Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Cleansing my Juices.....Day 1

Hi there sweetums!!! I know, I've been MIA. Life is a suck hole of gardening, being puked on, trying to teach Dillybean to crawl (to udder fails), and propping my eyelids open with toothpicks most days. Yes, glamorous. Don't you just crave to be me.

Speaking of cravings. Mine our like they've snorted Red Bull with a little speed mixed in. Seriously. OUT.OF.CONTROL. My ability to shove pounds upon pounds of chocolate in my mouth is amazing. I mean truly. I never knew I could eat that much chocolate and not turn into an Oompa-Loompa.....or die. And then there's the craving for the fattiest, fried, grease laden burgers on the planet. Me and the drive thru are besties. Fo'Real.

And magically, my face looks like a NY city potholed street. I can barely find enough energy to cook supper.......oh wait.......I don't have enough energy to cook, so my poor husband is starving. AND I'm a moody bitch.

Wonder if there's a connection there?!?!

Ummmmm, Me thinks so matey.

So, my lovely friends Draz and Sarah had this fabulous idea to start a cleanse. I was all skepticalpants, because, well, me likey likey sugar....but I thought I'd give it a go. We researched a bunch of different types, and we ended up going with different kinds. I decided to cleanse my juices......I mean, do a juice cleanse. hehe. (I'm sure I'm the only one giggling at myself right now. I'm weird. It's fine.) The fact that some of the symptoms of a 'toxic' body are fatigue, sugar cravings, junk food cravings, lack of interest in exercise, depression, moodiness, etc., and that a juice cleanse can help fix those.........SOLD!

This article explains a lot and is very helpful.
The idea is that when our bodies are freed from the burden of digesting solid food, they can more efficiently release the toxins swimming in our system. 

I got on the ol' Trest of Pin and found a great blog that had grocery lists, recipes, and what was good about the mixture of fruits and veggies.  I searched for other juice cleanse recipes, and they were all basically the same, but with less detail. So I went back to the first blog.  I read countless reviews and comments, and I just got inspired by how awesome everyone said it is. How after 3 days one girl actually craved veggies and fruit, and that's all she wanted to eat for weeks. And another had so much energy she started training for a marathon.  Now, I know that I'm not that lucky....or ambitious.....to have some of those glorious 'side effects', I'm just hoping that this will push me to be a little bit more healthier.

I figure, if I'm into a solid 3 days of no sugar, no junk, no booze, no nussing!, I can continue that trend of eating right, and *cross my fingers* it will push me back into exercising. Maybe it will make me crave veggies more. Maybe I will have more energy. Maybe I'll fart glittery kale for next 18 years. Who knows. (BTW, the main ingredient in the juice is Kale.....I've never drank so much kale in my life).

So, Day 1 was yesterday. Nothing but 6 different juices, all day. Nothing else. Oh the joy.
I made all the juices the night before and put them in their own individual container, that way it was easy to grab and go. I have my own juicer, which is the only way to go, so it was pretty simple.

Starting Weight: 161
Beginning Mood: Feels like run over dog shit.

*NOTE* This is for (2) people, so I halved everything!
7:30am-Juice 1: Not bad. Actually it didn't make me gag at all.....which was surprising. I could really taste the romaine in there, and while it's weird to drink what tastes like a salad for breakfast, but it went down fairly smooth. I'm in a shitty mood because it's Monday. And all I want is a damn sausage, egg, and cheese greasetastic biscuit from McShittle. But I didn't cave. Because I have juice. Fucking stab me.

8:30am: Starting to get a little hungry. And I have a headache. And I want coffee.......LOTS AND LOTS OF COFFEE.

9:00am: I made a cup of green tea, because I can't have coffee and if I don't get some caffeine in my bloodstream soon I will go psycho.

9:15am: Realize I hate green tea and now I want to puke.

10:00am-Juice 2: Ok, this is slightly weird. The ginger adds a little spicy-spicy to it, but it's still sweet. I mean, it's drinkable, but not my favorite.  I really have to choke it down because I still feel nauseous from the damn green tea. But by the time I got half way thru, I started to feel better. And strangely I really like the spiciness of the ginger. It's like a little Spicy Asian Party in my mouth. And who wouldn't like that?!

11:30am-Holy effing monkey balls I'm starving. STARVING! I want FOOD! Real FOOD! But I stayed strong. Dolphin claps for me.

12:30pm-Juice 3: Pretty much Juice 1 with ginger. So not bad. The romaine taste with the ginger is a pleasant delight......just kidding, it's weird. So weird. But not bad. It's hard to explain. My headache is gone, and I'm starting to feel 'better'. Don't know how to describe it, but I'm not starving any more, and I'm actually looking forward to the next juice.....kinda.

3:00pm-Juice 4: Beets. Beet juice. Beet juice with ginger. (Did anyone think Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice when reading that, or was it just me?) I'm not a big fan of beets. Actually, I haven't had them in about......oh......never. But they just never appealed to me. And the fact that you put in a whopping amount of ginger in there......ummmmm, I was fully expecting the gag. Surprisingly it was sweet! Not spicy at all, and it was really, really good.  I'm not sure if my taste buds are just mocking me, or they're in deep hibernation mode because of all the good shit I'm gulping down and they're not used to it, but I'll take it!

4:00pm-Feeling very, very exhausted. It's like my brain just wants to shut down. Now this may be because I've been speed-gardening for 4 days without relaxing. Or it could be because I haven't had solid food in, like, forever. (or so it seems).

5:00pm-Juice 5: Very sweet. Very Pineapple-ey. I'm not a huge fan of pineapple, but the juice was still pretty good. I was kinda distracted by my friend Tamra and teaching her all about gardening, so that helped. My energy was back, but barely. And my mood was a little better, but I still felt sluggish.

7:30pm-Juice 6: Now, this really isn't a juice, it's Almond Milk, with cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla. And it was ok. Pretty strong on the cinnamon. But it's good. It's actually refreshing. Since it's not really a juice, and feels like it has more substance to it. And since I drank it before I went to bed, I think he kinda helped coat my stomach so I wasn't craving other crap.

All in all, I was pretty sluggish yesterday. I only had a slight headache in the morning, and it wasn't unbearable or anything. I was pretty surprised at myself, making it 1 whole day without caving. But truly, junk food didn't even sound good. There was one time, when Ryan was making left over jambalaya that I thought seriously about licking his plate, but I held back. I also didn't get the best nights sleep....At. All. I don't know if that had anything to do with juicing, or my body is just hating life. But oh well.

Tune in tomorrow for Day 2 Review!!!


  1. Seriously - NO poop report. Please. And OMG - you're drinking GREEN drinks. I'm doing smoothies. FRUITY ones. Not a green one in the bunch. I shall blog about it.

  2. Juicing! You go girl!! I tried once...I wanted to shoot someone by day 2!


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