Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Pep Talk 101

I don't know what my deal is lately. For 4 weeks I was doing so good on eating nothing but dust and air, and now all i've done for a week is shove greasy, creamy, chocolatey, high fat shitstuffs in my hole. Seriously. It's like my body has been taken over by a possessed satanist garbage disposal.

Wanna know what else is just mind blowing?

My personality has been bitchtastic. Yes. I have been moody, snarky, want-to-shank-someone-in-their-eye.....basically Susie Sunshine.

Correlation there????? Ummmmm, I think so my dear Watson.

Then this morning I was making my salad for lunch.....yes SALAD, the healthy has prevailed.....and I went to grab the feta cheese out of the fridge, gave the container a little shake to break up the clumps and BAM, feta cheese EVERYWHERE. The damn lid wasn't shut all the way. FML.

You'd think someone just told me beer isn't good for you or something, because full on Cranky Pants McGee was out. Out and flaming. As in shooting fire from my eye sockets.

IT'S FETA CHEESE LAURA!!! What the hell.

I cleaned up the chaos, which was aided by the Wonder Dog (of course, he thought he'd hit the jackpot), and went promptly to the mirror and we had ourselves a little chitty-chat. I pulled that inner bitch aside and had words, people.

This behavior is unacceptable.  You need to wake up and smell the hops. Today is going to be a good day. A great day! No more bitch!

I know people get in bad moods every now and then, but this bad mood has been going on for a week now. Enough is enough.

Where is happy LauraBelle? Where did she go? Why is Bitchpants LauraBelle here?

So I've decided today is a new day.
A fresh start.

Everyone needs one of those now and again, right? Right!

No more snarky.
No more brownie cookie dough ice cream shake thingy's.

I have put on my funderwear and I'm going to have a great day!

How bout y'all? Going to rock the socks off this Tuesday?!

Yup, thought so.

Cause that's how we roll.

Pep-talk now complete.


  1. I know I need an attitude adjustment so I am on bored---heres to Tuesday!!!! cheers!

  2. at least you went the right direction! I would have wanted to take a xanax and crawled back under my covers for a good cry!

    You go girl. Put your big girl panties on and kick Tuesday's a$$!!!

  3. I hear ya, loud and clear!!! I feel the same way this past week and I am on summer vaca!!! Don't know what the hell is wrong with me...TOM arrived, but seriously he gets blamed for for too much...I shall receive your pep talk and adjust as well!!! Here is to a terrific Tuesday!!!

  4. awww sugarplumb. The bitchy part of us is only there to remind the assholes around us to enjoy the NICE us, when she's around. And to buy her presents and ice cream to keep her that way.

    Oh, and where'd ya find funderpants. I needs me some!!!

  5. Ummm ya peed on a stick lately?

  6. Amen to the new start...we all need them once in a while. You rock!

  7. I did a feta with my salad at Potbelly's the other day. It went everywhere...so embarrassed. :) Everyone is entitled to moods. Just keep fighting it and I bet one day it is easier. Love you bunches!

  8. I'm eating crap like a monster too. Can't seem to get out of binging mode. I hope your mood improves soon. I've been too depressed to be bitchy. I just can't be bothered really. LOL

  9. Oh, so that's where I picked up the crabby pants from! YOU! Great... Well, I have all kinds of fantastic little smart mouthed, shit nuggets with which to cover the worlds ears with----so if you need a pick-me-up, let me know! Lol


  10. Sometimes you just gotta let the inner bitch out. Then lock her the hell back up.

  11. Maybe it's about to be shark week? I don't know. Either way... I'd be pissed about a feta cheese loss, too. :(

  12. You are hilarious... love it! I am totally with you on the brownie cookie dough shakes. Story of my life.


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