Thursday, May 31, 2012

Ten Things Thursday!!!

OHMYGIDDYAUNT!!!! I've missed you all sooo sosososo much! Work needs to not be such a suckhole so I can catch up with y'all!
Here's a little about me:

1.  I am looking uber cutey today. Just sayin'. I got a wild hair up my pooper and decided to curl my hair. Lord knows why. I'm sooooo sick of my short hair. I want long gorg locks to curl and pin and hairspray the ever lovin' God out of.
OK, I'm making a duck face. Christ. Need to stop that shit.

2. Sooo, we went to the lake last weekend. IT.WAS.AWESOME!!! Had tons of fun.
First up was jello shots!!!!
And really big sunglasses. Jeez.
3. Then we went skiing, here's some video, so you can see how badass completelyidiotic I look.

It's a little long, like 3 min., but you get the idea. I'm a ski goddess. Right.

Here's my father-in-law. Guy is 60 years old and is freaking amazing on one ski!!

4. Next was a little pool time with our besties John and Lori!

5.  Next I did a whole lot of this:
Looking off the dock, at beautiful Table Rock lake.
With an ice cold brew in my hand. Of course.

6.  Oh, and Wyatt has decided that he found a new favorite spot.
Nice and comfy in the back of the boat. Spoiled rotten dog.

Oh, and here's a video of Wyatt doing his most favorite thing ever.....besides laying in the back of the boat.

7. Oh, and look what happened in the first 8 hours of being there:
Yup. Ran SMACK into this wooden box that holds all our lake crap on the dock. BAM! I was going to try so.damn.hard not to injure myself this weekend!!! WTF! I can't go anywhere without turning black and blue. I'm surprised people don't think Wyatt beats me or something.

8.  Best part about my whole trip...................................




Ryan's parents bought a new boat!!!!!!!

It's awesome! They pick it up this weekend and it'll be ready for us when we go down for 9 days in July.

9. I have kinda a big thing to tell y'all. No, not prego.

I'M SMOKE FREEeeeeeeee!!!

Yup, I've been w/o cigs for about 6 weeks or so now.

How proud are you of me?!?! I'm super proud of me.

Now, I didn't do it on my own, I decided to buy a E-Cigarette. It's oil that gets heated up and you inhale water vapor. No harmful chemicals or crap that's in cigs! I love it! I'm slowly weening myself off the nicotine of it, right now i'm about at a Malboro Ultra or so, but in a few days I'll go down to barely any nicotine in it.

I feel soooo much better! I do. It's so nice. And eventually I plan to get off that completely. But right now, it's still my go-to stress reliever.

10. Ok, time to get ready for some stupid work training. Ughhhhh why can't I be rich and not work and just lay on the dock all day?!?!? WHY?!?!?!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Another week has passed and it's time again for randomcrap!!! This time I thought instead of listing all the random stuff that went on this week, I'd give you some random things about me, that you may not know. Enjoy.

1.  I hate gum. Yup. Fo'realz. I just can't stand it. Chewing, and chewing, and chewing. To no AVAIL!!! Ugh. It's so repetitive and you are basically accomplishing nothing. Then the gum loses it's flavor and it's like gnawing on a piece of shoe leather. That's been farted on. Seriously. If I want fresh breath, I'll take a mint please. Thank you.

2.  While I'm a pretty good photographer (Check out my stuff HERE!), I suck at drawing. If I have a picture, I can totally copy it. With a LOT of time. But if I'm just drawing out of my head, nope, can't do it. The picture will end up looking like a chicken scratched the shit out of it, while intoxicated. It's weird. You'd think I'd be fairly good, with an art background and all, but I'm not.

3.  I have a slight crush on Ryan Reynolds.

Ok, maybe you already knew that, but I wanted to put a picture on here, just to make your day.
It DID make your day, right?!?!

4.  I can't stand math. Math problems, equations, calculations, trigshittery, anything. Hate it. I can do it. Most times I can figure out the problem on my own. But generally I try to avoid math at all costs. Which just doesn't happen when you have a job that deals with figuring out percentages and calculations on degrees for instrument gauges. Complicatedstupidbullshit.

