Friday, December 21, 2012

An Early Christmas for a special Puppy.

Last night Ryan and I decided to open gifts. Well, we also decided that Puppy could open his gifts too.

He really gets after it. Silly dog.

Wyatt opening his presents:

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Ten Things Thursday....OK, more like One Thing

Hey there Lovies!!!

Sorry I've been MIA. It's been a batcrap crazy shitstorm around here lately!

I just wanted to pop in and wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year if I don't see/talk/whatever to you this next couple weeks!


Friday, December 14, 2012

There is no title that justifies this topic.

 ***I want to point out that this blog is for me to write. For me to vent. And for me to get all my pent up frustrations out. This is my opinion only, you don't have to share it, you don't even have to agree with it. Hell, you don't even have to read this***

It is beyond gut wrenching and agonizing that we live in a world that human beings kill other unarmed and innocent children and adults. For nothing really. Innocent people die for nothing.

Most of the time, the main question we ask is WHY?
Why did he do that?
Why didn't someone stop him?
Why did my loved one have to be there?
Why did he pick that school to shoot at?
Why is someone so evil?

And what hurts almost as bad as that innocent lost loved one, is that we may never get any answers to those questions. We may never know WHY.

Another thought that runs through our heads is, 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND!'
I don't understand how someone could do this!
I don't understand how someone could be this sick!
I don't understand why this happened!

I, personally, don't understand why most of these horrible crimes are committed by young adults. There is a trend here folks.
Connecticut School Shooter: 24 years old
Oregon Mall Shooter: 22 years old
Aurora Theater Shooter: 24 years old
Virginia Tech Shooter: 23 years old

And I could go on and on.

What is wrong with today's youth that they think killing, make that mass killing, is the answer to their problems?!

Is it TV? Well, I used to watch the Die Hard movies when I was a kid and any other shoot 'em up flick and never killed anyone.

Is it access to guns? Sorry, there's always been guns around in my family. As kids we were trained to use BB guns at age 5. And to only hunt for food. Again, I've never killed anyone.

Is it Government? Good question. While the Government has changed since I was young and I don't agree with a lot that goes on in DC, you still can't hold others accountable for your own actions.

That's what it is. Who's accountable? What makes a young man kill kindergarteners?

In my opinion: It's the parents.

I'm sorry, but how do you NOT KNOW your son demented?!?!

Yes, I am not a parent. I've never had children. I can just tell you my opinion from the experience as a child.  And you know what, my childhood wasn't a sparkly pink Candyland either. I had my share of problems. I just want you to understand that this isn't about me, but my life could have gone two different directions. With help from my PARENTS, I chose the direction I'm currently in.

When I was in college and in one of the worst depressions I've ever dealt with, flunking out of school, drinking very heavy every night, and being reckless with my life, do you know what my PARENTS and my FAMILY did? They supported me. They pushed me to get help. THEY were the ones that made me realize there was something wrong. Every person in my family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and parents would call me and talk to me and offer their love and support. I needed that. I needed them. That's what REAL family does. I definitely didn't think for one nano-second that picking up a gun and killing innocent people was the way to handle my problems. I was taught better than that.

So, how can you tell me that as a parent you don't know when there's something wrong with your child?!?! HOW?! Because my parents and family knew. I can imagine when someday I have children, I will know.

And I know there are swarms of kids out there with no parents, or parents that are deadbeats, or druggies, or emotionally & physically hurtful, and I know those kids can grow up to be horrible people because of that. But there's also kids that come from that, but because of ONE person that ACTED like a decent human being and was a 'parent' to them, they changed the direction of their lives, and are upstanding people.

And I'm sorry, but it's not the druggy kids or flunky's that are shooting up masses people. It's average young men. Who came from a middle income family. And most of them were going to college.

People if there is one thing in the world that you can teach your kids, teach them to face their problems, without using violence. Teach them about loss, teach them about the right way to win, teach them how to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Those families in Connecticut are in my heart and my thoughts. I pray that they get comfort and support in a horribly tragic time like this.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Apparently, working on a Monday is optional.

Someone in my family is a spoiled rotten farthead. And it ain't me. And it ain't the puppy either. Well, lets be honest, the puppy is a little spoiled. Especially considering he's curled up on MY bed right now.

Back to the spoiled rotten farthead. Yes, that farthead would be his guy:

And that guy would be The Husband.

And that picture was taken YESTERDAY. That would be Monday. A normal person's workday.
I get pummeled with a screwdriver in the skull and he goes on a free fishing trip on Lake Texoma. Typical.
And yes, those are probably beers in their hands.


Oh, and did I mention that his boss was the one that came up with this brilliant idea. Yes. HIS BOSS. I think that's him, standing next to Ryan in the picture, under the arrow, holding A BEER. Apparently he's trying to be a shoe-in for the Boss of The Year Award. Whatever.

