Ten Things Thursday

Another round of completely random shit that is my life, just to make your sweet little day.

1.  Holy f*cking bank transactions. Here's a little word of advice: NEVER CHANGE YOUR NAME ON YOUR PAYPAL ACCT. Never Ever. EverEverEver. It's like I have to get permission from Congress in order to get my real freaking name on there. Not that I had a fake name or anything. I just got married........3 years ago. And haven't bothered to change it. Until now. But I needed to transfer some money and I had to jump through 13 poop burning hoops of death in order to get it done. So glad that's over with now. Whew.

2. In between our endless partying, shopping, booze consuming, and crapfood fest last weekend, we made a big decision. Huge actually. Monumental. I could give two shits really. Well, maybe three. But it's something the Hubby has wanted forever:

Yes, yes, we bought a Traeger grill. (A Traeger is a souped up smoker that costs more than 3 of my car payments. Just so you know where I'm coming from here.)
Oh the joy.
I might add that you can see our regular grill behind Ryan in the 2nd photo.
But what you can't see pictured is that we also have a propane smoker too.
Three grills.
Normal.

Really, I'm pretty excited. We're going to get rid of the other two grills and just keep the Traeger. It cooks food like it was birthed by the Gods of Amazing. Everything comes out perfect ,with a little hint of smoke flavor that just makes your mouth feel like it's doing cartwheels on crack, with a Red Bull chaser. So far we've tried chicken and brats. FANTASTIC! And we're going to try a roast, ribs, jerky, turkey, burgers, steaks........oh the possibilities are endless!!!

There was some drama in our first cooking experience, basically the dumbshit that built the thing wired it wrong, so we ended up damn near burning our house down. But Traeger redeemed themselves and are sending us a brand new one. But in the mean time we re-wired the 'bad' one so we can still use it.

Like, how do you wire the freaking thing wrong and then sell it for $1000?!?! Like, I just don't get it. Apparently your little worker bees need to go back to 2nd grade.

3.  I have the best email conversation for you. Simply classic. It's with RockBand Barbie, and it happened yesterday. I love her comment, but I think my response is just priceless.

RockBand Barbie has left a new comment on your post "I'm special.": -You are totally special and then some :) Hey, did you know that I have NEVER even tasted beer??? (Not alcohol in general, just beer) Perhaps in Chicago I shall let you burst my beer virginity :)

We're not even going to talk about the tragedy of her not ever having a beer. Nope, not going to even think of such a sin. Anyways, this is my response:

omg. i totally just snorted at the beer virginity thing.
it'd be so much better if i snorted beer. but alas, i'm still working. but i'm thinking about bringing in one of those bra/beer holder things that make you look like you have big boobs, but it's filled with beer and there's this secret little straw and I can just slurp all day, at work. And of course it'd be like mini-refridgerated in there. I don't know how but it would. but yet, my real tatas would not get chilled. And when i slurp all the booze out, it inflates with air, so my tatas still look huge. i think i need to invent one of those things. i also think this whole conversation is going on my TTT tomorrow. yes. yes it is.

And yes, yes I am going to pop your beer cherry in BOOBs. you can just take a sip of mine. cause you probably won't like it. most people don't if they've never tasted it. i prefer to think of it as an acquired taste. it makes me sound more classy and less trashy. ya know?

I'd like to go ahead and point out that we're all a little 'special' around here. Clearly. Because non-special people do not have these sort of convos. At least I don't think they do. Considering I'm in the 'special' club, I don't really know what the losers at the 'non-special' club talk about. But it's definitely not as cool as that shit above.

4.  We finally got some mother freaking rain last weekend. Spank you very much Mother Nature! So I thought I better check on my little garden and see if it's still kickin'. Last night I trolled down there and 1st off found this:

That is my cherry tomato plant that has like 4,397,981 blooms on it. I am going to be swimming in cherry tomatoes soon. Or more like drowning. Work buddies-I hope you're ready for a cherry tomato Apocalypse!!! Because it's a'comin'.

