Ten Things Thursday.

1. Highland Nonfat Cottage Cheese is sooo much more scrumdealiumptious than Daisy Lowfat Cottage Cheese.  And I have also decided that cottage cheese and tomatoes are the combo invented by the Tastes Sensational Gods.

2. A guy at worked asked me yesterday if I painted my fingernails purple to match the KSU t-shirt I had on.  First I looked at him like he was from another planet. Second I replied, "Are you kidding me?! I only do that once a year. And that 'once' happened to be last weekend for the wedding.  I will now leave on my purple polish for 3 months till it all chips off on its own. Because I'm trashy-lazy-ghetto like that." 
Fo Realz:

Don't be jealous of my fabulous cuticles. Jesus.

3. One of my favorite songs is Marvin Gaye-Got To Give It Up.  Every time it comes on I want to shimmy my Ben & Jerry's (thighs) and shake my bubble booty to it's groove-tastic rhythm.

4. This is my Grandma Betty (GB for short). This is who I get to thank for my disproportional ass to waist ratio. And she thinks it's hilarious.  Isn't she just the cutest little granny ever!!!

Yes, you are correct...that is a fringe t-shit.
And she wears it with flair!

6. I'm thinking that a new obsession with my wings (arm flab) is beginning to break free to the surface. When I was posing for the 'flexing' picture I posted yesterday, I was temped to just lean over and give my bicep a little smooch....then I realized that I have no bicep to smooch.  I think I need to work on getting biceps so I can smooch them. And so I can get a t-shirt made that says, "Got your tickets? To the gun show?" with purple arrows pointing to the newly sculpted wings.

7. I put oat bran in my Key Lime Pie yogurt (cause I'm supposed to eat oat bran according to Dr. Dukan) and if I close my eyes and concentrate reeeeeaaallll hard....it almost seems like pie crust. Almost.

8. It was 102 degrees yesterday. It was 100 the day before that. And again 100 the day before that. This is what the Weather Channel says:

No shit Sherlock.

Too late, half my garden is already ashes because of this Satanic weather. I'll be lucky if I can produce anything before my plants spontaneously burst into flames and start shooting fireballs at the dog.

9. I get to come home to this. Every. Day.


The murder/pruning job is courtesy of my husband.
He's for hire if you need your shrubs chopped. Cheap labor.

10. I promise this is the last time I will change the theme to my blog. At least for a little while. I just needed a little more purple in there. Now I've got A LOT.  I feel better.

Going running tonight. It's cooled down to a brisk 95 degrees.
Have a great Thursday everyone!

Challenges Day #2....complete.

Another 5 miles down! I walked about 3 of them.  It was about 90 degrees outside with 598% humidity and 46 mile per hour winds---AKA: Beautiful running conditions.

-Mile #1.5 my new tennies gave me blisters on my Achilles heels (that sucked finishing the rest of the 5 miles).

-Mile #3 I ran on gravel/sand for the first time ever. It was only 1/2 a mile, but I did not like it at all. I don't think I will be doing that again.

-Mile #4 Discovered that running in the ditch (so I wouldn't get run over by the 126 cars that passed me on a road with no shoulder) will produce nasty stickers in your socks, which rub and hurt and made me want to cry. I couldn't stop in the ditch to take them out, so I had to run 1/4 mile to the road to bend over (ass up in the air like a hot air balloon) to pick them out one by one.  I happened to look up and there was a car parked right next to me with the people just staring.  Nice.

I made it back home without going into cardiac arrest in about 1 hour 10 min. Puttin' that on the Minutes Challenge!!! Woot Woot! 



I'm bringing sexy back with this photo.



I am strong! I am powerful! I will conquer!
(Yes, I am wearing a camo hat and a tank that says 'Jug-n-Plug'. I ain't no city girl folks!)



