Late night thoughts.

Well, hell.

I'm sitting here, knowing that I want to write. but i just can't put the words down.
That's a first.

It's a down moment. I've had them before. Definitely never written about them. On here at least. But for some reason, I feel like tonight's the night.

don't get me wrong. I'm having the best time hanging out with my cousin and godson. But for some reason....Christ, I hate 'new' computers where you don't know the keyboard. I've misspelled more words than I can pronounce...could be the beer...naaaaaa...anyways...I just feel lost. Lonely. And as i stretch my neck and crack my knuckles, I wonder if I'll 'relax'.

It all started because of strawberries. Swear to God.  I accidentally dropped a whole pan of chocolate covered strawberries on the floor, that were for my godson's birthday party. Then the 'depression tumble' happened.  I started thinking, 'Jeesh Laura, you can't even do strawberries right!' 'You dropped them!' 'You're making it WORSE for your cousin and his wife!!' 'What is wrong with you!!!'

So, I took a break, went outside, and contemplated.

It didn't help much.

Why is it I always feel 2 feet tall when something so insignificant happens? Why do I beat myself up to a bloody pulp for nothing?

It's not only life, or this instance, but with everything. With health. Running. Clean eating. All of it.

Why?

Basically, why am I so hard on myself?

I mean, aren't we all?

No.

And Yes.

But why?

To prove that we're better than someone?

To prove that we're not some psycho daisy may's? Or to prove that we deserve a good healthy life?

 Who the hell knows.

But I for one want to LIVE my life. Not hide behind the depression and self-ridicule.

So, I'm gonna start now. I'm gonna work at being a better person, not kicking myself and not bringing myself down. No matter how stupid the consequences are.

New day.

New mentality.

Let's go girl!

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!

It’s Friday and time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy from the always amazing DRAZ! A couple of questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

This week her questions are going to themed…as in they are all about blogging and just to throw you off – there are more than 5 this time!!

1. When did you begin blogging? Do you plan to do it a long time or do you think you’ll stop after a while?

I began in January 2011. So I'm going on 9 months or so. Yes, I definitely think I'll keep doing it. For numerous reasons, but the main ones are that writing is a release for me, just like Draz. Since I started this my depression and self esteem has greatly improved. Another is I've 'met' some amazing people through this and I can't imagine ever losing contact with them or being out of the loop!

2.  What do you enjoy more - blogging yourself or reading other’s blogs?

I think this is a tie. I love to write, because writing keeps me outta the padded van. But I love to just stalk around looking at all your lives! Ew, that's kinda creeperish. Sorry. I'm really not a creeper. Swear.

3.  What’s the biggest thing blogging has taught you? Biggest surprise about blogging?

That I can have friends. Like genuine friends that I can share my strengths and weaknesses with and I know they won't laugh at me. Well, you may laugh at me, but I'll be laughing at me with you.


4.  Have you met any other bloggers in real life – solely because of your blog or theirs?

Yessuree! I met Miss Vicky just a week ago. She is just so stinking awesomesauce! I can't wait to get together again!

5.  Does your blog have a general theme as in one topic or do you cover everything and anything?

Well, let's see......nope. I really just talk about random shit.  I mean, look at my title! What normal person would want to talk about beer, dogs and health. It doesn't even make sense. But that's me. Miss Randompants McGee.

6.  Are you public or anonymous? Whichever you are – do you ever wish you were the other?

Very public, obviously, I post pics of my Ben & Jerry's (thighs) and my sweaty melon all the time on here. Without a drop of shame. And at times I wish I was Anon. so I could bitch about certain people at my wonderful place of employment.  But, I'm not. So, that's the really only thing I refrain from. But don't get me wrong, I bitch about it, but just try to keep it as general as possible so someone's feelings don't get a boo-boo.

7.  What’s your best blogging advice for a new blogger?

Ah hell, I don't know.  Here's some tips though: I LOVE to comment back on my peep's comments. So show your email in your settings. It's extremely helpful.  And I always believe in what goes around comes around, but in a good way. If you want people to read your blog, or if you want to get your blog out there, only part of it is having good crap to write about. I think another part is following other peoples blogs and commenting on their crap. It's the circle of Blog, people.

