Sorry, I know I'm supposed to do a funny and witty update on Week 28, but I'm just not feeling it today.
There's so much going on in life that is fantastic.....we're having a baby, we're getting a new house (yes we found one!), we have great jobs, we have wonderful family and friends, I could go on! Then, in one small instance, everything can change. Your world can crash. More like dive bomb into a huge shit loaded catastrophe.
Yesterday a family member's mother committed suicide.
The mother wasn't blood related to me, but she was still family.
And while we weren't close, I'm close with the family member and my heart just aches for her.
I want to scream and hit and curse and punch.....anything. Or anyone.
It's just not fair.
Why?!
Why do people think suicide is the answer?
Why do they think that's the only way to be less of a burden to the world?
IT'S MORE OF A BURDEN!!!
It's HORRIBLE for those loved ones that are left behind.
To clean up your mess of unpaid bills, personal items that would have to be given away or sold, explanations to thousands upon thousands of people for the rest of your loved one's lives about why and how you died. Not to mention the funeral preparations and dealing with telling their kids that grandma isn't going to be around any more.
All while they're dealing with their own lives.
Now they have to deal with what you left behind!
AND THEY DON'T DESERVE THAT!!!
It's selfish.
And thoughtless.
And mean.
I know why people commit suicide...most of times--------->depression. That nasty little bitch. Depression and I have a very close and personal relationship, so I know first hand what this woman was probably going through. Except I've able to get control of it, with the aide of extensive counseling and meds. She didn't have those opportunities. It's truly sad how debilitating that disease is.
Worst part about it, is that in situations like this the survivors always blame themselves. They wish they could have done more. Or wish they could have known.
But nothing anyone could have known or not known before would have help this woman. NOTHING. The only one to blame here is her. No one else.
As family, how can I help those left behind?! How can I help my family member?!
That's the question that has been running through my mind non-stop.
What can I do?! How can I support?!
HOW CAN I HELP?!?!
I want to be there for her and her family. I want to be the strong & steady post to lean on. I want to take away her pain and worry and stress.
I want to HELP!
But I don't know how.
Or even if they want or need help.
But it's just something I feel I need to do. I think any human would/does in a time like this.
I just wish I knew how.
And I'll probably never know how.
And I'll probably do the same thing that any person does in this situation is just be there for the ones hurt as best I can and be as strong as possible.
I think that's all I can do for now.
Sorry for being Debby Downer, but I just had to get this out.
A journey to beautification and a healthier me......plus my love of beer!
Of course you can't take away her pain and stress, but you can help. Go see her. Try to think of something specific to offer: helping with the mess-cleaning, going for a walk or a lunch date with her, or even just sitting with her. And keep checking in with her. I think the worst thing people do is stay away because they don't know what to say or do. I'm sure you would think of all of these things yourself, and more! But I want to mention them because I think just the presence of someone who cares can be helpful to the ones dealing with the aftermath.
ReplyDeleteAnd there's nothing wrong with screaming and punching, as long as you're not punching another person!
We went through this two years ago when my husband's cousin committed suicide. I have come to the conclusion that if someone is determine to take their life in that manner there is nothing really can be done to prevent it. There are also no real answers or explanations and that makes it harder.
ReplyDeleteJust be there, that is all you can do at this point. I am sure you are doing everything that you can and more!!! you are a great friend.
You know I've been through this...and the fact is - there are no answers when this is the method of death. Period. Pray - pray they heal....never stop praying.
ReplyDeleteOh honey. There are no words. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Xxx
ReplyDeleteHelp by being there. As Connie said, offer something specific "I'd like to go with you to be there when you make the preparations," Or offer to watch the kids if they are too young while your family member tends to details. Make a meal and you and Ryan take it over to them, salad, bread, pasta the works. Of course arrange a night. "Is it ok if Ryan and I bring you and the family dinner on Weds night??" that kind of thing. The vague "let me know if I can do anything" while certainly sincere isn't as helpful as actually digging in and offering specifics. Just be there, and as Draz suggested...pray. My thoughts are certainly with you and your family at this deeply sorrowful time. /heart u
ReplyDeleteSuicide is never the answer. I truly hope that your family realizes it is not their fault and that there is nothing they could have done to change the events.
ReplyDeleteOffer them any help you can and let them know that you there for them- just that act of kindness alone can help them during this time.
I hope you can find a way to help. Sometimes just having a hand to grab to make it through the pain.....
ReplyDeleteMy best friend committed suicide 25 years ago this Friday; I didn't have to look at a calendar to know that- it was right there in my head, after 25 years.... The pain and blame never go away. You just have to let in fade and cry when you need to cry.
I am sorry, for your family and loved ones and for you because it is a helpless feeling. (hugs)
Sending love. Just let them know that you are available if they need you. That's the best that you can do.
ReplyDeleteoh my hell this made me cry. I just found out last night a young person I know is cutting/hurting them-self and I don't know what to do about it????
ReplyDeleteI have know this girl since she was born and I have known her mother and family forever. She is f*ing 14!! She did not confide in me! She confided in my friend that she just barely met. I will not go tattle to her mom or aunt so what do I do. She told my friend that her mom and aunt (they all live in the same house) hate her.