Thursday, January 31, 2013

Pregnancy WEEK 6 (Dec 23-29)

Sorry I didn't get this out yesterday! Work was a shitstorm of EPIC proportions. So, i'm forgoing TTT for Week 6! Enjoy!!

So this week was a big week!! First let me go into what’s going on with me! Oh, and the baby, of course. Hehehe.

First off, the tatas grow more and more every day. It’s like the Red Sea parting. It’s like Jesus’ face on a wine bottle. It’s like Carrot Top getting laid. Freaking miracles people!!! I love this pregnancy thing.

That being said, no one should hug me. Like from now until this kid is born. Because the girls will pitch a bitch fest and I will be on the floor crying from the pain. Oh, and having your nipple just ‘pop’ out of your too small bra unexpectedly while at work is not pleasant. Thank you baby Jesus that no one’s been around to see me ‘situate’ myself a half a dozen times during the day.

I also have started this new thing where I don’t sleep at night. It’s awesome. In a ‘I kind of want to stab Mr. Sandman and then pour hot tar all over his nekkid body because I miss my sleepy-sleepy time and am a little crankypants McGee’ kind of way. Part of the reason I’m sleep deprived is I have to get up 26 times a night to pee. It’s redonkulous. Who pees that much?!?! Except for a 97 year man with a prostate problem?!?! Well, according to the ‘pregnancy book’, it’s 97 year old men and pregnant women. Fan-freaking-tastic. The other part of not sleeping is for some reason I can’t shut off my mind, then when I do finally fall asleep, the slightest thing wakes me up. Like the dog snoring. Or the husband snoring. Or the husband stealing the covers. Or the husband bending his 12 ft long legs at the knee so it’s like a damn circus tent with the covers and my ass gets cold because there’s nothing on it keeping it warm!!!  That’s just a few things.

Just kidding Honey. It’s not allllllll your fault. I put that the dog snores too!

Other than that, things are just a ray of sparkly sunshine on a cloudy day.

As far as the baby goes, it’s about the size of a sweet pea. Awwwwwwww.  If I could see the little one, there would be folds of tissue on the head, which are developing into the jaws, cheeks, and chin. And it’s little ear canals are forming too! They’re just little indentations right now, but they’re growing! There’s also little bumps on it’s face for the eyes! The baby’s kidneys, liver, and lungs are also forming. Little one is growing fast!!!!

OK. Now on to telling the parents. First was my dad and that side of the family. We headed out to Colorado, packed and ready to go. Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time (and noticed the major 1st word in my blog name), you know that I love me some beers. Well, so does the rest of my family. We have many lovely traditions on this side, and getting shit-can wasted is one of them. So imagine their surprise when I refuse beer, after beer, after beer, after bloody mary, after tequila shot, after more beer. Ya. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that something’s up.

But our plan was that we would have Dad and his wife Jo open a present. The present would be the picture that I put on here, to announce the pregnancy, of Wyatt with the sign and the hunting boots. It would be all framed and everything.

Weeeeelllllllllllllllllll, Jo wanted to drrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggg out the opening of the gifts for like hours! First, we could only open our ‘stockings’. Which weren’t even stockings, because technically it was the Sat. before Christmas, and Santa doesn’t fill the stockings till Christmas morning. (We have little ones around, so we still play along.) But that’s fine. We can open up the stockings, then I tried to convince her to let us open up a few gifts right after. Nope. We had to take a break. To drink. Except for me. Because I was still faking that I just wanted water, because the drive was long. Ughhhhhh.

See, we were going to wait till the very end, that way it didn’t take away from everyone else’s gifts. But clearly, we’d be there all freaking night if we did it that way.

Finally, Jo agreed to let everyone open 3 gifts. Praise the freaking Lord!!!!! We waited for everyone in the family to open their 3 gifts. Which took like a century. Then finally I told Dad and Jo to sit together I had one more present for them. I let Jo open it and she screamed. Dad started crying. Everyone hugged. Everyone said ‘they knew!’ because I wasn’t drinking. And then Jo blurted out it’s going to be A GIRL!!! Don’t know how she knows this at 6 weeks. But whatevs.

