumes burning my nose hairs, sweat running down my face, beer was out of reach.  Catastrolicious.  Anyways, just do the best you can, and it's not a big deal if you have to stop and make more.

But once the jars are done, the HUGE mess is cleaned up, you're half tipsy from all the beer you drank....oh wait, that might just be end up with these:
This is about all the counter space I have in my Barbie kitchen, btw.
Ryan: we need a new house...with a WAY bigger kitchen.


Now I just have to wait for them to cool and their little lids to *pop* to seal.

Voilà! I'm the Cool Canning Queen!  And y'all can be just as cool as me if you want to! And if you do, I totally want to see pictures!!

Friday, July 22, 2011

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

It’s BYOC day! Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break! Copy and paste to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. Alright – forgive me – we’re gonna get a little personal here. I was flipping through my organizer and saw in big bright letters “ANNUAL PHYSICAL DUE” coming up soon. Then I remembered that last year my lady bits doc said that since I haven’t had a bad pap in so many years – that I don’t have to come back for another 3 years if I don’t want to. What the what? Did you guys know that?

No speculum in the vaginulum?

**NOTE**: The above situation is from my friend Draz....not moi. FYI.

Anywhoozle – it sounds all good but really – do any of you follow this medical rule? Do you go every three years if you’ve never had a bad pap?

I go EVERY year. I think everyone should. With all the cancer....cervical cancer to name one......that is out there right now, I would hate to wait till something is really wrong before I go in to have it checked out.  Better safe than sorry is what I always say.

2. If you read, what are you reading right now? Or how about what is your fave music right now?

I'm reading The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson.  And a JD Robb book, I think #7 or something, can't remember the title. I read constantly.  Didn't always used to be that way though. In 3rd grade I had a kindergartener's reading level and my teacher at the time really worked with me to improve it.  Also my mom read to me and made me read to her every single night.  By the end of the year I had improved to a 4th grader's level and i've had my nose in a book ever since.  I like anything from sci-fi, trashy romance, mysterial, crime novels, etc.

Music. Ya, I'm also not normal AT ALL in my taste of music. Right now a techno version of Somebody's Watching Me by the Beatfreakz is on.  And Marvin Gaye is next.  I also like country, rap, hip hop, 50s-90s, blues....ok, almost everything but opera.  Yup...not normal.

3. Name some of your favorite smells.

Jeez, this is a hard one. I could say numerous amounts of different kinds of food, but that'll just make me more starving than I already am.  Ummm, fresh cut grass, my puppy (when he's recently bathed, unlike now, smelling like a dumpster mixed with stagnant water), Ryan's smell, he has a distinct smell and I love it, Colorado pine trees!! Those are my favorites.

4. Showers or baths? Shampoo only or shampoo & conditioner? Shave daily or just when you start feeling and looking like an ape?

Shower. I rarely take a bath. But I was just thinking the other day that I should really relax in some bubbles. Shampoo and conditioner, in very small amounts because my hair is sooo short.  And I'm totally gross on the shaving....definitely the pits get shaved every day, but the legs.....really just when I know I'm going to have to wear shorts. I hate shaving my legs, but what women doesn't.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.   

Blogland: FINALLY I'm here on a friday so I can do BYOC! Gosh, it feels like eternity since the last time I did it!  I've been away on vacation for like ever....ok, just 5 days, but it felt like forever in a good way like I hate working so I loved the vacation and we had a freaking blast with great friends; and in a bad way that I had no internet so I missed you little munchkins something fierce. 

Real life: There has been no exercising or eating right or healthy mindset in so long. I'm turning that little crazy train around on Monday. I'm going to start my running up, Beth Ann has inspired me to start taking some work out classes so I'm looking at those, I want to also do some weight lifting of some sort, and my eating is going right back to healthified with low-low-low carb, tons of protein, veggies, and a little fruit.  I talked about negative calorie foods that you actually burn more calories digesting them than what they make up in my post yesterday, so I'm going to make sure that I'm eating a lot of those fruits and veggies on that list. 

That's about all folks.  I need to get back to that thing I call my employment (or Satan's outhouse, either way really). Everyone have a fabulous Friday!!!! 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

Lets get back to our regularly scheduled blogging, shall we?

