Monday, October 14, 2013

Let me tell you a little about Hell....

D Day has passed. And it sucked. Big.Donkey.Balls.

Baby Girl woke up at 4am....nothing new there. However, after putting her to bed at 4:30, and laying down myself to try and get another measly 1 hour of sleep, my stupid motha effing mind wouldn't shut off. GAHHHHH!

Wait, let me back up.

Sunday night there was a little drama that I had to go through. Yeah. The night before one of the hardest days I could go thru as a mommy (so far anyway). F*ck you very much. Needless to say, while it was a bunch of bullshit, I've been so pissed it's been hard to think about anything else.

So, at 4:30am, I laid awake....thinking about bullshit. Until 6am, when I finally got up. Surprisingly, the morning went really smoothly. I got ready, Dillyn was good and only shit her drawers once, AND it all ended up in the diaper! Shocking...I know. We got to daycare, I dropped her off, and I didn't even cry.

Again, I was/am so pissed that I couldn't even be sad about Dillyn. I guess that's the silver effing lining. Stupid ass lining.

AAAAAnnnnnndddddd, then I got to work.
Holy shitballs hitting 100mph fan blades made out of cheese shredder metal thingies.

First up: 2 hour meeting, 30 minutes after I walk in the door. Who schedules a meeting at 8:30 on a Monday morning?!?!?! Oh, that's right....my NEW boss. Ya, they changed bosses on me while I was away. WELCOME BACK LAURA!!!! YAYYYYY. (Totally being sarcastic there.)

Second: Found a huge effing construction staple sticking out of my tire. Go to get it patched....nope, can't do it. It's too far on the sidewall, so I have to get a WHOLE NEW TIRE. And that would be $260.00 please, says the teeth missing, tobacco stained lips, dead sexy mechanic. WTF?!?!? Spank you very much Universe, you're really going balls to the wall today.

Oh, but wait....it gets better.

Third: The Husband calls.....
.............

......

...

wait for it...........

.......

...

he has the flu. THE FLU!!!! The effing stomach FLU!

Just shoot me.
After you force a tube down my throat and I beer bong a 30 pack.
And then I walk straight off a cliff.
Into a hole filled with tarantulas.
With fangs.

That would be easier to deal with than this stupid, crazy, ridiculously terrible day in Hell.

Good news: It can only get better from here.

Because if it doesn't,
I'm buying a one way ticket to CrazyLand.
(And, I'm taking my baby with me.)

6 comments:

  1. That is one of the hardest days ever. I had a boss change when I came back from maternity leave too, such a bad time for it. I'm going to hope it's better for you than me. The daycare and work thing will get be easier, I promise.

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  2. Laura my favorite cousin,

    It is with much regret... heartfelt regret...I leave this......

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sincerely,

    Corey

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  3. Oh Laura honey.... Balls. Seriously.

    Fucking fuckers.

    Love you!

    Sarah
    www.thinfluenced.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh goodness...it sounds horrible...and at the same time, so fucking funny. I'm sorry but I got a good laugh from your bad day, so it wasn't all bad, right?

    chin up :)

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  5. That does seriously suck. Not that it's any competition but my first day back to work, my sitter (my MOTHER-IN-LAW) cancelled on me as I was walking out the door. I had no plan B in place, frantically called a friend who put me in touch with the wife of a mutual friend of both of our husbands who was able to watch her that day. (I had met her before, she wasn't a complete stranger, just didn't have her number.) Sadly MIL didn't work out in the long run and my husband quit his job 3 months later to stay at home with her.
    And your cousin should go suck rocks because this isn't funny in the least.

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  6. OMG - wanna talk about the bullshit? I miss our venting sessions and I want you to know I thought of you ALL DAY yesterday. Apparently my unicorn happy vibes did not reach you. I love you. You'll get through this. Do not let Ryan give D the flu. NO matter what. Mkay?

    ReplyDelete

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