I'm sorry, but do you smell that?!?!

*sniff* *sniff*

It's a terrible smell.

Rotten almost.

Yup, that's what it is, rotten BULLSHIT.

I don't know how shit can be rotten. But it can. Just go with it.

See, Ryan's boss, Chris, came into the office last week and was like, 'Hey, we've got a fish fry on Thursday and we don't have any fish! Shit! What are we going to do?!?!?!'

Well, I'll tell you.

A normal person would go to the damn store and BUY fish for the fish fry.

But since Chris is special, he came up with the plan to take like 20 employees 4 hours away and pay for them to fish for two days, so they could have fresh fish for their fish fry. Seems legit. And he probably supplied all the food. And the beer. And they drove company trucks, so gas was covered.

I smell it again.

It's that rotten bullshit.

I'd just like to point out again, that yesterday, I GOT SPEARED WITH A SCREWDRIVER.......IN.THE.HEAD.
And my husband was FISHING all day.

I think this deserves shoes.
Lots and lots of shoes.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Cowboy music, beers, and screwdrivers (and not the drinking kind).

Who likes cowboys in tight jeans, rockin' music, and shitloads of beer?!?!!


The Eric Church concert was a freaking blast!!!
Downright the most stellar concert I've been to in a long time. Really, I think the only other person that may be a little better, was Jason Aldean. And it's too close to call, really.

But man, could Mr. Church rock!
And I must say he is as cute as his pictures.
At least from where I sat, I thought he was. But I didn't sit that close. But lets just go with it.

The night started out early with cheesy pizza and big beers. Then, we moved into the concert and found the closest beer trough. At that point we proceeded to stand at said trough for an hour before the concert because we were too lazy to sit down. And we were getting beers about every 4 seconds. So it helps that we stood close.

Kip Moore started the concert off, he sings Beer Money & Somethin' 'Bout a Truck. Two of my favs! I don't have any pictures of him, because I forgot that I had a camera phone and a regular camera in my purse for like an hour. Moron.

Then Justin Moore started playing. His songs are If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away, Backwoods, & Til My Last Day. All great songs!!

And finally..........The Man. Mr. Eric Church. AKA Sexkitten. OK, that might have been a little overboard. (Sorry Ryan.)

Sorry, that's a little blurry. I'll put better one up in a minute.

We went with our neighbors and friends from across the street, BadAss Jen and Brad. Remember, I'm calling her BadAss Jen, well, because. I don't know why, but she's badass.

She's just so pretty.

We had WAAAAYYYYYY to much fun with each other. Way to much fun.

Here's some more pics:
 Yes, The Husband and I can not take a normal picture.

Well, that's a little better. That's when he was singing Smoke A Little Smoke. Such a cool song.

The concert lasted till about 11:30pm. Which was awesome. Except Intrust Band Arena stopped serving beer at 10pm. Bastards.

Oh, and I WAS in the beer line at about 9:45, only a few people from the front of the line, and some bucked tooth nincompoop bimbo got all up in my face and was like, 'We're done serving beer!' I calmly replied that 'No, you're not, because I am still empty handed.' She did not like that comment.
But! Worst part about it was, as I was walking away, the dumb hooker let 3 other guys in line to get beer!! F*cking bullshit. No one gets in between Mama and her beers. No one.
So, I might have had a few choice words with the heifer. She didn't like that either. Then I think my dutiful husband decided to steer me in a different direction. Thank God, because otherwise I probably would have been kicked out. I'm still mad at that ho-bag though.

So other than the hooking heifer not serving me my booze, the concert was a hit. Total hit!

And since we were all still generally in an upright position, meaning that all the booze we drank prior to 10pm hadn't inebriated some of us that much, we went to a bar!!! Great idea.

No really, it was fun.
 Kelsey (Jen's soon-to-be sis-in-law), BadAss Jen and Myself.
Three hot chicks if I do say so myself.

And this is the only picture I have with The Husband. That's not uber blurry or of him chugging beers.
Thank you BadAss Jen for having excellent photography skills that night.

All in all, it was a great night, filled with fantastic music and really good friends.

The next day however, BadAss Jen and I got up to take Hunter's Safety with about 10 twelve year olds and some middle aged dudes. Best time of our lives.
Nothing says 'redneck' like going to your hunter's safety class completely hungover, wearing no make up, pretty sure  I didn't comb my hair, and all I ate all day was sour gummy worms and beef jerky. (Yes, I have an appetite like a 10 year old boy. It's fine.)

But......I PASSED!!!! 100% baby. So apparently being hungover and taking tests agrees with me. I wonder why I didn't ace all my classes in college then???? Hummmmmmm........

Oh, and to start this lovely week off, I got pummeled in the head with the pointy end of a screwdriver at 8:30 this morning. It hurts. A lot. I hate life.
A repair man was on this loft right next to my desk fixing the filter in the heater, and magically his screw driver flew out of his hand and into the top of my skull. I screamed obscenities so loud that the kid in the next room heard me.....with ear phones on.