1. Be sure to check out my vacation adventures HERE. (Just in case you missed it.)

2. It's hotter than two hamsters farting in a wool sock, by the way.
Oh, and it doesn't get much better for the next 7 days. 105, 104, 101, 106, and on and on and on. 

Weather Gods: I think it's about time to pull your heads out of your asses and give us a break. Mmmmkay?!

3.  I haven't stepped on a scale in two weeks. Not because I'm not trying to step on a scale, but more because I don't want to face reality.  I mean, when you shove vicious amounts of food in your mouth for two weeks, who wants to be reminded about it?  So lets all just pretend that the devil machines don't exist and we'll live in a perfect world where we're all our ideal weight, don't have to work our asses off 3 hours a day and eat celery sticks to achieve it.  Yes, I like that world. 

4.  On the whole shoveling food note, I think the hypnosis worked, that I tried a few weeks ago, but I'm still not making the most healthy choices. Mainly because of the crap that is called my life, and vacation.  I do believe that I will start up an organized diet after this weekend (more family eating that just can't be avoided). I also need to learn how to say NO. Anyone got any ideas on how to conquer that little task? Nope? Ya, me neither. But we'll try and figure it out together.

5.  Did y'all know that you burn more calories eating celery that what the vegetable contains? Well, I didn't know that until a few weeks ago, then didn't think anything about it, but started doing research the other day. It's pretty interesting. There are multiple fruits and veggies that are called Negative Calorie Food. Which basically means that you burn more calories digesting the food that what calories make up the food.  
Here's a list of some veggies:
-celery, cucumber, garlic, lettuce, green beans, spinach, zucchini, onion, radish, asparagus, cabbage, cauliflower, carrot and beet root.
Here's a list of the fruit:
-peach, pineapple, tomato, watermelon, cranberries, blueberries, apple, grapefruit, mango, orange, lemons, limes, papaya, cantaloupe, honeydew, raspberries, strawberries, tangerine and watermelon.

I think I'm going to try and focus on eating more of these foods when I re-vamp my pathetic diet next week. Why not, heh?!

6. Lets just check this little button out again:
Don't you wanna just pinch his adorable little chubby cheeks?!?!
I get to meet him this weekend and take his newborn pictures.  So, look out! Picture overload next week.
7.  My running is still shitastic at best.  We're going on 3 weeks of no physical activity. Well, not counting 12 ounce curls and water skiing. I think I need to sign up for a 5K; that'll get my pooper in gear!

8.  Did you guys know that I missed you more than the sun misses the flower?! I'm pretty sure I need to get a pad thingy to have internet wherever I go. 5 days away is just too long. Way too long.  I haven't even remotely caught up on all your bloggy's. I've got through a few from yesterday and some from the day before. But to go back 5 whole days is going to take me the rest of the century.  Just for that fact....need a little internet pad thingy.  Yup. Ryan....hint hint. (Note: does anyone else think about woman's monthly pads when they think about the iP@d? Cause I do, and I think it's hilarious and wrong at the same time. But i'm just weird like that.)
9.  I don't really feel like working today. AT. ALL. Yes, I've been away for awhile. Yes, I have a mountain of problems that only my skilled little mind can figure out on my desk. Yes, I need the money. But really? Nope. Don't wanna. Don't wanna go to a supervisor's meeting in 30 minutes to talk about nothing that really has to do with me. Literally.  Don't want to clean those beastly printing machines from Satan's underworld....that I love so much.  Don't wanna print things. Damn it, I better do something. Farts.

10.  One more :-)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Copious amounts of vacation.

Word of the vacation: Copious. (Courtesy of my good friend Jordan.)
Drink a copious amount of beer.....Sure.

Eat copious amounts of food.....Why not.

Float copious amounts of time in the water, under the blazing 100 degree sun, till you have the most righteous tan lines EVAH on your face that make you look like you faceplanted in a dirt pile a month ago and decided not to wash your face since.....Yup. Did that. Done that. Currently sporting that!

Check it:

The vacation was awesome. By far the best ever, besides my honeymoon. Of course.

Our friends Matt and Jess towed their bad-AZZ boat clear from TX, though Arkansas and Missouri construction filled curvy roads of death, to our little bitty cabin on Table Rock Lake.  Needless to say, when they got there, they needed some refreshing beverages.  Which we happily provided. Then a funny thing happened....we basically didn't stop drinking from that point on.

