Thursday, November 29, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

1. Working sucks a big fat boil on an angry hippo's mammoth ass.

2.  How many people can work at an establishment with their heads up their own ass? I mean really. How do they get shit done? Oh, ya. They give it to me to do.

3.  Farts. Why doesn't this Mt. Dew have booze included?

4.  Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to interrupt me while I'm knee deep in bullshit, so that you can add another shovel to the pile. I apologize.

5.  You mean that the four times I've tried to explain my problem to you isn't sufficient for you to comprehend? Oh. Maybe I should get out the etch-a-sketch. That might help.

6.  Dear Printer: If you F*CKING break down one more time in the next 2 minutes, I will personally go Office Space on your ass. Sincerely, F*cking Pissed Off Printer Operator.

7.  Oh really. Now you don't want to print anything at all?!?! Thank you. Thank you for making this shittastic day that much better.

8.  Seriously. Where is the booze? Mama needs a drunkfest. STAT.

9.  Thank you Baby Jesus & Mother F*cking Mary, for the nice Parts Room woman who gave me a jumbo sized Ho-Ho yesterday, and that I just now found stashed in the depths of my food drawer. I love you long time. (Pretty sure you're not supposed to cuss when talking about 'the virgin' [meaning the Mary part, not the Parts Room woman]. Oh well. I'm sure I've already got a reserved seat next to Satan's shitter by now.)

10.  Do you hear that? That ringing sound? Do you? It's the liquor store calling. They've reserved a keg just for me. Excuse me while I get slap happy shitballs wasted. (Or it could be the psych ward calling. You never know.)

Cheers. This shitstorm is over.
Funny Workplace Ecard: I work so I can afford the amount of alcohol required to continue going to work.

Monday, November 26, 2012

You need to buy what?!

Phone convo I had with the husband this morning:

Me: "Hello?"

Ryan: "I need to buy a new gun."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Ryan: "I'm going to have to buy a new gun. Soon."

Me: "Really."

Ryan: "Yes. Really."

Me: "And why do you need another gun, exactly?"

Ryan: "Well, my boss, Chris is trying to get voted as best boss of the year. And he just informed me that he is taking me and some other guys from work on a hunt in January."

Me: "And you can't use the 24 other guns that are just sitting in the safe downstairs for this hunting trip?"

Ryan: "No. Because this is a special hunt. WE'RE GOING TO BE SHOOTING HOGS FROM A HELICOPTER!!!!!"

At this point his voice starts getting a little high and you can tell that someone just gave him the best present ever. Kid in a candy store people.

Me: "Really."

Ryan: "YES!!!! Hogs!!! From a HELICOPTER!!! So that's why I need to buy an AR-15 semi-automatic gun. Because you just can't shoot any gun from a helicopter. It's got to be a badass gun. Because this is badass!"

Me: "Oh.My.God."

Thank you Chris for aiding in my husband's hunting addiction. It's very nice of you.

In case you're wondering what exactly you do on these hog hunts, here's a little video:

And before y'all get all animal rights on me, there are an overabundance of these hogs. And they tear up crops/land/etc and make it virtually useless. Seriously, there are so many of these hogs in the south that they can't keep up with them, just by trapping them. That's why you can shoot them out of a helicopter. Like Rambo. There's just no other way to keep them under control. And this makes my husband very, very happy.

There are no words to describe the feelings I have by being married to that man. None at all.

**UPDATE**  All I heard last night was, "HOGS OUT OF A F*CKING HELICOPTER!!!!" All.Night.Long. Every 5 minutes. Oh, and that might have been the last thing that the husband said to me today before he left for work. That's love people. Real love.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Yes, I know it's Wednesday, but I have autofill and I'm too lazy to change Thursday to Wednesday. So, let's just pretend it's Thursday.

And I would just upload this on the real Thursday, but we all know I'm going to be elbows deep in some pun'kin pie at about 8am. No time for posting silly bloggings when there's desert around.

This TTT is going to be dedicated to those things I'm thankful for.

1.  I'm am truly, ecstatically, and unapologetically thankful for stretchy pants. Seriously y'all. How in the world did we live sans stretchy pants and sweater dresses before last year?  Oh wait. Well, maybe it's not just last year, maybe that's just me. Yes, I didn't discover stretchy pants and sweater dresses until last year. I'm slow. But thank God when my friendy Jordan was all, "OHHHHH, you GOTTA get you a pair of tights and a sweater dress. Girl, it feels like you're wearing PJs all day long. Amazing!!"


