Relaxation & Big Foot

I had THE best day off yesterday. Oh my giddy aunt it was so amazing.

First, I went to lunch with my besties, John and Lori. They were up for the KSU vs. WVU men's basketball game on Thursday night, which was stellar, even though we lost.....in double overtime. More on that on another post.

Then I went and had the most blissful, relaxing, down right spectacular 1.5 hour deep tissue massage of my life.  Normally I get a massage about 2-3 times a year because I have terrible neck problems due to my pooper being planted in front of a computer screen all freaking day. Stupid job. But this time, I had a gift certificate from my lovely employees for bosses day AND they were running a special of buy one hour get a half hour free. WOOP WOOP! Took advantage of that little deal-ee-o for sure. My little massage lady kicked the shit out of my neck and shoulders then gave me the best massage for the rest of my body, followed by a soothing scalp massage. A.MAZ.ING! Pretty much walked out of there on a cloud.

And to complete my day of pampering I went to get my hair cut. I tried a new place, an Aveda salon, and WOOO-EEEEE! Totally going back there again. Don't you just love whatever shenanigans they put in your hair?!?! You pretty much don't want to wash your hair for a week after a trip at an Aveda salon because it smells like sweet paradise.

And if a new cut wasn't enough, I decided to get all crazysauce. Enter the hair dye.......

I normally have dark brown hair, but I was born with a full head of jet black hair and always wondered what I'd look like now with it.  So, the dye was on sale, pretty much figured it was a sign from the hair gods to just do it.  I'm pretty happy with it. Makes my eyes look freaking fierce I tell ya. And who doesn't love fierce eyes?

There is one member of the family that has vetoed his hairs (and not the hairs on his head, but his FACE) seeing the sharp edge of something.......

These were the exact words out of his mouth the minute he walked in the door and after I fainted from seeing him, "I'm beardin' it out, honey!"

Sweet baby Jesus.

Can someone please inform Mr. Hubby that if I had wanted to marry Big Foot I would have moved to the forest, become one with nature, made clothing from tree bark, and grown my leg hairs out so that I could keep myself occupied by braiding them?

Ten Things Thursday

1. My work computer is on the fritz. Stupid technology. Luckily internet works. WOOHOO. Otherwise I'd straight up pitch a fit on the floor toddler style. 'Cause I'm cool like that.

2.  Well, now the only thing I can work on IS the internet. Everything else is weirdly not showing up. It's a sign.

3.  Tonight is the KSU vs. WVU Men's Basketball game. I. AM. SO. EXCITED!!! There's about 8-10 of us going, mostly my family, but John and Lori are coming down too!!
This is my favorite poster of Coach Frank Martin:

 

He seriously has the best facial expressions. If you get a chance this year, watch a KSU Basketball game....it's so worth it.

4.  There is a new study out that says you only have to diet 2 days a week and you can lose more weight than someone that is on a 1500 calorie diet 7 days a week. YESSSSSS!!!! My pathetic attempts at trying not to shovel crap in my mouth all week long is justified!! Now I can just be good 2 days! 48 hours! It's a miracle.

5.  I have a very busy day today....despite my computer's attitude problem.....so I'm going to cut this short and leave you with some pictures of a High School Senior that I took a few weeks ago. Her name is Andrea, she's John and Lori's niece, and she's the sweetest, cutest little thang out there! BTW, if you haven't 'liked' my LauraBelle Photography on Facebook, get your ass over there. Now!

Isn't she so beautiful?!! And so photogenic, I barely had to do anything! If you'd like to see more of my photography, just checkout my website HERE.(For those of you that have looked at it before, I haven't updated it in a while, so the pictures are mostly the same. But I plan on adding new ones this weekend.)

Alrighty now, time to worky-worky. Life sucks.

But have an amazing Thursday y'all!!

I suck.

Y'all remember that little thing I started about 4 weeks ago, called the 7 Week Fat-tervention???

Yup, neither do I.

There is zip motivation up in here. None. Nada. Zilch.

It's like ever since Thanksgiving I have mauled every fatty, salty, sweet, craptastic food known to man. And on top of that, Gym time????
What's a Ggg-I-E-mmm?

I know what I'm doing. Or more accurately, I know what I'm not doing. And the worst part.....I have no energy to change. I die.

The only small shitsilver lining is that I haven't been gorging. yeah for me. I stop when I'm full, and generally don't have a second helping.

That has kept me at about the same weight as when I last weighed in. Yes, I have stepped on the flat chested whore and she was a little kind, for once.

Next step????

Well, I'm going to try to eat better, I started last night with a pesto chicken pasta, and I'm going to try and make it to the gym. However, and I know this sounds soooo bad, you have permission to kick my ample pooper, I'm not going to stress about it and I'm not going to force it. There's so much stress with the holidays, traveling, never seeing my husband, working extreme overtime, working my little photo business, and other shit, that I don't want to have to worry about calories, lettuce, 10 minute miles, and sore muscles.

