Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Grandparents are shitty instruction followers.

Remember those nice, typed up, easy to follow, general instructions I came up with yesterday? For Dillyn's trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house????

Ya. Well. The only thing it's really good for now is toilet paper.

Grandma calls this morning and says, "Well, I tried to follow the instructions but Grandpa Hardy wasn't having it."
Leave it to Hardy to not follow the rules. I don't know why I'm surprised by this.

I guess D got up at 2:30am and MY instructions were to put the binky in her mouth and she'll fall back asleep. Well, after the 3rd time of her spitting it out, Hardy decided that she needed her butt changed. This was ALSO part of my instructions: Do NOT change her in the middle of the night, she'll just wake up more.

So what happens when she has a fresh new diaper??? In the middle of the night???
She's wide awake.......................and wants food.

So they feed her. (Also on the DO NOT DO list.)

THEN, they decide to let her sleep in bed with them for a little while so they can cuddle.


They're creating a ripple that will surely turn into a tidal wave of my nice and glassy baby routine lake.

Apparently, this is a typical grandparent function.
To screw your child's routine up, then just hand her back with a shit eating grin on their face.

Well played grandparents. Well played indeed.

On a side note, I fretted (and by that I mean I had an hour car ride home to freak the f*ck out about all the possibly horrible things that could happen to my baby girl) enough that I was sure I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink last night.............nope. Complete opposite. Head hit the pillow and I was out till 5:30am this morning. That was the most glorious night of sleep I've ever had. I even cuddled with my puppy in bed before we both crawled out to start the day.

Dear Baby Jesus: Could you please make all babies understand that a full, good nights sleep is KEY to having non-psycho parents????? So they should just be born sleeping through the night. Mmmkay???? Could you work on that????
I Love Me Some Sleep

T-Minus 5.5 hours till I get to see my baby girl again.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Being an OCD mother is shit-tastic.

Dillyn's going to stay with Grandma Julie tonight for the FIRST NIGHT AWAY...EVER!

I'm freaking out.

Not that I don't trust my mother or anything. But D be away from me for 24 hours!!! That's like a freaking eternity. I don't think I can deal with this. Where is a zanax. And a bottle of Patron. And a padded cell.

Ok, so I wrote some 'instructions' out and thought I'd share. Just to make fun of myself. Because that's what I do.

This is what I'm sending with her:

~Feed her formula during the day. Start with 4oz, and add another 2 (or more) if she’s still hungry. You don’t need to warm the formula. Feed her breast milk before bed, 5-6oz. Do warm the milk, but be careful not to get it too hot in the microwave.
~She gets sleepy around 8:30, but try to keep her awake till at least 9pm, and then do our ‘nighttime ritual’: Jammies, change diaper, fix bottle, and feed. (I put two blankets in her bag. Just wrap them around her bottom half. Not close to her face.)
~She’ll probably wake up around 5:30 or so (sometimes in the middle of the night also), but just give her the binky (the one without the leash), and she’ll go back to sleep. Don’t feed her or change her diaper until at least 6:30am (unless she’s screaming). I try to get her up at 6:30am every day. At that time, if’s she’s up, that’s great, if not, you don’t need to wake her, just let her wake up on her own.
~Feed her breast milk for her first feeding (5-6oz, warmed). Then formula the rest of the day. If she’s not taking the formula well, just switch to breast milk. She may get gassy with the formula, there is gas drops in the front pocket of her diaper bag. FYI, she’s hungry about every 2.5 hours.
~Try to get her on her tummy at least for 10 minutes during the day. She’ll hate it, but she needs to be on it.
~Otherwise she likes to be in the sitting position. And she likes to be able to look around. If she’s fussy, sit her in between your legs on the couch and swing them back and forth. That always helps.

Don’t laugh at this. It’s just the way it is.

Do you think it's overkill??????

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Updates like a boss.

I'm here. I swear.
I have not left you.
I have not died.

I've just been a mommy.

God I love being a mommy.

Can I just tell you what happened tonight?

First of all, I had to work all day. 7am to 3:30pm. Well, truthfully, I had a brain shart and got there at 7:30am. Don't ask.

So Ryan was Super Baby Daddy and took care of Baby D all day. And part of the night (cause I got to have beers after work, a must on a Sat.)

But when I finally made it home......deer chili on the stove, house completely dusted (and if you live on a gravel road, like we do, you know how HUGE this is), carpets vacuumed, AND little Wyatt is fluffy from a bath.

Be jealous. Yes. Seriously. You can. It's fine.

So it was a good day, despite the whole work hellhole thang.

Let's see, what else is going on.....Oh, my baby turned 3 months old this week! Can you freaking believe it?!
Ya, me neither.

Do you see those hands?!?! Ya. They just keep getting bigger. And bigger. And bigger.

Doesn't it just seem like yesterday when I was telling y'all about being pregnant???
Ya, me too.
Now she's practically a teenager.
It's tragic how fast they grow!!!

