BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

Finally!!! I'm back into the BYOC extravaganza from our Damn Fine Draz!!!

This week Draz dipped into her family reserves (2 daughters and Rambo [husband]) and asked them what they'd like to ask us.

#1 comes from Rambo....

1.  If you were going to scratch your ass in public, which cheek would you start with?
Ummm, I do not know. Interesting. Very interesting. I think I would opt to NOT scratch....in public. I would find a little bathroom stall, tucked way back in the corner, and then go to the right side first. But I guess it depends on where the itch is right? So it could be on the left. Ummm.

#2 comes from Watermelon (11 yr. old)

2.  If you were a fashion designer, what's the first item of clothing you'd design for yourself and why.
JEANS!!!!!!
For the love of Pete I can not find a decent pair of jeans that fit my ghetto booty and narrow waste...and my Ben & Jerry's (those would be my mountainous thighs).  Either I can't pull the jeans up because my thighs are so hefty, or once I get them up they fit in my ample hips, but then it's like looking down the Grand Canyon in the back because my waist is narrow. Hand to bible I could fit a 'small person' (being politically correct here) in the back of my jeans with the way they hang out back there.


#3 is from Draz.

3.  Remember last week when I told you to describe yourself in 5 positive words?  This week - turn to your family or anyone next to you and ask them to describe you in 5 words and LISTEN to their answers.
Ok. Well, since I'm doing this on my lunch hour, the closest people I had next to me were my 3 little BADASS employees, Rebecca, Vicky, and Alex (SHOUT OUT!!). Here are their collective answers:
FUN LOVING (Naturally)
EASY TO TALK TO (Yeahhhh!!)
CARING (Ahhhh)
LAID BACK (Of course)
FUN DRUNK (Seriously. And I haven't even drank with any of them....yet. They know me so well.) 

4.  Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Hum, bloglife has been stellar. I found some new blogs recently, Ducky and Running With Spatulas, and am loving their fun style. And I've also been on a roll lately with posts. I'm so happypants!! I don't know why. But I'm sure it's annoying.

Real life is stellar also. Ran my first 9 min mile! Woop Woop! 
I get to hang with my bestest friends this weekend and watch the Wildcats stomp Iowa State U. And I get to see my mom! Good times.

Well, better get back to work. We have a photographer (yes, even though I am a professional photographer, my company hired someone else, which is totally fine, because I would not want to be doing all this BS that they've been doing since 9am) to photograph all our instruments and things that we manufacture. They've basically taken over my entire area. And they keep turning the lights on and off, which makes it really hard to work (shitballs, right? lol). Actually, I think I may have crawled underneath my desk at one point and took a little siesta. Don't tell anyone.

Ten Things Thursday

1.  Big news.

REALLY. BIG. NEWS.

No. I’m not pregnant. (mom)

And no, Ryan Reynolds didn’t appear at my front door last night covered in chocolate syrup.

Not that I would do anything if that ever happened, because I am a happily married woman.  To the best husband in the world. Who’s funny, and sweet, and sooo hot. And amazing. And the best husband in the world. Did I already say that? (I just know he's getting sooo tired of my RR references.)

What really happened is……. I ran a 9:00 minute mile!!!! WOOP WOOP!!! Check this badass chica out. **happy dance, happy dance **

Yes, I don’t know what got in me. It was so unbelievably nice outside, like 70 degrees (come on summer!!!) so I decided to take the little pup on a run (told ya I would Cat!). Just a shorty. Only 2.25 miles.

We started off like a bat outta hell a little strong. You would think Wyatt hadn’t run outside in years (instead of just a week ago), so he damn near pulled my shoulder out of socket before I could get him reigned in. But we continued with the demons are chasing us brisk pace for quite awhile. I don’t know if it was the nice weather, or Wyatt pulling me along, or by the grace of baby Jesus I could keep my breathing under control, but I just ran. And I ran like lightening! Serious. Lightening bolts were shooting outta my tennies and everything.

I knew we were coming up on the first mile so I glanced at my watch to see where I was at. Not that I was  trying for a fast pace, I was just wondering. And low and behold the damn thing said 8:37. WHAAA???!!! So I pushed it to the mile marker and made it in 9:00 flat.