Then I decided to inspect my carrots.
Holy mother of bunny balls.

And that's just HALF of them!!!!

Look at this bad boy:

We got ourselves a little over-achiever here.

Oh, and this is the best one. I don't have any man-pant carrots like LAST YEAR. But this one is quite possibly better than man-pant carrots:

I'll let y'all make your own determination about what THAT looks like. (You dirty little freaks!)

Oh, and Draz, I know you don't like veggies, but penis-shaped carrots from the garden are the best. I'm sending you this one. I think it's appropriate. I'll even clean it for you. ;-)

5. I'm tired of people bothering me at work. WHY CAN'T Y'ALL JUST LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE?!?! Seriously, there is more shit that rolls around in my noggin in 4 minutes than most people's entire day. I'm not kidding. Right now I've got 5 different projects that I'm working on simultaneously, with 6 different people, and they all want me to figure out all the answers right.this.MINUTE.

GO AWAY!!!

DO YOUR OWN JOB!!!

I'm sorry I'm such a badass at my job, but that does not qualify me to do your job too. Nope, it does not.

6.  Soooooo. I've been on a little beer bender these last few months. It's not good. And I know it. But it just tastes so good! (Said in a really annoyingly whiny voice.)
But I need to cut it out.
So, I'm thinking of giving it up for a little bit. Starting after Labor Day. I still need to get my Labor Day drink on people, I'm not getting that crazy.
I'm going to need some help from y'all. I'll probably flood the blogosphere with how bitchy and cranky and crabby I am without my lovah Bud Light. You're just going to have to deal. (Note to my accountability buddies: I will be texting you all the time about wanting a beer. DON'T LET ME DO IT!)

7. My husband just texted me that his company bought 3 of these today:

And he said, 'I don't know what we're going to use them for. But I know no one in Kansas has one!'
He's very excited.
Should I be worried that my husband gets so excited over big dirt hauling machinery?
Maybe I should dress up in a bulldozer costume and take our bedroom life to a whole other level. That could be fun. And weird. Nevermind, very weird.

8.  I'm sorta missing the Olympics.

Well, really I miss seeing this:

9. Ok, I've got a question for you: How do you make yourself exercise? I mean, I've been in a non-exercising funk for months. I just don't wanna do it. At all. I set my workout cloths out, I set my alarm, I pump myself up all day if I'm going to work out at night, I've tried 'rewarding' myself. Nothing is working!!!

I need to get back into running. It makes me feel good! It's good for me!
I know this. I just can't seem to get my ass in gear.

And I need to get a handle on my eating habits. Holy fat kid relapse, I've put some hideous stuff in my hole lately.
Like, I had Mac & Cheese last night. MAC & CHEESE?!?! What is wrong with me?! Why does it's cheesy goodness have to taste so damn fantastic?!?! 

Alright Laura, you need to move more and stop shoving shit in your mouth!!!!
You can do this!!!
Stop being a fatty!!!
Start being healthy!!!
OK, break. (like in a huddle, ya know? no? don't get it? just go with it.)

10.  It's the last weekend at the lake for another YEAR?! It's also the last 'unofficial' weekend of the summer. Both of these things put me in a bad mood and i feel sorta homicidal. Just sorta.

And you know what the weather is supposed to be like in Missouri?????
F*cking rain. RainRainRain. All day. All weekend.
Now, I know I just spanked Mother Nature for the rain we got last weekend, but come on! Labor Day weekend full of rain?! It's such bullshit.

I want sunshine, and 95 degree temps, and floating on the boat in the middle of nowhere with unlimited access to a full cooler.

But I guess I can shit in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up fastest. Please be the want hand, please.

Oh well. I guess I'll just stock the Kindle up on some good readin' and sit on the screened in porch and drink. All.Day.Long.
That sorta sounds fun, right?



Have a fantastic Labor Day y'all!!!!!
Cheers!