We went to our 2nd K-State football game last weekend. It was fun. It was my time to relax while Grandma took care of D.
Clearly you can see she's in good hands.
And the beverage is within reach.
Grandma is such a pro.

In other news....

my dog is strange:

Baby put himself in the corner.


Seriously, I don't even know why he was doing that. And he laid like that forever.

Oh, that brings me to the next topic: Remember when Ryan and I were apparently hit with the dumbstick and got a new puppy???? When we already had a damn near new baby????? And we brought said puppy home during winter....aka hunting season????
Ya. That didn't last long.

We had to give her back. The puppy, Bella, I mean. I just couldn't do it. Ryan was gone hunting or working late a few times a week and trying to take care of a baby and a puppy and another doggie, Wyatt, is like trying to drink at a AA just doesn't happen.

Good news is she went to a really good family that has a little girl that was just dying to have a dog.

Ryan and I have determined that we're just a 1 dog family. And that 1 dog is Mr. Wyatt. Spoiled brat.

Lastly, I've been doing a little exercising. Yes, yes. It's happening again.
I don't know how to describe it, other than I know most of you know what I'm talking about, but every time I work out, the next day I am in the best mood. Not even stupidfucks at work can poop on my sparkly rainbow. Its amazing. And I love it. And I'm becoming slightly addicted.

Like today, I didn't get a chance to get to the gym and I'm all sadpants. Who the hell am I becoming?!?!?! Iv'e always hated working out. It's torture right?! The whole conveyor belt of death....Miss PerkyAss Drill Sergeant at the Fierce Class that I could punch in the hoohaa.....sweating not because I'm out of beer, but because I'm forcing myself to move my's just all wrong!
But now it's just all.......right.


Well, that's it for now. I truly miss blogging and am going to start making a point to get back into it. I miss reading my bloggy buddy's blogs too. I need to be better about that.

Until next time loves!!!


Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I have no idea what to title this because it's all over the board. Enjoy.

I hate not being able to write. It sucks Satan's balls.

Wanna know what else sucks Satan's balls???


Yup. It still sucks. Actually, it's getting worse every day I spend there.

I got it!!!! Y'all 'donate' to my writing fund and I'll never go back to Satan's outhouse. Deal?!
I'll wait for your checks in the mail.
Spank you very much in advance. ;-)

There's so much I want to write about.
I'm struggling with the Sugar HoBag Slutface Lintlicker. What's new huh.
I'm completely addicted. Like seriously addicted. I've tried to put down the cupcake or donut or soda or 12 lb bag of sugar that I have intravenously loaded into my veins....but no dice. I've got a great group of women that help me, or more like we help each other, through emails. And I think we're all struggling with it. But! We WILL all overcome! That i'm sure! Tomorrow is a new day!!! I'm not giving up and I know they're not giving up either.

I've decided that I absolutely love being a mom. I know, right?! You're shocked. hehehe, just kidding. I tell you what, I don't mind sleepless nights. Or having a small human attached to my tatas pretty much all the time. Or that I have a pig pen for a house....because I want to just cuddle all the time. But truly, if you had to pick between scrubbing toilets and snuggling this face:

Which would you chose?
Me too.

And I'm going to be a little.....what's the word....ornery/biased/conceded, but she is the best baby. No lie. She smiles all the time, rarely cries, is a good eater, and has been a pretty good sleeper since birth. Ryan and I are lucky ass parents. Y'all can hate us now.
You know what this means tho....our second baby will probably be a holy terror. lol.
Or better yet, little Miss Amazingpants will grow up and be 15 times as ornery/mischievous/hellion-like  as me by the age of 2. I'd just like to point out that my nickname 'Laura Belle' came from my aunt, who said i was the best baby. But then at about 2, I was so ornery that I ended up tripping my mother, who was carrying my baby brother and arms full of packages, down an escalator. Not on purpose mind you. But I was playing 'noodle legs' and wouldn't stand up.

And then there may have been another time that I nearly bit off my baby brothers fingers.
But there's no proof of that and I still deny it.

OK. What else is going on.

It's been about 9 months since I've spoken with my biological dad. While I'm completely confident that I'm better off without his lying, cheating, manipulative ass, it's still very strange not to talk to him. Or really, not to have a dad to talk to at all. Ryan's such an amazing dad, and it makes me miss having one.   Not that he was ever amazing. Because he wasn't. He was a pretty shitty dad. But my other dad, Mike was amazing. So that's what I miss.

I don't know why I'm having a hard time letting go, but I am. I think most of it has to deal with me being angry with him. I am constantly thinking about how much I hate him for what he's done to my life and the life of my mom and stepmom. I know that hate is eating me alive and I need to let go. But I can't. I don't know why. I think I need to talk to someone about it, but crap, when am I going to find time to do that! ugh.

So that's it for now.
I promise to get back to a regular schedule soon. It's just hard to juggle snuggle time and work and scrubbing toilets and writing. But I'll find my groove eventually!

Friday, November 8, 2013

Interesting my dear Watson.

Just saw THIS article on

'Bottle of warm beer' more effective than psychotherapy?