Ironic part about all this................My mom was my high school math teacher. Go figure.
Seriously. (Thank you Ducky!)
5. I lovelovelove the ocean. Love it. I don't know why God cursed me with being born in a landlocked suckhole like Kansas. I could live by the ocean, and play in the ocean, and drink fruity little drinks on my deck while looking at the ocean. Every.Damn.Day. The only time I sleep really really good is when I can hear waves crashing. So that's like once every 4 years. Cray cray huh? Since there's no chance of getting to the ocean anytime soon, I have to resort to Lakes. Kansas lakes are about as clean as a 1800s outhouse, so we go to Missouri. Table Rock to be exact. Love me some Table Rock.

6.  I have found a new obsession...........

I just never realized how freaking dynamite jello shots are!!! WhyTheFrankfurts am I just realizing this at the bombdiggity age of 31. Why? I went through college. I partied. Hard. Why were jello shots not involved?! It's a disgrace I tell you. That's ok, I shall make up for it now. With Watermelon Coconut Rum drunktasticness.

7.  I love stupid movies. Like Armageddon, and Men in Black, and Mission Impossible, and Under the Tuscan Sun. My movie style is all over the map, clearly. But I do, I like those so not good acting and completely far fetched plot movies that usually makes other people cringe. Oh, and I could lay on the couch and spend 10 hours watching movies back to back. Only hitting pause to potty and grab another beer. Uhhhhh, I haven't had one of those days in sooooo long. Needstohappensoon.

8.  I am moody. Horribly, horribly moody. Just ask my husband. I can go from bouncing off the walls like a coked up toddler with an IV drip of Mt. Dew, to wanting to crawl under the bed and die a slow and painful death to get away from the sadness. I don't know if I've always been that way, I'm sure my mom would say 'yes', but I know that I 'realized' I was like that in high school. I used to chalk it up teenage hormones, but since I'm not a teeny bopper anymore, I'm guessing it's just the way I am. 

9.  I don't think I'm funny. At least not in real life. On here I seem hilarious sometimes. I even giggle at the shit I write. But real life, na, I'm not as outgoing. I do much better when I can think about what I'm going to say and type it out. In real life I'll be talking to someone, we'll have a complete conversation about something funny and then 4 days later, the perfect knee slapping comment comes to my mind, that I wish I would have said.

And the few times I've tried to just fly by the seat of my pants and say whatever is going through my mind (that I think is just going to have them rolling on the floor laughing), I say it and get blank stares. And I'm like, 'OhhhhhhKay. Enough of that.' I then turn around and walk away. Far away. To a rock. And crawl underneath.

10.  And lastly, this isn't a random thing about myself. This is just a random thing. Don't go and get a greased up sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit for breakfast when the for the last 2 weeks all you've been eating for breakfast is a small bowl of granola or a banana. Oh, and don't wash it down with a mocha latte that was more mocha than latte. GOING.TO.PUKE.EVERYWHERE.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

WTF Wednesday!

In honor of my dear besty luvbug Draz, I am going to do WTFrankfurts today. Because I need to vent.

1.  You know when you are so overworked, stressed, and just an unkept mess (seriously, my hair today looks like a freaking bird is hibernating in it), and all you want in life is to go to 'that place' to relax, chill, and just have a mellow ol' time? You know that place? Been there? It's called Beerville. And I want to go there soooo bad. Every.Single.Day.

Work is driving me insane. Seriously. I will be owning an array of straight jackets in all colors pretty soon. Picture this: I'm already on overtime, I am non-stop running from 7am-4:30pm, every day, and I rarely, RARELY, catch up on all my work. Overwhelmed much, I think so.  So when two morons from work came in and politely said, "Well, you know that new process, that you have to figure out, draft, type, create a picture book of instructions for, do light tests, print things, do artwork, and all? The one that we were going to WAIT till you had a little less on your plate? Um, ya, we're going to need that by Friday. Thanks."


After I gave the straight bitch stare from Hell that would send Cruella Devil running for cover, for a FULL 10 minutes, without saying a word, I proceed to ask, "So, you want me to create this new process, and everything that it entails, that normally takes 6 months to do, and you want me to finish it in 2.5 days. Hmmmm. Ya, NO. Pass. You can go stick it." Ok, I didn't say that last part. But I thought it.

I did talk them into letting me have a full work week. Actually I have about 7 days that I can get it done.
Oh joy. FML.

2.  I saw a thing/video/article on today that said mosquito's are going to be their worst this summer. WTF. There is one thing I freaking loath, worse than ticks of course, and that is those little blood sucking bastards.  Oh, and they also say that tick season is supposed to be it's worst too. WTF!!!!! Both worst at once. I can not deal.