Here's the video. It's short and sweet. But you get the idea.

It went good. There was lots of questions. And being that we’re the LAST ones to have kids on this side, there was A SHITLOAD of advice given. It was fun. And soooo nice to finally tell someone!!!

We left Colo. on the 26th and headed home. And this is when my first ‘episode’ of morning sickness decided to rear its ugly head.  Remember that I posted that I got the flu over Christmas? Well, maybe you don’t, but it wasn’t the flu. It was the lovely pregnancy sickness. On.The.Road. All 8 hours home. It was possibly the most horrible experience of my life.  Thankfully, Ryan drove the entire way and I slept the entire way, well not the entire way, because I think I puked 4 times on that trip. A few days later I was back to normal. But oh Gawd I thought I was going to die.

We headed to Kansas City the weekend after Christmas. We knew that the same thing would happen at Ryan's parents, with me not drinking (not nearly on the same level of my alcoholic family), but they’d wonder why I wasn’t drinking.  So we decided to not wait and have them open up the ‘present’ early. We did the same thing for all parents, with the picture in the frame. We had Ryan’s mom, Pam, open it, with his dad, Cliff, looking over her shoulder. She squeeled and his dad got this huge grin on his face. There was lots of hugs and a little crying. It was so sweet. See, Ryan’s an only child, and this would be the FIRST grandbaby on that side. Can you say spoiled much?!?! Yes, we’re going to have to keep an eye on that set of grandparents.

Unfortunately I forgot to video his parents finding out. Which I’m still pissed about. Out of all the parents, their reaction would have been the best because it’s the first and only grandbaby! Oh well.

We have one more set of parents to tell, my Mom and her boyfriend Hardy. But her Christmas isn’t until the end of my 9th week. So we got a little ways.

Tomorrow I'll post week 7!!! Slowly but surely we'll get caught up to where I'm at now, which is 11 weeks. Can't believe it's going so fast!!!


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Pregnancy - WEEK 5 (Dec 16-22)

So, this week there’s no change really. Well, I’ve gained a few pounds……in my bra. Seriously. My acorns are no longer acorns!!! It’s a miracle!!! I look proportional!!! I’m no porn queen, thank the Lord, but my chest finally doesn’t look like the flatlands of western Kansas. (I think using the words ‘porn queen’ and ‘the Lord’ in one sentence is a no-no. Eh, someone have a drink ready for me in Hell.)

You have no idea what it’s like to not have boobs, and now I have boobs! It’s crazy!! For those of you that were blessed with tatas bigger than two bee stings, I envy you. For everyone else, you know exactly what I’m talking about!

It’s just awesome.

Well, except that the girls hurt like Hell, and trying to deal with the ‘added’ obstacles at bed time is proved to be a little bit of a challenge. I kinda feel like MacGyver trying to find a comfortable PJs to wear and then a comfortable position where things aren’t ‘squished’.

But other than that, it’s just awesome!!

I think it solidifies my desire to make the acorns into plump lemons someday by way of surgery. After kids, of course. Don’t know how the hubby feels about that, but I think we’ll need to discuss.

As far as the baby goes, it is about the size of an orange seed. Cute little sweet orange seed. Awwwwww. The baby is growing all it’s important major and minor bodily systems like the digestive, circulatory, nervous and so on. And it’s growing some organs too! Heart, lungs, stomach, etc. The baby’s heart is already hard at work, beating like a little drum. Apparently the baby looks more like a tadpole than anything. Just a mini-head and a tail. I guess that’s not really so awwwww, but oh well.

I still can’t believe that I’m actually preggars. And you know what, I kinda hate that word. It’s weird. But I’m weird. So whatever. Anyways. Being pregnant is still kinda of a shock. I mean, I’m excited and can’t wait to see this little person’s face, but at the same time I’m scared shitless.