And tomorrow, bring on the stretchy pants and babydoll shirt that covers my growing pooper and protruding tummy.
LOOK OUT......

2. I was going to write something else here, but my esteemed co-worker and friend just emailed me this video (because clearly she has nothing else to do at work), and now I've lost all train of thought because I think I just peed myself laughing so hard.

I'm thankful for this video. And I guess Rebecca for finding it.

3.  I'm thankful for my mother.

Not only do I come home at random times and some of those times she drinks that monstrous beverage (which makes a daughter proud), but she also hosts the coolest Thanksgiving every year.

What more could you ask for than 40 people crammed together around 2 turkeys, a ham, 2 tables of deserts, enough mashed potatoes to feed South America, 18 coolers full of booze, but you also get to shoot guns. In a dress.
I guess the stretchy pants are a reoccurring theme on Thanksgiving, being that this was just last year. Awesome.
 Can't wait to see what kind of redneckery (it's a word) will happen this Thanksgiving.

4.  I'd also like to give thanks to the lovely person that invented the Pizza Taco. I bow down to you.

For those of you that don't have the luck to live in Pratt or Wichita, Kansas, #1 thank those lucky stars for not living in BFE, but #2 you will never get to experience this phenomenal heart attach in a basket.
I think I've just found heaven. In a basket.

A Pizza Taco is glorious concoction of two of the major (and most important) food groups: Italian and Mexican. It's a thin pizza-like crust layered with sausage (or chicken), grease, pizza sauce, cheese, grease, and lettuce, folded like a taco, ready for you to top it with 5 different types of sauces (hot, medium, jalapeno ranch, bbq, and dijon mustard). It comes with fresh pico and a cup of queso. Are you hungry for one yet?

And that thing behind the Pizza Taco, in the picture, is a Pizza Raft or something. Basically pizza crust with sauce, sauerkraut, and sausage links. Not a fan. Sauerkraut=vomit. But the husband is a huge fan. Which is awesome.

5.  I am soooooo sososo thankful for my 'child'. I don't know what I would do without him.

How can you NOT be thankful for that cute face?!

6.   Thank you Beer. For being you. And my friend. And tasting so delicious. For many many moons.

I know y'all are not shocked to see me thank beer. Not shocked at all.

6.  A big warm Thank You to Pinterest. Without you I wouldn't be able to spend hours and hours every day scouring the interwebs about home remedies for shiny hair, how to lose 37 lbs while stuffing my hole with donuts, and how to make unlimited scrumptious alcoholic beverages that make me seem like I'm an alchy, instead of completing the countless tasks that have to get done right this minute. Way to aid in my procrastination problem.

7. Thank you to my KSU Wildcat football players & coaches. You have had an amazing season and don't think for one minute that your small and insignificant loss to that shitty Baylor team means that us KSU fans aren't still very very proud of you!

Also, thank you for losing that game because if you would have won and ended up going to the National Championship, I would have been forced to drop thousands of dollars to fly down and cheer you on in Miami. And I really don't have thousands of dollars. So I'm glad that I won't be bankrupt because of a Bowl Game this year.

8.  Thank you Mr. Reynolds.
For looking like this:

You always manage to make a bad day into a good one. I have no idea why.

9.  Thank you to my elastic jeans. And the 2 pairs of old jeans that are a size too big. Without you these last couple of fatweeks I would have nothing to wear. At all. Well, besides sweatpants. And I'm pretty sure work wouldn't care for me looking like a homeless slob on the job.

And to go along with this: Thank you to every Kit Kat, Little Debbie Cupcake, McDonald's french fries, glazed donut and unlimited hot chocolate packets the last couple weeks, for being there for me when I have nothing else to do but shove my face full of fatty goodness. Thanks a lot. Now my pooper is extraordinarily large, my face is puffy, and I, again, despise myself for my bad eating habits. Bring on America's Fattest Holiday! I'm primed and ready to go!

10. And last but definitely not least. I thank my amazing husband, Ryan. You have been my best friend, a shoulder to cry on, and always there to make me laugh. You should get a gigantic sparkly camo covered trophy for putting up with my batshit crazy mood swings, agonizing stubbornness, intermittent bitchiness, bad habits, laziness, forgetfulness, ditziness, and the overall shitstorm that are my day to day mental thoughts.  You are my lovah!  I am so lucky to have you!

You're just so sexy when you shoot your bow.

One last Thank You, but I won't make it number 11 because I'm OCD and don't like odd numbers, is thank y'all for reading this shit. Truly, your comments and friendship have been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You ROCK!!!