8.  Does anyone in your real life read your blog/know it’s address? Do you wish they would or wouldn’t?

Everyone and their dog knows about my little ray of sunshine here. I tend to update my FB status with new posts and a link back.  So, my shit is all up in the internets.

9.  Do you enjoy blogging or do you view it as a chore? How often do you blog?

I love it!! Love, love, love it! I try to blog 3-4 times a week. But sometimes it's just 2. And that's ok. I wish I could do it everyday. But I'd end up talking about more boring stuff than I already talk about now. So I'll spare you. You're welcome.


10.  Do you tell people in your real life that you blog? Or keep it a secret?

Oh, I blast it out there. No, not really. If it comes up in conversation then I'll say I have one. Or if someone asks me how I relieve stress I tell them that I blog. But sometimes when you say that, people look at you like you just grew a 12 inch green penis from your forehead. So I guess I try and keep it quiet but don't mind talking about it if asked.

T-Minus 3 hours and I'm outta here!!
Have a stupendous weekend y'all!!

Ten Things Thursday

YES! I'm here! I'm here! Another round of my Ten Things Thursday! I know you all had major mental meltdowns when I was chugging beers and stuffing creole in my face working out of town last week. It's ok.

1. It's official. Winter is right around the corner. Yup. Wanna know how I know this? Well, it's not because of the sucktastic weatherman that I talked about the other day. I know this because I had to turn on my butt warmer in my car this morning.  That's right. When it's cold enough to turn on that amazing little car seat invention, you know winter is close. I'll just tell you all right now: I no likey likey winter in Kansas. Winter in Kansas blows fartcicles.

2. Ryan and his men found this shovel while digging a trench in western Kansas. (Yes, my husband plays with big 'toys' in the dirt all day. And loves every minute of it.)

Don't worry, Ryan didn't grow a stach and turn all spanish. That's one of Ryan's men.  The 'real man's shovel', as Ryan puts it, weighs over 100 pounds and is hand made. Really, what I'd like to know first is, WTF?! Seriously. 100 pounds?! Who the hell could pick that up and throw it into the cement-like soil of western KS? I mean, I look like I'm wrestling a greased up pool noodle when I use a normal sized shovel, let alone a giagantor sized one. And would you have two guys try and maneuver it?  Well, that'd be a uncoordinated cluster F*ck, wouldn't it? So, I've come to the conclusion it's Paul Bunyan's. Ooooooo, Ryan, you might find the remains of Babe the Blue Ox!! We could be RICH! Keep digging!

 3. OK, completely random subject change: Did you hear about these straight up horrible parents that named their kids Ad0lf H1lter, Ary@n N@tion, and H0zszlynn H1nler? Read about it HERE. Basically, they got questioned when trying to order a birthday cake that would read 'Happy Birthday Ad0lf H1tler'. The NJ system stepped in, took the kids away and charged the parents with child abuse. However, the court found the parents not guilty. Exsqueeze me? Not child abuse? That court system is obviously flawed more than Snooki's reputation. Good news is the system has yet to give the kids back. Thank the All Mighty. Those poor kids is all I can think about.

4. Ok. I'm getting another tattoo. Yes. I already have 2 very, very, very old ones. But, I need a little something new. Plus, I want to honor my stepdad in some way and I thought this would be a good idea.
This is the design I came up with:

It say's: 5/25/1959 Azhe'ni.
Which is: Mike's birthday & Azhe'ni means Angel in Pottawatomie. (Pronounced Ah-zsh-ah-nee; Mike was Prairie Band Pottawatomie Indian)
Now where do I get it: (Yes, I printed out the tat on stickers at work. I was bored, all right?!)

Left side of my rib cage. Left shoulder blade. Or middle of my back.
(Yes that is a beer on the sink. And my mirror looks like I just projectile spit toothpaste on it every day. No judging.)
And what size do i get it? This is the larger size:

I'm thinking the large size on my ribcage. Thoughts?