I've decided to take today off. Or at least not do any running.  I may take the pup on a short walk tonight.  My body feels like it was replaced with Gumby's and because I have run in the evenings I haven't gotten good sleep, I'm guessing because all the adrenaline still in my system.  Which, by the way, is totally lame. You'd think that when I run myself nearly to a blackout, that I'd pass out when my head hits the pillow.  Nope. I counted sheep till 1:45am this morning before I started having visions of headbutting those sheep into a coma and decided I just needed to lay awake all night.  It's been awesome.

Anyways. 16.05 miles left of The Marathon Challenge!!  Oh, and Sarah at Thinfluenced is doing the same challenge, so go over there and give her some good exercise mojo!

Have a merry Wednesday everyone!!

Weekend Wedding Extravaganda

Well...I sat down to write about this amazing weekend and got the damn title written and I didn't like the way my computer was arranged on the desk. So I rearranged it.  Then the keyboard wouldn't fit where I wanted so I had to unplug it, dig through the kazillion cords (practically hanging upside down so I could see in the very back corner of the desk) to find the damned unplug cord and then fish it through the back of the desk, finally to grab it, then drop it again.  But I got it plugged in, everything situated and now the mouse doesn't work. For freaking Christ's sake! I dug another mouse out to use for now, but I'm about ready blow up my home office.

And now Ryan's mad at me because I snapped at him because I'm really mad about everything I just wrote above.

I need a beer.

Nope...I'm going running. No beer.

On to the real topic of this post....The Wedding! Oh my it was so much fun. We laughed, we danced, we drank, we made complete fools of ourselves in front of hundreds of people. Good times.

Ryan and I got into Kansas City around 2pm, dropped the pup off at Grandma and Grandpa Wiksten's (Wyatt's grandparents, not ours) and headed Downtown.  I've only been to KC about a handful of times, and only been Downtown about once....with the in laws.  Our hotel was an older fairly newly renovated place that had 13 floors, 3 exceptionally small elevators, a ballroom, and a bar.  No pool. But we really didn't need one so I got over it.  Our room was OK. Marble countertops and down comforters. No fridge. What kind of high priced hotel is this??!! So we dug out the ice bucket to put our beer in (BTW, couldn't put it in the sink because I was going to be using it to get ready).  That bucket held about 2 beers. Not good people.  It ended up not mattering because our friends Matt and Jake forgot beer, so they came down to drink our ever increasingly warm beer. All worked out for the best.

The view from our room.

Rehearsal Dinner outfit.
Classic photo pose I learned from Paris Hilton.

Anyways, rehearsal went off without a hitch....on to rehearsal dinner! IT. WAS. FABULOUS. I had steak and a Caesar salad with one teeeeeny bit of the best mash potatoes ever.  Then came the drop-dead-mouth-watering-I-have-died-and-achieved-the-pearly-gates desert of a lifetime. Orange Chocolate Creme.  I'm drooling now just thinking about it. Hard chocolate on the outside, smooth orange flavored creme on the inside.  OH MY GOD.  Orgasmic.

All the cool people at rehearsal dinner.

Look at this hot couple. Man that guy is dead sexy!

After dinner we all went to a few bars in the local area, hung out for awhile before we headed to the Power and Light District. This is an awesome little place that is about the size of a city block with an open pavilion that had a stage and theme bars surrounding that.  It was an interesting night...to say the least.  We drank and chatted and people watched. (I LOVE to people watch. So does Ryan, we barely talk when we are out because we sit there and just look at everyone.  OK it seems weird when I type it out, but it just fascinates me for some reason.)  About 1 am we called it a night and headed to our rooms.

The Bride Jordan, Me, and Lindsey. Just chillin' at the bar.