Luckily, the damn thing didn't puncture my noggin, because we all know I need as much of my brain as possible in order to operate normally. Apparently I truly do have a hard head, because it didn't break the skin. I do have a nice bump tho. And a killer headache. Makes working just like a little slice of paradise right now.

And I'd just like to point out that shit like this only happens to me. Seriously. I need a helmet. Actually, it was pointed out by BOTH my husband and boss that I may need to wear a helmet........Nice fella's, nice.
But really, it may not be a bad idea knowing my clumsiness.

So anyway. I'm tired, my legs hurt from dancing too much, I have a headache, and it looks like I'm sprouting a unicorn out of my brain.
Just another day in Awesomecity, folks, just another day.
Try not to be jealous.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Let's do this.

1. OK y'all. Sorry about last week's TTT. It was a little, well, batshit angry. It was a bad day. A real bad day.

But I'm better.

Mainly because no one's bothered me in awhile. Which is soooo nice.

2. I think I have an addiction. Like, Hi, My name in LauraBelle and I've been a chocoholic for 31.65 years.


Last week I ate an entire bag of Mint Truffle Hershey's Kisses. By.My.Self.

This week I'm doing a damn good job of mowing down this bag of White Chocolate Hugs Kisses:
They're soooooo delicious!

And if I don't have quick access (as in, within arms reach) of some sort of chocolate, like, God-forbid I run out of chocolate, I scrounge the measly change I have to go raid the vending machine like a crack addict hopped up on speed looking for their next fix. It's not pretty folks.

I have no idea what to do with this addiction. I think I'm just going to ride it out till after the holidays then worry about it. Actually, through a recent study, it was found that it's better to not feel guilty about your delicious chocolaty pleasure. Feeling guilty only enhances your craving for it. Seriously. I read it HERE. So it must be true.
No worries then.
Chocolate for everyone!!!

3.  Speaking of this, I've decided to just take a break till the New Year, on the whole 'eat only air and sweat my non-existent balls off' thing.

Who am I kidding. I've been on said break for about 3 months now.

Basically I've decided that there is no way in Katy P's Candyland that I will be able to concentrate on anything remotely healthy, until after all this holiday cookies, candies, feasts that rival a palace soiree, and booze drinking comes to an end. 

So Jan. I come!
Until then........Whoop Whoop for junk food!!!!

4. Soooo, I went to the mall yesterday and purchased the most expensive tube of lip gloss ever.
Holy crap how can one mini tube of sticky shiny goo cost damn near $19?! That's like a cheap pair of shoes, for shit's sake.

Anyway it's Clinique Full Potential plump & shine.
Yes, I need some lip plumping action. Why not, right?
This is what it looks like on:
I don't really have a before picture to show you the difference, but I can tell you that I'm absolutely in love with the color. And it really does give my lips a little plumping action.

So, apparently it's worth the 19 bones.

5. We have yet to put up our Christmas decorations. Lord we suck. We were going to do it weeks ago, then I got sick. Then last weekend we were both out of town. And this week has just been a cluster every night after work. Blah Blah blahbity blah. So we're shooting for this Sat.

If it doesn't get done then, I'm going to be pissed because it'll only seem like the decorations are up for 5 min before we have to take them allllllll down again.

What a pain in the ass decorations are. Can't someone just put them up for me? Well, maybe not put them up for me, but take them down from the attic and lay them all out pretty like, then I could put them up. Then come back after New Years and take them all down, pack them up, and shove them back up in the attic again. yes, I need someone to do that. Any takers?!?! Anyone?!?! Bueller?

6.  Guess who's sexy ass I get to see shakin' it on a stage this weekend????


I'm so excited I could just pee!!! I'm going with our next door neighbors and bad ass good friends Jen and Brad. Then some other bad ass friends that Ryan works with Jarrett and Brandy. And then I think pretty much everyone in KS will be there. At least, that's the way the chatter on FB makes it sound like.

I'll try and take pictures. But knowing me, operating a camera while intoxicated, dancing, singing, and pumping my fists in the air is only going to lead to some freak clumsy accident. But I'll do my best.

7.  Wanna know what else I'm doing this weekend?!?!

I'm getting my HUNTER'S SAFETY!!!!!
Nothing says 'safety while hunting' than getting shitfaced the night before at a concert then crawling out of bed to look at and possibly shoot guns while a Game Warden assesses your good hunting safety 'knowledge'.
 I'll let you know how it goes.

One of my goals, and the reason for me getting my Hunter's Education, is to get a bigger deer than my husband one year. Yup. I'm a little competitive. Just a little.

Speaking of deer and husband.....this is what I have to beat next year:

Yes. That is a behemoth deer.
And my husband shot it after sitting out 2.5 seconds on opening day (two Wednesdays ago).