3.  I went to my second session at the chiropractor last night. This morning I woke up and my body feels like a wrecking ball mangled it. WhyTF is that? Hummm? Why? And last week's first appointment was the same way. Why can't I just be normal and go in there and he straighten me all out and I feel yippy skippy the next day? Why?! OH ya, because I waited 10 years to go the the chiro and now i'm so screwed up the 'good alignment' feels bad. Of course. WTF Laura.

4.  So, remember a few weeks ago when I went up to beautiful Minnesota for work? And I may have gotten a little tipsy on Monday night with my work buddies? Well, some douchcanoe at work decided to throw a bunch of gossip around my work about it. Telling the VP of the company that I can drink 24 beers, no problemo. WTF?!?! Why do you spread rumors, why? It wasn't 24 beers, it was more like 18. Get it straight.

But seriously, are we in high school? Did we revert back to 16? Because I'm confused how grown ass adults like to start shit just for the fun of it. I mean, really. Don't you have more important things to talk about than what I do in my freaking private time? Clearly your life isn't as all badass like mine and you need to justify it by bad mouthing me. It's fine. I will take the brunt of your stupidity and walk with my head high. Proud that I nearly could stand up straight and talk without a slur after 18 beers. There. Take that.

Whoa. I feel sooooo much better.
Drazzy, you got something in this WTF stuff. Fo'realz!

Cheers y'all!!!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezey

Wanna know what happens when you stop fretting, and agonizing, and freaking out like a coked up psych patient about your weight?????

You lose 6 lbs.

Yup. That’s right. As of this morning the little flat chested whore spit out a number that I haven’t seen in 3 years, bless her little heart.  146!!! Woop woop!
Can I get a ‘Hell Yeah!’?!

And you wanna know my secret?

Do you?

Huh, do you, do you?


I stop eating when I’m full.

Crazy, huh?

Just downright scary it’s so brilliant.

And I’m not stuffing my face with my emotions either. Since work is a huge toilet bowl in Satan’s outhouse right now, I have been stressed to the MAX! It’s cray-cray around these parts. And it’s not going to get any better, any time soon. Then there’s the fact that my personal life is a shit storm also. My back/neck eff ups, the 2nd anniversary of my dad Mike’s death is coming up. It’s summer, so we are never, ever, ever home on the weekends (which is fun, but also shittastic at the same time). And I just found out my other dad’s sister has the big ‘C’ word. I cannot tell you how freaking much I hate the word ‘cancer’.  I hate it worse than spiders. Swear.

Can you say TENSION? Because this girl’s got some.

But I’m not making it ‘feel better’ with crapfood. Nope, just not going to do it. Actually, I’ve been doing the opposite and eating 3 small meals a day. I wait till I’m hungry and then eat slowly till I’m full. Easy peezy lemon squeezey.

You know what I want to squeezey right now?

A lime.
In a Corona.

And I think I will, in about 4 hours when I get off overtime and get my butt home. I’d share with my loving husband, but that little turd is on the golf course drinking his own beer.
At the golf course. During work. With his boss.

So no Corona’s for him!

Well, that was a fun little post.

Cheers Lovies!!!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Late Edition.

Holy toledo batman.

It's been a week! WHEW!

Here's 10 of the most random things going on in my life. At the moment. Won't be hard, as my life is more unbalanced than the psych ward in crazyville.

1.  So I went to Minnetonka, Minnesota on Monday and Tuesday. For work. Not play. Ok, there may have been a teeeeeeny little play.

First of all......and this is the most important part......our plane left at 6:00AM. AM!!!! WTF! (Shout out to my Drazzy on her WTF Wednesdays!) I had to get up at 3:30 in the morning to shit, shower, and shave. Then drive to the airport in a practically comatose state. In the dark. In the early, early, EARLY AM! Seriously people, y'all know me by now, mornings and I just don't roll all bomb diggity like. But I made it. And I was in a semi-good mood. For 5:30 in the morning anyway. Let's just say I didn't pummel someone with my carry-on. So that's good.

Once in MN, we got our lovely rental car.......I mean van..........Mini-Van, to be exact. Lets just say it wasn't a turbo. And the driver (which would be my little co-worker buddy dude) went the warp speed of a drunk turtle. Slow down the hills, slower yet up the hills. Ugh. Shoot me now. We made it to the company that we were visiting. Clearly safe and sound because old ladies in semi-trucks were passing us. I won't bore you with all the deets of the work crap, but it was interesting. I got to see how lighted movie posters worked and this company made the lights for the Tron movie motorcycle. That was kinda badass. We ended our tour at about Beer:30, and headed to the nearest bar. Conveniently located within stumbling distance of the hotel.