YEAH!!! I almost broke out ‘the running man’ dance on the gravel road, just for shits and giggles. But I restrained. Maybe next time.

Instead I ran the rest of the 1.25 miles the best I could and came in at 21:45ish for the whole she-bang. Basically, 9:39 min per mile. I’LL TAKE THAT!!! That's a full minute off my regular time!!

 **Again: happy dance, happy dance **

Then puppy and I went home and took pictures of our sweaty hot messes. Just for your viewing pleasure.

Never Wyatt, never.

But clearly, I need to stop taking pictures of myself. Christ.

2. A very sad thing happened last night. Yes, very sad indeed.

I got a little too aggressive (how is that even possible) with my salad spinner and broke the handle. Now I will proceed to freak out for the next 5 days until I can buy a new one. Because washing off the lettuce and toweling or airing it dry is such an inconvenience.

Can we bow our heads and have a moment of silence, please?

Ok, that's enough of that.

BTW, this is like the 4th spinner I've broken this year.

I'm cursed.

3. I have decided that I’m a plant keeper alive-er phenomenon. I don’t water these suckers ever. And they continue to live. Call the Vatican, it's a miracle.

Nope, sorry, no water for you, for at least another 2.3 months.

4.  I have a confession to make. I have sucked gianormous donkey balls at the whole 'no smoking thing' this week. Oh yea, I did fine for about 44.34 hours, then I went out with the cousins, had beer, and my willpower just deflated like some sad saggy granny teets.

But here's the deal. I really wanna quit. I just knew this weekend we're going to be around my bestest friends in the world and that's kinda like his and I thing to share some smokes.  So. I'm going to indulge in one more weekend, break the news to him that there will be no more smoking after this....EVER...and quit FOR REAL on Monday.

I'm sorry I've let myself down and y'all down.

I deserve a bitch slap.

It's ok. Just do it.

But make it fast.

5. Ever wonder what the top canned beers are? I know you do. All the time. I know you lay awake at night, like moi, and wonder what beer in cans will make my taste buds have a little beergasm.

Well, to put your mind at ease, Esquire Magazine has put together an article stating just which ones will make your mouth quiver.

If you don't want to read the article, which I don't know why ever you wouldn't, here's a little breakdown:

And my personal favorites, just because they won because they're cheap.

There. Now you can rest at night.

6.  I don’t know what my problem is, but I have been shoving my face full of chocolate all week. Like it’s uncontrollable. Maybe I’m possessed. Yep, that’s it. Straight up Poltergeist style.

No really, I don’t know what the deal is.

I had a candy jar on my desk all week, filled with dark chocolate Easter eggs (huge mistake, I know) and I’d just take a few out here and there.

Well finally, yesterday afternoon I was like, ‘This is pathetic Laura, you’re not even hungry!!’.

But did I throw them away?

Flush them down the pooper?

Shove them down some poor schmuck's pie hole?

No. I ate the rest of the jar. By myself.

Mother. Of. Pearl.

But at least they're gone now and I won’t have any more temptations.

7.  I woke up this morning and was groggily trying to decide what to wear. Should I look like a homeless hobo or an actual professional businesswoman? To make the decision easier I asked my wonderful husband what the weather was supposed to be like today.  Because if it's going to be 70 again like yesterday, hobo it is (t-shirt and jeans), but if it's going to be chilly, I can wear a sweater and actually look like I belong in a work environment.

His reply, "It's going to be windy and cold."

I took that as, it's going to be 87 mph winds and -15 degrees.

So the professional look wins.

But I was kinda excited, because I've been wanting to wear this red turtleneck that matches my zombie eyeballs and it's been too warm to do so.

Wanna know what the temp is right now? 

53 degrees. 

And it's sunny and shit.

So now I look like a total jackass in a turtleneck. In summer type weather.

Awesome.

Such is my life.

8.  I know, I know. I need to get back on My Fitness Pal. Thanks Miss Vicky and Cat for messaging me. It's just that between my blog reading addiction, pinterest, FB, pinterest, work, pinterest, news updates, daily mile, and pinterest, I'm having a hard time finding the time.  I know, I know, it's no excuse. But I'm just not that great at tracking my foodstuffs. So, don't get peeved if I never get on there again. I'm keeping track...in my head....of what I'm shoving in my face, and I'm stopping when I'm full most days. More power to y'all that do it!!! I think it's so great. It's just not for me.