Basically a psychotherapist suggested that sometimes a beer is all you needed.

Buddy, I can assure you that is correct. I've done multiple case studies on it. Using myself as the test subject. The sacrifices I go through for science. You're welcome.
Oh, and I am available for further research, if it involves consumption of alcoholic beverages, for free. I volunteer. Pick me. I heart you. Spank you very much.

In other news, I'm still in the scintillating AutoCAD class. I'm learning soooooooooooooo much. (That was sarcastic. In case you didn't catch that.)

I kinda feel bad. I'm sitting in the front row, and the poor guys behind me must think I don't give two poops about being here because I'm on the internet all damn day. Oh well. Good news is we got out early yesterday and we're on track to get out early today. Woop Woop!

Oh, and the Universe sharted in my face again last night/this morning. Baby Girl and I did a lot of running around yesterday evening. She was basically in her car seat for like 3 hours (which she slept almost the entire time).  By the time we got home, we had minimal cuddle time (sadface), she fed, and then went to bed at like 9. I was fully prepared to get up at 2:30am like I have been this whole week. And what does my mind do? Not shut the eff up. I was up till midnight, tossing and turning and thinking about the 1200 calories I'd just consumed in desert alone that night, or that I haven't plucked my eyebrows in about 18 months (startin to look a little caterpillary.) Or that I should really work out tonight but I sooooo don't wanna.

But I finally fell asleep at about 12:30ish. Thinking, hummmm 2 hours of sleep is going to ROCK. Next thing I knew, I was jolting out of bed because the clock read 4:30 and I hadn't heard a peep from Miss Dillyn. Damn near thought she got abducted by aliens or something. Nope. Not the case. She was just laying in her bed, sound asleep.

So, then my body proceeded to wake up every hour and check the monitor to see if she was awake. Because Lord knows I couldn't just get normal rest. She didn't get up till about 7am. 7 in the A to the M!!!!! She got a great 9 hours of sleep last night. While mommy got like 4. The one night she sleeps forever and I can't join her.

Bullshittles I tell you!

Well, Cupcakes I'm off to learn more nothing in this amazing waste of my time.

Cheers to the WEEKEND!!!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

So I know it's been awhile.
I've finally made it to the shallow end of the shitpool. Barely.

1.  Someone was a Queen Bee for Halloween:

What can I say. She's adorable.

2.  Right now I'm in an AutoCAD for beginners class. FML. I'd rather spoon my eyeball out and feed it to an walrus.

I just tried to do a print screen to show you. But it's not letting me. Damn technology.

Basically I'm learning how to draw circles and squares. Again....FML.

3.  Sugar Is My Bitch recap:

Sugar is NOT my bitch.....................yet.

It's a struggle. Every.Damn.Minute.

For some people, you can have a small amount every so often, then go sans the SugarDevil for weeks. I am not one of those people. I have been feuding with little Miss Self Control for quite some time now. And that ho-bag is winning.

Example: I was so good today when I stopped and got coffee and DIDN'T, I repeat DID NOT, get a donut. Show up to class today and the damn teacher brought a box of them and sat them within arms reach.
F*ck you very much Cosmic are a bastard.

I had one donut, and now I want a truckload of Mt. Dew.

4. Does anyone else feel like it shouldn't be November? Ya. Me either.

5. Rewind to the middle of Oct. I don't know if I put Dillyn's 2 Mo pics up or not. But here she is in all her glory.

Apparently the last one I scared the shit out of her during our little photo shoot. Poor thing. ;-)

6. BTW, at her 2 mo check up, she grew 2 inches (total 23 inches now. I know. Basketball player in the making) and she weighs a whopping 11.3lbs. Obviously taking after her dad. Because I'm so danty and all. I wish I had one of my baby pics handy. I was a chub. Maybe someday I'll find one and put it on here.

7. Wait. Found one.

I'm the smallest baby in my mom's arms. She has the long pony tail in the front. Can you see the triple chin??? Oh it's there. That's no lie.

8.  I think I should go. Class is about over....thank the effing Lord. So I should pay some sort of attention.


PS. Not spell checking. Or grammar checking. Chelsea, don't kill me.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Let me tell you about my life.....

it blows porcupine pee-pee.
Big time.

I didn't blog at all last week.
Wanna know why?
Of course you do.

Work. The day to day grind. The 9-5. The paycheck. The I-want-to-shank-a-bitch-or-three-employment.

It sucks ass.

You can not believe the amount of bullshit I have to swim through on a day to day basis. It's a lot. Not some little kiddie pool sized either, we're talking Olympic pool sized people.
And it straight up stinks.

I have lots to share. Including my battle with the SugarBitch. Which also blows.
Plus Little D was a Bumble Bee for Halloween and she was A.DOR.ABLE! But then again, I made her, so of course she's adorable. lol. (not to toot my own horn or anything. lol. I said toot by the way. If you didn't laugh at that, you need to check your meds.)

OK. So I'm going to go back to swimming in the poo. And I will *try* and catch y'all up tonight or tomorrow.

PS: I miss you all!