After we threw back a few we headed to dinner at this AMAZING place on Lake Minnetonka. Bar on the water.......yup, pretty much my style.
 The food was TO.DIE.FOR. I had Walleye Tacos............oh my giddy ASS! So yummmmmy.
A little jealous, huh?

Afterwards, I had to take some pics:

The weather was gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

After that was a tag game between me and another co-worker about who could drink the most.
I think I lost. Bad.
What can you do.

Tuesday morning was not the brightest. But we made it through the day, back on the itty plane and back to Wichitity.

2.  Coming back to Wichita, and getting back to work has been...................let's just say..................a shit storm of category 4032 proportions. I need this. I need that. Can you do this. I need you to do that. UGHHHH. Paaahhh-lease people, leave me alone. Please.

Bad news is, it's just going to get worse. Way worse. Thank the Almighty I have my trusty sidekick co-workers to help me through it.

So I want all y'all to get down on your knees, right now, and pray to the Booze Gods that I will make it through these next few months without shanking a person. Mmmmkay? Ok.

3.  Oh my God. Look at this color:
Is that not the most badass thing you've seen all day?!?!?!
You're welcome.

It's my new color, and I freaking love it.
All goldie locks shimmery sassypants.

4.  Well, on the running front, I've made some decisions. I really need/want to get back into it. The problem.....finding the time. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to start evening running. I've always been a morning person, but since work is a suckhole I'm going to have to pull major overtime (like getting there at 6:30---AM......there's those dreaded two letters that designate early morning again). And I've got some major Dr. appointments coming up (more on that later) so that leaves the only available times between 6:15pm and 9:00ish, when I passout from exhaustion. And somewhere in there I need to work on pictures. And other jobs (more on that later).

So I either need to buck up.
Or only get 4 hours of sleep at night and make everyone around me hate life because I'll be a raging bitch from Hell.

I think I need to buck up.

5.  Ok. Doctor appointments. Well, I've been having horrible neck and back trouble for, I don't know, about since puberty. No really, I've always had neck problems because of the way I sit at the computer. And the only thing that's helped is massages 3-4 times a year. Tragic I know. I don't know how I put up with it.

But lately (since January) I've just had the worst time. Anything I do gives me horrible pain. And I'm stiff as a horny corpse every single morning. Not fun.

So I broke down and went to the chiropractor yesterday and today.

Well, lets just say, it could be better.

First of all, I have what's called......hang on, I got to find all my fancy pamphlets.......oh here: Subluxation Degeneration. On the worst side of Phase One. What does that mean, you ask. It means a normal spine curves slightly. Mine is straight, and in between the vertebrae I have uneven widths, oh and plus I have bone spurs on my vertebrae. Or is it vertebrA for multiple. Or the other way around. Who cares. Anyway, here's a picture description (not my spine, btw):

See how the picture on the top left (Textbook Normal.....of course) is curved. Well, I'm like the picture directly to the right of it. Straight as flagpole. Awesome.

And to make matters worse, I have about 8700 vertebrae 'out'.
Another illustration for your enjoyment:

Let's not comment on the frompiness of my pictures.
But see all those different colored squares down the middle? That represents my back from head to ass, and it points out which vertebrae are 'out'. That's a lot of colors.

Doc says that I'll need about 31 appointments (or less) to work everything back in place.

OHhhhhhhhh, wait, forgot the most important part!!!!!
I have mild scoliosis in my neck.
It's more curvy than damn Sofía Vergara's boob to butt ratio.

I did get popped tonight, and man oh man, that was painful, but ohhhh so exhilarating. Why does everything I write have a sexual innuendo? Riddle me that!
Moving on.

Hopefully I'll be back to 'normal' soon!

6.  Is beer still good if it's been sitting in the fridge for 5 months? I've had some Leinenkugel Nutty Brown Ale since January. I can't just dump it out! That's like a sin.
Let's have a tasty-taste...........
Well, it's a little bitter.
But drinkable.
Okay dokey.

