Monday, October 14, 2013

Let me tell you a little about Hell....

D Day has passed. And it sucked. Big.Donkey.Balls.

Baby Girl woke up at 4am....nothing new there. However, after putting her to bed at 4:30, and laying down myself to try and get another measly 1 hour of sleep, my stupid motha effing mind wouldn't shut off. GAHHHHH!

Wait, let me back up.

Sunday night there was a little drama that I had to go through. Yeah. The night before one of the hardest days I could go thru as a mommy (so far anyway). F*ck you very much. Needless to say, while it was a bunch of bullshit, I've been so pissed it's been hard to think about anything else.

So, at 4:30am, I laid awake....thinking about bullshit. Until 6am, when I finally got up. Surprisingly, the morning went really smoothly. I got ready, Dillyn was good and only shit her drawers once, AND it all ended up in the diaper! Shocking...I know. We got to daycare, I dropped her off, and I didn't even cry.

Again, I was/am so pissed that I couldn't even be sad about Dillyn. I guess that's the silver effing lining. Stupid ass lining.

AAAAAnnnnnndddddd, then I got to work.
Holy shitballs hitting 100mph fan blades made out of cheese shredder metal thingies.

First up: 2 hour meeting, 30 minutes after I walk in the door. Who schedules a meeting at 8:30 on a Monday morning?!?!?! Oh, that's NEW boss. Ya, they changed bosses on me while I was away. WELCOME BACK LAURA!!!! YAYYYYY. (Totally being sarcastic there.)

Second: Found a huge effing construction staple sticking out of my tire. Go to get it patched....nope, can't do it. It's too far on the sidewall, so I have to get a WHOLE NEW TIRE. And that would be $260.00 please, says the teeth missing, tobacco stained lips, dead sexy mechanic. WTF?!?!? Spank you very much Universe, you're really going balls to the wall today.

Oh, but gets better.

Third: The Husband calls.....



wait for it...........



he has the flu. THE FLU!!!! The effing stomach FLU!

Just shoot me.
After you force a tube down my throat and I beer bong a 30 pack.
And then I walk straight off a cliff.
Into a hole filled with tarantulas.
With fangs.

That would be easier to deal with than this stupid, crazy, ridiculously terrible day in Hell.

Good news: It can only get better from here.

Because if it doesn't,
I'm buying a one way ticket to CrazyLand.
(And, I'm taking my baby with me.)


  1. That is one of the hardest days ever. I had a boss change when I came back from maternity leave too, such a bad time for it. I'm going to hope it's better for you than me. The daycare and work thing will get be easier, I promise.

  2. Laura my favorite cousin,

    It is with much regret... heartfelt regret...I leave this......




  3. Oh Laura honey.... Balls. Seriously.

    Fucking fuckers.

    Love you!


  4. oh sounds horrible...and at the same time, so fucking funny. I'm sorry but I got a good laugh from your bad day, so it wasn't all bad, right?

    chin up :)

  5. That does seriously suck. Not that it's any competition but my first day back to work, my sitter (my MOTHER-IN-LAW) cancelled on me as I was walking out the door. I had no plan B in place, frantically called a friend who put me in touch with the wife of a mutual friend of both of our husbands who was able to watch her that day. (I had met her before, she wasn't a complete stranger, just didn't have her number.) Sadly MIL didn't work out in the long run and my husband quit his job 3 months later to stay at home with her.
    And your cousin should go suck rocks because this isn't funny in the least.

  6. OMG - wanna talk about the bullshit? I miss our venting sessions and I want you to know I thought of you ALL DAY yesterday. Apparently my unicorn happy vibes did not reach you. I love you. You'll get through this. Do not let Ryan give D the flu. NO matter what. Mkay?


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