Friday, September 11, 2015

It's been awhile.

Thank you Josh for that goatastic internet find.

So. It's been awhile.
I haven't written in forever mainly because I have a two year old who sucks the ever loving life out of me. Truth be told, I wouldn't have it any other way. (Shhhhh, And I can't wait for #2......soon y'all.....soon.)

Oh, and I should probably also mention that I quit my job.

You know.

The super lucrative one that made me millions, my boss wasn't a bullshit lying douchcanoe,  and His boss didn't like pansy's like that.

Moving on.

I found out my 'manager' was a liar about 2 years into my job. I finally had the guts to leave that place and shove my special finger up his ass after 6 years.

That was 2 months ago.

I am now a full time, work at home mom, seriously putting myself out there, to partly survive on my abilities to take good pictures.

Fuck my introverted bass-awkards life.


I don't know what's more screwed up. Me quitting a job where I dealt with one, possibly two, assholes a week, but the rest of the time i was pretty much left alone. Or the fact that I'm my own asshole now because I'm pushing myself to be the next Ansel Adams.  Fuck. Life sucks. But at the same time I love it.


So here I am.

4AM in the morning. Unable to sleep, because that's what happens when your unstable (at least thats what some people think), or, for some  reason , I'm so finally excited about life that you just can't let one second pass.

I remember.

I remember so much about 9-11. It's amazing because I typically don't remember shit. You know. Alcohol and all.

But in the middle of a full blown college party happy hour (at 830 in the judging), I remember.

I remember waking up for class....which was rare at that time. So rare that I couldn't sleep the night before, so I ended up just getting up early. I didn't go to ONE of those classes that semester.

I remember turning on the news....for some reason that now i can't recall. I remember getting pissed because I just wanted normal news, and every station was playing some bullshit terrorist attack. I didn't realize that it was our Homeland. I remember standing there like a zombie. i remember not believing.
I remember going out on the porch and looking up and down the street and people crying. My friends and neighbors asking ME if what I saw on my TV was real, because they truly thought it was a lie.

I remember wanting a drink but I was too paralyzed to move.

The last thing I remember was holding the remote and sitting on the edge of our couch and not leaving for twelve hours. I don't even think I peed.

I think the worse part was seeing the buildings fall. I mean, I saw that 2nd plane hit, and I was in shock. But sitting there and glued to MSNBC as the towers fell.....well. That did me in.

It was afternoon when I 'woke up'. Wasn't everyone in a trance?! I remember thanking God that I'd filled up the Mustang (god I miss that beast), the day before....even though i could have used that beer money. There were lines to gas pumps for literally miles. MILES.

I also remember a big convenient store getting their ass ripped for over charging....ahemmmmm Daras.

I remember the world changing. i remember FLAGS flying. WITH PRIDE! i'd never seen so much pride. I'd never seen so many American Flags.

I'd lived on this planet for twenty some years. I bet I could count on one hand how many american flags I saw proudly displayed outside homes.

September 12th, I saw millions. I saw red, white and blue everywhere. I saw unity. I saw love. I saw sorrow.

I remember that. All that.
I also remember and will never forget those that lost there lives that day...and days after.
I remember.
And will never forget.