Monday, April 25, 2011

Weekend Wrap-up

First I just want to inform you all that I feel like a big pile of steamy cow dung.  I have a cold. I am cranky. I want to curl up under my desk and sleep.

So there's my mindset. Don't be expecting any cheery, funny, BS from the likes of me today.

Second, I apologize for being bitchy. That's just the way I get when I have snot running down my face like Niagara Falls.  It's pretty, let me tell ya.

Ok, enough whining.  Lets talk about my weekend. Because despite coming down the ultimate plaque of common colds, it was pretty freaking fantastic.

I went turkey hunting, with my hotty husband. I rode and drove a badass go cart all over kingdom come. I got to see acres of The Rez (my mother lives on an Indian Reservation in KS) from the back of a quad (4-wheeler), that most people don't get to see.  And I ate some of the best fried chicken on the planet; made by my own lovely mom.

Life was great.

I'll tell you a little about the turkey hunting.

I've gone with Ryan before, twice.  Each time there was nothing to shout about. We got up at the butt-crack of dawn, walked to the middle of nowhere, and plopped down in the middle of God knows what in the woods and waited for the big birds to fly down so Ryan can shoot one.  The only problem with the first two hunts that we did in previous years was no big birds flew down. turkeys.

But this year's hunt was COMPLETELY different! 

We got up, put on our camo gear, and headed out.  It was still pitch black, with pretty twinkly stars and a bright moon. And thank God for the moon, because I would have face-planted in a cow patty at least twenty times.  Finally we got to the area where we're going to sit and put up the decoys.  Ryan positions me a little bit back from the tree-line, looking out over a nice big field.  Then he sits down a few feet from me.  It's still pretty dark by this point, and he's calling the turkeys and not getting a response, which means they are still blissfully sleeping in the trees. All we can do is wait until they start gobbling back to Ryan before any action happens.  About 10 minutes later, that is exactly what happened.

Me in the woods. Waiting for the turkeys.
Like the camo?
Ryan calls out (with an owl call, don't ask me why an owl hoot makes the turkey's gobble, but it does), and right after we hear all these gobbles across the field from us. Then we hear more to our left. And finally we hear some behind us.  Ryan looks at me like a kid at Christmas, all excited and what-not, and says, "They're EVERYWHERE!" I nod at him, grinning under my face mask, because I know how ecstatic he is about this moment.

He continues to call, and another round of gobbles errupts, indicating that there are turkeys surrounding us.  He looks at me again, and I am not kidding you, whispers in this super excited voice, "We're in the inner circle!!!"  I can not describe to you how elated he was that we were in the 'inner circle'. It was just so cute.  And hilarious at the same time.  I mean, he was like some 13 year old boy taking the coolest girl in school to their spring dance for the first time.  He was almost vibrating with enthusiasm.

About 2 minutes later, a humongous turkey flew down not twenty feet from us.  He did his little happy dance around the hen decoys (the turkey, not Ryan) and fluffed up his feather's like he was some top-shit turkey model, that all the hen's go ga-ga over.  I just sat there, wide eyed, because I had never seen anything like that. I didn't move a muscle. And the only thing could could see where my eyeballs, the size of dinner plates, watching this wild animal strut his stuff. Then, BAM, the sound of the shot gun explodes through the silent air and the turkey went down.  Ryan jumps up and runs over to him. I thought he was going to start doing a happy dance.

It was by far one of coolest things I've ever witnessed.  Ryan informed me later that a hunt like that is priceless; it doesn't just happen willy-nilly, but rarely happens, that perfect.  And I'm so glad I got to experience it! Now I want to get my hunter's safety so I can shoot one next year.

Ryan and turkey on the field where he shot it.
Look how happy he is!

This is our Easter family portrait.
Aren't we the cutest little family.
 That all happened before 7am on Saturday morning, so really I had the rest of the weekend to relax.  Which is exactly what I did, because I started to feel like crap right after this photo was taken. 

I took TWO naps on Saturday. TWO!  Did me no good, because I still got sick. Maybe the go cart and quad rides on Sat. were not the best idea.  Oh, well, it was totally worth it! The reservation is in the middle of the flint hills in Kansas, and I think, some of the most beautiful land Kansas has to offer.  It's hilly and lush, filled with creeks and trees.  Houses are pretty scarce in this area, so we rode for-e-ver without seeing a soul. It was amazing, to say the least.

Easter Sunday I woke up barely able to swallow and feeling really weak, but I 'suffered' through my mom's homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cream corn like a champ.  Atkin's diet thrown to the wind.  I don't give a poop if I gain 12 pounds from eating that delicious meal, it was totally worth it. 

Oh, and I totally forgot the funniest thing that I saw this weekend! You guys will just die.

When we got to mom's, we came in to the kitchen/dining room and were talking to mom and Hardy (mom's boyfriend, who owns the go cart and quad), then I look over and notice that the dining room had changed a smidgen since I was last there.  The table was still in the same place; the center piece was different, instead of the usual Indian flute, there was a massive rifle, but that's normal for mom's house (Hardy was cleaning it before we got there).  But right next to the table, positioned strategically close to the door to the back deck (so it's within easy reach, I was told) was a 3 foot tall lazy susan gun holder, chuck full of guns.  Yep, that's right people. Someone actually makes a gun holder that twirls around like a lazy susan rack you'd find in your kitchen cabinets, but instead of holding pots and pans or food, this one holds rifles and shotguns.  And Hardy has bought one and placed it next to where we will eat Easter lunch.  Classic.  Only on 'The Rez' people....only on 'The Rez'.

So that's it. My weekend. 
Hope all of yours was great too!
I've got to go now and blow my Rudolph nose.


  1. So sorry you are not feeling well! Hope you have a speedy recovery.

    I totally visualized your husband out there strutting before you clarified it was the turkey doing it! Sooo funny!

    It really sounds like a lovely weekend, Rudolph nose aside!

  2. HOLY CRAP that's a big bird! Lots and lots of protein. How does wild turkey taste? My husband said it's a bit gamey and very lean, but I'd love to try it one of these days. Congrats on the successful hunt.

  3. Seriously - if you ever tell Rambo they make lazy susan gun holders...I will hunt you down myself. Good God - that's terrible. LOL I love the hunting "almost" makes me want to go with Rambo...hmmmm.


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