OK, this is the last thing. Promise.
If that doesn't scream my family's Thanksgiving, I don't know what does.

Have a great holiday y'all!!!


Monday, November 19, 2012

Just kill me now.

You know how when you're younger, and you're around older women that may be going through, or just went through menopause, and you're like, 'I have no idea what you're talking about. What is going with you? And what alien has just possessed your body? Did you take a swig of the cray-cray juice this morning? I hope to baby Jesus that I never have those 'symptoms' happen to me.'

Well, that's been me. Oblivious.

Until now.

No. I'm not going through menopause at 31. But I'm taking some meds that have the best side effects. Note sarcasm.

Lets talk about hot flashes for a minute shall we?

Mother of f*ucking hot poker up your ass, those bitches suck.

I have never in my life experienced hot flashes, until last week. The only 'flash' I've wanted to experience is Ryan Reynolds showing me his ripped up 6-pack. Hot flashes do NOT give me the same effect as that man's stomach, I can tell you that.

Up until last week, my only 'experience' with them was watching my mother 'make the change' (sorry Mom, I hope you don't get pissed at me for throwing you under the menopause bus here. Just remember I'm your first born and you love me no matter what I write on the internet). We'd be over at her house, calmly cooking a meal, or watching a little TV, and all the sudden she's running around the house like a lunatic that snorted fun dip and washed it down with Red Bull, stripping off her clothes and making all these horrible moaning sounds. Cursing God, because he's probably a man and all men suck. Then she throws open the sliding glass door, 18 windows and turns the AC on. This is mid-January btw. She stands at the kitchen counter with her face beat red, sweat trickling down her forehead, and a strange look in her eyes that scares the grandchildren into hiding in the closet. Plus she's fanning herself with whatever she can grab. Sometimes it's a dish towel, sometimes it's a spatula, or even a beer coozey. It has also been known that sticking her head in the freezer at this point is 99% sure going to happen.

And then 2 minutes's over.
And she's chilled.
And she's bitching that it's too cold in here now and throws 47 logs in the wood burning stove to get it a nice and comfortable 124 degrees in the house.

And the whole time this is happening I'm thinking, 'Holy shit y'all. It can't be that bad. But just in case it is, please God make me straight up stroke out before I get to my mid-50s.' I'm just watching her with a deer in the headlights look, I just can't take my eyes away. It's like the worst scary movie has come to life.

I won't even  mention what the males in the room are doing. Because the minute she makes that 'Gaahhhhhh' moan & heads for the nearest window, they are out. I mean they rush for the nearest exit faster than a fat kid rushes the desert buffet.

And what do you know, 10 glorious minutes later, we rinse and repeat. All.Over.Again.

I mean, it's ridiculous. Not normal at all. Definitely tests one's sanity, that's for sure.

Well, there I was. Calmly sitting downstairs watching TV the other night, and I get a sudden feeling like my insides are on fire, my face feels like a deep fried turkey, and my head is spinning like I just mowed through an entire pan of magic brownies. I mean, it was bad. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't hold it back, the moan came out. 'GAaaahhhhhhh'. And I start throwing clothes off, tossing the blankets aside, covering the poor dog that was asleep at my feet and now wide awake staring at me with this confused look. I asked Ryan to get me anything, ANYTHING, to fan myself with. Which, he's looking at me like I just sprouted a new head from my ass as he hands me the Target ad. Awesome.

Yup. I had one. I had a hot flash.
And I'd rather get 1046 paper cuts on my eyeball than go through more hot flashes, because that would clearly be less uncomfortable.

Seriously y'all, this sucks donkey ass.
I knew the meds I was taking had 'side effects', but I've been on it for a few months now, and besides the slight mood changes (and when I say slight, I really mean that I should probably be committed to the batshit crazy ward, or at least that's what Ryan tells me) I get every once in awhile, I haven't had any problems.

Oh.My.Gawd. This last 3 days, I've been dealing with the hot flashes almost 4-5 times a day. Makes a person stabby!

If I could only get off the pills, I'm sure life would get back to normal. But unfortunately that isn't an option. Damn it.

Anyways. There's really no point to this post. Just that I wanted to embarrass my mother and complain about my tragic life. Which I guess is just about normal for this little bloggy.

So, I'm sorry that you just read through all that.
You'll never get that time back.
It'll be ok though. We only have a 3 day work week.
And then it's stuff-your-face-till-your-pants-rip Fatsgiving.
I need pumpkin pie.
And that Target ad, because damn it, I think another hot flash is coming on.
Just kill me now.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

It's that time again!!!!
Get excited!!!

