Ode to my girls, my sistas from otha mistas, my puddin'pops, Ms. Draz & Ms. Sarah!!!
I need this today girls!
1. I just straight up put my hand out to another's face and said 'STOP' while they were talking.
I was talking to, lets call him Mr. T, and his supervisor, lets call him Alan Jackson, and this idiot walked up and put her two sense in. Exsqueeze me? Did you just join an A & B conversation??? Well, you can C yourself talking to my palm now. And it wasn't like a lull in the conversation and she could jump in or anything, Mr. T was trying to explain something, and Alan Jackson was backing him up, then Idiot walked up and tried to add her opinion, completely talking over Mr. T & Alan! But all she did was confuse the shit out of everyone until I couldn't stand it anymore (and the 10 minutes of us ignoring her wasn't sinking in to give her a hint), that I finally looked over, put my hand up, and took care of business.
WTF lady, if you weren't invited to the convo, mind your own business!
2. To the Moron that lives behind me in Park Shity: WhyTF do you have to rev your muscle car engine for 20 minutes, 5 times a day?!?! WHY?????? It is annoying. And rude. And I am soooo not going to miss that shit when we move. I have lived with that, every damn day, for the last 7 years and have had enough. If I was just a smidgen less classy I would take a poo on the hood of your precious POS with a note attached telling you to eat my shit. But I got class. Like a mo' fo'. So I will move in peace and never think about your jackassness again.
3. Sunday it was almost 90 degrees. 90!!!!! Like summertime. Warm and lovely.
And now this is going to happen:
Mother Nature: You need to sober up.
4. The flat-chested bitch scale gave me a mean number this morning. WTF whore?!?! Calm your shit down and produce a number that's 5 lbs less please. 175.....175!! Holy shitballs I really need to stop shoving crapfood in my pie hole. 10 lbs gained this month. Oh well. Baby needed the 18 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch a day....right???
5. WhyTF is this week not over yet????
Baby loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch! And ice cream! And no worries, because we'll whip that perfectly curved country ass into shape in NO TIME once my precious little lovey is here! For now, baby wants donuts. With the custard filling. Also, I think you could EASILY collect Wyatt's shit... take a walk one night...and make a "deposit" on asshole's car. Because I am NOT classy. And clearly I've thought this through. Douchebags need not live in my neighborhood.... :)ReplyDelete
Oh cereal, how I love cereal!ReplyDelete
I'm at work reading blogs and I burst out laughing, while on the phone, when I saw your weather graphic!
OMG, it's the same here in Wisconsin. 87 yesterday, 50 tomorrow!
At least I don't think there's snow in the forecast, but holy cow that's a big drop in temps!
Forget class. Shit on that hood! At least leave a message or something. Maybe it could say "Everybody in the neighborhood realizes that your car has an engine. You are still a pantywaist sissy bottom."ReplyDelete
I love cinnamon toast crunch so friggin' much. Eat another couple of bowls and put the scale in the closet. Weighing yourself while pregnant is like willingly swallowing crazy pills.
I LOVE YOU!!! oh how I wish I had the nerve to put my hand up all shut up! Thanks for making me laugh these fricken first day of friggin May, My ass....mother nature needs bi-polar meds in a serious way!!!ReplyDelete
Yes - a Wyatt shit gift is in order for that dude. Do it after you move and he will never ever know. Honest to God - cinnamon toast crunch. Ah - now I want some. Shit.ReplyDelete
Love the hand! That weather is crazy. 80 degrees then snow?! I agree - WTF?!ReplyDelete
What were Mr. T and Alan's reactions to your "Stop"? Guess you could have blamed it on hormones if it was negative. Oh and I totally could hear an unsaid word after that. The engine revving is annoying!! Our Neighbor did that when he was working on his "hot rod". First time it woke me up on a Saturday morning. My only thought is that they are listening for something on it...but for it to go on for years?? Guy must be terrible at restoring cars. That guy needs a new hobby. At least your moving! :) Finally, I too would now like some Cinnamon Toast Crunch.ReplyDelete