Friday, November 18, 2011

What up now Gluttony?!

 Ok, I lied earlier, I do have more than one Thanksgiving to go to this year's.

Oh yes, my lovely place of employment goes all out and caters in a gianormous Thanksgiving feast for all of humanity to dive head first into the Deadly Sin......Gluttony.

First of all, most of us have about 849 FAMILY Thanksgivings to go to every year. So why, WHY, would you torture us with another meal of turkey and tators???? I just don't understand. It almost ruins the real Thanksgiving because it'll always be your second turkey dinner. It's just not right. Not right at all.

Moving on.

Second, it just tempts little ol' me to want to mow down a wheel barrow of mashed potatoes, followed by beer-bonging a vat of gravy. (For those of you that don't know, beer-bonging is pouring a full beer into a funnel with a hose attached, then you have to chug out of the other end of the hose as fast as you can with it all raised high above your noggin'. But I've never done one of those. Ever.)


So, today is the previously mentioned gluttonyfest, and I would just like to point out that yours truly.....the wonderful and smart and beautiful and funny and talented me..... found that elusive ho-bag Self Control hiding under the desk, drug her skinny ass out, and promptly made her my bitch.  I filled my plate with turkey, grabbed a serving of mashed taters about the size of mosquito balls, topped it with a smidgen of gravy, and added an overflowing bowl of salad. That's right. What up now Gluttony?! I abstained from stuffing, the wheel barrow of mashed potatoes, jello fluff goodiness, buttery rolls, and....AND.....sugar cookies with orange frosting PLUS a side of carrot cake cupcakes topped with cream cheese frosting.

It's ok.
You may bow down to me.


  1. You rock! I just ate a Reese's Peanut Butter cup because someone brought it into my office. And now I am tempted to eat another one. Self control must only be able to hide under one desk at a time.

  2. LOL mosquito balls.
    Seriously - I agree with Jordan, there's only one self control and I want it today.

  3. I haven't made self-control my bitch yet but it is my goal in life. I need to put this on my blog.

  4. I am bowing down now.

  5. You go girl! Sounds like how my Thanksgiving is gonna go.


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