7.  Oh, remember on like 4 or 5 or whatthehellever number up there that I mentioned job opportunities?
Well, as I'm getting all popped by the chiro dude, we're talking and I mention that i'm an artist. He's like, 'Graphic Artist?' Well, ya, dude. What I do alllllllllll day long.

Well, shiver me timbers, he's not only a chiro doc, but into movies too. Apparently he owns some production company.......Grizzly Adams Productions, or something, and needs someone to design all their movie posters. Freaking cool right?!?! He's offered to talk and look at my stuff, and we may trade services.

How badass would that be, huh?!

To give you an idea, they co-produced the new Three Stooges (not the best, but still, major motion) and they're doing a new Grizzly Adams movie with Kurt Russell. BaaaChing!
Kinda exciting.
Just kinda.

8. Grey's Anatomy is starting in like 7 minutes. I need to hurry this shit up. It's season finale y'all!!!!

9. Don't know if I ever mentioned or not, but we finally figured out what we want for a new SUV. 

Drum roll please.............................

Jeep Grand Cherokee!!!!!!


We're thinking an 2011, with semi-low milage, but decked out. Possibly a Limited.
Now we just need to find one.

10.  Ok, so I know I had a big weekend last weekend (my grandmother's 85th birthday where 254 questions of mini-humans were a-happenin'), and I just wanted to let you know I WILL post a recap, but haven't had a chance to sit down to do it. I know a lot of people are looking forward to that enthralling adventure, so I'll try not to keep you waiting long (Shout out to my cousin's Melissa and Rachel D who told me how much they love reading my batshit crazy ramblings!!!!! Love you girls!!!)

Cheers Y'all!!!

You'll just have to wait.....

Ok. I know it's Thursday. And I'm supposed to write 10 randompants things about my freaking turdbowl of a life, but unfortunately, I can't......right now anyway.

I'm so swamped with work and life and going out of town every weekend, just getting back from a crazy trip in Minnesota, Memorial Day right around the corner (freaking can't wait), my garden is going apeshit, ohhhh, and work sucks donkey toots so bad I want to rip out my eyebrows and stand in a porta potty loaded with mosquitoes. Seriously. Sooooo busy.

But! I will try and post it tonight. Promise. Well, not promise. Because it's Grey's A season finale. But I'll try!

Cheers Buttercups!!

Friday, May 11, 2012

BYOC-Bring Your Own Crazy

It’s Friday fun day! That means it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy brought to you by the lovely Draz!! We answer a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog if you so desire and have fun!

1. Are you a “wake up on the first beep of the alarm clock” or a “hit the snooze button 50 times before you get up” kind of person? Is your alarm clock set to the right time?

•Ummmm, wake up on the first alarm..........pssshhhhtttt.......ohhhhhh, HELL NO! People don't actually do that do they? Everyone hits snooze 26 times, right? Right.
Whew, thought I was weird or something.

2. Do you decorate for any holidays other than Christmas?

•Nope. I have like 2 Halloween decorations, a little ceramic pumpkin and a little scarecrow plant sticker inner thingy, but they're in the box with the Xmas stuff, so by the time I get the Xmas stuff down, it's like Dec. 22nd and Halloween has WAYYYYY passed. Every year I say I should put them somewhere else. But every year I don't. Typical.

3. Would you consider yourself a spontaneous fly by the seat of your pants kind of person or a massive OCD controlling planner kind of person or someone in between?

• In my own unique straight-jacket-weird-o fashion, I am a little mix of both. First off, I'm a control freak. Through and through. Maybe because I couldn't control anything when I was growing up, who knows. But I like to know what we're doing, when we're doing it, how we'll do it, what positions we'll do it.......just kidding. hehehe. Get your minds outta the gutter! Shame shame! I just like to know the deets, ya know?! If I don't know EVERYTHING, I start to flip out a little......ok, a lot.

I also have a chaotic way of organizing everything. It may not be the 'right' way, or the most cleanly way, but I know where everything is, and that's what matters. But I only do that because my memory is so bad that if I don't put things back in the exact place, I'll forget where I put them. Like, I have to put my keys in the same side pocket of my purse. And if God forbid they end up in the other pocket, I'll have a full-on toddler melt down in the middle of Wally World's parking lot trying to frantically shovel out my purse to find them. Crying might even happen. It's not pretty, folks.

But on the other side, I love surprises and things spontaneous. I love random trips to places, and I like to just pick up and go! I think that also derives from my growing up and moving 90 times.

