Do you know what you get when (for 3 almost 4 solid weeks) you eat pizza, cookies, pie, ice cream, burritos the size of your melon, cupcakes, queso dip, chips and salsa, fully loaded baked potatoes, greasy cheeseburgers, French fries, (licking your lips yet? Well, stop it!) waffles, breakfast burritos, cake, popcorn, candy bars, Sour Patch Kids, chicken fingers, more pizza, cheesecake, and muddy buddies?
You get a F*ING FAT CAT!!!!
Seriously. It’s beyond out of control.
That doesn’t even count all the pop and beer I’ve been drinking instead of water. Yup, that’s right, I typed instead, not in addition too, because H20 got kicked to the curb 3 weeks ago too.
I’m pretty much a dried up, Mt. Dew-cracked out, chunktified prune right now.
It’s gross.
I woke up Saturday and felt just awful. Truth be told, I’ve felt sluggish, crampy, void of all energy, tired, bitchy, and just plain old like shit for about 5 days now. Every time I would eat anything I would feel nauseous. Or my stomach would cramp up and I could barely move. (Not to be confused with my TOM cramping, oh yeah, that was going on also, on top of all this. Good times.) Then, I’d have a mosquito fart burst of energy followed by 4 hours of a serious urge to crawl under the bed and die for 3 days.
Sunday I woke up and the thoughts started to form that I’m doing this to myself. I’m causing all of this. Or more in point, what I’m choosing to shovel in my piehole is what's causing all of this.
But how do I stop?! Because I sure as shit need too!
I tried on Sunday, telling myself, “OK, after this psychopants Christmas shopping expedition is done I’m going to go straight home and make a big ol’ salad." It even sounded good at the time.
But what did I do??????
I went to a little burrito shop and loaded up on a Fajita Chicken Burrito.
But I got brown rice instead of white!!
Dolphin claps for Fatty here.
And how did I feel after polishing off said football sized burrito???
Like shit.
Like mowed over shit.
Then this morning, what did I tell myself? Don’t eat all the Christmas snacks at work!!! Don’t do it!! You brought a salad!!!
EAT THAT SALAD YOU HEIFER!!!
Epic Fail.
Again.
I had two cookies, a mini-cupcake, chocolate covered pretzels and a brownie.
Mother of freaking pearl.
But you know what?
I don’t want the junk anymore. I want good food. I’m actually waiting until I’m hungry again so I can eat my ohsogoodforme salad I brought for lunch. I really really want to eat it! I really really want to eat good food!
I am finally tired of eating like shit. And feeling like shit. And looking like shit.
I deserve better.
I owe it to myself.
There is no reason, no justification, no excuse for eating all that crapfood.
None. Nada. ZILCH.
And why continue when it clearly turns me into the Incredible Bulk Bitch? I even thought about making a costume. With a cape. And an emblem.
WHY DO I CONTINUE TO DO THIS TO MYSELF????
WHY?!
Especially when I remember how I used to feel when I ate right and exercised?
I felt alive.
Strong.
Energetic.
Healthy!
Why trade all those really great feelings for frosting? And pepperoni?
It’s just not worth it anymore.
I just wish that I could have had my ‘come to Jesus’ about 2.5 weeks ago. Or right after I had my first gluttonous binge.
Oh well, what’s done is done.
Now it’s time to move on and move up.
Now, I want to put in here that I’m pretty sure I’ll eat some Christmas cookies, and maybe cake, from now till the New Year. It’s just going to happen people. I know it. But in moderation. Moderation is the key here.
But NO MORE burgers for lunch or 18 slices of pizza for dinner. Or 4 packages of Hostess Cupcakes for breakfast.
NO MORE.
It’s all about salads, and chicken, and yogurt, and fruit.
Natural.
Clean.
Healthy.
Now I just need to get my fat ass back on the exercise train.
Anyone know where there’s a depot?????
awwww....good for you for realizing your choices and wanting to make a change!
ReplyDeleteI've had a couple of days of really crappy eating and it always makes me feel like, well, crap! I feel so much better, physically and emotionally, when I eat better. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteIf you find the train depot tell me where it is because I fell off the wagon a long time ago! I think we all go through this. I'm determined to make next year my year!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAdmitting what you're doing is definitely the first step, so you're already winning the battle in your mind!
ReplyDeleteI know you can get back to it. Don't leave it til the first of the year, the battle starts now! :)
You can do it! I hate all the Christmas yumminess that I shovel in and then think why why why!
ReplyDeleteI gotta agree with Ronnie on this one. The first step is recognizing and facing what you're doing. You are SO worth this effort and like you said, it's not cutting it all out, for F's sake, what's the point of living without the occasional cookies or pizza etc. But just reign it in and do it now sister, cause there are still two more weeks until the New Year. Do it now and January 2nd you'll be happier than if you waited.
ReplyDeleteLove you sweet pea. You are so the Bomb-diggity.
What are Muddy Buddies?
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing you can do to change the last four weeks- but start now and eat right. No point in calling yourself a failure- it was not an epic fail, it was a relapse. You will pull it back together. Do it for Wyatt.
I started new today too ... LOVED the 'need to eat a skinny person' cartoon ... I think I would also feel better if I simply killed whoever invented queso and burritos.
ReplyDeleteWell said, my dear. We've already talked about this as a result of my post yesterday so what do you say...let's do this together...mmmkay?
ReplyDeleteLove the Eat a Skinny Person cartoon but after reading this I want a Hostess Cupcake. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteFood choices so affect your mode and attitude, I didn't realize that ever in my life until the last 18 months. As much as I miss all that great fatty foods its not really worth me eating anymore because of the after math of how I feel. I still have a little once in awhile but its only a tiny bit to get my fix then I go back to clean eating.
ReplyDeleteYou made me really hungry with this post, thanks a lot HA HA
It is SO hard to eat good around this time of the year. We've had tins upon tins of cookies in the breakroom & i CAN NOT resist...
ReplyDeletedude I am sooooo at this point as well.....let's get back on this fuckin' train together k???.....lol
ReplyDeletewow..you said what I've been thinking (and feeling) about myself. Fat and doohey...and I keep telling myself to at least get on the treadmill. Even signed myself up for a 5k New Years day (I mean really-what better way to start the year right!?).
ReplyDeletebut I don't know where the depot is. Unless you're talking about the home depot which is about a 1/2 mile down the road-walking distance!
This has been my life for the past two months. How does the time slip by so quickly when the first time I wanted to binge I said "this will be the only time"? And then, BOOM, two months and 30 lbs later here I am.
ReplyDeleteSigh. Here's to hoping we can get our asses back in gear in 2012!
I found your post because I was doing a search looking for graphics to illustrate a "come to Jesus moment" and tahdah! here I am. I had my own "come to jesus moment" a couple days ago. Here's my blog post about it:
ReplyDeletehttp://txcowboydancer.com/2014/05/03/once-more-dear-readers-back-into-the-bloody-friggin-breech/
The funny thing is you and I have similar writing styles.
cheers!