If you'll notice all the broken antlers, you'd think he'd be disappointed that it wasn't a full rack. However, just judging by his huge perma-grin in the photo, he was not disappointed in the slightest.

The deer looked like it took on a 'roided-up elephant. And won. Seriously. It had numerous broken antlers, scars all over his face and his ear was ripped in half. How in the name of farts do you get your ear ripped in half? How?
This buddy was a fighter, I tell you.

And now we have close to 150lbs of fresh venison in the freezer. Thank you baby Jesus. That should last us the year. Cross your fingers.

Anyways, back to more important matters, like ME, I will be taking the Hunter's Education Field Day test this Sunday with my Bad Ass friend Jen (I think I shall always refer to her as Bad Ass Jen from now on).
We will be the oldest females in this group.
Everyone else will be 12.
It will be epic.

8. Speaking of hunting. It looks like my Wildcats will be hunting some Oregon Ducks on Jan. 3rd!!!

And the game is going to be in Phoenix!!!!!

I don't know if y'all know, but there is a group of like 6 girls that live in Phoenix, that blog in this blogosphere, that I would shave my head Britney-style to see again!!

But we can't go.

It's just that we get back from 11 days off for the holidays on the 2nd. And I'd have to probably take that day, the 3rd, and the 4th off. I pretty sure my co-worker Rebecca would shit a angry badger if I did that to her.  Plus we've gone on so many trips this year, to Chicago, Florida, we've got to go to Colorado. It's endless. Basically, we're broke.

But there will be another time to see my Wildcats play in a bowl game! I know that! This is their second time at the Fiesta Bowl and I know we'll go again some day!

(PS Arizona girls: I think I've about got the husband talked into making a trip down this summer! [And Ryan if you're reading this, which you probably are, We're going to go to Arizona this summer, mmkay?])

9. Have you ever left the house without brushing your teeth and putting on deodorant? And you don't realize it till your about a sparrow farts distance from work? And you have no extra toothbrush/mouthwash/gum/ANYTHING in your desk to help with the breath that smells like a cat pooped in your mouth overnight?

Ya. Me neither. Just asking.

10.  Tomorrow night I'm going to a BBQ at Bad Ass Jen's place and I'm making this:
Cowboy Caviar, yum!

Mexicorn Dip.
  • 2 cans (11 Oz. Can) Mexicorn, Drained
  • 1 can (4 Oz. Can) Chopped Green Chiles
  • 1 whole Bell Pepper, Chopped
  • 3 whole Green Onions, Chopped
  • 2 whole Jalapenos, Chopped (without Seeds)
  • 8 ounces, weight Shredded Cheddar Cheese
  • 1 cup Sour Cream
  • 1 cup Mayonnaise
Combine all ingredients. Chill before serving with Fritos or tortilla chips!

Do you think it would be bad if I just hugged the bowl all night and didn't let anyone else partake in it's deliciousness?

That's it for me folks!! Have a great weekend! I know I will!

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

1. Working sucks a big fat boil on an angry hippo's mammoth ass.

2.  How many people can work at an establishment with their heads up their own ass? I mean really. How do they get shit done? Oh, ya. They give it to me to do.

3.  Farts. Why doesn't this Mt. Dew have booze included?

4.  Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to interrupt me while I'm knee deep in bullshit, so that you can add another shovel to the pile. I apologize.

5.  You mean that the four times I've tried to explain my problem to you isn't sufficient for you to comprehend? Oh. Maybe I should get out the etch-a-sketch. That might help.

6.  Dear Printer: If you F*CKING break down one more time in the next 2 minutes, I will personally go Office Space on your ass. Sincerely, F*cking Pissed Off Printer Operator.

7.  Oh really. Now you don't want to print anything at all?!?! Thank you. Thank you for making this shittastic day that much better.

8.  Seriously. Where is the booze? Mama needs a drunkfest. STAT.

9.  Thank you Baby Jesus & Mother F*cking Mary, for the nice Parts Room woman who gave me a jumbo sized Ho-Ho yesterday, and that I just now found stashed in the depths of my food drawer. I love you long time. (Pretty sure you're not supposed to cuss when talking about 'the virgin' [meaning the Mary part, not the Parts Room woman]. Oh well. I'm sure I've already got a reserved seat next to Satan's shitter by now.)

10.  Do you hear that? That ringing sound? Do you? It's the liquor store calling. They've reserved a keg just for me. Excuse me while I get slap happy shitballs wasted. (Or it could be the psych ward calling. You never know.)

Cheers. This shitstorm is over.
Funny Workplace Ecard: I work so I can afford the amount of alcohol required to continue going to work.

Monday, November 26, 2012

You need to buy what?!

Phone convo I had with the husband this morning:

Me: "Hello?"

Ryan: "I need to buy a new gun."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Ryan: "I'm going to have to buy a new gun. Soon."