4. Tell me some of your MUST have hair products that you use consistently….you know - share your “hair routine”.

• I am not a doer of the hair every day person. Some days I'll get a wild hair up my pooper to look purdy, other days my hair looks like someone splattered it with Crisco. Meh, who cares. But, when I am feeling in the purdy mood, I blow dry it first, upside down of course, then I section off the top part of my crown, in about 1/2 inch lines and spray both sides with hairspray and hold them straight up to dry, then do the next section, and so on. Then I lay all sections down, the opposite way I normally part my hair. This is all to get a little root boosting action.

Then I put on my make up.

Next I straighten it, adding a little curl the the bottom. I have a bop right now. See:

Omg, that looks like flat shittastic. Christ.

Well, anyway. Once straightened, then I put a 1" curling iron to the roots around my crown to add some extra umph. Which, judging by the picture above is all for not.
I think I need to rethink my hair routine.

5. Repeat question: How was your week and what are your upcoming weekend plans?

• Well...................

Yup. I'm all feisty today.

Maybe it's because I ran last night!!! WOOP WOOP!!!! That was good. And I'm not as sore today as I thought I'd be. I was hella more hungry though. That part is crapcicles.

This weekend is my grandma's 85th birthday party. Where the boundless inquiries into why I have not popped out a small human yet will be in full force. i.can.not.wait.

Now I'm off to spend the next 1.5 hours dreaming of a cold frosty beverage!


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Run, LauraBelle, Run...

I did it.

I finally ran.

After a month of nada.

It was..........interesting.

Starting out, my legs just didn't want to work. Cramps, tingling, just.not.working.

Then my lungs felt like the size of raisins. Moldy raisins.

But I kicked it in gear and pushed through.

I concentrated on my breathing. In and out, in and out. And timed it with my steps. Pathetic steps, but steps. And soon I was in a rhythm.

But that only lasted about 1.thisiskickingmyass miles.

But I made it! 2.5 miles in 26:49. Not bad. Not bad. I thought I was going to pass out on the way up my driveway and face plant the concrete. But I didn't.
And I also got the lovely taste of what I think was a fly and a moth, at about mile 2.4. Just a little extra protein for my diet.

It was hot. I was sweaty. But I feel good. Ohhhhh I feel so good. UH!

Well, maybe not that good.
Wow, that was rough.

But I feel better than before.

Guess who was all poopy pants when I got home.

So sad.

Sorry Puppy, it was just too hot and too long for you.
Next time. Next time.
(don't worry, he got a vigorous game of F-E-T-C-H when I got home. Happy Camper.)

Maybe I'll run tomorrow.
Maybe I won't.

But I do know that I enjoyed this run tonight.

And am maybe looking forward to the next.

Ten Things Thursday

Another round of randomcrap!

Get ready My Peeps!!!

1.  Got this email yesterday. It reminded me that I'm not the only one in my marriage that has a little crush obsessive stalker-like tendencies toward certain gorgeous celebrities.
Uhhhhemmmmmm, look at his cute little face:
BTW, Little Miss Poopy Pants Blake better back the heck up. He's mine. I'll cut a b*tch.

Anyway, my little hubby has his 'girlfriend', that he gets all cute-like and excited when she comes on the boob-tube. Ok, not really. He doesn't get all cute-like. He just calls her his 'girlfriend', in that macho guy kinda way.
Meet my competition:
Ughhhh, why does she have to be soooooo damn perfect. I would shank a skank for her legs. (Highlighting the K in Skank, so y'all know there's a difference there, between 'shank' and 'skank'. You're welcome.)

Well, guess what the email said that reminded me about all this celebrity girlfriend/boyfriend marriage randomness bullshit.........
Yup. My Ryan's girlfriend is comin' to town.
Which means I'll probably get to see her badass shank a skank legs in person. Which will make me want to go home, headbutt a porcupine and drown myself in a swimming pool of chocolate syrup.

But she sings good. So that part will be fun.

2.  Holy crap. Jordan found this on the Trest of Pin and it's freaking amazeballs!
So, I don't care if I just had the big 3-1 a month ago, I want y'all to start preparing for the big 3-2 and make me one of these. But with Bud Light. Mmmmkay?! Mkay.

3.  OH! By the way, I was very proud of y'all last weekend. Seriously. Made a chica so happy to know that her peeps celebrated a Mexican battle by drinking copious amounts of liquor, and kept me in mind while doing it. Brings a tear to the eye.

