Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Holy Crap Non-blogger….Get your shit together!

Hey y'all.
What's up?
Whats'a'been happenin'?!

You probably thought I died or got abducted by hot Adam Levine/Ryan Reynolds stupid beer loving aliens. If the latter was the case, I can tell you I probably wouldn't be blogging now. Well, now that I think about it, in either case I wouldn't be blogging now.

So, I'm here. Just been busy being a momsta. (That's kinda like a gangster, but a mom too. Don't ask.)
Here's little one the last few months (Her 5 mo pics are this weekend, so I'll update those later):

I tell you what…that little nugget had some skinny little legs when she was first born!

There is nothing I love more than being a mom to that sweet little chubby cheeked goddess!!!
So, ya. That's kept me a little busy. Well, a lot busy.

Then Christmas came…..and went. And then, last week, I got a bullshit cold straight from Satan's butthole.

My plan this week was to get back into the whole gym thing. You know…..jump back on that hamster wheel of death and all. Thank you Lindsey for THIS enlightening article on the history of the dreadmill. I can now die having lived a fuller life knowing that I'm not the only person that believes that piece of shit is a true torture device.

What was I talking about???

Oh, ya, getting back to the gym. Ya. Right.

I was completely planning on that, and then my body decided that my youthful 32 years of age was a joke and decided to act 97.

There I was, enjoying a little quite time on the royal throne (at work mind you), when I went to wipe my ass and my back went out. Seriously. I can not make this shit up. Wiping my ass and my back goes out!!!! W.T.F?!

I had to grip the handicap bars like some feeble wimp, nearly passing out because of the pain, all the while thinking, 'Sweet Baby Jesus, please don't let the EMTs find me with my pants at my ankles. I think these funerwares have holes in them.'

Somehow I made it to an upright position, with my pants. I still don't know how. I think I blacked out. But oh, Holy Hell, even if I try to bend over in the slightest, my lower back spasms like a fly in a bug zapper. I went to my masseuse last night, thinking it was a muscle issue…..no dice. Today I shuffled around like some hunchbacked loser with a heat pack strapped around my waist, that strongly resembled a diaper. I am winning at life people. Winning. Be jealous.

Wednesday is the chiropractor. Sweet tubs of butter, I hope he can fix things.

I have decided that the last time this happened I was 6 months pregnant and had gained 40 lbs. And I wasn't exercising. Coinkydink?????

Since I can't get on the dreadmill, I'm going to eat better. Today was salad. And it was actually yummy. I mean, I'm not going to lie, if it had been drizzled in dark chocolate it would have been even more yummy. Damn, I love my sweets. But the sweets and me are trying to break up……again. We'll see how that goes.

For now. I'm slowly getting into a better rhythm, and hopefully will get into a more permanent work out and eating better thang.

Oh, and blogging more. ;-)

Till next time yo.
Cheers y'all!


  1. Your daughter is beautiful. Feel better!!

  2. Precious!! Be careful with that back!

  3. I loves you. Tell Ryan you can't move and he has to cook and watch Baby D and all you can do is watch reality TV. It's worth a shot.

  4. What a cutie! (oh, and the kid's adorable too, heh)

    But OW OW OW - hope your back goes back 'in' soon!

  5. Good to see i'm not the only one that completely failed at making sugar my bitch... I made it my bitch for about a week and half... and then before I knew it I was on my knees giving sugar a BEEJAY in the back of a lincoln continental...roles reversed...i was totally sugars bitch again...


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