Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Challenges, farts, and Captain Whiner.

Overview of the challenges:  The Marathon Challenge was tough, but I totally knocked it outta the park (with the exception of the horrible glorified walk on Sat. That was just pathetic.) The Minutes Worked Out Challenge also went good for the first week (it lasts until the end of June). I logged a total of 335 minutes. That’s some seriously crazy exercising.  Well, ok maybe not. I just used the trusty calculator (aren’t you proud of me Mom-she’s a math teacher) to figure out that only equals 48 minutes a day.  Well, maybe we can step that number up a little.
Today I’m really frustrated. I don’t really know why…ok, yeah I do. I stepped on that whore of a scale and she told me that I gained 2 pounds since Sunday. WTF Devil machine?! How can I go from a sedentary lifestyle for MONTHS, then amp it up to running/walking 26.2 miles in one week, I ate pretty good (with the exception of Friday night and Saturday lunch, and last night I did a big boo boo) but still!!! Why Weightloss Gods? WHY???!!!
My friend Sarah says that it’s water weight in my muscles, recovering from all the extra hard work that I put them through last week (because she did the Marathon thing with me and didn’t lose an ounce).  Well….I don’t give a poop about water weight. I want weight loss. NOW Scale Whore! (I know…horrible tantrum.) I tried to do some research online and it’s so confusing. Eat less, exercise more and you will lose weight. (Right.) But if you exercise you might gain weight. Reasons for this? Oh, only about a gazillion. Maybe I’m not eating enough, maybe I’m eating too much, maybe my sodium levels are too high, maybe I’m holding a fart that weighs 2 pounds. It really could be anything.
OK, I need to kick Captain Whiner’s ass. Enough of that shit.
I know it’s probably water retention. I know that I need to keep up with the running and working out and eating right. I know that the scale does not control my emotions (or rages). I know that I may be holding a fart because I sure have been bitchy lately.  Cause you all know that’s what happens, ladies. You hold it in=bitching. So toot away.
I’ve also decided that I’m bored with my diet and that is causing me to have asinine cravings for all things ridiculous.  Like a loaf of bread, toasted, with real butter, a crap-ton of honey, cinnamon, and let’s throw some peanut butter on there too (I don’t even like PB all that much).  And a burrito with no meat, just black beans and the fattiest Mexican rice you can find with guac, real sour cream, a pound of pepperjack cheese, 18  jalapeños and bacon bits all rolled up in a gianormous jalapeño flavored tortilla. And the world’s largest double chocolate chip cookie…with frosting and sprinkles on top.  And last night I did a big boo boo….I gave in to one of the craving spans from Hell and went for a Butterfinger ice cream shake thingy with whipped topping and a side of small cheese fries. Whoa. What is WRONG with me?! Don’t answer that.
I think I need to shake things up a bit in my nutrition.  I’m going to add more veggies and fruit to my diet.  Look out now…I’m getting all subsistence looney tunes!  I’ve been on this high protein, low fat, no carb thing for about 3 weeks and while I haven’t lost the HUGE amount of jiggle piled up on my ass (that I was really hoping would have vanished by now), I did lose a few pounds. But I miss my veggies and fruit.  And while I have some veggies every other day, it’s just not enough.  So we’re putting a little variety back into the lame-o Dukan/I’m-just-making-shit-up-as-I-go Diet.  Devil-span cravings be gone!  Plus, with me running & walking 25-odd miles each week/working out for an hour a day I think I need to be getting a little more fuel.
I guess I can talk about what my next ‘challenge’ is going to be….but I haven’t got a clue what I’m going to do. Anyone got any ideas???? I’m thinking of another running challenge, or maybe work on my ‘length’ of runs.  OK…I got it. Right now the longest I can run is 2 miles, right? Right. So, let’s say by next Sunday I have to be able to run 2.5 miles (without stopping).  Yeah, let’s do that.  So two weeks from now I should be a 2.5 mile running champion. Then the next week I can add more.  Then I can work on my times, after that.  Good deal-e-o. We’ll call it the 2.5 Mile Challenge. Yep, I came up with that all on my own. Don’t be jealous of my originality.
I haven’t been out running yet this week, I think my body is telling me to rest. I have a ridiculous blister on my Achilles tendon from my new tennies, and my left femur feels like someone is driving a screw driver through the bone. It feels good. But I’m starting back up tomorrow morning. I’ll need a little stress reliever tomorrow anyway.
By the way, blue raspberry Sour Jolly Ranchers are the best thing on this entire planet. Maybe even in the whole universe.  I had one today. It turned my tongue blue. It was awesome.
I know…I’m so random sometimes it’s freaky.


  1. AGGGHHHH! I feel your pain about the whore of a scale! I've been working out ~HARD~ for a good 4 weeks now and have only lost like 2-3 lbs, WTH?!?! I'm sure I'm gaining muscle and there's water, yadda yadda. Hang in there girl, it will come out in the wash...I've figured out it takes the almighty favorite, time. :(

  2. LOL...you are so funny. It's water weight...but that still doesn't make a person feel better. LOL. I am so feeling your pain. But it will go away soon.

  3. Know what else is good?! DO ya? Do ya? These yummy things called Raisinels! In sour watermelon flavor! (Which I had yesterday; yum!) They are 90 calories of ridiculous deliciousness...

    "Maybe I’m holding a fart that weighs 2 pounds. It really could be anything."---- You make me pee my pants laughing! Jesus Christ, can you imagine the two of us in the same room?! They'd have to call in the National Guard for crowd control!

    Sarah @ Thinfluenced

  4. Blargh, stupid scales. I'm sure those 2 pounds will be gone soon though.

  5. I like the Make Up Sh*t as You Go Diet...it is my favorite! :) I'm just in day one of my 8 day challenge for healthy eating. I want chocolate. Sigh. But I will refrain. Tomorrow morning will be 7 Days to Vegas!


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