Lord, I suck.

Hopefully, after the holidays, I will suck just a pinch less. Uggghhhh.

More tailgating fun....

Well, I survived the liquor modpodge, KSU football, and bad weather weekend extravaganza.
Barely.

Started out so nice and sweet with a little cousin chat action on the ride up to Manhappiness, dinner at my FAVORITE restaurant, Hibachi Hut, which we met even more of my cousins at. Isn't family superb?! Well, it should be, with the size of our family rivaling the hired clowns of Barnum & Bailey's.

Speaking of Bailey's.......damn good shit. Damn good. So is Chocolate Wine. And peppermint snapps and hot cocoa. ohhhhhhhhhh. Sorry, got side tracked. (not that MOI would ever drink all that in one weekend.)

Friday night, after dinner, I headed to my bestest friends John & Lori's to hang out, chat it up, and drink more booze. Well, I ended up doing that with 5 dogs instead of my bestestes. They got stuck at the the local brewery.....where John and I were wonderfully (sarcasticmuch) employed in college. Stuck as in there are so many people that want to talk to you, you can't leave because the minute you hit the door more people walk in that want to talk and buy you high alcohol brews and you end up closing the place down in order to say HI to half the town of Manhattan. It's like the black hole of brewery's. It's like Hotel California. You get pulled in and you can never, ever leave. Ever.

That left me, like I said, to get to their house, with my dog, try and let their TWO 8 week old puppies out for potty time, and console their TWO senior citizen dogs back from the doggie mental institution for dealing with said 8 week old puppies for 4 hours alone.  Can you say......PSYCHO-CIRCUS?!?!

I walk in, little pups are screaming and barking and carrying on. Wyatt is going ape shit with drool running like a waterfall out of his mouth. And one of the Sr. citizen pups had crapped on the floor. FML.
And I've only had one, ok maybe two, beers the whole night. Sobercity.

I had to wrangle Stella (girl puppy) into my arms, while holding Wyatt back from sniffing 'special places' (mine and the puppy's), AND let Porter (boy puppy) out of his kennel. Then make it to the back door without tripping over my yellow monster and dropping poor Stella. I threw them all outside, ran back in, took care of the crap, then it was time to let them ALL back in.  I had to get them into the garage, wipe off their feet, and into the house with out a full knock down drag out breakdown.  Do you know how talented you have to be to wipe off 3 dogs paws, while trying to keep them out of the mud and wet spots that they had just tracked in, all while copious amounts of butt sniffing and wrestling under my feet went on????? Freaking amazeballs amount of talent. I should go on America's Got Talent. I would take 1st.

Once that shenanigans was over we all sat down on the kitchen floor, I chugged as many Mr. Buds that I could and all dogs used me as a stair climber. Perfect start to the weekend.
Here's a little video of the puppies:

Saturday morning we woke up to 30 degree temps and rain. And thunder. And lightning. Stupid weather. So all the tailgating commenced in the garage. So I guess we were garagegating. It works.

Once we got to the game......oh buddy.  Four layered shirts, a water proof coat, long johns and fur lined boots did a whole lot of diddly.  It. Was. Wet.

Good thing for us, this is what we had nearby:

After filling our tummy's with delicious beverages we waddled into the game.

Mom and Hardy.

My cousin Tom.

Then it was half time. Let the unsobering begin.

No. No you are not. Not at all. Good try though.

I ended up staying out at the tailgate the second half because I had a choice of: Tent, Booze, and more Booze. While inside was: No booze, cold, rainy, no tent.  I definitely think I made the right decision.

Once we got home, the little puppies clearly had a rough day:

That would be Stella.

And apparently so did someone else:

John, we need to talk about this.

Saturday night was uneventful in we were still trying to thaw out our tatas and dingdings, so we just hung out and took random pictures. Normal.

I am not crazy. Drinking 18 different types of liquor in 8 hours just makes you appear to be crazy.

Another good weekend! KSU ended up winning against Iowa State, to make our season 10-2. We got chosen for the Cotton Bowl in Arlington TX and we're playing the Arkansas Razorbacks (it's ON Melissa!!) I'm excited and so proud of my little Wildkitties!!! GO CATS!!!

Ten Things Thursday

I know, I know, it's been a whole two weeks since the last Ten Things. How did you ever survive?
Well, we're back in action this week!!

1.  It's DECEMBER!!!! Where the elf toots did the year go? Anybody else think that summer was just last week? No one? Just me? Whatever.  I just can't believe it's 31 days till 2012. Weird.

2.  If you didn't see my Thanksgiving Day recap, you suck.  Just kidding, go check it out. Because what happens on Thanksgiving........will definitely be shown on my blog for all the world to see. Vegas rules do not apply here.