Me: "Really."

Ryan: "Yes. Really."

Me: "And why do you need another gun, exactly?"

Ryan: "Well, my boss, Chris is trying to get voted as best boss of the year. And he just informed me that he is taking me and some other guys from work on a hunt in January."

Me: "And you can't use the 24 other guns that are just sitting in the safe downstairs for this hunting trip?"

Ryan: "No. Because this is a special hunt. WE'RE GOING TO BE SHOOTING HOGS FROM A HELICOPTER!!!!!"

At this point his voice starts getting a little high and you can tell that someone just gave him the best present ever. Kid in a candy store people.

Me: "Really."

Ryan: "YES!!!! Hogs!!! From a HELICOPTER!!! So that's why I need to buy an AR-15 semi-automatic gun. Because you just can't shoot any gun from a helicopter. It's got to be a badass gun. Because this is badass!"

Me: "Oh.My.God."

Thank you Chris for aiding in my husband's hunting addiction. It's very nice of you.

In case you're wondering what exactly you do on these hog hunts, here's a little video:

And before y'all get all animal rights on me, there are an overabundance of these hogs. And they tear up crops/land/etc and make it virtually useless. Seriously, there are so many of these hogs in the south that they can't keep up with them, just by trapping them. That's why you can shoot them out of a helicopter. Like Rambo. There's just no other way to keep them under control. And this makes my husband very, very happy.

There are no words to describe the feelings I have by being married to that man. None at all.

**UPDATE**  All I heard last night was, "HOGS OUT OF A F*CKING HELICOPTER!!!!" All.Night.Long. Every 5 minutes. Oh, and that might have been the last thing that the husband said to me today before he left for work. That's love people. Real love.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Yes, I know it's Wednesday, but I have autofill and I'm too lazy to change Thursday to Wednesday. So, let's just pretend it's Thursday.

And I would just upload this on the real Thursday, but we all know I'm going to be elbows deep in some pun'kin pie at about 8am. No time for posting silly bloggings when there's desert around.

This TTT is going to be dedicated to those things I'm thankful for.

1.  I'm am truly, ecstatically, and unapologetically thankful for stretchy pants. Seriously y'all. How in the world did we live sans stretchy pants and sweater dresses before last year?  Oh wait. Well, maybe it's not just last year, maybe that's just me. Yes, I didn't discover stretchy pants and sweater dresses until last year. I'm slow. But thank God when my friendy Jordan was all, "OHHHHH, you GOTTA get you a pair of tights and a sweater dress. Girl, it feels like you're wearing PJs all day long. Amazing!!"


And tomorrow, bring on the stretchy pants and babydoll shirt that covers my growing pooper and protruding tummy.
LOOK OUT......

2. I was going to write something else here, but my esteemed co-worker and friend just emailed me this video (because clearly she has nothing else to do at work), and now I've lost all train of thought because I think I just peed myself laughing so hard.

I'm thankful for this video. And I guess Rebecca for finding it.

3.  I'm thankful for my mother.

Not only do I come home at random times and some of those times she drinks that monstrous beverage (which makes a daughter proud), but she also hosts the coolest Thanksgiving every year.

What more could you ask for than 40 people crammed together around 2 turkeys, a ham, 2 tables of deserts, enough mashed potatoes to feed South America, 18 coolers full of booze, but you also get to shoot guns. In a dress.
I guess the stretchy pants are a reoccurring theme on Thanksgiving, being that this was just last year. Awesome.
 Can't wait to see what kind of redneckery (it's a word) will happen this Thanksgiving.

4.  I'd also like to give thanks to the lovely person that invented the Pizza Taco. I bow down to you.

For those of you that don't have the luck to live in Pratt or Wichita, Kansas, #1 thank those lucky stars for not living in BFE, but #2 you will never get to experience this phenomenal heart attach in a basket.
I think I've just found heaven. In a basket.

A Pizza Taco is glorious concoction of two of the major (and most important) food groups: Italian and Mexican. It's a thin pizza-like crust layered with sausage (or chicken), grease, pizza sauce, cheese, grease, and lettuce, folded like a taco, ready for you to top it with 5 different types of sauces (hot, medium, jalapeno ranch, bbq, and dijon mustard). It comes with fresh pico and a cup of queso. Are you hungry for one yet?

And that thing behind the Pizza Taco, in the picture, is a Pizza Raft or something. Basically pizza crust with sauce, sauerkraut, and sausage links. Not a fan. Sauerkraut=vomit. But the husband is a huge fan. Which is awesome.

5.  I am soooooo sososo thankful for my 'child'. I don't know what I would do without him.

How can you NOT be thankful for that cute face?!

6.   Thank you Beer. For being you. And my friend. And tasting so delicious. For many many moons.

I know y'all are not shocked to see me thank beer. Not shocked at all.