I’m trying not to think about all the bad things that can happen, but it’s hard. I’m not even going to type them out. Because I’m going to have a perfectly normal pregnancy and end it with a bouncing, screaming, crying, chubby-faced, messy, little person come August!!! Positive thinking, right?! Right.

Tune in tomorrow for Week 6! That's when we told most of the parents. At Christmas. It’s going to be amazeballs!!!!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Pregnancy - Week 4 (Dec 9-15)

----Here's the first post in my recap of what's been going on since I found out I'm 'with child'. Keep in mind I wrote this awhile ago, so it's going to be in past tense. Also, it's freaking long. Pull up a footstool and a drink, you're going to be here awhile. ----

Technically, this would be week 2, since the husband and I did the BOOM-BOOM two weeks ago. But, all the doctors and websites don’t count the actual BOOM-BOOM time, they start counting from the date of your last ‘present’ from that bitch Mother Nature. Whatevs.

So, I’m 4 weeks along. How do I know I’m ‘along’??? Well, let me tell you about the day I found out I’m going to be a baby mama. It was Dec. 13th, and I was violently shaking, super dilated eyes wide open, darting back and forth from the clock to the door like a cracked out fun-dip snorter patiently waiting for my husband to leave for work. It’s 6:15 in the morning and I haven’t slept a wink. FINALLY, he gets his ass out the door and I jump out of bed like my ass is on fire. I bolt to the bathroom and do my duty of peeing on a little pink and white stick.

Now the waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Yup, still waiting. Pacing the floor like a caged gorilla. Waiting some more. And FINALLY!!! It’s been the longest 3 minutes of my life.

There it was. So simple. Yet, so life changing. TWO PINK LINES!!!!! I’M PREGNANT!!!!

I immediately screamed and started jumping up and down like a crazed looney toon, the dog jumped up like someone jabbed his ass with a hot poker and came over with his tail wagging like it was some sort of psycho game I was playing.  Then I proceeded to find and fumble with my phone so I could text my besty Draz.

I was so amped up that I could barely type. I just wrote: I'M PREGNANT!!!!!
And she called me immediately after that.

Now, I can’t really tell you exactly what we said to each other, and I bet she doesn’t know either. All we did was scream gibberish, I was jumping up and down, and she was in her car trying not to drive off some Podunk road. It was glorious. Two females in high-pitched squealing mode on the phone for about 10 minutes. Neither one making any sense. Wyatt got so scared he tried to bury his body under the bed. Unfortunately only his head fit. That left his ass hanging out. It was quite the picture. Except I didn’t get one. Damn it.

The squealing ended and we got off the phone, promising to text/email/obsess later in the day. And I just stood there. Tearing up, looking at this little pee stick with 2 pink lines that said I was going to be a mama and Ryan was going to be a daddy and Wyatt was going to be a big brother. Wow.

Then I glanced at the clock, cursed life because I had 15 min to get ready for work and my hair was still a grease slick & my breath was definitely not extra fresh.

I can tell you, I didn’t do a damn thing that day. Well, except for scouring the interwebs for any and all references to ‘pregnant’. It was information overload, but in such a good way.

Now, you’re probably wondering about how I told Ryan. Remember I waited for him to go to work before I took the test? Well, I did that because I wanted to tell him a ‘special’ way. I just hadn’t figured that ‘special’ way out yet.

I then spent the better part of the rest of my day searching ‘how to tell your husband your preggars.’ There was some helpful stories, and then some completely cheesy bullshit. But I did finally get an idea on what I wanted to do.

First stop after work was Cabela’s, our foremost outfitter for anything and everything hunting, fishing, more hunting, stupid boy things, and shitloads of camo. What better way to tell Ryan than to incorporate one of his favorite hobbies! I’m such a badass wife.