1.  Well, it's only appropriate to use the #1 spot for the #1 FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE NATION........  

Yes, yes, by beloved CATS are #1 and I couldn't be prouder. I love me some purple.

I'd just like to take this moment to thank Texas A & M for beating the shit out of those backwoods Alabama Crimson Tide. Sorry 'bout your loss 'Bama. But not really.

Now we have to make the decision whether or not we go to the BCS National Championship Bowl Game in Miami on the 7th of January (that's banking on that KSU will play anyway, we still have 2 games left)........ummmmmm, hummmmmmm, let me think............... YES!!! I'm so going!! Ryan hasn't made up his mind yet, but don't y'all worry, I will use my powerful 'ways' to get him to say yes. And if that doesn't work, I'll throw a tantrum like a snotty 2 year old in the toy aisle.

2.  And while we're on the Wildcat train, last weekend I got the amazing opportunity to head down to Ft. Worth, TX to see the Wildcats play TCU. We have some very good friends that live just outside of Ft. Worth, so I had a free place to stay. (Thanks Matt & Jess!!!) And I rode down with 2 of the cutest and most fun girls ever, and didn't have to pay for gas, which was an unexpected BONUS! Thank you Jordan and Will for charging the shit out of your company card for gas!!!! Serious, y'all, those girls and I did not stop talking the entire 6 hours down. Just gab, gab, gab......all the way to longhorn country. It was amazeballs.

Of course the first thing we did was stop at a Mexican food restaurant to stuff our faces with ginormous burritos.
I did not eat that whole thing.
I just ate most of it.
I have no shame.

3.  Since I needed a full night to recover from that monstrosity, we didn't venture out till the next day. Friday was filled with shopping, shopping and more shopping. I got jewelry, a wallet, purple flats (of course), and I may or may not have had everyone wait an hour past lunch so that I slurp down this delish beverage:
That is what the restaurant called a Dirty Sanchez.
Yes. I slurped a Dirty Sanchez.
Don't hate.
And again, I have no shame.

For those of you that are wondering what the hell is in that, it's basically like a bloody mary mixed with beer. Pretty much my husbands Go-To drink of choice.

I might have texted him that picture in the middle of his work day on Friday.
He was not amused.

This restaurant also had a shitload of tequila:
I did not drink any.
I know. You're shocked.
You'll get over it.

4. So, with a mild buzz, and bellies full, Jordan and I headed out to the Water Gardens in downtown Ft. Worth. It was amazing! Such a cool spot! I didn't get a lot of pics, but got these:
Look at Miss Jordan. She put on her sassy pants for the water gardens. She's so cute.

And then there's me. looking like a hot mess. Ugh.
5.  Finally, the game on Saturday!!! We started tailgating at about 1pm. I, however, didn't start 'tailgating' until about 3 or 4 pm. And then I limited my 'tailgating' to only a few.

I think I might have stayed up till 3am the night before, shooting the shit and drinking with one of Matt's  buddies. I have no idea what we talked about. But I'm sure it was scintillating. That poor guy got a big dose of drunky-drunk LauraBelle. Eh, gotta break 'em in eventually.

So, lets just say I wasn't really in the mood for booze on game day.

But I pushed through, like the champ that I am. Dolphin claps for me.

We arrived at the TCU stadium and I was a little blown away by how differently TCU dresses for games, and K-Staters dress for games.

I mean, here in hickville country, we wear boots, jeans, t-shirts, and eventually drool running down our chin because we drank too much.

But ohhhhhh no. Not at fancy-pants TCU.

Since TCU's colors are purple, like KSU's, their fans decided to do a 'black-out'. Basically wearing all black, so you can tell the difference in the fans.

Wanna know what the 7,000 little Miss Prisses TCU wore????
Freaking short ass little black dresses with their hair all did and their $900 never-touched-shit cowboy boots.
I mean, Ladies, we're at a football game. Not the Winter Formal dance.
Get it together before next year, because let me tell'll get a little 'shock' when you travel up to Manhappiness, KS.

OK, moving on.
We got seats in.....well, not the most desirable location, but hey, we could still see the game, and had a fantastic view of the city.
Welcome to nose-bleed.

It was an awesome game.
Despite the 60mph winds. WTF Texas? I left KS for nice calm 80 degree weather. You disappointed.

But it was still an awesome game. So glad I went!!!