9.  OH!! I've been meaning to write about this for weeks. Thanks to Ducky (who I'm becoming a little obsessed with because she's just so fabtabulous), I've put up an email subscription thingy on my little sidebar thingy. See to the right here----> Under the 'Beer A Bitch' picture. Well, you might have to scroll a little, ok a lot, up at this point. You just put your email address in there and hit SUBMIT and then, WAALAA whenever I write a new post, it'll go straight to your email. That way you don't have to fool around with Reader or whatever. And I know I have a lot of people that just check my blog like every other minute to see if I've updated it....not naming any names.....but now you don't have to!!! My new posts will come straight to your email!!!

Pretty fancypants huh?

I've also added a Daily Mile running widget. That way you guys can see what my last run was, and how much I've run for the week. It's kinda jankity that they don't put a date on the 'last run', huh? Oh well.  Just in case you cared, you now can see those wondrous running stats.

10.  This is what happened the other morning:

Lookin' pretty comfy there on Ryan's side.

Spoiled rotten child.

Tootles Lovey's!!!

Weekend Shenanigans, Bad Ass Earrings, and Best Day of My Life!

OK, so last weekend was friends weekend. Also the weekend that made me feel like a squished donkey turd yesterday. But that's all my own fault.

Just to let you all know....I'm feeling oh so much better today. I got up and worked out!!!!! Dolphin claps for me please!!! **dramatically bows**

Then I ate a donut.
Christ.

But it was sooooo good.

Here's a little recap to the beertastic weekend:

Friday night Will and Jordan showed up with their crazy but lovable pups. We ate some spa-cetti, then Jordan and I promptly downed two bottles of wine. Yup.....TWO. Dos. A couple. Double of one. We are lushes. It's fine.

Thank the LAWD we both woke up the next morning feeling fairly good. No massive headaches and no need to spew. Winner winner chicken dinner!

We proceeded to Will and Jordan's downtown office to have a look-see at their new digs and then decided that it needed office chairs, so we headed to the Depot to buy some that were on sale.  The boys went in one car and the girls in another. Because it's just better that way. Once the office chairs were taken care of, Jordan and I trotted off to do 'girly day'. And just as luck would have it, we drove right by a Pier Uno on the way to the office store.......and they were having a massive Pres. Day sales. Yessssssss, the shopping Goddesses were looking down upon thee.  I got some cute, cute place mats that are like woven plastic, but really thin. I forgot to take a picture. Damn it all. But they were exactly what I've been looking for for years so I snatched those babies up pronto!!

Next was lunch at a bar downtown, back with the boys, and to watch the start of the KSU vs. Baylor Men's Basketball game.  It started off rough, so Jordan and I decided to spend our time at the mall instead. Very wise decision on our part. Yes indeed. (But ended up finding out later we WON! GO CATS!!)

I found some jeans at the Older Navy. $19!!!! NINETEEN BUCKS!!! And they actually fit me!!!!
I bought two pair.
I may and go back and buy more. We shall see.

Dark, boot-cut, and they fit over my double wide ass. Score!!

Then we headed to a funfunfun jewelry/accessory shop called Francesca's Closet or Collection or something. I had never heard of it before, which I think Jordan had a mini-heart attack when I said that. Let's just say that it happens to be on my way home from work, it's pretty reasonably priced, and I'm going to have a very empty bank account for like the next.....well.....long time. That's how much I'm in love with that store.

And looky at my purdy silver leaf earrings:

Aren't they freaking fantastic!!?!?!?!!
You're hatin' on me a little right now, huh?

Next up was our mani/pedi shellachappiness adventure. Which I wrote about yesterday. It was awesome, but we've (Jordan and I) decided that we need a place that serves wine while getting our little mani's.  Doesn't matter if it comes out of a box or not. We'll take anything. Such high standards we have.

Then it was a race home....after a quick race through Tar-get. See, we decided, in our infinite wisdom, while getting our relaxing hand/foot massages, that beerita's (click there for a recipe, not exactly like we did it, but close) sounded like a bomb.com pre-drink before dinner. Does it matter that we had exactly 37 minutes to get home, change into hottness clothes, and throw on extra hooker make-up before our husbands would be making annoying man-sounds about us being late? Nope. Not at all. But, there just so happened to be a liquor store right.next.door to the nail place. Coinkydink??? I think not.

