Monday, October 17, 2011

THE Ranch.

This weekend......AMAZEBALLS! Holy lazy hell. Wanna know what I did all weekend??? Huh? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? Well.....I did NUSSING! I layed on my loafing pooper all weekend watching movies. Well and sitting in the hot tub. (The Ranch is the owner of my company's hunting 'cabin', that he graciously let Ryan and I use. Thank you DB!!)

Ok, first, the town we went to is podunk. I mean seriously podunk. Ryan and I stop at the Short Stop gas station to get a few supplies, Ryan goes in and it is taking for.ever. He comes out and tells me this: First, there was a lady, well I definitely wouldn't qualify her as a lady by any means, buying a 12 pack of Natural Light. Quality hickville beer. But. She can't pay for the beer outright, she has to cash in her lottery tickets to pay for it. Awesome.  Unfortunately one ticket....worth $1....isn't going through. Jesus. They kept scanning it and scanning it and it just wouldn't register. By this time she's freaking out because she can't buy her booze because she's a dollar short. Then the gas station phone rings. Apparently the clerk can't ring up someone AND talk on the phone to their cousin's cousin at the same time. So everything just stops. Ryan was just about to pull out the measly dollar when magically the ticket rings up. All is right with the world and the 'lady' got her booze. That fiasco shaved a good 15 minutes off our trip. Not cool.

We then head to The Ranch. Just in time for sunset, which means in the deer hunting universe....deers out roaming around to look at. Of course we had to stop and scope the situation. We saw a few little bucks and some does. Good sign for the upcoming hunting spectacular Ryan will be doing.

After our scouting trip we mosey on up to the house, I unpack like a banshee on crack and bolt up to the hot tub. Ahhhhhhhh. Bliss I tell you, pure bliss.

Saturday morning I woke up to this:
My life sucks.

After cleaning up the drool from my chin after looking at the view, I brilliantly decided that I needed to get a run in. And the 1/2 mile UP HILL drive way would be the perfect obstacle. No biggie, I can handle this.

Wyatt and I ran down. Smooth is not the word of the day. Do you know what it's like to run on really rough gravel when you have about no muscle and zero tendons left in your ankles because of previous high school injuries?  Well, it sucks. I tried the whole way down to visualize myself NOT face planting the rocks.  It worked. Thank you Jesus.
This is me at the bottom:
All smiles. And a really large forehead. Thanks Dad.

And this is the hill I have to run back up, see the house...WAY. UP. THERE.:
At this point I'm thinking, "Bad. Bad idea. Where's the four wheeler?"

Even Wyatt's dragging. See the tongue???

Ya. I ran that bitch 3 times. THREE. I've officially lost my little glass beads.

To reward myself, I did this:
That would be the hot tub. With full jets on. There are just no words to describe the amazingness of that moment. Ryan, we need a hot tub. Stat.

And this is what Wyatt did:
Tough life.
Then the Almighty Hunter came home. Anyone ever seen someone in full out knock your socks off hunting gear before? Well, I'm about to enlighten you:
At least everything matches.
Just so you know, I have some rubber camo boots just like his. Only in a size 8, not 13. Yes, giant feet up there wears size enormous.
Well hello there thunder thighs. Thanks for making an appearance.
Then it was tree stand hanging time. So much fun. It really put a cramp in my hot tub trip #846 for the weekend. But I'd rather be there while Ryan is putting up stands. Its dangertown. Seriously. I'll show you.
Here he is putting one together:
Wyatt's the supervisor.

This is him sitting in it. WAAAYYYYY up in the tree:
I have zoomed in folks. He has no harness, no NUSSING holding him to the tree. Very scary if the stand slipped before he got it secured and he fell.....BooCoo Danger. I have goose bumps just thinking about it. (FYI, he wears a harness when he hunts so if something did happen, he'd only fall a few feet before the harness stopped him. Um, I wonder what he'd do then. Hanging in the tree.  Cut himself down? Crawl back up? Wait for a deer to help him? I shall ask and get back to you all. Because I know you're dying to know.)

And this is him practicing his bow hunting skieells:
The picture is misleading, he's not in the front tree, he's actually about 20 feet behind that at the bottom of a creek bed.

After that excursion we headed back to the house where I made my pooper comfortable again on the leather couch and watched yet another movie.  Here are the horrendous living accommodations that we had to stay in:
The view from the front door.

The living room, just left of the front door.
Yes, that's a half nekkid Alec Baldwin on the TV. It's a normal movie people. Not porn. I swear.
 The balcony/upstairs.

The I'd-kill-a-midget-for kitchen.
 The view from the dinning room to the front door.

One of the three bathrooms.
That would also be a steam shower. Yup. Don't hate.
All in all I had a freaking fantastic weekend! Ryan however did not get his buck, but there's always next time!!

I can't wait to go back!!


  1. OMG, I need to be given a weekend at this place as a post-baby, kid-free vacation gift ...hint,hint,nudge,nudge...

  2. Wow, wow, wow! The fact that you found the motivation to run is even more incredible. I would just want to luxuriate in the glory of it all.

  3. No buck?? Sounds like reason enough to go back again - NEXT weekend!!!

    Love the pics!! Thanks for sharing!

  4. You went up that hill and THEN went back down for more punishment 2x more!?! You are certifiable BUT if it made you feel more comfortable in the hot tub - well done.
    That cabin is absolutely GORGEOUS. I think Ryan deserves his buck, take him there again.

  5. Seriously hate that our men go up those freaking trees with NUSSING. Ugh.

    Um seriously hate that you didn't stick me in your pocket and take me with you. Jesus's amazing. I want your life. STAT.


  6. How the screaming blue lizard balls did I miss this entry??? Ummm hello, gorgeous views, pretty bathrooms and WYATT??? W. T. F. Hmmm I blame blogger hiding it from me yesterday. /nod

    Love you, so sorry you had such a rotten time, the hot tub sucked and the view made you nauseous. Poor girl. *wink*

    And boo on me not being able to see Alec B's butt.

  7. I think they prefer to be called Little People now, and I'll grab the shovel! Let's do this thing. :)

  8. For the love of Garth Brooks, Laura! I own full camo AND guns! WI folks LOVE their hunting! Take me withhhhhhhhhh you! (If you don't freely 'bring' me, I will be the girl zipped up in your HUGE suitcase. Lol)


  9. How fun! That place looks amazing!


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