Just kidding. You can't sleep and drink at the same time. Duh.

Seriously, we're not a bunch of lushes, but we did put down a good amount of alcohol.  Jess made the best Summer Beers. I made some delightful Bloody Mary's. This vacation was kickin'!
Me, Jordan, Jess
Then our good friends (also, sorta, from TX, who own the boat with Matt and Jess) Will and Jordan showed up on Friday to partake in the fun lake action.

Oh, and the food. Holy mother of hungry monkey's.  We had fajitas Friday; burgers, brats, salad and beans on Saturday; red beans and rice and cornbread on Sunday.  Then many, MANY, snacks inbetween. It was endless. ENDLESS.

Anyways, on to what we did. Really we just boated, skied, wakeboarded, floated, drank, chatted, laughed, floated some more, drank some more, got sunburned, slept, then woke up and did it all over again. And of course played a little fetch with the little Wyatt. (Here ya go Cat!)

Catching some air with that one!

One day we went to what we call 'The Cliffs'. Some of the boys jumped off. I have before, but didn't feel like getting out of the boat.
That would be Ryan jumping. Matt's waiting his turn.
Here's us floating one afternoon. Even the little guy came with us and got his very own life jacket.
Will and Jordan having some floating time.

It took some maneuvering to get on that raft, let me tell ya. That's why there's
Jess, Matt, and I ALL holding him up.

Too much boating...had to take a siesta.
Then on Monday we decided to shake things up a bit by going on the 'Dam Cruise'. Our good friends John and Lori go down about this time every year and take Monday off to just go on an all day boat trip to the other end of the lake where the dam is.  The plan is to stop and float every so often, eat at a little bar, then finish the evening up at a tiki bar that makes the best peach daiquiri's. Well.....this year, the plan had a few little unexpected detours.
Floating at our first stop in Full Moon Bay.

John and Lori's boat...cruising!
We get to the first float cove and we all are having a grrrreat time, I mean the beer is flowing, we're all laughing. Good times. (Note above picture.)  Then we decide to hop in our boats (there are three different ones, John and Lori's, our friends from TX, and some other friends the Doty's) and head to the next destination. Which I believe was another floating trip or to eat.  That's when the trouble started.

The Doty's are just toodling along and their boat slips out of gear and won't start. Well, luckily we're right behind them, so we stop. Ends up we have to tow the boat to a semi-nearby marina. Boat is done. Poops. Capoot. But 2 of them hopped in with us, 2 hopped in with John, and their parents (the other 2 on the boat) went home to get the trailer and stuff.  All in all, it could have been way worse, but it still sucked big blue donkey balls.

Well, we make it to Ahoy's to eat. Which was ok, not the best, but bar food and we were starving. By this point we are really behind in the time table.  So we hurry off to the Tiki Bar.  The LOOONNNGGGG awaited Tiki Bar with the BEST peach daiquiri's on the face of this earth.....And.....yup......they're closed.
This is before I knew it was closed, otherwise that smile would NOT have
been upon my face.
BUT! Matt (our friend from TX) saved the day and found a SaaaWeeeet bar back in Kimberling City that was open, and took reservations. So we cruised on over there.
Everyone that made it on the final lap of 'the cruise'.
Finally we headed home. And this is what I got to look at:
I know. Terrible, right?

I think the group at our cabin has decided that 5 days just isn't enough, we need a full week. Weekend to weekend action.  Yuppers.  That just might suffice.

Oh, and something else totally insanely wonderfully fantastic happened on the 17th! My little nephew decided to come play in the big world!
Kyron James
Proud Mom Jennifer and Dad Michael (brother) and little Kyron.
Kyron James was 7lbs 6oz, 20.25 inches long born July 17th at about 10:30pm.

I'm a new auntie!!!!

Copious amounts of fun had on that weekend! Lets do it again!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

It's just not right.

OHHHH THE HORROR! Ohhhhh the PAIN! Noooooooooo!

My celebrity man crush is rumored to be dating someone.

And not just any 'someone', people.