6.  A big warm Thank You to Pinterest. Without you I wouldn't be able to spend hours and hours every day scouring the interwebs about home remedies for shiny hair, how to lose 37 lbs while stuffing my hole with donuts, and how to make unlimited scrumptious alcoholic beverages that make me seem like I'm an alchy, instead of completing the countless tasks that have to get done right this minute. Way to aid in my procrastination problem.

7. Thank you to my KSU Wildcat football players & coaches. You have had an amazing season and don't think for one minute that your small and insignificant loss to that shitty Baylor team means that us KSU fans aren't still very very proud of you!

Also, thank you for losing that game because if you would have won and ended up going to the National Championship, I would have been forced to drop thousands of dollars to fly down and cheer you on in Miami. And I really don't have thousands of dollars. So I'm glad that I won't be bankrupt because of a Bowl Game this year.

8.  Thank you Mr. Reynolds.
For looking like this:

You always manage to make a bad day into a good one. I have no idea why.

9.  Thank you to my elastic jeans. And the 2 pairs of old jeans that are a size too big. Without you these last couple of fatweeks I would have nothing to wear. At all. Well, besides sweatpants. And I'm pretty sure work wouldn't care for me looking like a homeless slob on the job.

And to go along with this: Thank you to every Kit Kat, Little Debbie Cupcake, McDonald's french fries, glazed donut and unlimited hot chocolate packets the last couple weeks, for being there for me when I have nothing else to do but shove my face full of fatty goodness. Thanks a lot. Now my pooper is extraordinarily large, my face is puffy, and I, again, despise myself for my bad eating habits. Bring on America's Fattest Holiday! I'm primed and ready to go!

10. And last but definitely not least. I thank my amazing husband, Ryan. You have been my best friend, a shoulder to cry on, and always there to make me laugh. You should get a gigantic sparkly camo covered trophy for putting up with my batshit crazy mood swings, agonizing stubbornness, intermittent bitchiness, bad habits, laziness, forgetfulness, ditziness, and the overall shitstorm that are my day to day mental thoughts.  You are my lovah!  I am so lucky to have you!

You're just so sexy when you shoot your bow.

One last Thank You, but I won't make it number 11 because I'm OCD and don't like odd numbers, is thank y'all for reading this shit. Truly, your comments and friendship have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You ROCK!!!

OK, this is the last thing. Promise.
If that doesn't scream my family's Thanksgiving, I don't know what does.

Have a great holiday y'all!!!


Monday, November 19, 2012

Just kill me now.

You know how when you're younger, and you're around older women that may be going through, or just went through menopause, and you're like, 'I have no idea what you're talking about. What is going with you? And what alien has just possessed your body? Did you take a swig of the cray-cray juice this morning? I hope to baby Jesus that I never have those 'symptoms' happen to me.'

Well, that's been me. Oblivious.

Until now.

No. I'm not going through menopause at 31. But I'm taking some meds that have the best side effects. Note sarcasm.

Lets talk about hot flashes for a minute shall we?

Mother of f*ucking hot poker up your ass, those bitches suck.

I have never in my life experienced hot flashes, until last week. The only 'flash' I've wanted to experience is Ryan Reynolds showing me his ripped up 6-pack. Hot flashes do NOT give me the same effect as that man's stomach, I can tell you that.

Up until last week, my only 'experience' with them was watching my mother 'make the change' (sorry Mom, I hope you don't get pissed at me for throwing you under the menopause bus here. Just remember I'm your first born and you love me no matter what I write on the internet). We'd be over at her house, calmly cooking a meal, or watching a little TV, and all the sudden she's running around the house like a lunatic that snorted fun dip and washed it down with Red Bull, stripping off her clothes and making all these horrible moaning sounds. Cursing God, because he's probably a man and all men suck. Then she throws open the sliding glass door, 18 windows and turns the AC on. This is mid-January btw. She stands at the kitchen counter with her face beat red, sweat trickling down her forehead, and a strange look in her eyes that scares the grandchildren into hiding in the closet. Plus she's fanning herself with whatever she can grab. Sometimes it's a dish towel, sometimes it's a spatula, or even a beer coozey. It has also been known that sticking her head in the freezer at this point is 99% sure going to happen.

And then 2 minutes's over.
And she's chilled.
And she's bitching that it's too cold in here now and throws 47 logs in the wood burning stove to get it a nice and comfortable 124 degrees in the house.

And the whole time this is happening I'm thinking, 'Holy shit y'all. It can't be that bad. But just in case it is, please God make me straight up stroke out before I get to my mid-50s.' I'm just watching her with a deer in the headlights look, I just can't take my eyes away. It's like the worst scary movie has come to life.

I won't even  mention what the males in the room are doing. Because the minute she makes that 'Gaahhhhhh' moan & heads for the nearest window, they are out. I mean they rush for the nearest exit faster than a fat kid rushes the desert buffet.