And yes, I did do a little celebrating myself. Yup. I drove 2.5 hours out into the middle of nowhere Kansas, to a town about the size of a postage stamp, and visited some friends and took their adorable newborn baby's pictures.

But I did eat at a authentic Mexican restaurant. We were the only people there. Weird.

4.  In honor of Mothers Day approaching (May 13th, which y'all probably knew already, cause you're already moms), I thought we'd have a little fun with Mother's Day Awkward Photos:


Now, that last one?..........REALLY?!?! I mean, REALLY?!?! What the duck makes you think that would EVER look good. EVER! I hope they got a big wall portrait of that. Like football field sized. Placed right over their faux fireplace. Next to their 88 Dale Jr. candlesticks and table top lamp made out of plastic deer antlers. Because that's what I would do if I had that kind of quality photastic pictures taken.

And who the heck lets someone draw on their belly?! *shivers*

5. It's May. Ohhhh May. How I've missed you. Wanna know why? Because at the end of May is Memorial Day. And you wanna know what happens on Memorial Day??? Well, I'm gonna tell ya. We go to the LAKE!!!  
It's Lake Season!

Holy Boat Rudders I freaking love Lake Season.....aka Summer.

The only thing I don't like about summer is that we travel every other damn weekend. I mean, can't a girl get a break?!

First is my Grandma Betty's 85th birthday party this weekend, where we'll get to see all my cousin's that I haven't seen in like 12 years. Joy. And I'll get about 1,299 questions about why I'm not pregnant yet, or why I don't have kids yet. Can't wait.

Next, is my Dad's Annual Memorial dinner. Sadpants.

Then it's MEMORIAL DAY!!!!
And I get to do a lot of this:
 No, not take completely cheesy pictures of myself.
But go boating!
Hopefully on a new boat. (**HINT, HINT, Pam and Cliff [inlaws]!!!)

6. Holy Shitballs. Ice Ice Baby just came on my Pandora.
Praise Jesus.

Ice Ice Baby......
Vanilla Ice Ice Baby......
Vanilla Ice Ice Baby......
Vanilla Ice Ice Baby......
Vanilla Ice......
Let's get outta here.......
Word to your Motha.......
 Ice Ice Baby to goooooo......
 Ice Ice Baby to goooooo......
 Ice Ice Baby to goooooo......

Aren't you glad you read my blog for such interesting topics?
Yup, I know you are.

7.  I'm kinda getting the itch to run. Finally. I don't know, I've been thinking about it non-stop the last few days. I just..........miss it.
But I think a break was definitely what I needed.
Surprise!!!! My body decided that it liked the 'break' in all things healthy and I've lost 3 lbs.
WHAT the Wha?!?!

I hate my body.
It's just so weird-o.
But I guess I'm so weird-o too, so it makes sense.

8. Guess who gets to go to Minnetonka, Minnesota on Monday and Tuesday?????? THIS GIRL! Yup, work is flying myself and two other work buddies to check out some new business ventures......kinda. We're trying to get into new business ventures, and need to know how to make the products, and this place in Minnetonka knows how to make the products. Still following me? Good.

Anyways, I'm kinda excited about it. I've never been to Minnesota (said in the northern 'Minnesota' accent. every. single. time.) We won't have a whole lot of time to explore, but I'm hoping that Monday evening I can go poke around the city.

My mom told me about Minnetonka Moccasins, and if you haven't heard about this little treasure, feast your eyes on these:

Me likey likey!!!!!
So, I'm gonna have to find those shoes........
They're probably really expensive.
I'd have to sell my left boob to afford one.
Le sigh.

9.  My friend Ducky posted this cute picture of her in this awesome Wonder Woman shirt and I just about fell over when I saw it. There's a bunch of people at work that think I look like Wonder Woman. Well, when I had longer hair. IDK. Obviously they've been smoking something.......funny. Anyway, I loved her shirt and she said she got it at THATSMYSHIRT.COM. Welllllllllllll.........Looky at all the bad ass shirts they have!!!

Cool, eh?
I gotta get me some.

10.  I know I've been slacking on reading and commenting your bloggies lately, I'm sorry. It's just been like a mental hospital with escaped inmates at work and home life has been consumed by finding the perfect SUV for me, which means trips to dealerships to deal with salesmen, which makes me wish I was at the mental hospital. There is not enough time in the day!!!! But I promise, promise, promise I'll get caught up.........someday!!

That's all for now!