3.  Ever seen an outhouse-sized Mexican breakfast burrito making sweat shop? Nope? Well, feast your eyes upon one:

This is my one butt kitchen.(only one butt in there at a time)
With burritos covering every measly inch of counter space.

The cook station. Just centimeters from the kitchen entrance.

Burrito making process: Cook one pound of sausage, add cubed, cooked potatoes, and some peppers and onions. Take 18 eggs, scramble. That is about 24 burritos filling. Cook one pound bacon, add cubed, cooked potatoes, and some peppers and onions. Take 18 eggs, scramble. That is another 24 burritos filling.

Roll up with cheese.

And.....TAAAA DAAAAA........

FORTY-EIGHT MOTHER F*ING BURRITOS.

If I live for 125 years, I never want to make them again.
Well, until next year, when my loving husband asks me.
Shiny things Ryan, expensive shiny things are needed.

4. Oooooo, UPDATE on the Liar Sitch: Some of you remember my little post about liars and how I feel tar and feathering is an acceptable form of punishment for those who lie. But if not, check it out HERE. Anyways. The latest is that the certain asswipe liar has not spoken to me, unless absolutely necessary, for like a week and a half. IT. HAS. BEEN. BLISS. Come to find out.....the certain asswipe got a little 'talking to' from someone else and was instructed to leave me alone.  I love it. Simply love it.

5.  I haven't been tracking my food. At. All. I suck big Polar Bear Balls. It's fine. I just have been super busy at work and at home. No, that's a lie. I'm lazy. Pure and simple. Lazypants McGee, that's me. And last week for Thanksgiving, I pretty much ate just about whatever I wanted. Homemade biscuits and gravy.......Sure! Butterscotch Pumpkin coffee cake dreamliciousness......Load it up! Chili cheese nachos.......Bring it on! Ughhhhh......

For realz.

6.  So you know how we went to Big Cedar Lodge for our 2nd Anniversary. And it was all great, and fantastic, and freaking amazing. Well, we did have one little hiccup....our guided fishing tour we took for 4 hours on Sat. morning blew. The dudes name was Jim VanHook. Seriously. Well, he sucked. Ryan did not catch a single fish and the few fish I caught wouldn't have kept an ant full for 2 hours.  Anyways, they had these comment cards so I filled one out and just went to town on how disappointed we were. And you know how bitchy convincing I can be. Well, Big Cedar called me the other day!! They're giving us another 4 hour guided fishing tour for free the next time we go there!! Woop Woop! That's a nice little excuse to go back, huh?

7.  Wanna know what I figured out the other day? Well, I'm going to tell you. I figured out that on my crackberry when you text and you hit the SYM button for the symbols, like the '&' sign, you can just hit the corresponding letter that is under said symbol, in this instance it would be the 'L'.  So hit SYM button then L. Instead of scrolling all over the place with the little scroll key to select the symbol. I've only had the phone for 2 years. Jesus, Mary, and Pete.

8. 

Pretty much me today.

9.  I'm going to another KSU football game this weekend. It's the last one for the year, well, except for the kick ass bowl game we'd play at. I'd be super excited, except it's supposed to be a high of 34 with a chance of snow and the game starts at 11:30, so we'll be tailgating at the asscrack of dawn. Shitballs. Frozen Shitballs. Better whip out the puke green long johns and 1985 ear muffs.  But I came up with the most superb idea: Bring a vat of coffee and a bottle of Bailey's! And then I thought, why stop there, I'm going to get another thermos of hot water and a box of instant hot cocoa and buy a bottle of Peppermint Snapps. I am the Liquor Goddess. It's ok to be jealous.

10. I went shopping. Again. But it's justified. I don't know if I told y'all, but I need a new coat.  The only ones I have are ski jackets, and when you're wearing tall leather riding boots and a nice pink sweater dress, a purple Columbian just throws the whole mess off and I end up looking like a high end homeless person with no style whatsoever. Enter the search for the perfect P coat. And as fate would have it, both JCPenny's and Kohl's sent me coupons in the mail. Boom. First stop was Penny's. Nothing. I mean, I found a very nice Worthington, but for 75 bones.....pass. I'm more in the market for $40. Next stop was Old Navy. Same deal. And I even stopped in Maurices. Nada.  BTW, you know you haven't been to the mall in eternity when the 3 stores you go into are all completely remodeled. Nice.

So, I ended up heading to Kohls when I saw a Gordman's and decided to stop. I opened the doors and it was like AhhhhAAAAHHHHH!! Check out my little purchases:

Light tan P coat with belt. $34.

This was the planned outfit, but the sweater was a little short. No one needs to see any part of my pooper hanging out in white leggings. Ever.

Pinkish brown sweater dress, short sleeve, with belt. $15.