So we ran over there and got Mr. Tequila. Then ran over to Tar-get for limes and frozen limeade. And we made it back home just in time to mix one drink, chug it, change clothes, apply the face paint, and dash out the door. (With our hubby's patiently waiting on us. Right.)
BTW, beerita's.....so delish.

Dinner was at a Japanese steak house, where they do all the cool cooking shit right in front of you. And this place has orgasmic garlic fried rice. Seriously, orgasmic.

Here's the girls:

Libby, Jordan, and Kelly

And the boys, totally not taking a good picture:

Will, Collyn (belongs to Kelly), Ryan, and Paul (belongs to Libby)

Of course we couldn't sit next to each other. This wasn't some couples date crap. I was there to girl talk!!! But, we also didn't make it very easy for the poor (and horrible) waiter to match us up with each other. Oh well.

And this is my din-din:

This is before I plowed my way through damn near all of this food. Plus having sushi before hand. Note: orgasmic fried rice on the right. OhhhhhhhOHOHOHOHoohhhhh Ahhhhh.

We finished the night off with copious amounts of big beers and a little karaoke action at a bar down the way.

Well, let me rephrase that, we went to a bar, had many big beers, then some jackass set up his karaoke shit, proceeded to play the music WAY too loud, a handful of people got up to sing (none of which were in our group), they were HORR.I.BLE, and then we eventually left.

But what takes the cake about that whole situation, is how Jordan describes it.....with a really bad picture of me......on her blog. So go check that out HERE.
Oh my God, so funny I snorted.

The weekend was hella fun maybe too much fun. But I love it when we can get together with friends!! Don't you?!

And I bet you're just dying to know why TODAY is the best day of my life. Well, maybe not the best, but damn near close to the best.
Well, I don't care if you don't care, Ima gonna tell you anyways.

Are you ready?

Wait......come closer.....

A little closer......

Is your nose pressed to the screen?

For your viewing pleasure:

I'm a'lovin' on my Thin Mints.

IT'S GIRL SCOUT COOKIE DAY!!!!!!!!!

That's right people. It's the little things in life.

And yes, you counted right. There are eight boxes. 8. All for little ol' me!!! Mawahahaha (evil laugh).

Ok, maybe I'll share with Ryan. But only if he's nice. (Hear that Ryan?!?!?! You have to be nice to me and not pick on me and hold my hand and snuggle and tell me I'm pretty!!) ya, right, like that's gonna happen.

I might just mow through a box before I leave work.

Maybe.

Because Thin Mints have no fat or calories.
They are actually nutritious for you.
They even make you thinner.
At least in LaLa Land (aka my fantasy world) they do.

Its ok, you can all come and play with me in LaLa Land.
We'll have a glorious time.

Monday's suck big green pterodactyl balls.

Well........

 It does.

At least for this chica, Monday's suck.
This Monday in particular.

Can you tell I want nothing more than to curl up under my desk and die?
Why do you ask?
Welllllll...........

Could it be that I went gang busters with my weekend alcohol intake like a 22 year old bead wearin' bimbo at Mardi Gras?

No. That definitely isn't it. At all.
I don't drink.

Much.

Moving on.

I feel like death. I did not move from the horizontal position all day on Sunday. Like, for 8 straight hours. Laying on the couch. Watching Bethany Ever After reruns. (Don't hate.) Barely ate anything. Oh, except for 3 day old pizza for breakfast. 'Cause that's how I roll my peeps.

And today is Day 1 with no smoky treats.

I think it's actually a bonus that I feel like a juicy Satan toot because I'm too tired to care about not having a cig.

Only good part of my miserable existence is that my nails look purdy. Right?!

Whoa mammoth palms. That is dead sexy.

Anyway.  Jordan and I went all girly last weekend and got our nails done. Sparkly Red for me!! And I got them Shellac'd. I likey likey this shellac business. Never even heard of it before. Oh, wait, maybe Draz posted something about it one time, since she's the High Priestess of nails and all. But when that little Asian lady at the salon was like, "Oh, yes, yes! You wanta the shellECK. It soooo good. You like long time." How could I turn her down. Well, and Jordan was all, "It doesn't chip. And lasts like 14 days! You have to get it!" SOLD! Bam! Purdy red nails.