5. I'm going to Tampa this weekend. Again, I am the traveling vagabond. At this point, I've forgotten what it's like to spend a weekend at home. Ohhh, weekends of being a lazy ass, how I miss thee.

6.  But the reason I'm going to Tampa is because it's my Godson Akahi's birthday! Big # ONE!! Look at this guy:

Isn't he just the cutest little wootest cupcake you've ever laid eyes on in your life?! Well, next to my handsome newish nephew Kyron.

Those two, being only 9 months apart, are going to get into a heap of girl trouble. For. Sure. I feel sorry for my cousin and my brother. Just stop producing drop dead gorgeous children and you wouldn't have to worry about girls sluttily throwing themselves at your sons. Just sayin'.

7. I have a confession. At this very moment I am sipping on a Diet Mt. Dew. And it is STUPENDOUS! Ohhhhhh caffeine, I love you long tieeeeme. My brain took a screwy leave of absence this morning and the only thing to really get it going was a pick me up. (Seriously, I tried to brush my teeth with hair gel then tried to use my MP3 player to turn on the car. Who the hell knows.) Clearly it was needed folks. In a tragically desperate way. But! I'll go right back to no caffeine *sadface* after this 20 oz wonderful.

8. Lindsay Lohan is going to do Playboy. Jesus tits. I mean, what dude wouldn't want to look at this half nekkid:

Dead sexy.

9. Notice I have yet to talk at all about my running or eating clean.  And I'm not gonna. Because I am royally sucking at them both right now. Back to my regularly scheduled heathified life on Monday. I swear.

10, OK, y'all have to watch this. Pee your pants funny. Seriously. Don't drink anything before watching this. You'll ruin your monitor and keyboard.

Don't forget to let me know where you think I should get my next tattoo!!!
Have a fantabulous Thursday everyone!!

Versatile Blogger Award

 

Versatile:  ver-sa-tile [vur-suh-tl] or, especially British, [vur-suh-tahyl]:  capable of, or adapted for, turning easily from one to another various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.:  a versatile writer.

Word information source:  www.dictionary.com

Here is how the award works:

1.  You thank the person who presented you with the award.

2.  You tell 7 things about yourself.

3.  You award 15 other newly discovered bloggers.

 

Thank you so much Fat in Suburbia!!! What a wonderful start to my day!

Ok. 7 things.

1. I'm the oldest. I have a 'little' brother that is 27. He races mud trucks as a hobby. Yes, mud trucks.  Modified trucks with unbelievably huge tires and they race them through a mud pit. Classic hick.

2. I've decided that the weatherman that I typically watch is a straight up moron. Yesterday in Kansas it was 80 degrees.  And all last night during the news he was talking about today's weather, acting like it's going to be another species extincting pyschopants freeze phenomenon. It's going to be a high of 52 today folks. WEW! CRAZY! How am I going to survive?! Freaking idiot. It's not going to freeze. It's 20 DEGREES from freezing.  I flung on a light sweater and walked out the door and didn't get frostbite. Shocker. I hate weathermen.

3. I am always early. Always. You'll know if there is something seriously wrong if I'm not 20 minutes early.  Today, I was supposed to get to work at 7am, which is AN HOUR earlier than normal (still on overtime). I showed up at 6:30am. There's something wrong with me.

4. I normally love to travel. A lot. Clearly, because I just got back from New Orleans and this weekend I'm headed to Tampa.  I'm think I'm starting to kinda dislike traveling. Kinda.

5.  I like to run. Usually. That has not been the case the last two weeks. I have not run in TWO WEEKS. I am a slug. *bows her head in shame*

6.  I used to have really long hair. Like really long. Two years ago I cut 10 inches off. Now it's been about chin length for a year. I like it. But I'm wondering if I should grow it back out. Damn I'm so indecisive.

7.  I have to clean the house tonight because my FIL is coming this Friday. I hate cleaning. Despise it. Where is that damn maid at??!!

OK. I'm only going to do 5 blogs because I've got to get working. So here they are:

1.Bandster Momma

2.Beth Ann

3.The Ninja

4.Miss Dawnya

5.Vicky