6.  Oh, while shopping on Friday (sorry, I know this is out of order, just leave it to the randomness that is my brain), but I saw something that I NEED. No, not want. NEED.
I need these.
I'm taking donations now.

Oh, why the donations????

Because these mamajamas cost $400. Yes. FOUR.HUNDRED.DOLLARS.
WTF bootmakers? I no have that kind of money for pretty boots!!!

But I can drool. And hope. And pray. And sell my body. Wait, that might have gotten a little out of control. But not really.
Basically, I'll do anything to get these. Anything.

7.  OK, completely off the subject. I have another Ryan story for you. And holllllllyyyyy moly. It's a doozy.
Let me set the scene: We're watching TV last night, just having a grand ol' time, then Ryan has a sneeze-fest.

Ryan: 'AhhhhhhCHOOOOO.'

I look over and he's got his hands covering his face. Then, to my horror, he pulls his hands away to assess the damage.

Me: 'WHY do you do that?! Every.Time?! It's so gross!!'

Ryan gets up and goes to the bathroom to 'take care of business'. Comes back in.

Ryan: 'What?'

Me: 'You always look at your snot when you have a huge sneeze! Why do you do that?! If it's wet and sticky and it hits your hand, it's bad! Just keep your hands over your mouth till you get to the bathroom and can clean up!! I don't need to see that shit!'

Ryan: ''s kinda like when you take a big dump. I mean, you know it's a good one. It's been backed up awhile, and you know it's ALL out now. You just GOTTA look. Like, before you wipe, you kinda shimmy up and glance over to see how monstrous it really is. Then you wipe and flush. Because if you wipe first the toilet paper covers it and you can't see your achievement. It's the same with snot. I just gotta see.'


See ladies? This is what YOU could be married to.
Don't hate.

**UPDATE**My husband would like you all to know that he is kidding about that. He really doesn't look at his 'achievements' He thinks that's gross. So I guess he said it for our enjoyment only. lol.

8.  I ran again last night. Yes, yes. You should cheer for me. Because it was a solid 2.5 miles. Pretty much doubled my run length from last week.

I credit Duck Dynasty.
I know, I know, I'm weird like that.
It's just that it was on when I was running, and I was having such a great time watching it, I forgot that I really didn't know what I was doing on a treadmill.
Exactly Jase. Exactly.
God I love that show.

9.  That reminds me that I never did a recap about my challenge for last week. Well, here's the deal-eo.
I rocked it.
Yup. Like a boss.

I ate pretty good, got in all my water, dominated my work outs. I did it all!!! Week #2 = SUCCESS!!!

I haven't decided what I want as my 'prize'. Mainly because I'm broke. But Friday is payday, and I just might have to get a new movie. I've been dying to get a DVD of The Lucky One, The Avengers, and Sherlock Holmes.
Yes, I realize I have a unique taste in movies. It's how I roll.

And so far this week I've been doing fan-freaking-tastic! I ran last night, and even got up this morning and did push ups, sit ups, and lunges.
Look at me go.

10.  Well, to end this long ass TTT, I will tell you that my weekend will suck donkey balls. I have to work on Saturday. 7am-3pm. I hate my life.

So, while y'all are lazing around, just think of me. Working away. In a metal building. With little bitty windows that you can barely see the glorious sunshine outside.And no beer.
I repeat. I hate my life.

Oh well, it's just one day. Then next week is a shorty!!!

Cheers Everyone!!!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Hello my friends!! Another week has come and gone. Hence another long ass post about random bullshit. Enjoy.

1.  Sooooooooo..........

The election did not go the way I wanted. And I usually always get what I want. Because I'm a spoiled brat. Or so they say.
Oh well. I think in another 4 years America will wake up and elect someone that's not going to f*ck our country into an economic depression. Isn't it kinda funny that the DOW dropped 300 points the day after the election???? I think it's kinda funny.
OK. I'm done. Please don't hate me.

2.  Do you ever happen to look at the mirror one day and think, 'Damn, when was the last time you plucked those eyebrows girl?!?! Kindergarten?!?!'

Ya. Me either.

3.  I ran this week. TWICE. Dolphin claps for me.

Remember how I said I didn't want to work out on Monday night because I didn't feel good? Well, I got home and Ryan was all 'Lets go to the gym and be athletic!' So, of course I couldn't say no. I mean, I wouldn't hear the end of it if he went and I didn't, right? Right. So to avoid that whole argument, I took one for the team and went. And I dominated the Dreadmill. Well, maybe not dominated, but I ran for a solid mile. And ended up finishing 2 miles total (walking [with exploded lungs btw] the 2nd mile, of course). I think that's pretty damn amazeballs. I'm so proud of myself for going AND pushing thru a solid mile!