Saturday morning I got to sleep in a bit. Ryan had to be up and ready at 10am, so that meant I was up. But 'the wives' and I decided to go shopping during the morning, being that the wedding wasn't until later that evening (all our husband's are in the wedding, and fortunately all 'the wives' love each other so we hang out as much as we can...w/o boys).  So we hopped in my friend Lindsey's car and navigated the endless construction packed roads to head to Legends, an outside shopping mall.  HEAVEN! I needed jeans, Lindsey needed shoes and my other friend Jess needed shoes too.  First stop...jeans. Found one pair out of 16 that fit me.  Damn my bubble ass and unproportioned waist.  Then on to the shoe store.  This store was the mecca of all shoe stores. Isles of shoes everywhere. Most on sale.  I didn't even know where to begin.  I could have stayed there all day.  To spare my friends the torture of me going from shoe to shoe, I went straight to the back to the clearance section. BINGO. Sandals for $20! Score.  Then heading out I was jealous of Lindsey and her new running shoes so I decided to buy a pair for myself.  Score #2 just $90!

Aren't they just adorable! I wish they had purple in the shoes...but oh well.

Once back to the hotel with our many bags we had a beer at the bar and headed up to get ready.  For some dumbass reason I thought the wedding started at 6pm, so Lindsey, Jess and I were going to meet at 5:15.  Well, it was like 2:30, so we had plenty of time to kill.  I washed up, slowly took my sweet time doing my hair so that every strand was damn near perfect, then ironed my dress (for the 3rd time), and applied my face (which took forever because I hardly ever wear anything but eyeliner), then just sat down and watched a movie.  It was about 4:45 and I thought, "hmmm, maybe I should look at the invitation, just to be sure." Damn good thing I did. The wedding was starting in 15 minutes!!! So I call Jess, i call Lindsey, luckily we were all ready and got there in plenty of time. I can be such a moron. (Oh, and the minute I'm rushing out of the hotel room door, my freaking white shoes break! Not horrible, but the pad where your heel sits came off and my heel kept sticking to the shoes.  No worries, I think they're fixable.)

Ceremony was beautiful, colors being a pale yellow and gray.  Ryan looked so handsome in his suit.  Dinner was steaks, fried mashed potatoes (YUM) and cupcakes for the 'wedding cake'.  The speeches were hilarious. Jordan's (the bride) dad did an awesome job joking around that his family are big KU fans and Will (groom) and his friends are BIG KSU fans (in-state universities that are serious rivals).  Then the best man was gut-splitting. It was so neat.  After all the goodies got over with we tried out the dance floor. They had a live band and it was the best music ever. Every 'cool' reception song that you would want to shake your tail feather too was played.  I had a complete blast.

Isn't he so cute in his suit?!

Jess, Lindsey, Jordan, Me, and Kelly.  All the wives.
Any the only pic I have of the dress full length.

After the reception we went down to Power and Light again. Pretty much the whole reception went down there, included Bride, Groom, Parents of them, family, and wedding party.  It was epic.  Danced till our little feet couldn't handle any more.

All in all, it was a rockin' good time and I had so much fun with all of our friends. I've decided that when I get married again, it's going to be just like that! (Just kidding Ryan.)

Well, it's cooled down to a brisk 158 degrees so I'm going to go out and do a little running. (And probably damn near sweat a nipple off, as my friend Sarah said to me earlier. That girl is down right hilarious!)

Toodles!

Challenges are a bitch.

Oh my giddy Aunt….what a weekend!

The wedding was a blast and I rocked it in the purple dress with white shoes (BTW, I got the dress at Forever 21, but like 2 years ago, so I don’t know if they still have it).  I’ll tell you all about it later, with pictures, because right now I want to share with you a little secret….

Are you ready?????

Last night I went to the gym!! Yes. That’s it. Sorry, not so exciting once I typed it out.  It was the first time I set foot in the establishment of torture and scary Satan-influenced equipment since January….I think.  It’s been a hell of a long time, let’s just say that.