Dark gray leg warmers with tan wooden buttons. $5. Don't hate me for my amazing shopping ability. And for some reason it won't let me scroll down to type, so I'll just say goodbye and so long from here. Tootles!

I give Thanks for Shithouse Wine, Shotguns, and Excavators.

Nothing says Thanksgiving like walking into your mom's house the night before, and literally the first words out of her mouth are, "Laura, you gotta try this wine! It's cool beans!" Seriously, Mother, I haven't even put my bags down yet, but OK. And 'cool beans' went out with scrunchies in the 90s, mmkay? But for some reason, it sounds completely normal coming out of your cute mouth.

Back to the wine.....I try. I like. What is it, I ask. Just a simple little question. But gets the most epic response. Mom, "Well, I can never remember the name so I just walk in the liquor store and ask: 'Do you have that wine that's in a blue bottle, I can't remember the name, but its something like Shithouse?'"

Holy Jesus Mother.

Schlink Haus....Shithouse. Close enough in Jules World (Jules would be Julie, my one in a million mother, well except for her 4 sisters who act just like her).

Jules also broke the cleaning tradition this year. So sad. See, every year, Ryan and I show up Wed. night prepared to wake up at the turkeyasscrack of dawn to clean every inch of her huge house (because I love to clean my own house, why not clean someone else's too, just makes sense) and get ready for Thanksgiving.  This year.....nope. Didn't have to. It was like I was on vacation. Amazingness Do Nothing Vacation. Hardy (mom's bf) and Mom took off early and got damn near everything done before we got there. Yippeeeeeee, time to start the drunkfest earlier!

However on Thanksgiving morning, I did need to make my carmel apple cheesecake dip again. Since it was a raving hit at the work snack party.  And I had a little help form my new sous chef:

No Colt. No you don't.

And while I'm simply slaving away in the kitchen.....the boys are doing super duper important things:

Sighting in their rifles. Off the deck. Literally two steps off the dining room.

Sorry Wyatt, no birds.
Except for the ones in the oven.
And you can't have those.

On to the feast. We're all going to starve.

 And that's only one table. There was another one, plus the counter space. Glutony I tell ya.

The carving of the birds.

 And my brother in the background trying to figure out the microwave. The buttons are on the right Michael, no....your other right!
And leave it to my family to come up with this ingenious invention:

Nope. Not at all.

And Turkey Day was not complete until you line up 27 tables from dining room thru living room and into the entry way. That way everyone can sit together.

I'm proud to say this was my idea.
Don't hate.

Next up.....shotgun time baby. That's right. What would Thanksgiving be if not to shoot some fluorescent clay circle thingys out of the clear blue sky, just for pure amusement.

And I got to use my new gun. Look out, bad ass approaching....

Yes, bad ass indeed, with my little smile and my boot coozie.

There's the real bad ass. In a dress. Shooting.
I missed. A lot that day. Wasn't drunk enough, I suppose.

Loading the thrower thingy.

You do good work Hardy.

Venturing out to get all the unbroken clays. We couldn't shoot worth shit.

More like dog poo. It's fine.

But we sure did try our best.

And that's just from the first round.

And what do you do when you have loads of empty beer cans just laying around.....

Put them in a thrower and see how far they go. Why not.

And while we're on the subject of Hickville highlights, lets whip out the go cart.

Someone, and I'm not going to name names (uhheeemmmm, Little Brother), just couldn't hang.

And using the baby as an excuse to nap......nope, doesn't count.

But look at this little squishy cheeks a few hours later:

Dontcha just want to squeeze him?!?! Looks just like my brother. And acts like him too.
Lawd help us.

Later that night, when we're about 3 sheets to the wind, I decide that a trip to the casino is soooo in order. I mean, it's only about a mile from my Mom's house, why not? But who's going to drive......ummmm. That's when Mom pipes up and says, "Well, we've driven the 4-wheeler to the casino before." Nice, mother, nice.

We didn't end up making that glorious trip, but next time.....oh next time.

The following day we did a little hiking, a little napping, and Mom and Hardy did a little firewood cutting. Apparently my mother thinks that letting the fire dwindle to ash and throwing on logs and starting a new fire is for whimps. Lets just keep the fire burning for eternity. The devil would be comfortable, for sure.  Because of this completely sane logic, she needs to LOAD UP on firewood every fall.  And when I say LOAD UP, I mean LOOOOOAD UP.

Well, when you have an excavator just sitting around, twiddling it's thumbs, why not put it to good use to tear out a 75 year old tree and carry it to the log splitter.  Clearly, there's just no other way.

And finally, you know that old saying: 'like mother like daughter'. Well, not in this family. No sireeeee. It's more: 'like daughter like mother'.

If you note my profile pic, you'll get the drift.
Yes, mom, you are now just as coolpants as moi. Your welcome.

Nothing beats my family's Turkey Day. Absolutely nothing.