I made my way to the shoe department and picked out the cutest little pair of camo hunting boots that I could find. They were adorable!!! And quite possibly the most expensive pair of shoes the kid will ever have in their life. Christ that shit’s pricey!

I then went home, wrapped it up in Christmas paper, and waited for my loving husband to get home.

And I waited.

And waited.

Still waiting.

About ready to fly out of my skin if he doesn’t get through the door in 2 minutes.

You see, Ryan had his company fish fry that night, so he was drinkin’ it up and shoving his face full of fish he caught a few days before. And here I was, sitting at home, waiting to tell him the most important news of our lives.

So I texted him. Which isn’t my style. I normally don’t give a hoot when he gets home, but in this instance I wanted to know when he left so I could set up the video camera and get everything ready.

Immediately he knew something was up. So I just told him I had a ‘surprise’ for him when he got home.

Which, he then proceeded to tell everyone (all males by the way) at work that he had to go because ‘his wife had a surprise for him’.
Awesome. Thank you Honey for now having everyone at your place of employment think I’m some kinky sex hound. My life is complete.
Anyways, he ended up getting home and ‘kinda’ figured out what might be going on during the drive, which wasn’t going to be any BOOM-BOOM time. He walks in the door and says, ‘Is it what I think it is?!?! IS IT?!?!’

And I’m all, ‘I don’t know, why don’t you not ruin my well-laid plan of telling you and sit your ass down in front of the camera so we can record this shit for years to come and embarrass our future child. Thank you.’

I gave him the wrapped gift and told him to open it. On the front of the box I had written:

And inside was the camo boots.

Are those not the cutest little things you've ever seen?!?!?!

Ryan kept asking if I was sure, so I whipped out the pee-stick and pointed to the 2 magic pink lines. Yup. Pretty sure buddy! We’re having a baby!!!!

We hugged, we kissed. And then we just sat looking at each other, soaking in the knowledge that we are going to be solely responsible for another human being in about 8 months. Holy Shitballs.
Here's the video, sounds a little off, but you get the idea:

I know this is already long as all Hell, but I want to do weekly updates so that I can track what I feel and how fat I get for the future, so there’s a little more reading to go. Maybe I can print it all out for a book for our kid when they’re older or something. I also write this for your pure entertainment, of course.

So, Week 4 I pretty much didn’t feel any different. I weighed my normal 150ish. But I did notice that I was hungry more often, which was perfect because it was the week before Christmas and I knew I’d be stuffing my face like the zombie apocalypse was happening. I also had some cramping, but it was minor. Very minor compared to the volcano that usually erupts in my uterus every month. The cramping was just the embryo attaching itself to my uterine wall, so no problems or anything.

But other than that, I felt fine. No morning sickness, no fatigue, just pure bliss. Ahhh, this is going to be a breeze……wait a minute. I can’t have any booze!!! CRAP!!! 9+ months without my trusty sidekick Mr. Budlight.  Well. This is a first. Ok, this is sad, but since I was about 16 I can’t think of a single time that I went without even a sip of beer for more than 2 weeks. This is going to be like a record or something. I should call Guiness. The book, not the booze. Shit, now I’m thinking about beer again.

This baby better appreciate the sacrifices I’m making for it. It better damn well appreciate it. And be the best baby in the world. And sleep through the night. And never fuss. And smile all the time. Yes, yes, this is how it should repay me. If life were sparkly rainbows and non-fat calorie-free chocolate filled puffy hearts. More likely I’ll be rewarded with a kid that is 12 times worse than I was. Which means I’ll probably be spending my 40th birthday in a padded cell. Oh joy.

Other than that, Ryan and I are super excited and talk about baby crap non-stop. I bought the book ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and have been reading to Ryan the different stages of our pregnancy. I also made my first Dr. appt for Jan 10th. I can’t wait!!!!

Now I gotta figure out how to tell the parents!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

Oh. It's Thursday. I sorta forgot.
Here we goooooooooo!!