Yesterday was the first day for the Marathon Challenge! Yippee!!  (Sorry I didn’t post yesterday…you know how Monday’s are….they just plain suck big pink elephant balls.) Anyway, the Marathon Challenge is to run/walk/skip/jump/belly crawl 26.2 miles in 7 days. Once you divide it up between the days it doesn’t seem that bad. If you break it up for all 7 days, it comes out to roughly 3.75 miles a day. Break it up between 5 days it’s 5.24.  That’s totally doable right? Right.  Now, if you want to get all ‘I’m a badass runner and can conquer that shit in 2 days or, better yet, 1 day’….more power to ya crazy person. I’m shooting for completing at least 5 miles every day Monday through Friday, then finish up any leftovers on Sat or Sun.  Because you all know me and my weekends revolve around deck sitting and Bud Lights.  Running usually doesn’t fit into that busy schedule.  But this weekend, I’ve got to do at least a little.

Back to the whole gym craziness last night: Since it’s hotter than Satan’s crotch (that little gem of a remark is courtesy of Draz, I thought it was hilarious) here in the flatlands, I decided that instead of trying to run in the blistering heat, which would probably end with my face-planting the concrete and no one finding me for weeks, then I would be just a oozy pile of goo and pink sneakers, I opted to go to the nice, air conditioned gym.  And since the hubby is actually home this week (well, most of it anyway), he can let out our extremely pampered and spoiled rotten ‘child’ when he gets home from work (‘the child’ is our dog by the way).  Because yes, Wyatt gets to stay indoors curled up on OUR bed all day when it’s 100+ outside.  I want Wyatt’s life.

Ok, back on track…I went to the gym, hopped on the treadmill…literally…because I bought some new running shoes last weekend. They are kick ass Adidas Bounce shoes that are black and pink. I’ll post a pic later.  And I really do bounce when I walk/run in them (not enough that people look at me funny or anything). 

-By the way I just want to put in a little note that I’m totally blaming my friend Lindsey for the extra shoe purchase. Lindsey, Jess (another friend), and I went shopping last weekend and Lindsey got a new pair of running shoes (she’s totally agreed to do a 5K with me one day….she’ll wipe the floor with me) so I decided, because she bought a pair, that I needed a pair too.  So…it’s totally her fault.  But thank God….because those shoes are SWEET! (Just kidding, I can’t blame her…she’s too badass.)-

First, apparently my gym membership money is getting put to good use, because they upgraded all their machines since the last time I went.  And they are killer: Big touch screens, tons of workout programs and a TV Channel Guide (you used to have to just hit the manual channel changer all the way through the 856 channels to see what was on).  I started out on a manual program and walked for 5 minutes….then I decided to step it up to a run.  Fully expecting my out of shape humongous ass to make it about a ¼ of a mile before my lungs exploded, but nope, I rocked it out at a 9:30 pace for a FULL MILE!  What?!?! Aliens must have abducted me last night and replace me with a runner.  Granted, once I hit the one mile mark, I nearly tripped on the conveyor because my legs felt like watered down Jello and went catapulting into the machine/person behind me (that person did look at me funny btw).  My lungs were SCREAMING for O2, my throat was so dry I thought I swallowed sandpaper….and I was sweating like 326lb linebacker on a 103 degree day.  I looked sexy. I’m pretty sure people were looking at me and wanted to be me.  It was awesome.  After I wiped my face off and chugged the rest of my 24 ounce water bottle, I slowed it down and walked for another mile.  Then, I basically did intervals of walking ¾ mile/running ½ mile until I made it to 5 miles.  All in all, I ended up walking/running 5.15 miles in 1 hour and 5 minutes.  What a freaking workout! I was rocking sexy crotch sweat like no ones business.

I have 21.05 miles left in the challenge.  And on my little ‘side’ challenge with Draz I can pencil in the 65 minutes. (We’re challenging ourselves to time (minutes) worked out for the month of June. Why? Obviously I’m an overachiever and go from no challenges for 3 months to 2 all in one month.  I’m a genius that way.)

I’m going to start a new little ‘countdown’ or ‘progress’ to the challenges on the side of my blog to show how many miles I’ve done and the minutes I’m up to.  I’ll also put in my original start weight and my current weight, just in case you all care (notice my current weight went up since last Friday. You can attribute that to the monstrous cheeseburger and fries I had at 2am on Friday night). It’ll be in the ‘Challenges Are A Bitch’ bubble.