Little Miss I'm-drop-dead-sexy-in-the-Dior Jadore-commercial Long Legs McGee. Hooker. oops, did I type that?...I really didn't mean too.
It's just not right, folks, it's just not right.
But don't worry, this won't stop me from posting sexy beach pictures of his fine abs every once in a while. (Sorry My Ryan....for all the above. You're still the best husband on the planet. Oh and happy birthday.)


On to some more devastating news: It is time for me to go.  Well, just for a few days. I will be back! I promise!

I will miss you more than I miss a cold beer on a hot day.
I will miss you more than I miss donuts.
I will miss you more than rap misses Tupac.
I will miss you more than Whitney H misses crack.

Ok, you get the idea.

Have a funtastic weekend everyone and don't do anything I wouldn't do! hehehe

Hypnotize this, fool.

*Note: First I just want to point out that OBVIOUSLY the teeny thoughts rolling around in my noggin are not really forming complete and organized concepts (which is nothing new). Namely because I thought yesterday was Thursday.  So much so that I posted my Ten Things Thursday. I was all excited and giddy because I'm 'back' and couldn't wait to share all my scintillating adventures with you all. Lets just all come to a reasonable understanding that not only did the 'ditz' come out to make an appearance yesterday, but 'she' did it with the most amazing flair ever.  I'm just so happy to make you guys giggle with my batty personality.

Moving on.

Yup, the title is correct. I have now joined the elite and sophisticated club of people who have been hypnotized. (Ya, right, more like idiotic and straight up coo coo club. It's fine.)

So, a few weeks ago I decided that with my life being the toilet flush that it is, that I need to get some help de-stressing.  Some of you know that I had a very difficult time in college with depression. And I am a HUGE advocate for seeing and talking to someone about what's going inside that space between your ears.  Well, normally I use a meditation type thing, called Biofeedback, to relieve stress and keep me on track. But this year has really taken a toll on my mental state.  Anyways, it has started to become difficult to keep my anxiety and stress in check so I decided that counseling was in order.  And I made an appointment. The first one was last week, and it went really good.  Poor little Jenny had to write a novel about all my craptasticness. I'm pretty sure she got writer's cramp.

Yesterday was the 2nd appointment. And I was complaining about emotional all know what I'm talkin' about.  Lately, I have just been shoveling ridiculousness in the hole in my face for no reason.  Chinese food for supper 3 times last week?? Sure. (Despite the salad that's already prepared and in the fridge.)  Donut for a mid-morning snack EVERY SINGLE DAY?? Sure, just inhale it in, Laura. I told Jenny that I knew what I was doing. It wasn't mindless eating where you find your head buried in a bag of Lays licking the crumbs off the bottom, and realize, "what the F did I just do?!"  I KNOW what I'm doing.  As I'm standing in line at the store, I KNOW that I need to go home and eat that great Greek Salad (feta cheese is the nectar of Gods), but instead I mosey on over to the fried rice amazingness and order 8 pounds of General's Chicken.

This is the part when Jenny says, "Well, I can help you with that through hypnosis."


She went on to explain that we only recognize about 10% of consciousness in our brain. Meaning we only recognize why we do things, feel things, etc. with 10%.  The other 90% ALSO causes us to do things and feel things, but it's subconscious and we can't recognize what's going on. I explained that I'm obviously trying to fill some 'void' in myself through food.  But I just can't pin-point what that void is.  I think it's a combination of various things that have happened this last year, but I don't know exactly.  That's when Jenny said, "Well, we'll work on the void, but to help with the emotional eating, we can do hypnosis now. That will at least start you off in a better direction, if we can get that under control. And...we've still got 20 minutes."

Well alrighty then. Let's DO THIS!

I sat comfortably in a chair and she started reading a 'mediation' page that slowly gets my body and mind in a relaxed state. Then we used a elevator metaphor to go deep and deeper and deeper.  I was still aware what was going on the whole time but I was incredibly relaxed. So relaxed I thought I was going to just slip right out of the chair and sleep for a decade on her office floor.  That's when she went over a few 'verses' about self-esteem (because i have always struggled with my self-confidence) and next was about the food.  She asked me to tell her about a time when I ate something I wasn't supposed to, or what that food was, and I said cookie. Then she asked me a color that related to the cookie, I said 'blue' (it was an M&M cookie).  Then she went over that I need to recognize when I'm really hungry and not just satisfying my subconscious.  She also had me remember a time when I was proud of myself for making a 'correct' choice, and I said there were donuts and I didn't take them, I walked away. She asked me to use a phrase or word that described my feelings at that time, and I said 'strong'.  Then she had me put my index finger and thumb together and said the word 'strong' over and over and explained that the next time I want to eat without hunger that I put my fingers together and say 'strong'.  Then, she brought me back 'out' of the state of relaxation and explained that I would feel energized and ready.  Oh man was I ever.