And what do you know, 10 glorious minutes later, we rinse and repeat. All.Over.Again.

I mean, it's ridiculous. Not normal at all. Definitely tests one's sanity, that's for sure.

Well, there I was. Calmly sitting downstairs watching TV the other night, and I get a sudden feeling like my insides are on fire, my face feels like a deep fried turkey, and my head is spinning like I just mowed through an entire pan of magic brownies. I mean, it was bad. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't hold it back, the moan came out. 'GAaaahhhhhhh'. And I start throwing clothes off, tossing the blankets aside, covering the poor dog that was asleep at my feet and now wide awake staring at me with this confused look. I asked Ryan to get me anything, ANYTHING, to fan myself with. Which, he's looking at me like I just sprouted a new head from my ass as he hands me the Target ad. Awesome.

Yup. I had one. I had a hot flash.
And I'd rather get 1046 paper cuts on my eyeball than go through more hot flashes, because that would clearly be less uncomfortable.

Seriously y'all, this sucks donkey ass.
I knew the meds I was taking had 'side effects', but I've been on it for a few months now, and besides the slight mood changes (and when I say slight, I really mean that I should probably be committed to the batshit crazy ward, or at least that's what Ryan tells me) I get every once in awhile, I haven't had any problems.

Oh.My.Gawd. This last 3 days, I've been dealing with the hot flashes almost 4-5 times a day. Makes a person stabby!

If I could only get off the pills, I'm sure life would get back to normal. But unfortunately that isn't an option. Damn it.

Anyways. There's really no point to this post. Just that I wanted to embarrass my mother and complain about my tragic life. Which I guess is just about normal for this little bloggy.

So, I'm sorry that you just read through all that.
You'll never get that time back.
It'll be ok though. We only have a 3 day work week.
And then it's stuff-your-face-till-your-pants-rip Fatsgiving.
I need pumpkin pie.
And that Target ad, because damn it, I think another hot flash is coming on.
Just kill me now.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

It's that time again!!!!
Get excited!!!

1.  Well, it's only appropriate to use the #1 spot for the #1 FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE NATION........  

Yes, yes, by beloved CATS are #1 and I couldn't be prouder. I love me some purple.

I'd just like to take this moment to thank Texas A & M for beating the shit out of those backwoods Alabama Crimson Tide. Sorry 'bout your loss 'Bama. But not really.

Now we have to make the decision whether or not we go to the BCS National Championship Bowl Game in Miami on the 7th of January (that's banking on that KSU will play anyway, we still have 2 games left)........ummmmmm, hummmmmmm, let me think............... YES!!! I'm so going!! Ryan hasn't made up his mind yet, but don't y'all worry, I will use my powerful 'ways' to get him to say yes. And if that doesn't work, I'll throw a tantrum like a snotty 2 year old in the toy aisle.

2.  And while we're on the Wildcat train, last weekend I got the amazing opportunity to head down to Ft. Worth, TX to see the Wildcats play TCU. We have some very good friends that live just outside of Ft. Worth, so I had a free place to stay. (Thanks Matt & Jess!!!) And I rode down with 2 of the cutest and most fun girls ever, and didn't have to pay for gas, which was an unexpected BONUS! Thank you Jordan and Will for charging the shit out of your company card for gas!!!! Serious, y'all, those girls and I did not stop talking the entire 6 hours down. Just gab, gab, gab......all the way to longhorn country. It was amazeballs.

Of course the first thing we did was stop at a Mexican food restaurant to stuff our faces with ginormous burritos.
I did not eat that whole thing.
I just ate most of it.
I have no shame.

3.  Since I needed a full night to recover from that monstrosity, we didn't venture out till the next day. Friday was filled with shopping, shopping and more shopping. I got jewelry, a wallet, purple flats (of course), and I may or may not have had everyone wait an hour past lunch so that I slurp down this delish beverage:
That is what the restaurant called a Dirty Sanchez.
Yes. I slurped a Dirty Sanchez.
Don't hate.
And again, I have no shame.

For those of you that are wondering what the hell is in that, it's basically like a bloody mary mixed with beer. Pretty much my husbands Go-To drink of choice.

I might have texted him that picture in the middle of his work day on Friday.
He was not amused.

This restaurant also had a shitload of tequila:
I did not drink any.
I know. You're shocked.
You'll get over it.

4. So, with a mild buzz, and bellies full, Jordan and I headed out to the Water Gardens in downtown Ft. Worth. It was amazing! Such a cool spot! I didn't get a lot of pics, but got these:
Look at Miss Jordan. She put on her sassy pants for the water gardens. She's so cute.

And then there's me. looking like a hot mess. Ugh.
5.  Finally, the game on Saturday!!! We started tailgating at about 1pm. I, however, didn't start 'tailgating' until about 3 or 4 pm. And then I limited my 'tailgating' to only a few.