Then last night, Ryan and I again made plans for the gym, only Ryan decided at the last minute that he couldn't go. Loser. So I decided to be a super annoying overachiever and stay there for an hour. What the wha? Yes. Yes, indeed. This girl went to the gym for an hour! I am totally counting that as 2 workouts for this week. Total I ran about 2.5 miles, out of the 3.5. Not all at once......jeez, I'm badass, but not that badass. Good News for Goals: Only one more work out to go to make my goal!!!

4. Wanna know what this girl needs? I know you don't care, but sit your skinny ass down and play along, will ya?! Check This:
So who's going to get this (the t-shirt, not the beer, ok, you can get me beer too, or both, whatever you feel is right) for me as a X-Mas gift? Huh? Huh? Anyone? Bueller?

5.  Never fails, 2.2 seconds after the 1st of Nov. my step-mother calls and asks me what I want for Xmas. Never.Fails.
With unlimited beer.
And Ryan Reynolds.

Is that too much to ask?!?!
I think not.

Do y'all know what you want for Xmas yet?

6. So I have one little crazy obsession. OK, maybe I have more than one. But ONE of them are these Hot Messes:
That would be The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Those bitches be cray cray.

Seriously, I know it's reject reality TV, but I just heart it so much. I'm so addicted. I watched the season premiere twice. TWICE!
I just love how completely messed up their lives are, despite their millions. Makes me feel a little better about my shitshow of a life down here in NormalBrokeVille.

7.  I'm leaving at noon today to head down to the big ol' state of TEXAS!!!! I'm so excited I think I just peed.

Why am I going, you ask?

Well, my little Wildcats are playing TCU in football, and this girl and a group of the coolest K-Staters are all road tripping to lend our support to our fine NUMBER 2 TEAM!!!!

GO CATS!!!!!

And bonus.......We're going shopping tomorrow!!!! At this place I think I've told you about, but the name is Sam Moon. And it's basically a warehouse full of cheap jewelry, purses, handbags, watches, scarves, wallets, belts, hats, more jewelry, more purses, and more scarves.
Y'all this is the mecca of cheap jewelry stores. Like, $10 for a badass turquoise necklace. And $15 for a gigantic purse.

Only bad part is that I won't get to see any of my girlies from TX. So sad about that. But there will be another time!!!

8.  I really want the crackjuice. Like really really bad.

Yes. Yes it is.

9.  I kinda don't want to work today. What am I saying.....kinda......psshhhttt, I definitely don't want to work today. That pathetic 4 hours of work that I won't be able to get anything done because I'll be too busy concentrating on Texas, and beer, and shopping, and beer, and football, and good friends. And beer.

I might as well just leave and get this over with.
But I can't.
I gotta work.
Life blows.

10.  That's all I have today my little Lovies!!! Have a spectacular weekend!!!!


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A very special Ryan post.

Y'all know that it's hunting season, right? I mean, I'm sure I've mentioned it on here a time or two. And I've probably mentioned that since it is hunting season, I become a hunter's widow. Yup, that's right. My husband is gone practically every weekend......hunting.

No, my husband is not one of those guys that just goes out every once in awhile or just on opening weekends. And no, he is not someone that just has a few guns. And no, he doesn't just have one closet full of hunting 'stuff' (I was going to say shit, but thought I'd be nice).

The minute bow season opens in, what, September or something, MY husband has already bought 4 new tree stands, new straps, an extra harness, restrung his bow, added new arrows (ummm, I think this is substantial evidence that I should be able to buy any and all shoes with no argument of the money I'm spending, right?!), been shooting practice arrows in the back yard repeatedly scaring anyone that walks by hearing a THUMP.......THUMP......THUMP. Sounds like we're bludgeoning small mute animals or something back there.

MY husband wakes up at the asscrack of not-even dawn and takes a scent-free shower (that pretty much smells like the earth farted), dons his scent-free hunting cloths, loads up in the pickup to drive sometimes 45 minutes to climb a tall ass tree in the middle of a pitch black forest, all while holding his bow, arrows, and backpack full of the hunter's must-haves like chew, gum, trail mix, water, and doe estrogen. Yes. Doe.Estrogen. To spray. On himself and around him. UGH.

MY husband has a ginormous safe in the basement that holds so much fire power you'd think we were starting our very own World War IKeeeelYou. MY husband has 2 closets, shelves in the laundry room, and some stuff outside in the garage all to house his hunting 'stuff'.