I really, really, wanted to just sleep forever when I first got to the appointment. I have been so exhausted all the time, but after that session I was wide awake.  I went home, did laundry, packed my bags, the food, the dog's endless crap, and even made a kazillion phone calls.  And every time I walked in the kitchen I saw a container of kolaches (jam filled pastries) on the counter that I'm bringing down to the lake.....and you know what???? I didn't want to eat a single one.  I didn't 'feel' hungry.  I actually didn't even eat dinner until later because, again, I wasn't hungry.

So I don't know if hypnosis is actually 'helping' me to make better choices or if I'm more 'aware' of my emotional eating, but either way I feel a boat-load better today than I have in a long long time. 

I'm going to continue with my counseling and probably try hypnosis more. I really like the state of relaxation that my body is in.  It's so much like Biofeedback too, and that helped me sooo much when I was in college.

Each person is different. Each person deals with things and feelings different.  I bottle my emotions like a brewery bottles a pilsner.  It's not healthy, I know that.  But what helps is meditation of some sort.  I loved and still love Biofeedback, but now I've found another avenue of mediation, and I really am starting to like that too. I even think the combination of both is going to help me for the rest of my life.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that find your 'thing' to help with the stresses in life. Don't bottle your emotions....let them out!  Do yoga, exercise, meditate, seek counseling, ANYTHING!  Don't let stress 'win'. Beat the ever-living piss out of it! Any way you want! (And if you have the chance, you should totally get hypnotized. It's so rad, man.)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

1.  Did you know that I've been going through blogger withdrawl like it's going outta style?  Holy buckets of sweaty pink pee pees!  I HAVE MISSED YOU ALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! It's just not the same, ya know?  I feel like I was in some dark northern KS cave, pitch black, scary crawly things, and none of my little munchkins to make me all chipper and happy-go-lucky. Wow. That was random. See what freaking happens when I don't post?! Madness. All. Around.

2.  Lets get in our pretty purple bedazzled time machines and go back to the 4th of July: The weekend started off pretty good. I did get up and run on Sat. morning. I nearly got run over by another doe (what is it with four-legged woodland creatures that my husband can blow outta the sky [sorry Dawnya] that want to come out and scare the Ba-Jesus out of me??!!) and by a white mini van (stupid out of state drivers). But I made it about two miles before I wanted to crawl in the ditch and die. Missouri hills SUCK gianormous butt.  Word of advice: Never run in Missouri. It's like jogging on a rollercoaster in pea soup. Not cool, kids.

3. Continuing on with the 4th: Went skiing. It rocked. Read a whole book...on the dock...while sipping many deliciously refreshing beers. It was heaven. This is what Wyatt did, inbetween helping Ryan fish:

I give that splash a 8.5. He can do way better than that.
Then he did this for about 3 hours:
"I so tired Mom. But I'll play again if you say the magic word!"
(Magic Word: Fetch) Shhhh, don't say it....he might hear you.
4. One more 4th thing: We celebrated Ryan's 30th B-Day (even though it's not till the 14th, but what the hell).  Remember I mentioned that he was going to have a hunting themed cake? Well, the little local grocery store did freaking A--MAZ--ING! Check it:
Do you see the little, sorry Ryan I mean, BIG buck on the right and the little big hunter guy on the left? And all the little big trees and bushes. It's just so cutey patooty! I mean, Manly. Yes, dear, Super Burly Cave-Man Manly. (Draz, you gotta show this to Rambo! He'd just die.)