Update on the Dukan Diet: Yes, I’m still trying to do it. I didn’t do so hot last weekend, but I’m back on track this week.  Alternating Pure Protein one day and Veggies and Protein the next.  Basically, I like that I’m eating all low/non-fat, high protein, low carbs, etc. about the diet.  Eventually, I’m going to add in more carbs once I hit my ‘goal’ weight of 138.  So I’m kinda following it, but really just eating pretty healthy, and mixing in a few brewskies.  I like it this way, so I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing.

Don’t forget: Wedding pics and stories tomorrow…or even tonight if I can manage it.

Anybody else doing any ‘fun’ challenges?

Yeah for the weekend!

This is going to be short and sweet, considering I'm off to the 'big city' in about an hour.  I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. I'm so excited I giggle randomly for no reason.  People look at me funny, but that's OK, I live in my own world anyway.

Alright:

1. I'm going to a wedding this weekend in Kansas City.
2. I have brought 5 pairs of shoes (for 2 days, yes, Ryan about shit himself when he looked in the suitcase).
3. I can't decide what dress to wear tonight to the rehearsal dinner, so I brought both.
4. I'm going to the pool tomorrow with The Wives (all our husbands are in this wedding) so we get to soak up the sun and drink fruity concoctions with umbrellas while they get a straight razor shave (no shit, and Ryan's really excited about this. boys.) and get their shoes shined.
5. The wedding is right near this district called Power and Light, and it's a FULL BLOCK of bars and you can walk outside with a drink and everything!!! (Here in hickville we can't get all willy nilly with alcohol in the streets like Vegas or New Orleans, we have to keep our drinks within the establishment. Lame. So P & L is the first outside drinking thing ever in KS.)
6. I am down to 148.8!!! Woohoo. I attribute this to eating nothing but lean protein and nonfat dairy all week.  Oh, and a little friend I call Bud Light. Don't know how I drank beers 2 nights this week and still lost 3 lbs.  **Thank you Weigh Loss Gods for giving me a slimmer figure to showcase in front of 300 people this weekend. I am forever in your debt.**
7. I'm still on the Dukan Diet, but really I'm just eating really healthy. I miss fruit. Other than that, I have finally broken up with Tortilla Chips. He was devastated. He will live....without me though.  It's going really good, and this weekend I'll be eating protein and veggies.  I obviously haven't given up alcohol, like recommended, but who gives a fat fairy princess's ass. I don't.
8. Don't you absolutely love my new little homemade 'button' from Bluntcard.com!?------------>
9. Next week I'm starting a little Marathon Challenge to complete 26.2 miles in 7 days, by way of walking, running, or freaking crawling. I will get it done.  I'm also in a little June Challenge with a friendee (that's a friend that's extra special so I add a 'ee' at the end). We're challenging ourselves on minutes accomplished of exercise. I will dominate.
10. I don't know what to write here, I just didn't want to end it on a odd number.

OK, I need to start actually earning the money I'm making at this place of employment, therefore I have to go.

Have a fabulous, kickass, bright and sunny weekend little buddies!

Tootles!

My new cutey wootey little bitty fun toy.

I have done it again folks. I bought another camera. (This would make #5. Yes, I am that lame.)

So here's some test shots:

First pic with the new camera! Look at that hotty, shiny face and all.

Do I like this new camera. Ummmm....YES!

Kiss to ya'll because you're so fabulous.

Wyatt, smile for the new camera!
(We're working on looking at the camera, but this'll do.)

Wyatt: "I love my mommy!"

Me: Give me a kiss puppy! Wyatt: Ahhh, MOM, quit it! (Teenagers, no fun.)

Wyatt: OK, I'll give you a smooch.
BTW, since I've been eating a crap ton of spinach I have turned
into Popeye. Check those forearms out!