I think I might have stayed up till 3am the night before, shooting the shit and drinking with one of Matt's  buddies. I have no idea what we talked about. But I'm sure it was scintillating. That poor guy got a big dose of drunky-drunk LauraBelle. Eh, gotta break 'em in eventually.

So, lets just say I wasn't really in the mood for booze on game day.

But I pushed through, like the champ that I am. Dolphin claps for me.

We arrived at the TCU stadium and I was a little blown away by how differently TCU dresses for games, and K-Staters dress for games.

I mean, here in hickville country, we wear boots, jeans, t-shirts, and eventually drool running down our chin because we drank too much.

But ohhhhhh no. Not at fancy-pants TCU.

Since TCU's colors are purple, like KSU's, their fans decided to do a 'black-out'. Basically wearing all black, so you can tell the difference in the fans.

Wanna know what the 7,000 little Miss Prisses TCU wore????
Freaking short ass little black dresses with their hair all did and their $900 never-touched-shit cowboy boots.
I mean, Ladies, we're at a football game. Not the Winter Formal dance.
Get it together before next year, because let me tell'll get a little 'shock' when you travel up to Manhappiness, KS.

OK, moving on.
We got seats in.....well, not the most desirable location, but hey, we could still see the game, and had a fantastic view of the city.
Welcome to nose-bleed.

It was an awesome game.
Despite the 60mph winds. WTF Texas? I left KS for nice calm 80 degree weather. You disappointed.

But it was still an awesome game. So glad I went!!!

6.  Oh, while shopping on Friday (sorry, I know this is out of order, just leave it to the randomness that is my brain), but I saw something that I NEED. No, not want. NEED.
I need these.
I'm taking donations now.

Oh, why the donations????

Because these mamajamas cost $400. Yes. FOUR.HUNDRED.DOLLARS.
WTF bootmakers? I no have that kind of money for pretty boots!!!

But I can drool. And hope. And pray. And sell my body. Wait, that might have gotten a little out of control. But not really.
Basically, I'll do anything to get these. Anything.

7.  OK, completely off the subject. I have another Ryan story for you. And holllllllyyyyy moly. It's a doozy.
Let me set the scene: We're watching TV last night, just having a grand ol' time, then Ryan has a sneeze-fest.

Ryan: 'AhhhhhhCHOOOOO.'

I look over and he's got his hands covering his face. Then, to my horror, he pulls his hands away to assess the damage.

Me: 'WHY do you do that?! Every.Time?! It's so gross!!'

Ryan gets up and goes to the bathroom to 'take care of business'. Comes back in.

Ryan: 'What?'

Me: 'You always look at your snot when you have a huge sneeze! Why do you do that?! If it's wet and sticky and it hits your hand, it's bad! Just keep your hands over your mouth till you get to the bathroom and can clean up!! I don't need to see that shit!'

Ryan: ''s kinda like when you take a big dump. I mean, you know it's a good one. It's been backed up awhile, and you know it's ALL out now. You just GOTTA look. Like, before you wipe, you kinda shimmy up and glance over to see how monstrous it really is. Then you wipe and flush. Because if you wipe first the toilet paper covers it and you can't see your achievement. It's the same with snot. I just gotta see.'


See ladies? This is what YOU could be married to.
Don't hate.

**UPDATE**My husband would like you all to know that he is kidding about that. He really doesn't look at his 'achievements' He thinks that's gross. So I guess he said it for our enjoyment only. lol.

8.  I ran again last night. Yes, yes. You should cheer for me. Because it was a solid 2.5 miles. Pretty much doubled my run length from last week.

I credit Duck Dynasty.
I know, I know, I'm weird like that.
It's just that it was on when I was running, and I was having such a great time watching it, I forgot that I really didn't know what I was doing on a treadmill.
Exactly Jase. Exactly.
God I love that show.

9.  That reminds me that I never did a recap about my challenge for last week. Well, here's the deal-eo.
I rocked it.
Yup. Like a boss.

I ate pretty good, got in all my water, dominated my work outs. I did it all!!! Week #2 = SUCCESS!!!

I haven't decided what I want as my 'prize'. Mainly because I'm broke. But Friday is payday, and I just might have to get a new movie. I've been dying to get a DVD of The Lucky One, The Avengers, and Sherlock Holmes.
Yes, I realize I have a unique taste in movies. It's how I roll.

And so far this week I've been doing fan-freaking-tastic! I ran last night, and even got up this morning and did push ups, sit ups, and lunges.
Look at me go.

10.  Well, to end this long ass TTT, I will tell you that my weekend will suck donkey balls. I have to work on Saturday. 7am-3pm. I hate my life.

So, while y'all are lazing around, just think of me. Working away. In a metal building. With little bitty windows that you can barely see the glorious sunshine outside.And no beer.
I repeat. I hate my life.

Oh well, it's just one day. Then next week is a shorty!!!

Cheers Everyone!!!