5. Ok, fast forward a little in our B. E. A. U. tiful time machines to last weekend.  Even though it was a sad time, my family loves, I mean LOVES, to have a good time.  And that's what my Grandpa wanted, so that's what we did. I laughed so hard at some of the stories my cousins were telling about their lives, or what we used to do when we were kids, that I was busting up!  I'm not gonna name names, but one of my cousins has a secret fear that her husband is going to leave her for a stripper named Bambi, or some shit like that. Had a full on dream about it and was completely pissed at him for hours after she woke up.  Ok, I guess you had to be there.  Well, and be there 3 sheets to the wind. Everything is funny then. This is Bern (my family's home town):
To the right.

And to the left.
There's not much behind me but residential.  There is a 4-Wheeler business and a lumber yard. But the rest are houses.  Most of the buildings have been around since my Grandpa Jim moved to Bern in the 30s. It's really the cutest little town ever.

6. Random pics at the party for my Grandpa:
Shots for Grandpa!
Aaaannddd. $140 dollars and 2 minutes more Crown.
BTW, that's by brother. He normally doesn't have that of a stupid
look on his face. Normally.
That's my cousin Pat's girlfriend. Quite possibly the sweetest woman on the planet.
My cousin Corey and a good family friend Amy.
Me and my cousin Tom. He may or may not use this picture in a future political campaign.
My cousin Kaycee, Me (yes I chopped off my hair), and my cousin Jamie.
We are some good lookin' chicks! Our husbands better appreciate!
7.  I have decided that no matter if the bottle of Crown costs $40 or $140, it still tastes like hairspray and gasoline mixed together. My insides still burn 5 days later.  Oh...OHHH...we also figured out that Crown has tasted that way for my cousin Kaycee and I for a VERY long time. A certain uncle (her dad) gave us a taste of Crown and Coke when we were like 7.  Totally normal parenting skills happening in my family.

8.  Moving on.  I have become a genius. Yup, that's right. Certified. (Well, certified something.) I have figured out a extremely difficult mathematical equation...all by myself.

5 days of pizza + 7 days of beer * Crown / Chinese Food + no physical activity= FAT POOPER

Write that one down folks. Ingrain it in your memory spaces.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT try to accomplish this equation yourself. It results in horrible bumpy lumpy things and rolls of unmentionable goo attached to your middle and lower sections of your physical body. It's a bad bad deal. (My math teacher mother would be so proud.)

9.  I have not run in one week and three days. I will probably not have time to run this week at all, so the grand total will be two weeks and no running.  That's ok. My life is a glorified toilet flush.  Not a full force hurricane.  Not a wind wiping tornado. A toilet swirly people.  Straight up.  Work is monumentally horrible, but I'm at the point where I just break out in giggles when people talk to me. I'm pretty sure the owner of the company looked for a straight jacket all day yesterday. With no luck, mind you. There's always today. 

And I went to the local grocery store last night (one of many trips this week) and no shit, I was behind a mom, son, and daughter in the cookie/chips aisle and the boy (about 11 and definitely not at a healthy weight) picked up a box of Pepperidge Farm cookies and said (I quote), "Please can I have these, PLEEEEASE, Mom? I promise I'll eat them every morning for breakfast! PLEEEAAASSSEEEE!"  Her response (brace yourselves), "Well....if you promise."

Huh? Wha the What? Breakfast?! What the F***?

My mouth hit the floor. I had to leave the aisle I was so grossed out. And you wonder why kids are obese at age 12?! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

Ok, I'm done.

10. Again...I want to thank you and give you the biggest bear hugs EVAH for being so wonderful to me through this time.  All your thoughts, comments and prayers.  Your emails. Everything. You guys really have helped me through a very difficult time and I know I don't email everyone to tell them thank you (mostly because I'm embarrassed that someone cares as much as you guys do), but I want you to know that I read every comment, every word, heard every prayer, and I am SO grateful. You guys are the best group of people I've ever 'met' in my entire life and I praise God every day that I got on this ridiculous website and started some crazy shenanigans...because it led me to you all!

PS: I will be MIA again for awhile. I know, I know. Wipe the tear from your cheek. It'll be OK. But, I'm so excited about it I could pee my panties.  (Can you say: LAKE?) Anyway, I will be back next week and I will catch up again on all your lovelinesses and then I won't leave for a very long time (ok, like a month). But it's fine!!  **HUGS** I will miss-miss-miss YOU!!!!