Then we went shopping. I bought the best earrings. Soooo cute.
I will show you later when I can get home to take a pic of them.

All in all, it was a fab weekend. But I think I need to stop acting like every bar outing with friends is a college beer chugging contest. F'real. Grow up Laura. You're damn near 31! Shit. Now that just put me in another bad mood. 

I am going to curl up under my desk now.

Ten Things Thursday

Just to let you know before you start reading….this might blow, I have nothing. I'm pulling this straight from my ass today. Just warning you. OK, now read on if you dare.

1.  I read a few articles recently on the effects of green tea on your health and have become very intrigued. Yes, indeed-ee-o.  It all started with reading an article on the Men’s Health website….don’t ask why I was on there…..about consuming different things to boost your metabolism. And one of the things they suggested was drinking green tea every day.  I went to try and find the article for y’all, but I didn’t ‘pin’ it, and now it’s lost in the abyss of the interwebs forever. Dontcha just hate it when you forget to pin something?!?! What the hell did we do before Pinterest, huh? I ask you that.

Anyway, I did a search and found another article at webmd that says this:

More than a decade's worth of research about green tea's health benefits -- particularly its potential to fight cancer and heart disease -- has been more than intriguing, as have limited studies about green tea's role in lowering cholesterol, burning fat, preventing diabetes and stroke, and staving off dementia.

Sittin' on the edge of your roll-y chair, huh?

It also says this:

Green tea's antioxidants, called catechins, scavenge for free radicals that can damage DNA and contribute to cancer, blood clots, and atherosclerosis.

Because of green tea's minimal processing -- its leaves are withered and steamed, not fermented like black and oolong teas -- green tea's unique catechins, especially epigallocatechin-3-gallate (EGCG), are more concentrated.

And it was this Men’s Health article that gave examples of all the high catechin green teas (not to be confused with the article that's escaped into the abyss, this is a different one I read).  The highest being Honest Tea’s Organic Honey Green Tea.

Here’s the specs:

Honest Tea "Green Tea with Honey" (16.9 oz)
Catechins per bottle: 215 mg
EGCG per bottle: 71 mg
Calories: 74
Caffeine per bottle: 97 mg
Taste: Well balanced and slightly sweet, with citrus notes
Where to Buy: http://www.honesttea.com/community/find/

Read more at Men's Health: http://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/best-green-tea#ixzz1mYbuOkAx

Very interesting my dear Watson. Very interesting.

So, being the health conscious person that I am (more like the fluff that will jump on any new healthy trend bandwagon because I’m mostly bored and don’t have anything else to do) I snatched up some pretty green tea and started to chug-a-lug. And honestly, it’s really good. It has about ¼ the caffeine of coffee per serving, so, even though I’m on a no caffeine kick, I think this still passes as barely caffeine. And for some reason, in my twisted little health mind, I think drinking a barely caffeinated organic tea vs. dark sludge in the coffee pot is oh so better for you. Whatever. It works for me, mmkay?! Mmkay.

Isn’t it pretty?!

Well, except for the jacked up top. What the hell.

2. I have not been to the gym once this week. NOT ONCE. What the duck is wrong with me?! I did so good the last 4 weeks with Jordan and I’s little challenge, and now I’ve just given up. 

Cheese and crackers that’s stupid.

All week long baby.

 Well, I’m putting a stop to that today! I packed my little workout bag and am going to hit the dreadmill after work. Go me.

3.  Despite my lack of physical exertion, I will have you know that I did pretty swell on the whole good eating thang this week. Well, besides having pizza last night at Cousin’s Night.

And having a few of these:

 Soooooooo yummy.

I actually have been sticking with the real food/clean eating way of life the majority of the time. Eating salads and brown rice and chicken, fruits and veggies, and yogurt.

Even the other night I was craving nachos, so I got out some organic blue tortilla chips and some organic low fat cheese and made a little plate. Not the best food choice, but I felt a little better knowing it was semi-healthier than the mound of greasy tortilla chips and cheese that I used to have. Just go with it, ok?