MY husband is what you would call obsessed with hunting.

So, anyways, back to the real story. Ryan went hunting last weekend and as we were sitting at dinner the other night, he was looking through his phone. I asked what pictures he was looking at and he said, 'Oh, just some that I took last weekend in the tree stand.'

Oh really. Well, I had to get a look at these.
And they are special. Very special.

Let me introduce to you, from the hunting model shoot of the century, these should go on the cover of Vogue Hunting, MY husband, the very handsome Ryan:

'Is this thing on?'

'I like the woods. And this pretty field.'

'I will bust a cap in some deer!!!'

How did a girl like me get soooooo lucky to get a guy like that?
Don't be jealous y'all!!!!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Goals Challenge-Week 1 Wrap-up

Well, I made it through the first week.

Bad news is I didn't meet all my goals. I came really, really, really close, but failed on my exercise goal. Gawd, why do I have to hate exercise sooooo much!!!!

Ok. Enough whining.
Here's how I did:

1. Exercise-Cardio & Weights 4 times a week.--50%--Only made it twice for a walk with the puppy. No weights. I'm a loafing heifer.

2. More Veggies--100%--Had some sort of major veggie at least 2 out of the three meals a day. Salad or corn or something.

3. More Protein/Less Carbs--100%--Had protein at every meal. Limited myself to only one serving of carbs a day.

4. No Soda--75%--I broke down and had the crackjuice (Mt. Dew) on Sunday. *Hangs my head in shame*

5. Save $$/Budget--100%--Put 20% of my paycheck into savings, that's 10% up than what I said I would. I also decided that instead of spending $50 per week on groceries, that I'd buy a $100 gift card for the two weeks. After making my grocery list, I noticed that I really spend the bulk of my money the first and third week of the month, then little things the second and fourth weeks. So new plan is still $200 per month in groceries, I just get to spend $100 every two weeks.

6. Drink 72oz of Water--100%--If there was a 10,000% percent I'd totally put that! I dominated this like a BOSS! I got at least 72, if not close to 100 last week!!! Woop Woop!!!!

So, all in all I'm really proud of myself for completing most of my goals. That being said I want to kick my own very large pooper for not getting my exercise on. 4 times a week is not that hard. Geesh. This week will be better though!!!

I probably won't exercise tonight because my stomach feels like an mutant alien is trying to erupt from my uterus. But I'm sure tomorrow I'll feel better. Everyone get down on a knee and pray with me that this is the case.

Oh, and tune in tomorrow for a very special 'Ryan' post.
Seriously folks. I'm one lucky gal to have that guy as a husband.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Hello all!!!
How you doin'? Whatch you doin'?

Ready for another 10 random things all about what goes on in my exciting life that I write down here for your own pure joy & fulfillment?
Me too.

1. So. I was a cowgirl for Halloween.

More than one person said that my outfit really 'fit' me.
WTF is that about? Am I supposed to be a cowgirl in real life then?
Or are my hickish ways pretty obvious to just about everyone and they just assume that this is what I wear on my days off?
I'm not gonna lie, I had ALL that in my closet. You're shocked, I know. Get over it. And the shirt......bought it at a 2nd hand store and noticed yesterday morning that just above the tag is written 'Mertle H'. I'd just like to take a moment and thank Mertle for his shirt. Thank you Mertle! It was totally worth the 50 cents.

Oh, and lets not comment on the shittasticness of the mess on my desk behind me, mmkay?

2.  I took a cheat meal last night. And that cheat meal was the fabulous monster burrito and all the Halloween candy I could stomach.
Why, yes, I did buy the Halloween candy strictly for the kiddies. And yes, some of that candy just happened to be orange Kit Kats. And I may or may not have slapped more than one little kiddie's hand away from my beloved chocolaty goodness as they greedily reached in the candy bowl for it. It happens.

And as far as the monster burrito......well, I blame my co-worker and friend Vicky who just happened to tell me that Chipotle was giving away burritos for $2 if you were in costume.
Sign this cowgirl up!
And I'm sure you'll be surprised......but I polished off that ENTIRE burrito like a boss.

That may have possibly contributed to my 2 lb weight gain this morning......

3.  Someone was very excited to hand out candy last night.

He'd wait patiently at the door, then when people would start up the drive he'd do his weird throaty growl that sounds something like a cross between a lion and a seal doin' the nasty. Not that I'd know what that sounds like. All tough dog. Then once I opened the door, ohhhhh man, we couldn't stick our head out of the door fast enough to get a little pet from the trick-or-treaters. Tough dog my ass. All bite.

