Wednesday, August 24, 2011


...Mr Skunk: Thank you for sneaking up onto the road this early morning, right in front of the PITCH scare the ever loving piss straight out of me. (Yes, I'm pretty sure I tinkled a little, soooo cool, I know.)  The screeching you caused me at 4:50am in a remote city park was probably not a good idea because I'm sure some little old lady 2 miles away (yes, it was a very loud screech) went right to her rotary dial and phoned the extremely pathetic good for nothing great cops at the PCPD.  I will also thank for for not turning your pooper toward me and spraying me with that wonderful odor that you so often spray.  I had horrible visions of skunks lurking in the bushes for the rest of my run, wanting to jump out and say, "Neener Neener, JimBob didn't get you but we will!" Pssssssssssttttttttttt.

...Ms. Power Walking Lady: Yesterday I had the extreme pleasure of viewing your ultimate power walk down my street and was awestruck.  First of all, with your arms pumping the air and your caboose swaying back and forth so violently I thought you were going to knock out my mailbox, you looked completely ridiculous.  BUT, I also want to Thank You for helping me realize that I'm not the only complete fool that looks totally jacked up while exercising.  And while I still think you take walking to the edges of Extremeville, I did try your method of physical exertion and am so impressed that you can do it for blocks on end.  I tripped twice over my own two feet then wanted to pass out within the first few feet.

...My New 3.2 Mile Running Route (that I ran Monday):  You suck. Within the first 1 mile I have to run by a Pizza Hut. Do you know that Hand Tossed Pies of Delish are tempting me every night in my dreams?!?!  And to run right by one, sniffing the soooo pleasant aromas of garlic and bread, made me want to say screw the run and saddle up to the buffet?!  Then, you stuck a mexican restaurant at mile 1.15 that was spewing salsa-ee goodness with my beloved Mr. Tortilla Chip! WTF is that?!? What is that?!?! Next was the hamburger grease bucket at mile 1.25.  Really? REALLY? Is torturing me fun for you? Is IT? And finally, I do need to say Thank You....for helping me realize that besides the 3 block radius around my home, that the village of Park Shity is indeed a Shithole of magnum proportions. Obviously, your little route will never be ran again by me. Ever.

And finally,
...My Elegant and Sexy Run This Morning: I worship you. You are everything I could have asked for and more. You are my light. My vision. My strength.  You make me want to run for the rest of my life!  When you gave me my first 9:33 mile on Mile 1 this morning, I almost stopped and kissed the pavement I was running on (but then remembered that it's Park Shity and the roads are the equivalent of a landfill).  Then, if that gift wasn't enough, you splurged with a 9:49 on Mile 2.  How generous you are!!!  However, I do wish you could work on Mile 3. Coming in at 12:15 was kind of a little let down.  I mean, I'm still grateful for the 31:37 for all three miles, don't get me wrong! But, I'd really like Mile 3 to be under 11:00, mmmkay? I still ::heart:: you tons!!!

**Note: Just so y'all know, I got my sorry lazy pooper out of bed at FOUR F*ing THIRTY, yes 4:30, this morning. I should be given a gold plaque.  Hell, I should be given a freaking hot pink metal of honor. I'm so bad ass sometimes.


  1. I bow to you O' Godawful Early Morning Running Princess! (Just to clarify...the Godawful is for the early morning, not the princess.) I LOVE that you are running a 5K before most people get up. Before I got up, probably, and I thought I was getting up godawful early. Go figure!


  2. holy crap! 31:37 for 3 miles!!

    My hero!!!

  3. Um, speed walkers are pretty amazing. Seriously!

    And awesome job on your run!! Miles in the 9s? Kick ass!!

  4. Yup- you are BAD ASS. I am totally impressed.
    I hope that skunk went back to sleep after you scared her.....

  5. That is for real insane to get up that early to exercise. I don't know how anybody can do it. I hereby officially give you a virtual gold plaque.

    And yes, race walking is hard. There comes a point where it's actually easier to run.

  6. 4 freaking 30?!? You do deserve a hot pink medal of honor!

  7. You are officially Hero#2. (Beth Ann is still #1 sorry sweets)

    And your Hot Pink Medal of honor also has bling - like rhinestones and stuff.

    Also - I was terrified while reading that you were going to say Mr. Skunk gotcha. So glad he probably thought, "Crazy biotch! Where's she going in such a hurry at 4-f'ing-30 in the morning?"

    Love you! *hearts*

  8. Holy shit - like for real? Like are you sure it was 4:30 AM? I don't understand. I didn't know that was possible. Jesus Frick I'm so proud of you.

  9. You're a rockstar, I now feel guilty for my 7:00 am wakeup time! LOL Keep up the good work, lady!

  10. OMG we must live in the same neighbourhood cause I saw the most "extreme power walking lady" I have ever seen in my life!!!!......she was legit doing full windmills with her arms....I was laughing so hard I almost crashed into a tree......baaahahaha

    Oh and someone was praying to the skunk gods for ya....that was a close call

  11. I time bring the gun ;)

  12. So glad Mr Skunk didn't get you! I would think I would see more of them when I am out running but I do not. Thank God! power walkers all look a little crazy to me, what is the point of trying to walk as fast as you can , just give in and run already!


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