4.  Lately my pandora has been playing some killer songs....like the Macarena the other day, so saaaweeet....then it busts out with some orchestrated classical donkey poo. I don't know why it thinks I like that crap, but after hitting the 'thumbs down' button a kazillion times, you'd think it'd get the hint. Stupid pandora.

 

5.   The scale and I have broken up. Temporarily. See, last week, I freaking stepped on that flat chested ho-bag and she kept giving me these awful high numbers, like the bitch that she is. And I was so frustrated. Day after day.....up and up and up.  But then weigh in on Sat morning, you know, where the number really counts, I was poopin' in my drawers as to what the magic number would be, when low and behold it was a really low number. Like 4 lbs lower than the day before. Which is good, but really, ughhhhh. Why the stress all week? WHY???!!?!?!

So in honor of that psycho shenanigans I have decided to just keep off the scale. Judge things by the way my clothes fit and not concentrate at the number. Don't get me wrong, I'll eventually step on the scale, but maybe once a week, or every other week. Not 28 times a day like I used to.

I let you know how this little challenge goes.....

6. My cousin Kelly sent me a message with these pictures. Soooo funny!

Source

Source

Source

 You can see more on the photographer's website HERE.

Just went back up and looked at them again and I'm snort laughing right now. It's awesome.

Makes me want to buy an underwater camera to capture what little Wyatt looks like when he dives for his dummy at the lake!

7. I just did this.

Yup that's right.

There is nothing clean, real or organic about that. Or pretty.

My willpower is a cowardly weak heifer.

8. Guess what’s goin’ down this weekend???!!!!

No really, can you guess?

Nope, not a Real Housewives marathon.

Although that’d be freaking badass.

Not one of our 2,491 trips out of town.

Something so better.

I’m having a girl date!!!

With Miss Jordan.

We’re going to get our nails did.

 I’m so excited I could fart rainbows.

First of all, I’ve been wanting to get a mani/pedi for like months. (And don’t you know it, 3 days before my appt I break 2 nails. Bullshit, I tell ya.) But second, I don’t get to ‘hang’ with girls. Ever. I mean, I have my girlfriends at work. But both of those ladies aren’t the ‘nail getting done’ type. I don’t think.  And then, I have a few other girlfriends that live semi-close to us, but they’re mommies and usually pretty busy.  So I just hang with Ryan.  And he’s not going to get a mani/pedi with me. Or go shopping with me. Or try out the new frozen yogurt place with me. He’s boring.

So when Jordan suggested we get our nails done before we all go out to dinner Sat. night, I was ecstatic, to put it mildly. I mean, on the outside, I tried to play it all cool and ladylike and be like, “Yes, that’s a marvelous idea.” But inside, I was exploding girlfriend verbal-diarrhea, like “OH MY GIDDY AUNT!! SOMEONE WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME!!! WITHOUT HUSBANDS!!! I HAVE A FRIEND!!! We will talk non-stop and she will laugh at my dumb jokes and it will be a merry sunshine day and we will get shiny matching best friends lockets!!!!” Ok, definitely not the lockets. A little over exaggeration there. Well, now Jordan’s reading this and probably saying, “Shitballs, what did I get myself into.” She’s also running for the western hills. For real.

I swear I’m normal. Most of the time. Swear.

Anyways, I’m sure there’ll be pics and stories to come on Monday!

9.  I'm going to quit smoking on Monday. Again. For like the 49th time. I just know it's so bad for you and I don't run as good when I do smoke. And i've got a 5K coming up that I want to rock. And of course, some day I'd like to have a bun in the oven, and that's definitely not good to be puffing on cancer sticks. And my mother asks me every.single.time we talk when I'm going to quit. (ok, maybe not every time, but a lot, ok?!) So I'm gonna try again. I smoke when I'm bored or stressed. So I need to find a different outlet for those things. I'm thinking maybe I'll try to make working out one of those outlets. Not that I haven't already tried to do that many times before, but what's one more try eh? So wish me luck! Pump up my mojo! Keep me motivated! Anything to help would be awesomesauce and I will love y'all long time.

10.  I told you guys this was going to blow. Seriously. My mind is just not functioning today. I should crawl under my desk and pass out. Yes. That should happen.

But it won't.

Lame.

Cheers lovebugs!!