This is going to be a fast one, because I have oodles of this shit called 'work' to do. Boo.
1. Yesterday was our 3rd weigh-in for the 2012 BOOBs Challenge (button-->), and when I weighed in yesterday morning, post potty and nekkid (of course), I came in at 147.6. Which is good, I lost some weight from last week when I weighed in at a whopping 149.somebullshit. But I was still disappointed that I haven't gotten back down to what I originally weighed in at the start (146).
Well, low and behold, to my lovely surprise this morning, that flat chested whore called Mrs. Bitchpants Scale spat out a number that had me wanting to slap the shit outta her.
What the farts is that all about?!?!
Why couldn't that number show up yesterday?
2. Speaking of farts, because that's all I seem to write about on here, last night I had to run to the grocery store for a few wedding greeting cards. There are two family events this weekend, one wedding in Colorado and one wedding shower at my Mom's house. And of course, being the ohsoamazing procrastinator that I am, I wait till the night before I leave. Nice. Anyways, I'm walking into Park Shitty's little store, which I'd like to mention is like the Whiskey Tango Mecca of no teeth, serious BO issues, and mullets galore, and this little old lady is right in front of me. I was thinking as we were walking up that how sweet she looked in her little rose button up shirt and cute little hair cut (dressed completely outta the norm for where we were). Then right as we're entering the store...........she lets out short bursts of the walking farts. I am not joking. I'm trying to control myself from not just falling on the floor laughing my ass off, when she lets out this huge toot. Seriously, it was juicy folks. Like, she may have needed to check her Chico's.
And my faith in the udder amazingness of the town I live in is restored. She may have looked cute on the outside, but so WT on the inside.
3. I was just told by a co-worker that 'bitching' is like a passion for me. Rude.
4. I want this:
I don't know, I guess I look a little like her.
Why can't my itty bitty acorns look like Katy P's cantaloupes? Huh? Why can't that happen?!
6. I mentioned earlier about the wedding in Colorado, what I didn't mention is I'm leaving for said wedding at noon today! Yeesssssssss 3.5 day weekend!!!! IN COLORADO!!!!! Where it's 52 degrees outside in the evenings!!!!!!!
Anyways, it's my brothers wedding. It's way up in the mountains. Like where there are real mountain men. And hermits. And people that have beards down to their knees (men and women).
There will be drunkenness.
There will be hillbilly's.
There will be drama.
Yes, drama. Always is on that side of the fam-damn-ily. It's my dad's side, and this is my step-family, so there's always a little tension. Not only between my step-brother and my dad, but myself and my dad. We'll see.
Bonus is they have a hot tub!
Can you say drunktubbin'?!
I'm sure I'll have plenty of pictures for you guys when I get back. Plenty.
7. Oh, and guess who's not very excited that he's staying behind:
Cried all morning while I was packing up the Jeep.
Little does he know that in 2 days he gets to go to Grandma's house where there's 3 'playmates' and unlimited amount of treats, and acres and acres to run. He'll forget about me soon enough.
8. Speaking of the Jeep. She needs a name. Like, Whitey, or The White Bandit, or the White Buffalo, or Shirley, or Bob.
I don't know?!?!
You guys got any ideas?
9. OH, forgot to mention.....I packed my Tennies for the trip. Yes, I am going to run not once, but TWICE this weekend at an elevation of 10,000 feet.
I'm going to die.
But it's fine.
I think from my parents house, down their driveway and then around the subdivision is like 4 or so miles. Granted they live on freaking top of the mountain, so it'll be all easypants on the way down, but circling around and heading back to the house is going to be a big ol' bitch.
And it's not like I can run the other direction and go up, and finish by coming back down. Because the other direction is forrest. With bears and shit.
Wish me luck!
10. That's all I got today. That, and this dude keeps coming in and asking why I haven't got my shit done yet. He's getting really annoying with this whole work thing. Really annoying. I may have to shank him.
And have a great weekend!!!
lol-ha! I did not lose anything but when I got on the scale this morning---down a pound--damn scale! Can't wait for the stories after these weddings!! sounds like fun!ReplyDelete
Ha ha. Crazy scales. None of them behave like they should do. I am going to start beating mine one of these days.ReplyDelete
My little old grandad used to do walking farts all the time but he was deaf and couldn't hear them. Everyone around him would look horrified but he just took no notice at all. lol.
Have a great time at the wedding.
Love the Katy Perry pose. I think you need a little more "sex kitten" and a little less "Look at my arm pit." But you were so close, A for effort. Have fun in Colorado, hope it all goes smoothly.ReplyDelete
TOTALLY nailed the katy perry pose! Have fun in Colorado!! :)ReplyDelete
A bear might cut down your minutes per mile! :)ReplyDelete
Ooooo Colorado. Fun. I am going there next month for a wedding. Poor Wyatt. He will survive. My Sophie was giving me the sad eyes all morning when she saw my suitcase.ReplyDelete
I SO want to go drunk tubbin' with you and your family in the mountains!ReplyDelete
And your Jeep should definitely be named Shirley. Or Flo. I used to have a Jeep. *sigh*, that was before I had 2 kids!
Have fun - I want that tree house too and now I want a hot tub just to go drunk tubbin!ReplyDelete
Love the Katy Perry pose! Walking farts...lol...makes me laugh every time :)ReplyDelete
you have the BEST pictures. :-) Hope you have a great weekend and the family drama is at a minimum. I love that tree house, although it better come on a big private lot. :-)ReplyDelete
I would have a day of walking farts for that tree house! You go katyReplyDelete
Mercy! You DO look like her! And that was one healthy poop ya took there. Congrats on the weight loss! *knuckle bump*ReplyDelete
You never fail to make me smile.
Text me when ya get back - I miss my accountability partner! (I haven't wanted to bug ya, but I have to now. lol)ReplyDelete
I am not sucking up here with my inaugural comment, but you definitely look like KP.ReplyDelete