So the camera is a Canon PowerShot ELPH 300.  I'm a Canon girl through and through. Last point and shoot I had was a Sony CyberShot....Biggest piece of shit I ever spent money on. Apparently I had a mental breakdown when I whipped out the credit card on that one.  Oh well, we're in good shape now!

Look out bloggerland---> Major picture infestation!

Exercise? What the hell is that?

You know what I realized today in an epiphany from the Exercise Gods from above?  My blog is 89.65% about my life, 7.81% about 'getting healthier', and 2.54% bullshit.  Which is totally cool, because my life rocks...in my mind I'm Fergie (with the killer body) married to Josh Duhamel but having a seriously delicious love affair with Ryan Reynolds, I prance around living the life of luxury complete with big fancy yachts and all the mint chocolate chip ice cream I shove in my pie-hole, not having a single care in the world.  Yeah right. My life's a big conglomerate of donkey poo most of the time, with a few funny stories about my 'child' (aka dog) and my certifiably crazy family.


Anywho....back to the epiphany: It's fine that I write about my life a lot, because lets face it, me and 'getting healthier' is a love/hate relationship.  I mean, I drink beer for God sakes.  That's pretty much only healthy if you have one beer a month. And we all know that's just not this gal's drinking style (oh yes, I have a drinking style).  And I did come up with a simply glorious blog title that lets me rant not just about health, but beer and dogs and life too.  Because I want to talk about those things and that's that.


Holy miniature schnauzers, got off subject again. Where is my mind today?!


My point, if I could find it under all the shit flying around in my uber-confused noggin, is that I need to exercise more.  A lot more.  More than just going from couch to fridge, popping a top, and back to the couch. 


Being on the Dukan Diet where I eat amazing (lets be real people, about 80% of the time, which is amazing in my book) has really proved to myself that food is fuel and like milk, it does a body good.  I've written these words about a kazillion times, but my skin is clear, my nails don't look like a hedge trimmer was used on them, and I have a butt-load of energy.  So, eating...check.  Got that down, finally (after working on it for, well, my entire adult life).


But my exercise habits are equivalent to a sumo wrestler...I stomp around the house and then body slam the sofa. Wearing the loincloth belt. Ha, just kidding, that'd be funny though if Ryan (my hubby, not Reynolds) walked in and found me in a sumo wrestler stance getting ready to pummel the couch, wearing nothing but a loincloth best.  HeHeHe.


I was just thinking to myself that I need to get back into some sort of workout routine.  Then I came across this post by Mrs. Fatass where she talks about today being National Running Day, and then there was a link in there about a challenge another blogger was doing. It's completing the mileage equivalent to a marathon in 7 days time.  Now if you're like me, the 'I run but am NOT a runner, but I kinda wanna be a runner' type of person, I didn't even know what that mileage was.  He explains: "To complete 26.2 miles (the length of a marathon) over the course of 7 days. For some this may be a little daunting (no shit Sherlock), and the whole point is that it is a CHALLENGE, but if you break it down it’s really not so bad.  You could do 3.74 (and some change) miles a day for 7 days, or 5.24 miles a day for 5 days, two half marathons (13.1 miles) or an actual marathon (which would be awesome-and totally not happening)."


He's right though, when you break it down, I could totally run/walk/crawl 3.74 miles a day. I could even do 5 miles a day.  It'd take me an hour, but so what. It's beautiful here, a little on the warm side, but it's sunny and not yet 102 degrees.  So why not?!  Plus, the out of shape K9 needs a workout too.


So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to amp up my non-existent workout routine by starting this majorly hard enthusiastic Marathon Challenge for a week, starting Monday the 6th.  Then after that first week, I think I'll get back into lifting weights.  A blogger friend Angie is working with a personal trainer and starting a weight lifting routine, so it encouraged me to dust off those totally girly 5lb dumbbells and rock it out.


Pray to the Exercise Gods to keep me on track next week. I'll need all the extra help I can get.