Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I have no idea what to title this because it's all over the board. Enjoy.

I hate not being able to write. It sucks Satan's balls.

Wanna know what else sucks Satan's balls???


Yup. It still sucks. Actually, it's getting worse every day I spend there.

I got it!!!! Y'all 'donate' to my writing fund and I'll never go back to Satan's outhouse. Deal?!
I'll wait for your checks in the mail.
Spank you very much in advance. ;-)

There's so much I want to write about.
I'm struggling with the Sugar HoBag Slutface Lintlicker. What's new huh.
I'm completely addicted. Like seriously addicted. I've tried to put down the cupcake or donut or soda or 12 lb bag of sugar that I have intravenously loaded into my veins....but no dice. I've got a great group of women that help me, or more like we help each other, through emails. And I think we're all struggling with it. But! We WILL all overcome! That i'm sure! Tomorrow is a new day!!! I'm not giving up and I know they're not giving up either.

I've decided that I absolutely love being a mom. I know, right?! You're shocked. hehehe, just kidding. I tell you what, I don't mind sleepless nights. Or having a small human attached to my tatas pretty much all the time. Or that I have a pig pen for a house....because I want to just cuddle all the time. But truly, if you had to pick between scrubbing toilets and snuggling this face:

Which would you chose?
Me too.

And I'm going to be a little.....what's the word....ornery/biased/conceded, but she is the best baby. No lie. She smiles all the time, rarely cries, is a good eater, and has been a pretty good sleeper since birth. Ryan and I are lucky ass parents. Y'all can hate us now.
You know what this means tho....our second baby will probably be a holy terror. lol.
Or better yet, little Miss Amazingpants will grow up and be 15 times as ornery/mischievous/hellion-like  as me by the age of 2. I'd just like to point out that my nickname 'Laura Belle' came from my aunt, who said i was the best baby. But then at about 2, I was so ornery that I ended up tripping my mother, who was carrying my baby brother and arms full of packages, down an escalator. Not on purpose mind you. But I was playing 'noodle legs' and wouldn't stand up.

And then there may have been another time that I nearly bit off my baby brothers fingers.
But there's no proof of that and I still deny it.

OK. What else is going on.

It's been about 9 months since I've spoken with my biological dad. While I'm completely confident that I'm better off without his lying, cheating, manipulative ass, it's still very strange not to talk to him. Or really, not to have a dad to talk to at all. Ryan's such an amazing dad, and it makes me miss having one.   Not that he was ever amazing. Because he wasn't. He was a pretty shitty dad. But my other dad, Mike was amazing. So that's what I miss.

I don't know why I'm having a hard time letting go, but I am. I think most of it has to deal with me being angry with him. I am constantly thinking about how much I hate him for what he's done to my life and the life of my mom and stepmom. I know that hate is eating me alive and I need to let go. But I can't. I don't know why. I think I need to talk to someone about it, but crap, when am I going to find time to do that! ugh.

So that's it for now.
I promise to get back to a regular schedule soon. It's just hard to juggle snuggle time and work and scrubbing toilets and writing. But I'll find my groove eventually!


  1. Letting go of anger? What the hell is that? lol I think it's hard to let go of the anger because it's your only and last connection to him. If you let go of the anger and grief - there is literally nothing. As long as you stay angry at him - he's in your life...even negatively. Was that too brutal to say? I said it because I've been there. I've held on to grief and anger way longer than I should because it was all I had left of that person and if I let that part go - then it was like they didn't exist....make sense? I love you.

  2. Great Post. Sweet baby, I want one. Anger is a hard one! I can honestly say I have never hated anyone. I really try to keep HATE out of my vocabulary. My dear sweet lady you have to much to let someones actions/behavior/evilness bring you down.

  3. I love Baby D's photo in this post!

  4. That is one gorgeous baby! What a doll.
    I say go ahead and make time for yourself, once a month, you'll be happy you did!
    You need to talk this out.


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