Ten Things Thursday

Hello my lovelies!!!
Good week so far????
Yes???
Faaaaannnnnn-freaking-tastic!

1.  I took a Breathalyzer yesterday.

Yup.

That's how I roll with this whole pregnancy thing.

No, really I was lucky enough to get picked to complete a random drug/alcohol screening at work.

Passed that sum'bitch.
Like a boss.

I gotta tell you though, doing a Breathalyzer while you're stone sober is COMPLETELY different than trying to do one shitface wasted.

Last time, I couldn't blow hard enough, then I blew too hard, then the damn thing fell outta my mouth, and then the bubbles distracted me and I forgot to breathe at all. It seemed like it took an eternity!!!

This one, I blew, heard a pop, stopped blowing. Easy peezy lemon squeezy.

I know. Random huh?

2. So I was bored the other day and did a google search for funny onesies:

 There was a TON I could totally see myself buying, but then my checkbook would give me a big frowny face and that's no bueno.

But I think a few of these will have to get purchased. ;-)

3.  I'm getting my 2nd prenatal massage tonight. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, bliss. BLISS I TELL  YOU!
75 minutes of pure re.lax.ation.

I was supposed to get it last night, but the damn masseuse had to cancel due to illness. Mama was not a happy camper. But they're giving me 10% off. So, that helps. I guess.

BTW, I don't give 2 midget shits if going for a massage once a month till this nugget is born is going to break the bank or not. It's going to happen anyway. I will sell a kidney to keep this going. (But not my liver. Because I'm going to be needing that.)
Mark my words.........Ryan. ;-)

4.  My mom got me some SUPER cute maternity clothes for my birthday!!!

Cute purple and grey sweater that ties above the belly.

Stretchy, perfect for when I'm bigger. And, bonus, the sleeves will hide the batwings!!

Cargo pants that you can roll down if you want.

And here's another one:

Aren't they just the cutest?!?!
I'm so excited!

5. Two weekends ago I got to take the cutest pictures of my friend's newborn. I just love newborn photos!! They're so small and cuddly. And they don't plaster on a fake smile, or bitch about smiling too much. Like, they're perfect little subjects!
Let me introduce you to 2 week old Luke Matthew:

Big Sis Holly. Adorable!!!

6. My mom's BF, Hardy, just sent me this email about my mom.
**WARNING**Don't drink anything when reading this. Because you will spew it all over your monitor.

the other evening your mother walks by me with the binoculars  ......i said what cha doin babe  ( Oh I'm going to see if the turkeys are out in the field across the road!).....a few minutes later  I said  well Babe are they out there ?  she said oh my god there's one really big one ....so I said let me see, so I grab the binoculars from her, put them up to my eyes, and they were not focused right.   so I dialed them in and as the (Big One) came into view  I said,  Yeah he's a big one alright..............  he's a big mail box ........your mother had been zeroing in on her mailbox

God, I love her.
She's definitely one of a kind.

This was Ryan's comment about the email:

At least we know the big one is not going anywhere and I should have no trouble getting him during turkey season.

True, so true.

7.  I went to the gym last night to do a little walking. It was the first time this week, because I've been busy. Man it felt good!!!

Ryan makes fun of me tho.
He says he's never seen anyone at the gym with as many electronics as me.

I have the TV on, my Kindle, my MP3, and my phone.
What's wrong with that????
I get bored and need multiple stimulation.
And I like to multitask.

You know what else I can do at the gym????

Take secret pictures of my husband working out.
That aren't so secret because he caught me.

THAT is the best picture of me. Ever.
Jesus.

8.  We're going to The Ranch this weekend.
Here's the weather:

I foresee two days of curled up on the leather couch, in front of the fire, with a good book.....or three.....for me.
The hubby and puppy can hike their little hearts content in that frigidness. Not this mama.

9. Last weekend was Fake Patty's Day in Aggieville (the bar district in my college town). The real St. Patty's Day always falls on spring break, so they move it up a week so all the college kids can drink green beer from 8am to 2am until they hurl.

Well, my 21 year old employee decided to go up and join the fun this year. For the first time.
My first reaction: I am so freaking glad I don't have to deal with those drunk people any more.
My second reaction (to the first reaction): Shitballs, I'm old.
Third reaction: Tell him every terrible Fake Patty's Day story that I can 'remember'. Probably not the best idea.

One story (this is pre-Ryan, btw), my friend Mandy had this genius idea that we needed to run the 5K race at noon. At this point in my life, age 23ish, I didn't run. At all. Unless it was to the liquor store. And Fake Patty's Day starts at like the ass crack of dawn. So by noon, I had already chugged about 3 green big beers (yes, they put food coloring in the beer, it's awesome).

So, lets sum this up: I don't run, I've got 4 gallons of beer in my belly, I haven't eaten since the day before (booze is plenty nutritional), and I most likely can't walk a straight line to save my life.

Good deal.

Well, noon rolls around and we're all drinkin' it up in this bar called Rusty's (that has the biggest big beers). And all the sudden we hear a gun shot go off. Like, a gun shot that might signal a race starting..........SHIT!
We weren't even outside at the starting line! We were still chugging!! DOUBLE SHITS! So we grab our beers, start gulping down the rest of the beer as fast as we can (because you can't leave a full beer, no matter if you're getting ready to run 3 miles or not), and sprint through the bar, and out into the street. Pitching our (now empty) beers in the trash, and off we go.

We're the only ones running in the street at this point.
Everyone else in the race (like hundreds of people) had already left.
Awesome.

So here's two drunk chicks, trying to run a 5K, weaving down the road, at noon on a Saturday.
Good times people, good times.

We did make it, btw.
I may or may not have laid down on the sidewalk half way through, convinced my heart was blowing up. And had to be forced up by EMTs threatening to take me to the ER. Rude.
We cheated and caught up with the 1.5K walkers and finished with them.
Then we went back to the bar and ordered more beer.
And partied the rest of the day is sweat soaked running clothes.

My awesomeness is beyond outstanding.

10. I need this (I don't know the sex yet, but we can change it if needed, when we find out....next week!!!):

That's all for now folks!!!!
Cheers!