4.  And while the puppy handed out candy, I decided to do something special with all those pumpkin seeds I took out of these bad boys:

I scoured the web for some DeeeeLish recipes for roasted seeds and settled on one that was a little spicy with some garlic flavor.
Basically for 3 cups of seeds, add 1/4 c butter (melted), 2T Worcestershire, garlic powder, paprika, blackening seasoning and I added some fake salt. Mix together and bake for 1.5 hours, stirring every 15 min, at 300 degrees. Here's going into the oven:

And of course we have the final product, which has sneakily made it into my desk:
I will eat them all. All three cups. None for any one else.

5.  Oh, btw, the goal challenge thing is going just swimmingly. I've met or exceed my goals to date. Which is good. I'm worried about this Sat, because I'll be at the KSU football game, and I'm not sure about the water or the good eating. But my goal is to bring my big jug of water then buy water bottles and stash them in the cooler. That should help. And I'll probably bring some hummus for the tailgate, being that I just made like a gallon of it last night, and add some veggies, and waaaalaaa......healthy snack.

6. I saw this on the Trest of Pin, thought it was appropriate.
So true.

7.  I ran last night. Like actually moved-faster-than-a-drunk-sloth ran. It was probably only a half mile or so, but I was pretty proud of myself. Puppy and I started out for a walk, but I had just brought home that delectable burrito (mentioned above) and it was just sitting on the table, waiting for me. (I can't eat before I work out or chunks tend to fly.) So what better reason to make my ass move faster than giant calorie-laden over-stuffed Mexican food????? That's when I decided that we needed to pick up the pace on our normal 30 min walk so I could get to stuffing my hole faster. It worked. I ran and I made it back to the house in 20 min to a still semi-warm burrito.

I should do that more often.

8.  I need y'all's opinion on something. Lets say that you've decided to limit your intake of.........say chocolate. Chocolate being your one 'gotta have' item. If you're stressed, you turn to chocolate. If you're bored, you turn to chocolate. You just plain love chocolate and want some almost all the time. You feelin' me on this so far? OK, good.

So you've decided that chocolate is really not that great for you. Especially when you eat it almost every day. You decide to limit yourself, only allowing it a few times a week, hoping to ween yourself off it completely at some point.

But it's hard. Really hard. And basically if you see ANY chocolate, you start to get these overwhelming cravings. And you just gotta have it. You almost can't control yourself, because now you've seen it and it's going to be on your mind till you finally have some.

So you've hidden all the chocolate in sight. Or at least you've put it places where you don't look every day. Out of sight, out of mind, kinda deal. And it's worked. You haven't craved any, you haven't touched any, you're good.

Then. Someone near you, who knows you're trying to limit yourself, shoves a huge ass orange Kit Kat in their mouth. Right in front of you.

Now all you can think about is F*CKING chocolate. And how much you miss the taste of it, and how much you want it. And there's some, just right in the next room, just begging your name. All because this person wanted what you're trying to limit yourself, and savored it right in front of you.

Now, my question is this: Do you have a right to be pissed at that someone for eating what you can't have, right in front of you? Or should you battle your own demons, and just suck it up and practice that ever-f*cking bitch Mrs. Self Control?

I'd also like to point out, that you repeatedly asked said someone to leave the room, and they refused. You don't mind if they partake in the chocolaty goodness, you'd just prefer it if they did it OUT OF your sight.

So. Do you have a right to be pissed? Or should you let this slide?

Sorry, that was kind of a long one, and a real downer. But I gotta know y'all's thoughts.

9. OHHHH!!! Today is my trunk show with Stella & Dot jewelry!!!!! GET EXCITED!!! I know most of you know what Stella & Dot is, being that it's all over the blogosphere. But if you don't know, no biggie. Just go to my FB page to find out more info HERE! Or you can go directly to the Stella & Dot website HERE!

It's not too early to start thinking about Christmas gifts!!!!

10.  OK, and last but not least. I know I've been absent from the blog community for weeks now, as far as commenting, but life is a shitstorm of epic proportions. I'm trying to keep up on blogs, but I admit, I haven't looked at some of y'all's in forever. I'm SO sorry!!! I'm going to try and catch up, but just know that I'm going to be reading only, I may not have time for comments.

One of these days my life won't be such a chaotic cluster-f*ck.
And I wouldn't feel like this every day:
That makes me laugh every.time.