1.  I ran again last night. Baby makes things a little slow, but I've been feeling so good after working out, that I don't think I'm going to stop any time soon. Unlike the last 487 times that I've tried to re-up my exercise routine, I've failed miserably and my 'exercise' ends up being 12 oz curls, Monday thru Sunday.  Like a boss.

Well, since there's no more booze in my life right now *sadface*, I guess I need something to do, right? Right.

Enter: The Dreadmill.

That little bastard is a mean piece of shit. And sometimes I just want to shred that little conveyor belt of death into tiny little pieces.

But I don't. I power through my 3 miles and walk away satisfied. Oddly enough.

Basically the hubby and I are going to the gym together, he does whatever he does, and I workout on the treadmill. So far we've gone twice this week, and I plan to go again tonight. And possibly Friday night too.

Here's some things I've learned:

A.  Baby makes me tired. I can only run at about a 4.5-5 pace and only for about .5 miles before I feel like my lungs will burst, or my legs will fall off. But then I walk at about a 4 pace for awhile, and then pick back up with the running. Usually I can knock out 3 miles after getting back into a routine, within a week. This time, baby say's nope, not going to happen. So i'm taking things slow. Which is ok by me. Last night I did 3 miles in about 44:00, and I ran about half of it. I'll take that!

B.  Now that I'm not turning to booze to release my stress (lush), I feel like I really need to do SOMETHING every day. And that something includes more physical exertion than walking to the toilet 13 times. I feel a lot better, mentally, now that I'm not using alcohol as a crutch, ya know? I kinda like this stress relieving gym thing. Huh. Who woulda thought.

C.  This isn't anything new, but I thought I'd put it down here anyway. Did you know that working out allows you to indulge in quiet........chocolate? Or ice cream? Or both? That makes mama, and baby, very happy.

So, I'm going to continue on this baby/exercise/train for awhile and see how things go.
Maybe I can do a marathon at 8.humongous months pregnant like that one chick in Chicago.
Pssstttssshhhhhhhh. Ya right. Bitch was crazy. I'm not. That much at least.

2.  I think I'm going to cut my hair. Right now I'm trying to grow it out. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. Just bare with me. See, right now it's straight as a nun. It does nothing but hang there, and i'm tired of the same ol' thing. So I think i'm going to get 'The Karlie' or 'The Chop':

I like Mrs. O's style the best. Isn't that cute?!?! And I want to cut some more bangs. Mine seem thin. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

3.  Ryan informed me the other night that he'd like to go to Yellowstone this summer, possibly in June, and vacation for a little bit. Before the baby comes.


7 months pregnant?
In the wilderness?
Hiking around on swollen ankles and a F*cked up back?

Ya. I'd like to see you try and get me to Yellowstone. That'd be funny.

4.  I really want some Toaster Strudels. One of my employees let me have a few of his yesterday for breakfast, and that's all I've been able to think about since. I freaking love Toaster Strudels. I think I'm going to the store now.

5.  I'm back. I didn't end up getting Toaster Strudels. I got a chocolate chip cookie. And it was glorious.

6.  Has anyone used a pizza stone before???? I asked for one for Christmas so that we could cook pizza's on our Traeger Smoker/Grill, but my first attempt (w/o consulting the instructions) was an epic failure. Once I figured out that instructions are vital, I went in search of them in the box, and there are none. Awesome.

So what do you need to do? I read on google that you need to oil the stone before hand. So I did that. And I also read that you need to put down corn meal before you put down the dough. Is that right?

So basically, you spread out some corn meal, put the stone in a cold oven, heat it up to like 400 degrees, so the stone is really hot, then put your dough on it, cook that, then add your toppings, and cook again??

Does this sound right?

I soooo want to try this, but have no clue what i'm doing. HELP!!!!!

I have to go to blood born pathogens training right now (I'm so excited about this), so I'm going to cut this short.

Ya'll have a great day!!! And I think tomorrow I'll post my recap of what went down when I found out I was preggars!!!! So get excited!!!